


Soul-Touched

by PinkPandorafrog



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aromantic Character, Canonical Character Death, Dubious Consent, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Multi, mention of PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-04-30 07:44:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 109,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5155820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkPandorafrog/pseuds/PinkPandorafrog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luna's had a bit of a difficult time since the Battle of Hogwarts, but it's a lot to get a whole lot worse. Maybe, though, after everything that's happened she can finally find some sense of solace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had this up on FFNet a while ago under a different pseudonym, and I decided to put it up here. Parts of it will be different. It is unapologetically first-person, and mind the trigger warnings.

 “Hello, Fred,” I called quietly as I pushed open my front door. The front door opened into the kitchen, a wide room with enough space for the counters and pantry, as well as the kitchen table set just in front of the door.

Fred was my unofficial flatmate and best friend, and had been for the better part of three years. He was usually there when I got home from work, and sure enough this evening was no different. He was sitting at my kitchen table as though he had nothing better to do than wait for me, a weary smile on his face when he caught my eye. “Hello,” he replied. “You're late tonight.” He pushed his hand through his short red hair, a show of helpless dissatisfaction.

“I know. I got caught up again, I think we might be getting close to something.” Officially, I was unable to discuss my work with anyone outside of the people I worked with. Unofficially, the line of what I could and couldn't tell Fred was very blurry, especially since he sometimes worked with us. I closed the door behind me and stood there for a moment, studying him. “You look very tired,” I remarked. “What happened today?”

“I went and saw George today.” That explained it. Fred didn't get tired anymore, not really, but seeing George always made him feel just a little worse, made him look so very weary.

“How was it?”

He shook his head, and I could see the frustration tucked away in his brown eyes. “Frustrating. I wish he would talk to you.”

“I know,” I murmured. Not coincidentally George had refused to speak to me since his twin had started staying with me. I slipped my shoes off and moved through the room, placing my wand on the table when I got there. “He has too much pain in his heart, still.”

He nodded, looking just a little helpless. “He's doing alright, though, business is going really well for him. There was hardly a time that the shop wasn't absolutely full of customers. And I got to see Lee for a little bit.” A quick smile, just a brief break through his morose countenance.

“That's nice.” I took off my Ministry robes and laid them across the back of a chair before settling myself down opposite him. I rested my elbow on the table and my chin in my hand. I'd had a long day, too. “How long has it been since you've seen him?”

“A few weeks. He's been promoted and he's been pretty busy. I always told him he could run that place.” Pride and frustration now battled in his brown eyes. “How was your day?”

“It was fine. Productive, I think we're very close to working this out.” I watched him closely as I continued. “Daphne wants to know if you can come back and work with us again on Friday. It's Tuesday just now.” He had a hard time keeping track of his days, and this would leave plenty of time for him to make a decision.

He didn't take any time to think, I hadn't really thought he would. “Of course,” he replied quickly. He loved coming to see me at work; I knew he thought Daphne was very pretty. And he got to 'speak' to her in a limited fashion, which he really enjoyed. “We should go out Friday night, after work.” He liked people-watching. Muggles, too, not just wizarding people. His lips quirked into a sly smile. “Unless, of course, you have plans.” Teasing had been a part of who he was since before I'd known him, and usually it made me smile. Tonight it didn't.

“You know better than that,” I replied lightly, ignoring the flash of pain in my heart at the question.

The smile turned into a frown. “I don't know why.”

“You do know why,” I corrected softly, staring intently at where my hands were clasped loosely on top of the table. “My reputation precedes me.” My reputation hadn't grown any better since school, in fact I rather thought it had grown worse. I was used to living a very lonely life, but some days were harder than others.

“Luna...”

I squashed down my self-pity as best I could and looked up into his frowning brown eyes. “I think my self-pity does me a disservice. Where would you like to go?”

“We could go to the cinema.” I could still hear traces of guilt in his voice. He loved the Muggle cinema. He'd insisted I get a Muggle television and had helped me work out how to run it without electricity, but going to the cinema was one of his favorite things in the world. He said it was because he got to pretend to be just like everyone else around him and forget what had happened. And it was one of the few places I could get out where there would be a concentration of people and I didn't end up with the feeling that my head was being split open from the inside.

“Can you find your way there without me?” We hadn't been in some time, and he found it very difficult to navigate on his own. He nodded, though. “Tomorrow, why don't you see what they're showing and choose something you want to watch, and we'll go as soon as we finish with work. Would you like me to ask Daphne to come with us?”

The sly smile was back, though with maybe just a bit more mischief in it. “Would you?” In addition to enjoying being around Daphne, going to the cinema with her meant that we could have a seat between us for him, and we wouldn't have to worry about anyone else taking it. That always made him just a little uncomfortable, and me too, when someone would sit on him.

“Of course I would.”

His face broke into a broad grin. “I could probably find someone else to come too, make it a double date.”

He was teasing me again. I'd quite become used to the way Fred teased, but I answered him seriously anyway. He was only half-teasing, after all. “We all agreed that it would be best if it just stayed as you. Word spreads quickly; it could be very bad for everyone if this got around.” Especially me.

“I know.” There was another flash of guilt in his eyes for just a brief second, banished quickly when he gave me a rather pointed look, turning the attention back to me. “Have you eaten?”

It was more a reminder to eat than a question as to whether or not I'd already dined. He knew me well enough to know that I probably hadn't. I had a habit of getting so wrapped up in my work that I forgot to eat. Fred had established himself as my keeper, though, and he made sure I ate at least twice a day when I was home. Sometimes he came to my office in the early afternoon to check on me there, too, and remind me to leave my office long enough to ask Daphne if she would get me something to eat.

I moved past him to get myself some food, and his hand brushed across my hip just for a moment. When I looked over my shoulder at him, he gave me cheeky wink in addition to the suggestive grin on his face. “Fred...” I wasn't complaining, not really. I knew that him teasing me made him feel better, at least a little bit. I had to smile at the look on his face. “You'd better be careful, or you'll fall out of the chair,” I told him in a singsong voice. We'd had a conversation about his casual flirting some time ago. It genuinely made him feel better, and it was an ingrained part of his personality so I didn't mind too much. He told me it was therapeutic, and I really couldn't argue with him. He was my best friend. It's not like I was likely to get that kind of attention from anyone else, and I did it a little cheering.

“Worth it.” In just a moment, he'd risen from the chair and was standing behind me, peering over my shoulder as I reheated a bowl of stew with my wand. “Stew again?” he asked. He knew the answer even before I'd stood up to get it, but he was mostly teasing me again.

“It has everything in it, and I can forget it for a little while and all it does it get thicker.” I'd filled the flat with smoke from burned food on more than one occasion.

“That's what I'm here for.”

I turned to give him a gentle smile over my shoulder. “You're not here all the time, are you?”

“Might as well be for all the interaction I get elsewhere.” I could hear the frustration in his voice. His mood changed so quickly now, I wondered if he'd always been this way. His hand hovered at my side and I took it and squeezed it for just a moment before releasing him.

I picked up the bowl and took a spoon out of my cutlery drawer before retaking my seat at the table. “I know you like seeing your family.”

I heard the pained silence, his lack of words saying more than any statement he could have made. “I do. I just wish...”

“I know,” I told him quietly. “I do too.” None of his family wanted anything to do with me. Even Ginny, who'd been an especially good friend to me before that final battle, she said that being around me hurt her too much, and she couldn't do it. That was what had turned the most of the rest of her family away from me. She'd always been particularly close with both of her twin brothers, and when I'd told her about Fred's presence in my life, it'd had rather the opposite effect than I'd thought, than I'd hoped it would. She was the youngest of her family, the only girl, and everyone else was quick to jump to her aid.

In fact, almost none of my former friends wanted much to do with me anymore. Hermione said things like, “I know you think this is real, but can't you see how much you're hurting them?” Harry just got that angry shine in his eyes and glared. Only Neville still talked to me, and I think that was partly because he felt guilty about what he had seen happen to me. I didn't know why, it wasn't like there was anything he could have done about it.

“I should go,” I heard from behind me. There was a brief touch on my shoulder. “I just wanted to make sure you had some dinner.”

I nodded. I'd suspected this was coming, it had been just about the usual amount of time since the last time he'd left. “Will you be back tomorrow?”

“Who else is going to make sure you eat your breakfast?”

I had to smile at that. “Goodnight, Fred.” And then he was gone and I was completely alone. I started to eat.

As I ate, I thought back over how I'd gotten here. It distracted me a little, made eating easier. Almost three years ago- two years and ten months, to be more precise- I'd been sitting beside Neville in the ruins of the Great Hall at Hogwarts. A large chunk of the crumbling castle had fallen onto my head. Neville felt guilty because he thought he should have thrown up a shield charm or something like that, but he'd just been through a lot. I hadn't even had the presence of mind to do it, and it was my own head. I certainly didn't blame him.

As a result of that hit, I'd lost consciousness for a moment, and when I woke up I had seen Fred standing helplessly beside George, unable to do anything to comfort his twin. He was very dead.

I'd gone to him to talk to him and George had... Not taken it well. He refused to believe that I was able to talk to his recently deceased brother. I'd been taken away to St. Mungo's to ensure that my head injury wasn't too bad, and Fred had gone with me. Seeing George hurting so much hurt him, and he was fascinated with the fact that I could see and hear him when no one else could.

From then on, he'd stayed with me most of the time. It had been a little awkward when I'd returned to school to finish out my final year, but he'd been very helpful with my homework. I'd refused to let him help me cheat on my N.E.W.T.s.

I'd tried a few times to act as an intermediary between he and the living members of his family, but the rest of them hadn't taken it any better than George had. Ginny, especially... I hadn't spoken to any of them in over two years.

After school finished, I'd become an Unspeakable. Rumors had gone around about me, and Daphne Greengrass had turned up at the school after my final exam, just as I was wondering where I was going to go after school let out for the year. She'd made it clear that she was willing to believe me, and so I'd taken a job at the Ministry as soon as the boats had returned us across the lake. Now I was studying death. Fred... Fred was very dead, but he wasn't a ghost. Instead he'd managed upon something called a 'soul window,' and he could bring his soul back and forth between here and what was beyond the Veil. And when I'd been hit by the rogue piece of castle, it had knocked something loose so that I was able to see his soul. Everyone's soul, really, but the living kept their souls pretty close to their bodies.

He'd figured out how to focus himself into being corporeal enough that he could sit in chairs and stand on floors, and additionally to that, he could make small parts of himself corporeal for incredibly short amounts of time- just a few seconds. We'd tried that in an effort to get George to believe that he was really there, but I'd been accused of doing it myself and had almost been hexed on my way out of the shop. I think the only thing that had stopped George from hexing me at that point was that it might have completely destroyed the shop, and the one connection he still believed he had with his brother.

Every so often, Fred had to return beyond the Veil. He said it was something to do with recharging. If he didn't go voluntarily, he would just disappear for about a week. The first time it had happened I'd been terribly worried about him. I'd been very relieved when I'd seen him again, sitting on my bed in my Ravenclaw dorm.

I'd almost been committed to the Janus Thickey ward in St. Mungo's by my former friends at one point, but Daphne, fellow Unspeakable, had interceded on my behalf. She was one of a handful of people who believed that I was actually communicating with Fred's soul and not just terribly injured in my brain. That was the last time I had seen most of the people I had used to consider dear friends. I didn't mention Fred to anyone else, anymore. At the top end of things, it was put on the same level as my former belief in nargles, at the bottom end it was seen as a cruel ploy for attention.

Daphne was my only other friend. Neville was pleasant towards me, but I didn't really count him as a friend anymore. We barely spoke, but he did smile when he passed me in the Ministry or at St. Mungo's. That was better than the anger and hate. It frustrated Fred a lot, and I know he carried around a certain amount of guilt about it. It wasn't his fault, though, I was the one who had tried to talk to people about it.

I finished my stew and washed out my dishes, preferring to do it myself than to get my wand from the table to do it magically. I did get my wand to dry them, though, and put them away before passing through the flat to my bedroom.

I'd come home late as I quite often did, and I was ready to just fall into bed and get some sleep. It was a little hard to fall asleep without Fred in the same room now, though. Most nights he stayed, sitting beside me on the bed and watching the television. He didn't need sleep, as least as far as I knew, but he knew I still had nightmares sometimes, and he liked to stay with me when I did so that he could wake me out of them. Most people didn't know what had happened to me when I'd been incarcerated at Malfoy Manor, that what had happened to me had affected me as much as it had. Even Mr Ollivander, who had been there with me, who had patted my shoulder and comforted me as much as I would let him, didn't know precisely what had happened. There had been some pretty horrible things enacted on my body. I hid them behind the pleasantness most of the time, but it can be hard to hide from things in your sleep.

I used my wand to flick the television on anyway, even though Fred wasn't there to watch it. I turned it down and left it on his favorite channel as background noise. It helped a little, my room seemed a little less lonely with the quiet voices filling the silence, but my large bed was still very empty. I'd tried to get a cat during one of his longer visits beyond the Veil to help keep me company, but it hadn't gone very well the next time Fred's soul had shown up, and I'd had to find the poor thing a new home where everyone's souls were firmly attached to physical bodies.

I undressed and slipped under my lavender duvet. I didn't like being alone. When I'd been at school, even though the other girls in the Ravenclaw dorm hadn't really spoken to me, they'd at least been there.


	2. Chapter 2

 I woke up the next morning, and the first thing I did was look over to make sure Fred was there. He was, he was sitting on the bed and watching the television, and he glanced down at me when I looked up. “Morning.” He gave me a tired sort of smile.

“Morning, Fred.” When sleep had finally come it had been free of the nightmares, but it was still reassuring to see him sitting there in the dim light from the morning sun peeking around the edge of my curtains.

“Did you sleep well?” He brushed a hand over my duvet-covered shoulder. “You didn't have any nightmares after I came back.”

I nodded. “My dreams were pleasant.” It seemed cruel to remind him that I didn't sleep very well when he wasn't there- there wasn't anything he could do about it.

The flash of frustration went through his eyes anyway, his hand hovering helplessly over my arm, unable to touch me for more than a moment. As much as it reassured us both for him to touch me, the more he did, the sooner he would need to go back beyond the Veil.

I slipped out from under my duvet, pulling myself out of bed to go down the hall and into the bathroom to have my shower. Fred stayed where he was, his eyes on the television, his shoulders set in unhappiness.

A quick wave of my wand set the shower going at the perfect temperature, and I stepped inside, shutting myself off from the world. I liked being in there as the water cascaded over me, as though it was trying to sluice all of the weariness from my body and take it down the drain. I didn't have long to linger, though, and I was just getting out and drying myself off when I thought I saw a flash of black in my fogged-up mirror. I peered around, looking for what it could have been. Both Fred and I preferred brighter colors, the only black I had was on some of the cooking things in the kitchen. Fred could change what he was wearing with a thought, but he never wore black. He said it made him feel too dead.

“Fred,” I called through the open door. I didn't bother closing the door most of the time, there wasn't really a purpose to it. If Fred really wanted to get in, he could just go completely non-corporeal and go through the door, and when he was just slightly corporeal, he found the doorknob tricky to manage. I hardly ever closed any of the doors in my flat.

He appeared behind me, his face coming into view as I wiped my hand along the moisture on the mirror; I wasn't sure if he'd walked through the house or just appeared, but it didn't really matter. “Is everything all right?” There was concern clear in his eyes where they were reflected above my head, I hardly ever called him away from what he was doing.

“Did you bring anyone here with you this morning?” It was highly unlikely, he said that he usually didn't really even see anyone when he went beyond the Veil, but there had to be an explanation for what I'd seen.

I saw him frown in the mirror. “No, of course not.”

“I saw something black. It wasn't a living person.” People who were still attached to their souls were like a visual echo. I saw their body, and then I saw their soul overlaid over their body. I heard them the same way, a voice with a constant echo just a fraction of a moment behind, which was why I got a terrible headache when I was around large groups of people.

“A bird?”

I shook my head. I saw animals the same way. “I don't have anything black in here, either.”

I saw his hand hover over my bare shoulder for a moment before he rested it there. Just a few seconds, and then the sensation was gone but I could still see his hand on my shoulder. It was fascinating to look at, to see his hand there without feeling it against my skin, and I stared until he spoke again, pulling my attention back to his face. “Luna.”

My eyes flicked up to meet his in the mirror. “Sorry.”

There was a brief grin, and then his face settled back down into a concerned frown. “Do you want me to stay around here today and see if anything turns up?”

I shook my head. “I'm not sure that you could do anything.” It was a little unsettling. Fred wasn't the only soul I'd seen since I'd been hit on the head, although he was the only soul I'd seen since leaving Hogwarts after the last battle. “And it could be anything.”

“We've just mentioned several things that it couldn't be, which leaves the most likely thing it could be as another person like me.” I felt the touch on my bare shoulder again, the rough callouses on his fingers leftover from his dedication to his shop when he was alive. My gaze drifted down to it again. I've always thought that you could take the measure of a person in their eyes and their hands. Fred had intelligent eyes that flashed with mischief and capable, hard-working hands.

“With the lack of definite answers, there are still infinite possibilities.” It tumbled from my mouth without really a thought. It was something I'd said quite a lot when I was younger, and less and less as time wore on.

His touch had gone again, the cessation of feeling his skin against mine, and when I let my eyes slip away from focusing on his hand I was surprised that his face had come down next to mine, his chin almost resting on other my shoulder. “You don't really believe that anymore, do you?”

I shook my head. The war, the ability to see beyond death, and the reactions of those close to me as a result of both things had disillusioned me of quite a lot of the things I'd believed when I was innocent.

“You have that sad look in your eyes again,” he observed. He was really quite observant of me; of my moods and the physical changes that happened when my mood changed, as I was of him. We'd largely been each other's only company for the past few years.

I offered him a smile, but even to my own eyes, the girl in the mirror looked sad. “I miss... things.”

“What things?” His tone was gentle, and I could see his brown eyes filled with tenderness.

“I miss not knowing better.” I did feel his chin brush against my shoulder for the briefest of moments, and I relished the contact of skin against my own. “I miss that, too- touch. I used to be able to store up on physical contact when I was on holidays, Dad liked hugs. It would help when I was lonely at school. Then when I was a little older, I had friends who would touch me.”

His frustration was an almost palpable thing, wrapping itself around me like a thick cloak. “I wish I could hold you.”

“I do too.”

“But if I could, you probably wouldn't let me in the bathroom with you while you were still naked.” He was teasing, to cheer me up.

It worked, of course, it always worked. I smiled at him, happily this time, and there was an answering smile on his own face. But then, just a moment later, his mood changed again. Uncertainty now, and the frequently-present guilt. “Are you sorry that things happened like this?”

He wasn't asking the question lightly, and I gave it the thought that the seriousness of it required. “I'm not.” I shook my head. “I've never been as close with another person as I am with you, Fred. I am...” I considered his face for a moment, carefully choosing my next words. “I am uniquely-abled. I'm good with charms and transfiguration; I have a tenderness that makes me predisposed to caring for animals. I'm inquisitive and intelligent. But all of these traits could apply to any of a number of witches in Britain. Perhaps not in equal measure, or combined the same way, but there are others who share the same potential that I do. But instead of having to use the potential that others share and come up with a new path, there is one task that I alone can fulfill.” I kept my eyes steadily on his. “It would be a dishonor both to who I am, and to the rest of our society, for me to do other than what I am doing.”

I watched his arms come around me, the freckles standing out sharply against my pale skin. I couldn't feel him, but the girl in the mirror was being embraced, and I had to smile for her.

“With anyone else, I would think they were boasting.”

“I'm not vain enough to think that I'm the only person who can see and hear souls. I am, however, the only person who can see and hear souls who is in the position I'm in.” I paused. “I do wish it wasn't so lonely, but it does no good to dwell on the things we can't change.” That was as much a reminder for myself as it was for him. Another short pause; I searched the depths of his eyes for the glimmer of humor that kept him going. “I'm not entirely certain that anyone would be coming into the bathroom while I was still naked if things hadn't gone the way they have.”

He gave a short chuckle. “I don't know about that, you're quite... you know.” His expression turned into an appreciative leer. “All of you, I mean.”

I was smiling again as well. “But very odd. If it wasn't souls, I think it would still be nargles. At least you exist.” I carefully reached forward to pick up my brush. “I should get ready for work.” I could simply move through his incorporeal arms and brush my hair, but that always seemed like the height of rudeness to me.

His arms dropped, releasing the girl in the mirror, and he stepped away enough to give me the room I needed to brush out my hair. “Do you want me to stay around here today?”

“What were you going to do?”

“Go and see my baby brother. It was his birthday at the beginning of the month and I missed it.” Fred found it difficult to keep track of larger units of time. He didn't like me to tell him when things were out of the stubborn belief that he could do it himself.

“You should see Ron. He's 21 now.” On all of his family members' birthdays- or as close to it as he remembered- he would go to them and leave them some sort of message. I never heard how they took the message, but he still insisted on doing it. I think it helped him feel just a little less helpless, useless.

“Can't believe the little tosser is older than I am, now.” His hand came out and brushed over my hip, and then he moved out through the door, likely on his way out to the kitchen.

After I brushed my hair, I went back into my room to pull on my clothes. A simple dress, obscured completely by my Ministry robes. Dressed, I followed after where Fred had gone, moving through to the kitchen where he was waiting at the table. I got myself some breakfast and sat down with him, again sitting across the table from where he was. “Please remember to look at the cinema for something you want to watch.”

He nodded. “I'll be back this evening.” Then he was just gone, vanished in front of my eyes. As soon as he was gone, a flicker of movement pulled my gaze to the hallway. When I focused on it, though, there was nothing there. I frowned at the empty space, but nothing happened.

I finished eating, keeping one eye at the hallway, then flooed into the Ministry. It was as full of people and noise as it usually was, and I walked quickly from the floos to the lifts, fighting the urge to clap my hands over my ears. I kept my eyes locked on the shiny floor. As long as I moved quickly it would be over quickly, and I would be able to escape to the relative quiet of level nine without the pressing headache from so many voices, so many echoes, crowding in on me. No one greeted me on my way through the Atrium, though I passed quite a few people. That, of course, was due to my reputation.

The golden lift was waiting for me, there always seemed to be one ready when I got there, and it quickly took me down to level nine. It was cool down on level nine, and I breathed the same sigh of relief I breathed every day when the silence soothed my ears.

Daphne's office was one over from mine, and her door was open. She'd finished school the year before I had, and was officially my superior rather than my partner. Things worked a little differently on level nine than they did in the rest of the Ministry, though, and her being my superior only meant that she was in charge of making sure the reports of my work were filed correctly and sent on properly when they needed to be. Being an Unspeakable was a very self-motivated, self-directed job. I think Hermione would have done well on level nine.

I knocked briefly on the open door before stepping just inside. She looked up from her desk at me, blinking as her eyes adjusted to focusing across the office instead of on the fan of papers before her. “Morning, Luna.”

“Good morning, Daphne. I spoke with Fred last night, he said he'll come and work with us on Friday.”

“Excellent.” She gestured to the seat across the desk from her, and I went and sat down. “How is he?”

“Frustrated, feeling guilty, and happy. Usually within quick succession.”

“Typical Fred, then.” She nodded, her deceptively dainty hand manipulating the quill she was holding to make some notes, even as she continued to look at me. Daphne had a great talent for being able to accomplish many things at the same time.

“He wants to know if you'll come to the cinema with us on Friday, after work.”

“Does he?” She had a shy smile on her lips, and the glint in her green eyes told me that she was as interested in him as he was in her. “What does he want to see?”

“I'm not sure, he's going to choose something today.”

“I'd love to.” The look in her eyes turned slightly critical. “Then we can go out for dinner.” She knew that I would sometimes forget to eat, and she did what she could. She knew it was hard for me to go up and get food from the lunch cart, so she would often go for me.

I hesitated for a moment. “There's something else.”

My tone made the smile slide off of her face. “What is it?”

“I think there was another soul at my flat this morning.” I folded my hands loosely in my lap as I regarded her.

Her mouth smoothly continued its downward motion until she was wearing a frown. “Are you certain?”

“No. But I saw something where nothing should have been. Not long enough to get a good sense of it, just colors and glimpses. But it wasn't a living person, and it wasn't an animal.”

“It wasn't Fred moving things?”

I shook my head. “He was in the other room when it happened, and then he was gone when it happened again.”

She considered me for a moment, and I could see the motion of swift thoughts in her green eyes. “Do you want to stay here tonight?”

The Death Chamber was enchanted to prevent bodiless souls from coming in. It kept the souls from coming back through the archway, and it meant that when Fred came to work with me, we had to keep ourselves in my and Daphne's offices.

I shook my head again. “I have such a hard time sleeping alone now. Thank you, though.”

She regarded me for a moment across the rumpled top of her desk. “If that changes and you need to, you just come here. I'll write up a memo and send it around so everyone else knows that you might be there.”

“Thank you,” I repeated. The biggest reason we had decided that Fred was the only soul who should know about me was that if others did, I might not ever get a moment's peace. Given Fred's drive to try and make contact with his family through me, it was a reasonable assumption that others would do the same. Taken with the fact that I could see them and hear them, they had the ability to make my life quite miserable by denying me peace and sleep, if they so chose. I'd been very lucky that it had been Fred that I'd approached after the battle, as there had been other souls around, and they might not have been quite so understanding.

I stood up. She was writing out a message on the distinctive purple memo paper. “I should go and get started for the day.”

Her voice called me back from the doorway. “Are you all right?”

“A little lonely, that's all.” I counted Daphne as one of my friends, but she had been raised in a way that meant casual physical contact wasn't exactly comfortable for her, which made it uncomfortable for me. “I'm feeling sorry for myself today, I'm afraid I wasn't able to shake the feeling before I came into work.”

Her eyes flashed with sympathy. “Is there anything I can do?” She was asking, which I'd long since learned meant that she was already planning to do something, and she simply wanted to know if there was a particular way I wanted her to direct her attention.

I shook my head. “I might go and visit my father after work.”

“Take Fred with you, if you go.” It was a concerned request, but the firmness that carried the words through the room meant that it was still an order. Daphne looked out for me, as much as she could.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More actual content. *nod*


	3. Chapter 3

I did ask Fred to go with me to visit my father. His expression grew very concerned when he heard my request. He knew that it was difficult for me to see him, not to mention that it was difficult for him to be there, but visiting Daddy often brought me some measure of peace.

Fred attached his soul to mine so we could Apparate into London. It was the queerest feeling, and I can't quite describe it. It was like I had Fred inside me, between my soul and my skin, both under my skin and outside of it. It was a smothering sort of foggy feeling. He'd been there before, of course, so he could have arrived there on his own, but I didn't want him away from me, even for the short time that it would take to find each other again. I needed the support.

We passed through the lobby of St Mungo's, and up to the fourth floor. I kept my hands clapped over my ears to shut out the noises around me, the frantic echoes of the injured and the concerned. I drew odd looks, of course, but I was more concerned with keeping the noise out than what others thought of my actions.

Along with the Ministry, this was the other place I saw Neville. I saw him infrequently when he was visiting his parents. I didn't care to go out into the places habitually occupied by wizarding society too often, it gave me such a frightful headache. I did most of my shopping at a 24-hour Muggle grocery just to avoid crowds of people.

Fred had separated himself from me and was walking along beside me. I felt the brush of his hand on my own as often as he dared, giving me all of the physical comfort he could.

My dad lived in the Janus Thickey Ward. The charge nurse let me in with a warm smile. She'd been there for a long time, she knew who I was on sight. “Good evening, Luna. He's having dinner right now.”

I had a genuine smile at that. His soul was always more attached to him when he was eating. He's always loved good food, and they made sure he had his favorites here. The Ministry made sure he was well taken care of. They'd asked me for a list when he was admitted, they said it was the least they could do for him.

I gripped Fred's hand for just a moment before passing through the door into my dad's room. He was sitting on his bed, clean and shaven and dressed in some pajamas from the hospital. There was a nurse sitting in a chair beside his bed, guiding spoonfuls of food patiently into his mouth. She smiled when she saw me as well. “Look, Xeno, your daughter is here to see you.”

His gray eyes, so like mine, moved from her face to mine and there was a spark of recognition. His soul clarified for just a moment, and then it was back to the visual hum it usually was. Normally when I saw living people, I saw their soul as a sort of visual echo overlaid on them. With people with this type of mental infirmity- people like my dad, and Neville's parents, and Mr Lockhart- their souls were distorted, some of them almost to the point of obscuring their physical bodies. They were half here and half gone, anchored by a body that didn't completely house them anymore. I believed, and Fred believed, that most of them would be better if they were truly dead. Then they could pass beyond the Veil and have a complete existence as a soul instead of this trapped half-existence.

They differed. The Longbottoms had more physical control, but their souls were more obscured. My dad had very little autonomous control over his body, but his soul was often more present, to the point where it matched up with him completely sometimes and we could have a short conversation.

I stood aside and watched the nurse finish feeding him. “Thank you,” I told her softly as she gathered the tray and left.

“I hope you have a pleasant visit,” she bade me on her way out. She left the door open, they always left the door open.

I went and sat down on my dad's bed. His soul was flickering in and out, and when I took his hand, there was a moment of completeness where he smiled at me. That's what I came for. Those smiles, those warm, affectionate smiles that made me remember all of the times he'd kissed my scraped knees and hunted down nargles with me.

“Hello, Daddy,” I said, while he could still hear me and recognize who I was. “Fred came with me to see you today.”

His eyes fastened over my shoulder where Fred was. That was the thing about this half-existence they were trapped in, they could see the other souls, too.

“Hello, Mr Lovegood,” Fred said softly, bringing another smile to Dad's face.

“Are you taking care of her?” His soul's mouth moved, but his physical mouth didn't. His body was long incapable of speech now.

“As much as I can.” The was a trace of frustration in his voice, but Fred fought to keep it away.

His eyes flicked to me again. “I love yo-” and then he was gone again, lost in the field of that visual hum that buzzed and pulsed like a swarm of bees.

A lone tear made its silent path down my face. Fred caught it on the tip of one finger, brushing it away. His hand lingered on my cheek, longer than it ever had before. “I'll have to go tonight,” he whispered, and I nodded. Making himself more corporeal so often took a lot out of him and he had to go and do the recharging thing.

It wasn't too long after that, that we left the room. I stopped in to see Mr Lockhart. Of all of the occupants of the Janus Thickey Ward, he was perhaps the only one who would not have been better off dead. His soul was almost all there, just slightly offset; it was like he'd gotten a new soul and it just didn't quite fit in his body yet. He was so happy whenever he got visitors, though, and he loved talking to Fred. His mood was infectious, which was why I always visited with him right after I visited with my dad.

We stayed for a while, sitting around the small table by the window and talking. At last, Fred told me that we should get down to the cafeteria so I could eat before I went home and he had to leave me for the night.

I pushed the chair back from the table and stood, offering one last smile to Mr Lockhart. When I turned to leave, I saw Neville was standing in the door and watching us. How long had he been standing there? He had a very odd expression on his face. “Mr Lockhart,” he said, drawing our former professor's attention up to him. “How many people are in this room?”

“Counting?” Mr Lockhart's eyes lit up. “I do love counting. I have all these marvelous fingers, and they match up with the numbers just perfectly!” He pointed to me and held up one finger on the other hand. “One.” He pointed to Fred and held up a second finger. “Two.” He pointed to Neville and held up a third finger. “Three!” He looked very impressed with himself.

“You are quite good at counting,” I assured him, and he beamed.

“Did you forget yourself?” Neville pressed, the odd expression still on his face.

“I count myself? Oh, look, there's a finger for me, too!” He held up a fourth finger, and then methodically counted them. “One, two, three, four!” He beamed at Neville, who offered a funny sort of smile in return.

“Goodnight, Mr Lockhart.” It was the second time I'd said it, and his attention came back towards me. “We'll come back and visit soon.”

“Goodnight, Luna. Goodnight, Fred.” His face had fallen a little, but he wasn't sad. The first few times we'd been to see him, he got quite upset when we left because he didn't get many visitors, and he didn't like being alone. I could certainly empathize with that. Now, though, he was used to the idea that we would be back to visit him again soon and he didn't get quite so sad.

We left the room, Neville held the door open for us. He let it close quietly when we were all out in the hallway, and he stopped there just by the door, his eyes fixed on my face. “Luna, do you have a minute?”

I looked beside me to Fred, and then back at Neville. “We're- I'm going down to the cafeteria to eat, if you'd like to join me.”

Fred looked dubious at my polite offer. I knew he was worried about what Neville might do. He didn't say anything, though, just brushed his hand over my shoulder.

We all went down to the bottom floor, a long, silent, slightly uncomfortable journey, and Neville and I both got food. I let Fred guide my choices. Sometimes I enjoyed the taste of food, but more often it was just something I ate to sustain myself. When we reached the table, I pulled an extra chair out so that Fred could sit at the table with us out of habit, then realized what I'd done at the odd look Neville gave me.

“Do you really see him?” he asked after a moment, resting his elbows on the table as he looked between me and the chair Fred was sitting in that no doubt looked quite empty to him.

I was the only one in the room that heard Fred's short, incredulous laugh. It made me smile, though, Fred's laugh was very infectious. “I do. I have for the past... Almost three years.”

Neville nodded. He didn't say anything else, just concentrated on eating for a moment, so I did as well.

Fred looked between the two of us, and seemed satisfied with what he saw from Neville. “I'm going to leave now. I'll be back in the morning, all right?” His words made me relax a little. Needing to recharge or not, he wouldn't leave me if he didn't trust Neville to not try and commit me to the very ward we'd just left. He was usually a fair good judge of intentions, at least towards me.

“Goodnight, Fred,” I murmured to him. And then he was gone. I turned my attention back to the tall, blond man opposite me. “I see all of them. I see yours right now, like you're wearing a second Neville just on top of you.”

He paused at my words, staring intently at his food for a moment. When he looked up, there was a strong purpose in his brown eyes. “Do you see my parents?”

I sighed, and it was my turn to look away. I stared down at my own plate of food, pushing my food around with my fork. “I don't know that you're going to want to hear this.” I paused. “After how I've been treated, I don't trust that you're not going to rush out of here and call for a Healer to insist that my mind isn't healthy.”

Out of the top of my field of vision, I saw him flinch. “We can go somewhere else, if you'd like,” he offered quickly. He was intent on getting the information he now knew that I had. He wanted to know. “We could go to your home. We can go to work.”

He was an Auror, he worked out of the Ministry just the same as I did. My office was safe for me, I could lock it to the outside world and there was no way for another physical body to get in or out without my explicit, coherent consent. My home was enchanted in much the same manner. Being an Unspeakable meant that I had secrets that needed to be protected at all costs.

I didn't want to go back to work. Even at night there were bodies moving around, voices, the heavy weight of disapproval. “You can come home with me.” I could let him in, and he couldn't make me leave.

We finished eating in complete silence and went out of the hospital, out into Muggle London. A fine drizzle fell against our skin, the night lit up by the lights of the city. I offered him my hand, and after a moment, he took it. I Apparated us to just outside my building.

He followed me up to my flat with a grace that he hadn't possessed until he'd become an Auror and had some formal training in it. He was a lot more sure of his steps now, a lot more confident that his feet would take him where he wanted to go.

The lights came on when I pushed open the door and went inside. I toed off my shoes to leave them just beside the door and passed through the kitchen to the counter where the range was. “Would you like some tea?” I asked politely. I was going to have some, whether or not he said yes.

“Yes, please.”

I made a cup of tea for each of us and then settled my pale green tea service on the table in front of him. “Why were you there tonight?”

“It's my mum's birthday. I try to visit on their birthdays and at Christmas.” He took his cup of tea and held it uncertainly, looking at it like he was afraid there was something in it that was going to come out and bite him. Perhaps that was just his expectation of the words he dreaded that were going to come out of my mouth, though. “What is it, Luna?” His eyes swung up to me. The burning curiosity was wrapped in a thick blanket of pain. “What do you see?”

I sighed. I held out my hand and, after a moment, he placed his into it. I knew that people liked to be touched when they received unpleasant news, it helped them feel as though they weren't alone. And it was, quite honestly, a partially selfish move on my part. I needed to feel the touch of someone who was present with me, who wasn't going to slip away in a moment or two. “They're mostly gone. Their bodies are trapping their souls here, like a prison.”

He flinched again, and I squeezed his hand. He bowed his head, I think so that I wouldn't see his tears. He looked completely defeated.

“My dad comes back sometimes. He'll talk to me for a moment or two, and then he's gone again. Your parents...” I sighed again. “I've never seen them come back. I haven't spent a lot of time around them because it's hard for me to see them like that, and it's especially hard for Fred. There's still something there, like the part of your mum that takes the sweets from you. But there's not enough there for them to really be people.”

“I know you're an Unspeakable. I know you can't talk about it. But are you at least... Looking to see if you can help them? Can you at least answer that?” His eyes came back to mine. He had caring eyes, tender eyes; right now his eyes were full of hurt.

I nodded. “I know how to help them,” I whispered.

A certain desperate hope came over his face, fragile like a bubble of soap. “What is it?”

I shook my head. “You were that night. You saw when...” I couldn't tell him anymore. I looked at him helplessly, urging him to understand the things I couldn't say, the things he was afraid of. “I'm a bad person, Neville.”

He peered at me sharply, eyes narrowing as he took in the words I'd just said. “Why would you say that? After everything that everyone else has done to you, why would you say that?”

I traced a faint line along the top of the tablecloth with my finger, my other hand still secure under his. “Because my dad comes back sometimes. I could... I could do what I need to do, and I think it would be better for him. I don't, though.” I could feel the sting of tears again, and I stared back into his pained gaze, almost defiantly. “Sometimes I just want to go there and have him hold my hand and tell me he loves me. Sometimes I just want the touch of someone who cares. I hope that when he stops coming back, I'll be able to stop being so selfish.”

I pushed away from the table and stood up, pulling my hand free from his grasp. I turned my back, crossing to the small mirror that hung just beside my door. I stared into it without really seeing my reflection, wishing that Fred was there so at least the girl in the mirror could have some comfort even if nothing was available for me.

“Is it allowed?” His voice was thick with swirled emotions.

“What?”

He'd stood up as well, I heard him walk over to me. “Is it allowed?” he asked from just behind me. He knew what I'd meant. If the body no longer breathed, it would cease to be a prison for the soul. “Would you get in trouble?”

I looked into his eyes in the mirror and gave a sad sort of smile. “Normal laws don't apply to Unspeakables. As long as we all agree that it's to the benefit of the... soul, it can be done. There's a lot of paperwork to fill out, and an interview with us... It's quite a process, but it's not illegal.”

“Would you do my interview?”

I shook my head. “I'm the witness for the soul.”

“You've done it, then?” His hand reached up to cover my shoulder and it was a little strange that I was able to feel the same thing I was seeing. It wasn't just the girl in the mirror, it was... Me.

“Just once. There was someone from Azkaban...” I stopped talking. I'd said as much as I could, likely even more than I was supposed to. I lifted my eyes to his from where I'd been staring at his hand. “There's a moment of peace. It's beautiful, Neville. It's beautiful to see.”

He swallowed heavily. “Would I be there to see it?”

“If you wanted to be.” I smiled a small smile at his reflection. “I would. It's so peaceful.”

There was a long pause, shadows of guilt-ridden hope clouding over his face. “Does it make me horrible that I'm even considering this?” He was so uncertain, so sad. He wanted me to give him hope.

I shook my head. “They're not there, anymore. And they can't move on. I understand not wanting to do it, perhaps more than anyone else, but I think it is a cruelty of sorts not to.” A pang of my own guilt moved through me.

His other hand came up to my other shoulder and he turned me to face him. “I'm sorry,” he told me, his brown eyes intense and earnest. “I'm sorry we left you alone.”

“You can't apologize for anyone else,” I corrected him gently. “And I have Fred.”

“I'm sorry for my part in it.” His arms came around me and he folded me against him. I froze, like an animal caught in the light at night. “How long has it been since someone held you?”

“I don't want to answer that.” The truth was, it had been about a year and a half, and then it had been by a Muggle I'd come across in a pub for a one-off. I went through a short period of being free with my body in an effort to have physical contact with others. It hadn't lasted very long, though, before I had to stop because of the way it made me feel. Before that, it had actually been Neville in the hospital when they were looking at the injury to my head.

He took my wrists and wrapped my arms around his waist, urging my cheek gently against his chest. My fingers closed on the back of the long overcoat he wore as an Auror, clutching him tightly to me. It wasn't just the girl in the mirror being held, comforted. It was me. Someone was holding me as though I was important to them. Silent tears leaked from my eyes again, wetting the front of his shirt, where his coat was open.

Time stopped as he held me against him. Everything else faded away. He was the only one who would touch me, and I was the only one who understood his pain, and just for a while, that made us the only two people in the world.

Eventually he left. He told me that he would talk to me soon, and he was quite sincere about it. When I went upstairs to sleep, I was so exhausted from the emotions of the day that I fell asleep rather quickly, despite being alone. I didn't even manage to get the television on before I drifted away on my dreams.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 The first thing I did when I woke up was to look over at the other side of the bed for Fred. The man on the bed beside me had red hair; he was the same general shape and size as my best friend, but... “You're not Fred.” He was sitting against the headboard as Fred did, his legs stretched out before him, wearing the same overcoat that Neville wore. He was an Auror, or had been. Because he was a soul, of course, no echo of a physical body to anchor him to my bed.

“Ah, she awakens.” His voice was just a touch deeper, he was older than the man I was used to waking up beside.

I stared at him, my eyes tracing over his features. He had the same nose as Fred, the same brown eyes. “I've never seen you before, not even at that battle at Hogwarts.”

“You wouldn't have.” His eyes held the same intelligence, the same glint of mischief. There was a strong resemblance between the two, but... He wasn't Fred. “I was long gone by then.” He paused, looking down at me. “You really do see me,” he marveled.

“It wasn't you here yesterday, though.” The shirt under the open overcoat was a deep purple, there wasn't a bit of black on him anywhere.

“I'm afraid that was me.” A new voice, an elegant tenor, pulled my attention to the doorway. A tall man with black hair stood there, an apologetically mischievous smile on his face. I'd seen that man before, on the night his soul had left his body. I still remembered that night running through the Ministry, chasing a false memory. “I'm new at this moving-about-among-the-living thing, it's difficult to hide from you.” He looked much better than he had the last time I'd seen him; he looked healthy and well-fed. Then again, Fred didn't look very squashed from the wall he'd been killed by, so it made a certain amount of sense.

I looked at him silently for a moment, then back to the man beside me. “Where is Fred?” My voice was pleasant, blank, a mask for the anxiety twisting through me.

“He's... He's where he needs to be,” came from the redhead next to me. He sounded very self-satisfied indeed.

I stared up at him. “And who are you?”

Sirius Black cleared his throat. “I am neglecting my manners, my mother would have a fit. Luna, this is Gideon Prewett.” He paused. “Fred's uncle, if that means anything.” He winked at me. I'd never been winked at before. “And thus, introductions made, I must be off.” And then he was gone, just vanished like Fred did, and I was left alone with... Fred's uncle, Gideon.

“Why are you here?” I asked the remaining man, pulling myself into a sitting position. “And why isn't Fred here?”

He looked at me, his eyes dropping down to my body. “Are you naked?” That wasn't an answer to my question.

I looked down to where my breasts were visible above my blanket. Even now I could see the silvery lines of scars tracing along the skin. It always felt like someone else's body when I saw them, garlands and chains of pain someone else had been decorated by. “Why wouldn't I be?”

He pulled his eyes away from me, apparently with some difficulty, and turned his back on me. “You go about naked in front of my nephew as a matter of habit?”

“I don't see any reason why not to; he's seen everything.” He was with me in St. Mungo's when they removed my clothes and put on the hospital gown. “It doesn't bother him at all. Does it bother you?” He seemed like he wasn't entirely sure how to answer that if his lengthy pause was any indication. “It's my home.” He did seem actually bothered by it, and it made me curious. “Should I not be comfortable in my own home when I go to sleep?”

Another pause, and then a slight nod as though perhaps I had a valid point. “You're comfortable being so in the company of a strange man?”

“Company that I didn't ask for, nor did I have any warning that you were coming. If you didn't want to see me thus, perhaps you should have notified me that you were going to be here.” I blinked at the back of his head. “You have a great talent for avoiding answering questions, sir.”

“Gideon,” he corrected, perhaps a little too forcefully for pleasant conversation.

“Why are you here, Gideon?” I asked again. There was a great emptiness inside my mind that needed to be filled with answers.

A moment of empty silence. “My nephew and Sirius believe that you shouldn't be alone.”

I blinked at him for a moment, tilting my head slightly to the side. “Why not?”

He turned back to look at me, keeping his eyes trained carefully up towards my face. “Fred mentioned that you have nightmares, and that perhaps you're not quite so prudent in taking care of yourself as you could be.”

“Right on both counts, I suppose.” I considered him for another moment. “It's my home. I'm not going to make myself uncomfortable in my own home for your especial benefit. If that doesn't suit you, then perhaps this isn't a place you should be.”

He stared at me, questions moving behind his eyes. “What happened to you that you feel you need to assert yourself like this?”

I didn't answer, just got out of bed and went into the bathroom to have a shower. The water poured over me, soothing away some of the anxiety, sending it swirling down the drain. Walking in the rain used to be very calming for me, but now I had to make do with showers. I leaned my forehead against the cool tile and let the warm water rain down over my side, my back. The tears were just more warm water in the shower.

When I was done, I got out and stared into the mirror, water dripping unheeded to puddle on the floor. I kept expecting Fred to appear behind me, to soothe the troubled expression from the girl in the mirror. He didn't, though, and her expression remained the same as she brushed out her long blond hair.

Gideon was waiting for me when I went into the kitchen to have breakfast. He was seated at my table, simply waiting. He looked up as I walked into the kitchen. “What happened, Luna?”

“I don't talk about what happened,” I told him in a sing-song voice, pulling the pitcher of pumpkin juice out of the fridge for myself. Toast sounded good enough, and I set about making some on the magical range that graced one of my counters.

“Fred mentioned... He said that you've been alone for the past three years, except for him.”

“I have. One of my friends spoke to me last night, though. Touched me. That was nice.” I smiled at the memory. Neville had always been kind to me.

He shook his head, regarding me. “What happened?” He wasn't asking about what had happened with Neville, and I got the distinct impression that he wasn't going to let this go.

“You were in the war, weren't you? Fred's mentioned his uncles- Mrs Weasley's brothers- and that they died in the war. That's you, isn't it? The first war, I mean.” I watched him nod. “Were there prisoners in your war? Did Voldemort and his Death Eaters take prisoners?”

I watch comprehension dawn on his face, and then a great frown pulled his expression down. “It was rare that they took prisoners instead of killing.”

“It was. There were... Only four of us.” I shook my head, looking directly into his brown eyes, so like Fred's. Where was my best friend? I needed him. I needed the fleeting brush of his hand against my shoulder. “I don't talk about it, Gideon.”

“That happened, and then you were alone after that?”

I nodded, tearing off a corner of the toast and putting it in my mouth. It seemed to stick in my throat a little, and I put the toast back down on the counter. “Except for Fred. He's been my best friend.” I finished the pumpkin juice and moved past the table, back towards the rest of the flat. “I need to go to work now. I floo there. I work... I work somewhere you won't be able to follow. You can come into the office, but the Chamber itself is enchanted against souls that aren't attached to a physical body. I'm going to be in there today. Can you bring Fred back, please?”

He was frowning again. His mouth seemed better suited to the same mischievous grins that Fred wore, but he was very good at frowning. “I can't. There are things that he needs to learn.”

“Will you be here when I get home?” He nodded. “Perhaps we can talk then. I have questions for you, and you may have some for me that I'll answer.” I turned from him and immediately went to floo to the Ministry without giving him the opportunity for a more complete response.

Neville caught up to me as I was headed to the lifts, almost like he had been waiting for me. He caught my wrist and turned me to face him. “You all right?” he asked, his eyes scanning my face.

“I'm not,” I replied honestly. “Fred's gone.” The noise was pressing in on me, and I fought to keep from covering my ears.

“What do you mean?” He was frowning; I was getting an awful lot of frowns that morning.

“He went back last night, he had to. This morning there was someone else waiting for me in my bed.” I made sure to keep my voice pleasant and even, but still my words were drawing attention of those passing by. Perhaps that was good, though, the noise was dying down as they came near, the echoes filling my ears less.

Neville glanced around us. “Let's go and see Daphne,” he said, shifting his grip to my hand and urging me towards the lifts. “Your hands are like ice.”

“It's an automatic response. When I feel like this, my blood leaves all of the far away places in my body.” I felt cold, very cold, my hands and feet felt as though they would never be warm again.

We were down in the peaceful silence of level nine soon enough, and Neville was leading me gently towards Daphne's open office door. We entered, and Daphne scowled up at Neville. “What is it, Longbottom?” She failed to notice me standing just beside him, until he drew me gently in front of him. “Luna, what happened?” Her voice was considerably softer now, her expression concerned.

I looked a silent plea at her. “Fred is gone. Someone else is there, his Uncle Gideon. I miss Fred.”

She stared at me thoughtfully, tapping an immaculately manicured finger against the paper on her desk. After a moment, her eyes flicked back to Neville. “I don't mean any particular offense by this, but what are you doing here? The last time I saw Luna with any of her old friends, I was explaining to the Director of St. Mungo's why she couldn't be admitted into the Janus Thickey Ward.”

I heard his sharp sigh from behind me. “I believe her, all right? I believe that she's been talking to the ghost of someone who died three years ago.”

“Soul,” I corrected absently. “It's his soul. Different than a ghost.” I'd learned quite a bit about the differences between ghosts and souls during my seventh year at Hogwarts.

Neither one of them seemed to be paying me any attention, though. “That's why I brought her down here,” Neville continued, as though I hadn't spoken.

“Fred won't be able to work with us tomorrow, I don't think.” Again, neither one of them seemed to pay me any mind.

“What brought this about?” she asked him, folding her hands on the desk in front of her. It was her serious expression, it was what she did when she was preparing for a verbal altercation.

“I saw her last night, talking to Mr Lockhart. And he was talking to her, and he was talking to Fred. And it wasn't anything she was doing, I could tell. Mr Lockhart was just... Talking like there was someone else in the room that he was having a conversation with.” Neville was talking about me like I wasn't there- they both were. People did that sometimes, it was all right.

“You were at St. Mungo's?” Her green eyes refocused on me. “ _You_ were at St. Mungo's?”

“I went and saw Daddy.” I'd told her that I was going to, had she forgotten?

“Of all the days for Fred to disappear...” Her eyes closed for a long moment, her sign of exasperation. “Luna, are you all right to work?” she asked when she opened her eyes again. She was making her voice be more patient than she wanted to, I could see it in the set of her shoulders and the shadow in her eyes.

I considered the question. “I'm not entirely certain. Part of me just wants to go into the Chamber and sit there for a while.”

“Right. That's fine, I'll let the department know.” She turned her attention back to Neville, a speculative look in her eyes. “And I'll let Robards know that we need to borrow you for the day.”

I sensed, rather than saw, Neville's frown. “What do you mean?”

“Are you really going to abandon Luna again?” There was a fierce protectiveness to her question.

He took a step back, his fingers tightening just for a moment around mine. “O-Of course not.”

“Then you're going to go into the Death Chamber and sit with her until she feels ready to come out.” Her mouth was pressed into a firm line.

“That's really not necessary,” I protested.

She ignored me, instead addressing Neville. “She goes to see her father when she gets overwhelmed by the loneliness. It helps, but then the guilt eats at her the next day. And today, instead of Fred being there for her, there's a strange soul who she's quite worried will make demands of her that she won't be able to help with, and won't be able to get away from.”

“Oh.” He was silent for a short time. “What about you? Why can't you...”

Her green eyes flashed a warning. “My father fucked up how I perceive physical contact and interpersonal relationships. I'm working on it.” Specifically, he'd used affection as a reward, and that was the only time he'd given it. We'd talked about it a long time ago. I considered Daphne my only other friend, but our relationship wasn't like other friendships I'd had. Both of us had problems that interfered.

I squeezed Neville's hand before I slipped away from him. “It's all right, Neville, I know you have other things to do.” I turned and left the office, my feet automatically carrying me down the black-tiled hall, towards the bone-chillingly cold room with the arch in it.

I pulled my robes around me and settled myself on the floor, against one of the outer walls. I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. The chill seeped up through my clothes, drawing the warmth from me in a particularly persistent way. The souls behind the curtain whispered to me, and I let the noise wash over me like a wave of comfort. They didn't know I was out here, just outside of where they could see. It was peaceful there.

The door opened and closed. It was a heavy door, it made quite a bit of noise. Neville walked over to where I was and looked down at me for a moment. “I brought a blanket.” He held a folded up blanket in front of him, his wand tucked into one hand.

“Thank you.” My mouth smiled but my face didn't.

He nodded. He stood there stiffly like he seemed unsure what he should do next. “Daphne said she'd bring lunch for you if you were in here for long enough.” A wave of uncertainty rode out on his voice.

“She's a good friend. I was a little surprised at first... But then I imagine we're all different than we were in school.” I looked up at him, letting my head fall back against the wall so I could look into his eyes. “You're different, Neville. You're more aware of yourself and who you are. It's a good change, I think.”

He shifted his bundle to one hand and waved his wand, and a comfortable-looking chair appeared. He sat down and moved to one side so there would be just enough room for me. “Come and sit with me, Luna.” He patted the space beside him entreatingly.

I got up and moved until I was seated as well, wedged between the side of his body and the soft arm of the chair. He rested his arm across the back of the seat so I had more room, and his other hand spread the blanket over our legs. “You've changed too.”

“I have. Some of it for the better. Most of it not, I'm afraid.”

We sat in silence for a time watching the smooth black wall, and his arm slid down the back of the chair until it was resting squarely across my shoulders. “What happened to your dad?”

“The Death Eaters had him put in Azkaban for some of the things he printed. They took me first, of course, and then sent him a memory of...” I shook my head. That was one of those things I hid. “He's been a bit unstable since Mum died; it was too much for him. After the war finished, they transferred him from Azkaban right to St. Mungo's. They take good care of him there. He appreciates it, when he comes back enough to realize it. I wish he'd died, sometimes.” I paused, my fingers twisting in the fabric of my robes. “Most of the time. Then it wouldn't be up to me.”

“I know.” If there was one other person who would know exactly what I was talking about, it was Neville.

“Fred hasn't been there a whole lot, but from what he's told me, it's quite nice beyond the Veil. Infinite possibilities, he said.”

“Why does he stay here, then?” I felt him shift as the hand not around me rubbed across his chin. “I mean... I didn't mean anything by that.”

“I know.” I gave him a reassuring smile that felt just a little bit stiff, like my cheeks didn't really feel like smiling. “He worries about George. That's what it was at first. Now, I think he worries about me. He's my best friend, but I think I'd describe our relationship as more, we depend on each other. I anchor him here so he can keep up with his family, and he makes sure I take care of myself.”

“How do you mean?” He was concerned again.

“I'm a little dissociated from my body, I have a habit of neglecting myself. Some days are better than others, of course.”

“Today is...”

“Not a good day.” I twisted the blanket between my fingers, my eyes seeking the dips in the warm fabric.

Daphne brought us both lunch at the suitable time. She stayed and ate with us, and then left again. Around mid-afternoon, I was ready to leave. I stood and told Neville so.

He looked up at me, still seated. “Are you sure?”

I nodded. “Thank you for being with me. You didn't have to, no matter what Daphne said.”

“I think this was more important than whatever Robards was going to have me do.” He stood up as well, and banished the chair with another flick of his wand. “I think that trying to understand is the very least that any of us can do. Do you want me to come home with you tonight?”

I shook my head. “I expect I'm going to have to speak with Gideon, and it's hard to speak with a soul when someone else is there and they can't hear half of the conversation. But thank you.” I offered him a smile. This time my whole face moved into the smile.

He reached out and rested his hand against my arm for just a moment, so much like Fred. “You don't smile often enough anymore.”

My face pulled down a little at that. “I don't.”

He walked me back to my office and told me he would see me again soon before leaving for an upper level.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hello,” I called softly as I opened my front door. My floo was set to only allow people to leave through it, not enter, so every night after work, I had to Apparate outside my building and walk up to my flat.

The unfamiliar redhead walked into my kitchen. I wasn't entirely certain what he'd been doing all day, but now he was waiting for me. He looked just as he had earlier, the overcoat, the purple shirt, the dark trousers underneath. Fred often kept his appearance the same as well. “Have you eaten dinner?” was the first thing out of his mouth.

It was late again; I'd spent some extra time in my office to make up for the time I'd spent sitting in the Chamber with Neville. I shook my head, and went and got myself a bowl of stew. He waited until I'd reheated it and sat down at the table before sitting across from me. He watched me eat a few bites before speaking. “You said you have questions for me.”

I nodded, swallowing. “Where is Fred?” That was the most important thing. “Is he all right?” Along with that.

Gideon smiled in what was likely supposed to be a reassuring manner. “He's beyond the Veil with friends and family. He's all right.”

I was a little relieved to hear that. That was the best possible thing that could happen, save for him being the one sitting across the table from me. And that, it seemed right now, was an impossibility. “Why?”

“He's been dead for almost three years, and he hardly knows anything about being dead.” Disbelief, disapproval, slid along the bottom of his words.

I stared into my stew for a moment, considering what that might mean. “What do you mean?” I finally asked.

“Things like going into people's dreams. Changing his reality beyond the Veil. This.” He reached across the table and grasped my forearm. His hand and forearm completely disappeared. I could still feel the press of his fingers against my arm.

Moments passed. I could still feel it. I looked up at Gideon and he was wearing a very familiar sly smile. It was quite easy to see which side of the family Fred took after. “I don't...” I didn't have any words. I stared at my arm, where the sleeve of my Ministry robes had the faint outline of an invisible hand closed around it. This was such a change from seeing it and being unable to feel it. “I need to tell you something.”

He pulled his hand back, and I was a little disappointed at the loss. I watched my sleeve go slack around my arm again in some fascination. “What is that?” he prompted me after a little while. I'd been staring, lost in the shift of the fabric.

I looked back up into his face, into those intelligent brown eyes. “I'm an Unspeakable. I study this- death. Fred works with me sometimes. Anything you tell me, I'm going to write down, and it'll be filed away in with the secrets of the Ministry.”

His hand was visible again, resting easily on the table in front of him, and again I stared at it. His hands said so much. He'd comforted with his hands. He'd killed with his hands. “I see.”

I turned my attention up to his face. “What just happened? What did you just do?”

“I have a finite amount of presence. I can use that to be a visible presence, or I can use that to be a physical presence. Or some mixture of both.”

“Like now.” He nodded. Or what usually happened when Fred touched me- those brief, fleeting brushes of his hand. “But why, when normally people can't see you?”

“The way I've heard it, there was a time where there were a great many souls on this side. We interact with each other the same way you interact with us. Sometimes we would want to be seen, and sometimes we would want to be felt.”

“Can you be hurt?” I tilted my head slightly to the side. I'd never heard any of this before, and it was all very fascinating.

“Hurt? Yes. I have feelings, sensations. When I touched you just a moment ago, I could feel the texture of your robes.” I dropped my eyes back to his hands. “Killed?” He waited until I looked up into his face to answer. “Not in the conventional sense. I'm already dead, Luna. I've reached beyond death.”

“How did you get here? Fred told me that when he comes through the soul window, when he moves about on this side, he needs to know where he's going.”

“Ah, that is a good question.” The mischievous smile settled again on his lips. “Sirius always has been quite good at sneaking around and finding his way into things. He followed Fred, then he brought me here.” He gestured to my stew. “Finish eating.”

I looked down at my rapidly cooling meal, then put all of my attention into finishing it. I was aware of him watching me eat, and I wasn't surprised. Fred liked to watch me eat. Souls didn't eat or sleep, although they did have to do that recharging thing, whatever it was. Maybe I could ask Gideon about that, he seemed to know a lot more about the state of his soul than Fred did.

When I was done, I automatically got up to wash out my bowl and spoon, and put them in the rack to dry. I turned around to face him, leaning back against the counter, my hands pressed between the edge of the counter and my back. “Could you kill a person?”

He'd turned in his seat to face me, his eyes aimed up to meet mine. “No. When I was touching you, that was me touching your soul. You're still attached to it, of course, so you feel it physically. I could cause you pain, but I couldn't kill you.”

I thought for a moment. “When you touch me when you're like this, you're touching my physical body.”

“Yes.”

“Could you kill someone like this?” Fred was never able to touch me for very long, but Gideon seemed to have more control than Fred did.

“No. I could hurt you, make you bleed perhaps, but I wouldn't have enough time to be able to kill.” He frowned. “That's an odd question.”

“Is it?” I wasn't worried about Gideon killing me, but there were more than just the two of them- three, counting Sirius, who were residing beyond the Veil, some of whom would doubtless be very ready to hurt, or even kill.

I watched him for a moment, took in the ready openness of his face. He wasn't here to hurt me, with his words or with his actions. Fred seemed to have told him at least something about my existence, such as it was. Given the alternative, his presence seemed to be preferable to being alone. “Are you going to stay until Fred comes back?”

“I believe so.” He watched me for a moment. “Would it be possible to visit with my sister?” I knew this was going to come up at some point. He was asking, at least, that was nice.

I sighed, shaking my head as I slumped back against the counter. I hadn't wanted to think about this. “She didn't want to hear it when it was her son, I don't see that changing for her brother.”

“My apologies,” he offered, frowning again. The frown seemed directed at himself this time, though, instead of at anything I'd said or done. “Your face... There's a lot of pain around that subject.”

“Do you remember what I said this morning about being alone? That's why. No one wants to believe that I can see the souls of people who've died.” I considered it for a moment. “Then again, I suppose that's a good thing. I'm not entirely certain I'm prepared for the onslaught of people on either side wanting me to help them get in touch with their family members.” I'd had a lot of time to myself to consider that very thing.

Gideon seemed to accept that, and while some wistfulness remained in his brown eyes, the question itself was gone from the room. “What does Fred do when he's here?”

“When I'm at work, sometimes he goes to visit with family, sometimes he comes to work with me. He watches television.” I smiled a small smile. “He works on ideas for the shop he and George started, too. He's very creative.” The smile slipped off my face. “He still believes that George will want to talk to him at some point.”

“You don't think so?”

I shook my head. “The last time I saw George, he told me that if I ever tried to speak to him again, he would make it so that I could never speak again. He was quite sincere. And talented, he's more than capable of following through on the threat.”

He studied me for a moment. “We can enter dreams, you know.”

I nodded. “You said as much.”

“All we need to do is be where someone is sleeping. If Fred hadn't been neglecting his lessons, perhaps this would already be solved.” He looked at me evenly. “You wouldn't need to go in and see Molly, you know. Just take me to her house. I can get myself inside.”

I considered him for a moment. “You know your sister. What do you think she would think if she saw me there today, and then tonight she had a dream with you in it? Would she think it was a coincidence- a product of her sub-conscious reacting with things we've discussed in the past? Would she believe you? Or would she think that maybe I had something to do with making her dream about you? No one knows what I do, Gideon. I don't want to have to defend myself against your family.” Part of preparing to be an Unspeakable had included training in the use and application of certain spells to defend myself. The war had ended just three years ago, and I was still learning every day how much worse things could have been if Voldemort had decided to delve into any of the information contained in the Department of Mysteries. Thankfully, his ego had prevented him.

That look of frustration, I'd seen it often enough over the past three years on a face that looked very similar to his. “I don't understand why no one will even entertain the idea of believing you.”

“Mum died when I was nine. Daddy... Daddy started living in a world of his own making to help cope with her loss. I was a child, I believed him. Everyone who knows me has heard me speak about nargles and heliopaths, and I was quite sincere in my belief when I spoke about them. I imagine I'm equally as sincere now when I talk about Fred.”

He was frowning again. “You are quite young, where is your father?”

“St. Mungo's. His mind is broken, and his soul is only with him for short periods of time.” My voice was slipping back into the slightly distant pleasantness I hid everything behind.

He was watching me, I could almost see myself reflected in his brown eyes. A hand lifted off the table, reaching toward me, falling short. “You're hiding. When you talk like that, your soul tries to hide itself inside your body.”

Fred had never told me that. It explained why he was so perceptive about my emotions.

An angry-sounding knock at my door pulled my attention away from the wizard sitting at my table. I stared at the wooden door wearily and pushed away from the counter to pick up my wand off of the table. I hoped I wouldn't need it.

“Who do you think that is?” Gideon was frowning at the door now. He was quite good at frowning.

I was fairly certain I knew exactly who it was. I didn't get very many visitors, and certainly only one with a knock quite like that. “Someone I used to call a friend.”

His gaze flicked between me and the door. “Are you going to answer it?” An honest question, not a prompt to do so.

The knock sounded again, more insistently this time. It would continue until I answered the door. While they couldn't come in, an excuse could be made that they were considered about my well-being, and then Daphne would have to get involved...

I nodded reluctantly. I walked over to the door and stood in front of it for a moment. I felt a touch against my shoulder, Gideon was just behind me. He wasn't Fred, but I did feel somewhat relieved that he was there. I sighed softly and opened the door.

It was Harry and Hermione. Both looked equally displeased to see me. “Good evening,” I bid them both quietly. “I'm certain you'll understand if I don't invite you inside.” There was no danger of them forcing their way in, they very steadfastly did not have my coherent consent to enter.

“What did you do to Neville?” Hermione demanded, while Harry looked at me with that angry shine in his eyes.

“I'm afraid I don't know what you mean.” My voice was so quiet that it was almost inaudible, even to myself. I desperately disliked these confrontations. It had been a long time since I'd had one. I couldn't blame them, though, they were just looking out for their friend. They were genuinely worried that I'd hurt someone, Neville in this case.

“We know he spent most of the day down on nine, and now he keeps mentioning that he needs to make a decision about his parents. He's not happy, Luna. I know you did something, what was it?” The first time I had seen Harry, his eyes were full of pain. It had taken a long time for that to go away, and now his eyes were filled with a protective sort of anger, laced with the very same edge of pain.

“I told him the truth.” I could feel Gideon's hand steadily on the center of my back, supporting me.

“When is it going to be enough? When are you going to stop hurting people with your lies? When it was wrackspurts, it was harmless. This isn't harmless anymore. You've hurt people, people you claimed to care about. You're still hurting people.” There were tears in Hermione's compassionate eyes. She was worried for Neville, hurt for him. “Is this really the kind of attention you want?”

“I need to ask you to leave now.” My wand was up, between us. They couldn't come in, but nothing would stop their magic. “Please don't come back here.”

“If I could, I'd have you in Azkaban right now. It's not right, what you're doing to these people. To us. We're your friends.” Harry was still wearing his Auror's overcoat, the distinctive symbol of justice. He knew he couldn't arrest me, though.

“I don't think you've been my friends for some time now.” It was a statement, but they reacted like it was an accusation.

“You've made it a bit hard, haven't you?” Harry was started to raise his voice, the anger bouncing along the walls.

“Do you want me to make them leave?” Gideon's voice sounded from just behind me. I felt him step into me, my back against his chest, and I stiffened. I hadn't expected it, and I had to push down a feeling of panic and suppress the scream that threatened to rip apart my chest. He quite quickly stepped away, but the question still hung in the air between us.

I shook my head. “I don't need rescuing.” I sounded wild, afraid, my voice coming from somewhere far away. My grip on my wand was tight enough to hurt. I needed to be away.

They, of course, thought I was talking to them. “If anything, you need rescuing from yourself,” Hermione told me. There was a misguided sympathy in her eyes. “Let us help you, Luna.”

“Please don't come back,” I repeated, gripping my wand before me in an effort to keep my hand from shaking. My tone was firmer now. I closed the door on them, I couldn't stand in the door and listen to them disparage me anymore.

I couldn't do anything anymore. I turned to the mirror and stared into it, noting the haunted look on the pale face of the girl in the mirror. Gideon's face came into view over my shoulder, frowning again. “Your mouth looks like it's more used to smiling, but I've hardly ever seen you wearing one.” She was speaking, the girl in the mirror, and I focused on the movements of her mouth.

“I'm... sorry.” He was frustrated with himself now.

“It's fine,” I assured him, though the quiver in my voice told a different story. “I wasn't expecting you against me like that.” I offered him a strange smile, my face quite unwilling to mold to the expression. “There are benefits to sharing space with someone who can't touch you quite so extensively.” I couldn't stand in the open anymore. I turned away from the mirror, sinking to the floor, the wall at my back. I drew my knees up to my chest, wrapped my arms around them, drawing into myself as tightly as I could.

He crouched down beside me. I watched his hand lift up and hover over my shoulder for a moment before settling down. I felt the brief touch through my Ministry robes, just for an instant. “That's all right, though.”

I nodded, my gaze fixing on his hand. “And if I can see it coming. They would blindfold me, and then-” I shook my head. I could feel the memories, straining against their intangible bonds at the very depths of my being. I needed the day to be over. Without another word, I stood and passed by him, heading into my bedroom, got undressed, and got into bed. I turned the television on and stared at it without really seeing it. Sleep would take the day away.

“What happened to the others?” Out of the corner of my eye, I could see he was in the doorway, leaning on one shoulder against the frame.

“There were only two of us in the basement, really, but the other two... suffered. Griphook died. I'd never really talked that much to a goblin before. He was... I wouldn't call him kind, but he was very determined to get justice for us. Dean...” I sighed. “Dean tried to kill himself. His mum took him to see some kind of Muggle Healer, just for his mind. He's doing much better now. He lives in France. He sends me letters sometimes. He keeps telling me that I should see one of those Muggle Healers.”

“You don't want to?”

“No. There are people in our world who can stop me from going to the Janus Thickey Ward and never coming out. There's no one like that for me in the Muggle world.” I stared resolutely at the television. “Mr Ollivander, he's all right.” I smiled then, a real smile. “He's retired now. He wasn't hurt as badly as Dean and I. He sends me letters, I write back. It's almost like having family.” I turned my attention to him. “I'm sorry, Gideon. Most of my days are better than this, I'm just a little forgetful when it comes to myself. But this is rather a lot all at once, and I'm finding myself ill-equipped to deal with it.”

He nodded. “What does Fred do?”

I slipped out of bed and moved past him, heading into the bathroom. He had followed me, and I caught his gaze in the mirror. “He comforts her.” I pointed to the girl in the mirror- a reflection of myself.

He shook his head. “What does that mean?”

“He puts his arms around me. I can't feel it, of course, but she gets to be held.”

He stepped up behind me, his arms coming around me. “Like this?” He was a little shorter than Fred, I could only see his eyes and the top of his nose behind my head instead of most of his face. My eyes settled on his arms, still wearing the overcoat. It wasn't the same. It wasn't Fred behind me, my best friend. But... It was something. She had something, the girl in the mirror.

“This is what comforts you?” He shook his head. He looked sad, so sad.

“This is all I have.”

His arms faded from view, and I could feel them- feel the fabric of his overcoat and the skin of his hands. Slowly, so slowly, he slid his arms away until his hands found purchase on my hips. He pushed on one and pulled the other, turning me to face him. “Close your eyes.”

I stared up into his face. “I can't.”

“Close your eyes, Luna,” he repeated gently. I looked up into his warm brown eyes and all I saw there was reassuring kindness, and I found that I could.

“I'm going to put my arms around you now. One on your back-” I felt a hand slide up and around the middle of my back, “- and one around your waist.” The other hand slid around my waist. “I'm going to pull you close and hold you. And then I'm not going to move until you want me to.” His voice was so soft, so gentle, it was like he was drawing me to him just with his voice. My being naked didn't seem to bother him anymore.

I was resting up against him, his arms around me. I was stiff at first, all of my muscles tense. Eventually, bit by bit, I relaxed against him. It was the same as it was when Neville had held me. Slowly, hesitantly, I moved my arms around him. Under his overcoat, over the rest of the clothes he was wearing, until my hands clutched together behind his back.

He wasn't seeking to comfort himself, he wasn't assuaging his guilt. His embrace was somehow more than Neville's had been, because he wasn't seeking anything from me. My eyes made the front of his shirt wet, but he didn't seem to mind.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where it starts to get just a little bit horrific.

 The nightmares came back that night. It was the one with Greyback. This was my most common nightmare, but this time it was different. I was still on my back, the heavy sharp weight of the werewolf pressed between my legs as his jagged teeth tore into the flesh just above my elbow. There was another man there- a red-haired man, an Auror. He wasn't there from the start, but I could see him after I started screaming. He was watching what the werewolf was doing to me, a horrified expression on his face. “This is a dream,” he said quite urgently. “Stop him, Luna.”

I shook my head mutely, my eyes trained on him instead of the monster tormenting me. The pain made my stomach roil, rise up, want to escape.

“This is a dream. It's just a dream. Use your wand, Luna.” His eyes were trained on my face, refusing to look at the atrocities that were being committed to my body. “You have the power here.”

I shook my head again, but then I realized the fingers of my free hand were curled around my wand. The solid weight of it soothed me. I realized was free from the heavy pressure of the werewolf's body, standing apart from him. I didn't know how I got that way. He was coming towards me again, though, and then I spoke the words, and then with a flash of green light, Greyback was motionless on the cold stone floor in front of me.

“Wake now, Luna.” There was a desperate urgency to the red-haired man.

I awoke to the feel of a hand closing around my shoulder- not Fred. I pulled away from the touch and sat up, drawing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I could feel the hot course of tears spilling down my cheeks, my heart beating wildly in my chest as though it was trying to escape.

I was aware of the man beside me, and now that I was awake I knew who he was. I didn't look at him, but I could see his overcoat out of the corner of my eye. He was kneeling on the bed facing me. I didn't want to see the look on his face after he'd seen what I'd seen. No one was supposed to see that. “Did that actually happen?” His voice was thick, heavy, like it was uncomfortable being pushed through his throat.

I unwrapped my right arm from around my knees and held it out to him, and I could almost feel the intensity of his eyes as he stared at it. I felt the gentle swipe of his finger over the mass of thickened scar tissue just above my elbow. Scars on top of scars, a shiny indent from the rest of my skin. “Narcissa Malfoy was good with healing spells.” I stared at the flickering television without really seeing it. “I understand she killed herself.” She'd seen most of what they'd done to me. It was part of her punishment, her fall from grace. Sometimes they would make her stand there, casting the spells on me as...

“Stand up.” His tone was gentle, he seemed afraid that if his voice was any stronger, it would smash me into many tiny pieces, like a teacup dropped on the floor.

I slipped from bed and stood, keeping my eyes on the television. The glowing shapes of people moved quietly across it, paying me no attention.

He walked around the bed to stand in front of me, then moved around behind me. There was a few moments of silence in the dim light of the television. I could feel his eyes moving over me, taking in the things that had been done to me, things that would forever leave their marks on my body. Claws, teeth, magical knives whose wounds healed so slowly. “Has anyone else seen all of this?” I knew what he was looking at, what he was really seeing for the first time in the dimly lit room.

“The Healer at St Mungo's when I was hit on the head.” He'd commented on the scars, asked me how I was still alive. “Fred.” Fred had been there to hear the question, that was the first time I'd seen the rage in his eyes- true rage, not just his day-to-day frustration. I thought for a moment. “Some Muggles and Sirius Black, maybe, although the scars tend to make people's eyes slide away from them.”

He walked back in front of me again. “I can understand that,” he murmured. “It's hard to believe that someone would do the types of things that would have left all of this.” His hand came out, and with one finger, he gently tipped my chin up so I was looking in his eyes. “What happened to the people who did this?” My face was the only place that the network of scars didn't reach. Selwyn had said he wanted to keep me pretty.

My eyes slid away from his and I closed my arms about myself. “Bellatrix Lestrange and Fenrir Greyback are dead. Anders Selwyn and Rodolphus Lestrange are in Azkaban.” Rodolphus Lestrange had freely admitted everything he'd done to me, using my body as a testing site for spells designed to cut and hurt. Selwyn, though, was not, not really. No one else really knew the extent of what and the others had done to me. He was there for assorted acts associated with being a Death Eater.

I could see his frown as I stared over his shoulder, into the darkness of the wall. “Don't hide, Luna. I'm the only one here, and I'm not going to hurt you. Does anyone else know what happened?”

“Daddy does. Some of it, anyway. When he was in Azkaban, they gave him a memory and made him use a pensieve. That's why he's in St. Mungo's right now. His mind couldn't handle watching what they did to me.” I could feel the wetness sliding down my cheeks and fall to land on my breasts. I'd had to wait a week after the final battle to find out where he was. It had taken another few days to arrange his transfer to St. Mungo's. He'd suffered so much. He was still suffering. A sharp jolt of guilt shot through me.

Gideon's hand settled on my shoulder and became a solid weight of reassurance. The skin of his hands wasn't as rough as Fred's- no lingering burn scars from experiments gone sideways- but just as capable. “Do you think you can go back to sleep?”

I shook my head. “I need a cup of tea.” I was never able to get back to sleep after the nightmares stole away my nights.

He followed me down to the kitchen and settled at the table to watch me make myself a cup of tea. “You should show them,” he suggested after a while.

I looked over at him to question who 'them' was. There was a fierceness in his brown eyes- I'd seen the same look on Fred's face when he spoke about the people who used to be friends of mine. “I don't want sympathy, Gideon,” I told him in a sing-song voice while I added sugar to my tea.

His eyes flashed. Rage, frustration, revulsion, but no sympathy. That was good, I would have had to ask him to leave, and I very much didn't want to be alone. “No, but perhaps then they would understand.”

“It wouldn't be understanding. They would think that what happened to me was a reason for me to think I speak to the souls of dead people, not that they would understand that I do actually speak to the souls of dead people.” I sighed and settled down at the table, drawing one knee up to my chest to rest my chin on it. “I miss Fred. Not because there's anything wrong with you, but because we've been sharing space for three years, and now he's not here.”

“I'm better-looking, though.” There was a sly smile on Gideon's face, and it made me smile, too. His expression was touched with a bit of desperation. He knew I wasn't ready to let him comfort me, and so he was teasing me to cheer me up. Fred did that.

“You're so like him.” I looked him over and shook my head. “Fred. And not, at the same time. You're harder than he is, sharper.”

“I am an Auror.” There was a confidence in his words, like that one sentence explained everything.

It did, I supposed. I nodded. There were traces of that same hardness in other Aurors, even in Neville. Dear, kind Neville. “They were just worried about him.” He didn't follow the shift in conversation, his eyes reflecting a question. “Neville. My old friends who came to the door.”

“From all of that,” he waved his hand at me, and I knew he was referring to the scars, “they should be worried about you. How old were you?”

“Sixteen. I was glad not to have my birthday there.” Christmas was already a bad time for me, Mum had died at Christmas. I didn't feel its loss quite so keenly.

I shook my head. I was finished talking about it, I needed to talk about something else so that I could try and bury the memories again in their too-fragile prison. “How do you learn the things you need to learn when you go beyond the Veil?”

He was silent for a moment, considering the topic change. “Someone meets you. A friend, family. They show you what you need to know.”

“Why do you need to know? I don't imagine these skills do you any good beyond the Veil.” I wasn't entirely certain, but I had a good feeling that their presence wasn't limited when they were where they were supposed to be like it was when they were here.

He stared at me for a time, and I could see the thoughts moving behind his eyes. “Some of what we learn are things that we can only do there instead of here. But some time ago, before I died, a great many souls were brought over to this side against their will. They were automatically in a position of weakness, because they didn't have control over their presence. There are rumors that it will happen again. In Fred's particular case... How do you things might have gone for you if he knew how to hold you, how to enter your nightmares and help you?”

“I don't like to think of things in terms of what could have happened,” I replied softly. “How would things have gone for me if Daddy hadn't printed that paper? How would things have gone for me if I'd stayed at the school over Christmas holidays?” I shook my head again. “Thinking like that is a trap that leads to nothing but sadness and regret.”

He looked somewhat irritated, but when he spoke, his voice was still gentle. “Then do you think it will help you going forward?”

I had to nod at that, I didn't even need to take any time to mull it over. I took a long drink of my tea. The warmth spreading down through my stomach helped a little, as though it was embracing me from the inside.

He seemed quite satisfied with my answer. He fell into silence, watching me drink from my steaming mug. After a time, he asked, “Do you think you can sleep now?”

I shook my head. “I'll probably go into work early this morning. I don't... sleep, after the nightmares. I keep seeing it every time I close my eyes. It takes some time to hide the memories again.”

He looked over at me for a time. “Do you want me to hold you? I know I'm not Fred, but I am here.”

I thought about it for a moment. “Would you?” I felt greedy, selfish, but I couldn't help but want the touch of another person. It wasn't fair to have him hold all of my pain against him, but I simply couldn't pass the offer over.

He came around the table and took my hand, pulling me gently to my feet. “Close your eyes.” I did it without any hesitation this time, and I felt him encircle me with his arms. “I think I should go to work with you today.” He didn't breathe, but he was warm. I nestled against him like his warmth would chase away the hurting.

“Why?”

“Between your former friends and your nightmares, I think you could use someone around. They work at the Ministry too, don't they?”

I nodded, moving my head against the overcoat covering his solid chest. I usually didn't see them, but both Harry and Hermione did work at the Ministry. They wouldn't come to level nine, there wasn't any reason to, or any reasonable excuse. Still, it would be nice to have him there with me, a solid, steadying presence. And he would be able to help me with my work.

I did go to work a few hours early, and Gideon came with me. Daphne wasn't even there yet, and the Atrium was quieter than it usually was when I got to work. It was almost pleasant, moving through the large room with so few echoing voices intruding into my head.

We went right down to my office, Gideon making the occasional remark about how things had or hadn't changed. I closed my door and sat down to work, finishing writing out what Gideon had told me the previous day, and how he'd been able to interact with me in my dream.

At length there was a knock on my door. I let Daphne in, and she came and settled in the chair across from me. She looked over my face, the way my shoulders slumped tiredly. “Nightmares?” she asked.

I nodded. “Gideon came to work with me today. He said he doesn't want me to be alone.”

She clasped her hands on the desk and leaned forward. She took command of my desk in much the same way she took command of her own, but that was all right. “Likely for the best. Where is he?”

I pointed to the corner where Gideon was leaning against the wall, reading over files spread open on top of one of my cabinets. She frowned, staring at the space where he was, and watched as one of the pages turned over. “Mr... Prewett?”

He looked up at her, and there was one of the more comfortable grins on his face. “She's very pretty, no wonder Fred fancies her.”

I had to giggle. When she looked a question at me, I relayed what he had said, and I could see her trying rather unsuccessfully to subdue her smile. “Mr Prewett, you're not cleared to be looking at those files.”

“Are you going to stop me?” It wasn't a challenge, not quite.

The smile slipped from her face and she stared at the corner for another few moments, the expression on her face replaced by one of thought. “No, I suppose I'm not.” Her eyes turned back to me. “Luna, I read over the report that you started last night.” I'd finished it that morning when I'd gotten in and submitted it for her approval. “Is that...” She shook her head. “I'm sorry.”

She'd been about to ask me if I meant what I'd written. I knew she tried very hard not to do that, because she thought I faced enough doubt outside of level nine.

“I'm going to touch her.”

She looked alarmed when I told her what he had said. Fred had touched her, of course, in fact he seemed to touch her as often as he could. But this was different, as she was soon going to see. “All right.”

I watched him move around me and the desk and stop beside her. He looked down at her for a moment, and then his hand disappeared. She flinched, and I watched the outline of his hand in the Ministry robes over her shoulder. And then her other shoulder. And he stood there, looking down at her.

Time wore on. “Thank you, Mr Prewett.” The imprints lifted from her shoulders and his hands came back into view. He went back to the corner he'd been in without saying anything else. “This is... concerning. Has there ever been an influx of souls on this side in the past?”

“Yes,” I answered. That's what he'd told me that morning.

She frowned, nodding. “I seem to remember reading something about that, but I don't know... Do you know when?” When I shook my head, her attention turned back to the corner. “Mr Prewett?”

“No. Before the first wizarding war, I believe. It was during this century. I believe it's worth noting that it was done against their will.”

His reply, through me, made her close her eyes for a long moment. “Luna,” she said, looking at me again, “I need you to look through the archives. You too, Mr Prewett, if you wouldn't mind. We need to find out more about this, and you have at least some better idea of what we're looking for.”

“I could ask someone. We have a hard time with keeping track of the passage of time, but it's possible someone will remember a date.”

She stared at me for a moment, considering his words that came out of my mouth. “That would be ideal, but is it...” She closed her eyes for a long moment before opening them and continuing. “I know when you came into work this morning. Is it really a good idea for you to be alone, Luna? I know sometimes the nightmares come back for a few nights in a row.”

I blinked at her. “Whether or not it's a good idea, it happens.”

Her hand tightened into a fist, I could see her fingernails leaving indents in her palm. “We can wait. A few days, until Fred comes back?” It was a question, but she wasn't asking either of us. She stood up and went to the door and stepped out, and I saw her training her head at the floor and frowning. “Longbottom?”


	7. Chapter 7

 I heard him stand up, the rustling scrape of fabric moving up the wall, and he rushed into my office. He grabbed my arm and pushed the sleeve of my robes up over my elbow, and then quite promptly emptied his stomach into my dustbin.

I knew what he had seen. I watched him standing there and staring at me, the ghost of the innocence of the girl I'd been in his kind, hurt-filled eyes. “Which one was it?”

“Greyback was biting your arm as... as...” He leaned over the dustbin and heaved again, but there was nothing left to come out.

The same as my nightmare, then. Even Gideon, in the corner, was looking a little pale at the thought. He'd seen it, too.

“It's fine, though, isn't it? It's still there.” The blank pleasantness, the neutral distance. It wasn't my arm, it was that girl's arm; that girl who had lost her innocence in the basement of Malfoy Manor. She'd been gone for a long time. The sleeve had fallen back over my arm, obscuring the mound of scar tissue left by jagged teeth.

“Luna...” Gideon came over to me and his hand brushed against my shoulder.

“What is this?” Daphne demanded, a cloud of anger whirling around her. She didn't know what was going on, and she didn't like it.

“When my father was sent to St. Mungo's, the memory they'd shown him in Azkaban was moved here as evidence. Neville... Dear Neville...” I watched him for a moment, shaking my head. “You didn't need to see that to understand. Now you know why Daddy doesn't stay here, though. If he stays here, he's trapped with that.”

“There were two of them. I destroyed them. I dropped them on the ground and I stomped on them until they were gone.” He looked up at me, a bright, fierce light in his eyes. “No one should see you go through that, Luna.”

“Destroying them doesn't take away what happened. Nothing can take that away. That's why I hide it. Only I can't hide it lately. It keeps coming up, no matter how hard I try.” I stood up, moving away from everyone. I needed to be alone. I needed Fred. I needed not to be there anymore.

Daphne's eyes had closed, and she'd braced herself on the edge of the desk. “Longbottom, are you telling me you performed unauthorized destruction of evidence? Is that what I'm hearing right now? Because that's what it sounds like.”

I moved away from them all, slipping out of the open door and down the hall. I walked to the lifts and waited until one took me up, away from level nine. The Atrium, I could Disapparate in the Atrium.

I wound up in Hogsmeade. It was still cold in Hogsmeade in the middle of March. I walked up the long path that I'd walked so many times before, I walked until I got to Hogwarts.

I hadn't been back since I'd finished school. It looked the same as it had the last time I had seen it, when the boats had carried us back across the Black Lake. The stone walls stood tall, the corridors wide and filled with movement. Fred had told me that the soul window was here. Here, in the Great Hall, where his brother had stood over his body.

I took off my shoes and my Ministry robes, leaving just the orange dress I was wearing underneath. Fred liked orange. He told me that it made my skin look washed out, but it was his favorite color.

There were students in the Great Hall. I received the same looks from them as I had from other students in years past. There were whispers, murmurs, pointing, questions. I let it all fall around me like I had in the past, closing the echoes out of my ears as best I could.

“Miss Lovegood.” It was Professor Flitwick, my former Head of House and now Deputy Headmaster. At least he had been in my last year of school. He came to a stop just beside me, his face filled with concern as it tipped up to look into mine. “Why are you here- is there something I can help you with?”

I shook my head. “I don't think I can tell you that. There are a number of reasons for that, the very least of which is that I am bound to keep a great many secrets.”

He looked up at me for a long moment. “Are you all right?”

“I'm not. Not at all.” I gave him what I hoped was a smile. “You may wish to alert the Ministry that I'm here. It's a great concern when one of us goes missing, on account of all of the secrets.”

He paused, looking at me. I could see the concern collecting in his eyes like rain in a flower. I'd seen that same look from him through the years I'd attended school, in varying degrees. “Is there anything I can do?”

“I don't think so. Thank you, though. I appreciate the thought.” I went and sat on the very end of the Ravenclaw table. I didn't know exactly where the soul window was, nor even what I was looking for. I didn't even know what I was going to do when I found it. But I had to do something, and I had to not be in my office anymore. I didn't want Neville's sympathy, I couldn't take it. Gideon wasn't Fred, Daphne couldn't express affection. It was all wrong.

Professor Flitwick left. After a moment, I did too. The echo-y noise from the students sitting in the room was starting to assault my head in a painful way, so I got off of the table and walked down to the closed-off lavatory. Most of the Hogwarts ghosts avoided me after I started being able to see souls, and Myrtle was no exception. The lavatory was completely empty. I went and stood in front of the mirror, peering at the pale girl reflected there. She didn't look at all well. There were tired smudges under her eyes and a sort-of resigned, horrified expression on her face, as though she knew she couldn't get away from the things that were chasing her.

There was a soul there, standing behind the girl in the mirror. A man, a blond man. His hair was more golden than my own. His mouth looked like it was used to grinning, but his eyes looked... mercenary, as though he was looking at me and evaluating what use I was to him. He was not the sort of man I wanted to associate with. And yet I stared at him, I couldn't help it.

He stared back, in seeming disbelief. We looked at each other for a moment of eternity, and a calculating smile turned up the corners of his mouth. I'd seen expressions like that before, and they had usually been quite quickly followed by great amounts of physical pain.

And then he was gone, and Neville stood in his place. “Luna. Why did you run away?” He was out-of-breath, like he'd been running.

“I don't want sympathy, Neville, from you or from anyone. Sympathy doesn't change what happened. Sympathy doesn't make it better.”

Helpless frustration swept along behind him like a cloak. “What does make it better?”

I met his eyes in the mirror. “If I knew, it would be better. I only have experience with the things that didn't work.” That wasn't entirely true. I knew one thing that would help, one thing that would ease everything, though not banish it. I couldn't ask for it, though. It had been too long.

He came up behind me and his hands came up to rest on my shoulders. Not just hers, mine as well. It was still odd, feeling the same thing that I saw happening to the girl in the mirror. “Let me help.” He was taller than both Fred and Gideon, I could see his square jaw all the way down to his chin.

I turned away from her, turned towards Neville, and looked up at him. “Are you in very much trouble for destroying those memories?

“Daphne is... Sorting it out. In the meantime, I'm being borrowed again for official Unspeakable business.” When I'd turned, his hands had fallen away. Now he gently gripped my upper arms and peered down at me. “Why did you come here?”

I stared up at him for a moment. “I don't think I can tell you that.”

He nodded. He knew what I was, he knew that I kept secrets. “Let's get you back to the Ministry, Luna. Or home, if you'd rather. Daphne said that you can take the rest of the day off if you need to.”

I shook my head. “I should go back to work. Gideon's probably not very happy with me.”

Neville chuckled. “He was pushing things off of your desk, I think he was trying to show us that he was not very happy.” His arm came around my waist and he drew me gently towards the door. “I'm sorry I didn't believe you, Luna.”

“That's all right, Neville. It's hard to believe the things we have no proof of.” I walked along beside him for a moment. “Was he pushing things off the desk like a cat?”

He chuckled again, and his arm tightened around my waist for a moment. “Thank you for that; now every time I picture Gideon, I'm going to picture something like Crookshanks, only with Weasley-red fur.”

I answered seriously, despite his light-heartedness. “He looks like George, just a little shorter and a little broader.” I thought for a moment. “His face looks a lot like George's, and he's built like Charlie. And he's got that hardness in his eyes, the one that comes from being an Auror.” I looked up at him for a moment, before turning back to face forward to concentrate on where I was walking. “You have that now too, Neville.”

“Hardness?” He turned to look at me, some surprise in his eyes.

“Like you've seen things that were hard to see and done things that were hard to do.”

He remained silent, but I already knew what the truth was. Even before he'd seen the memory, he'd seen things that most people didn't have to.

We walked far enough out of Hogwarts to Apparate back to the Ministry. When we reached Daphne's office, Gideon's pointed look at me made me realize that Neville still had his arm around me. I was greedy for the touch, though, I wanted it there.

“Spook Duty,” Gideon said.

“Spook Duty?” I echoed, and I was echoed by Daphne.

“Have Daphne tell the Minister that Longbottom needs to be put on Spook Duty.”

“Daphne, you need to talk to the Minister about having Neville put on Spook Duty.”

“I can do that.” Her fingernails tapped against the paper covering her desk. “What is it, exactly?”

“It's an old position that was largely ceremonial and went out of favor in the first wizarding war, so more of us could get into the field. Longbottom will have to make some Unbreakable Vows, of course, but it will attach him to the Unspeakables for as long as you need him, and it will mean that he is subject to the same laws as Unspeakables.”

I related the information. Our laws meant that anyone who wanted to say that we were doing something that wasn't allowed had the onus of proving that whatever we had done wasn't necessary for our work. And since most of what we did was sensitive information, it was basically impossible. We policed ourselves, and the Unbreakable Vows we took were to ensure that we didn't abuse the letter of our law.

Like Neville was about to do. “Wouldn't that be going against our Vow?”

She shook her head, a very satisfied look coming over her face. “No. The state of your father's soul is an Unspeakable matter, as is the process of how he became the way he is. If what Longbottom saw is what caused your father to become this way, then the destruction of the memories would protect an Unspeakable matter.” She looked at Neville for a long moment, her hands coming to fold in front of her. “You're in an awkward position. If you don't do this, I will have no choice but to Obliviate you. You'll lose the memories of what you saw, of the discussion we're having right now, and of the interaction you had with Luna that led you to seek out what you saw. If you don't want to be Obliviated, you're not leaving this office until you make an Unbreakable Vow.” Her office was enchanted the same way mine was, she could ensure that he didn't leave.

Before I had too long to think about how I would feel if Neville went back to not being my friend again, he spoke. “I'll do it. I'll take the Vows.” His other arm came around me, holding me against him. I reveled in the embrace.

One black eyebrow arched. “You're certain? We're talking about a series of Unbreakable Vows, Longbottom. This isn't ceremonial, you already have sensitive information. I would suggest taking some time to think about this.”

He shook his head. “No, I don't need to take any time. I'll do it.”

“How very Gryffindor of you.” She was smiling, though, to take the sting out of her words. Most of the Unspeakables were former Ravenclaws or Slytherins. Some of the same qualities that had placed us in our Houses, made us well-suited to this line of work. “I intend to put you to work. It looks like there's going to be some time spent digging through the archives, and an extra pair of eyes will be beneficial. Rather more boring than what you're used to doing, I'm sure.”

His jaw was set. “Whatever you need, Greengrass.”

“Very well. I'm going to go up and insist I have a meeting with the Minister. This may take some time. Can I trust you to go directly into Luna's office if I let you out of here?”

“I can make sure he doesn't run,” Gideon said. “Although if he's Frank and Alice's son, I don't think that's going to be necessary.”

Daphne stared at me for a long moment after I'd told her that, a long-reaching worry in her eyes. “Very well.”

We went into my office and she went towards the lift to go up and speak to Minister Shacklebolt.

When Gideon realized that I was content to lean against Neville, he sat down in my chair. “Longbottom- looks a lot like Alice Longbottom.” It was a thread of the same thing he'd hinted at just seconds ago.

I nodded. “She was his mother.”

“Was? She hasn't moved beyond the Veil.” I shook my head, I didn't feel like I could speak to that. “He should sleep in your flat tonight.”

I was so used to relaying the conversation automatically, I had to check myself to stop from telling Neville what he'd said. “Why?”

“I want to speak with him. If he sleeps in your flat, I can still be on hand if you have nightmares, but I can enter his dreams and speak with him as well. You have a spare room.”

I did tell Neville what Gideon had said then, and he peered down at me, then across to my chair, where I indicated Gideon was sitting. “All right.” He was leaning against one of my filing cabinets and had me pulled against him, his arms loosely around me. I was content to stay there, soaking up the physical contact. “I have a bag in my locker I can bring, if you want me to go home with you after work.”

“That's fine.”

“I don't know... Gideon can hear me, obviously, but I can't hear him. How do I...” A look up at his face showed confusion. “I don't want to be rude, Gran raised me better than that.”

“Speak to him. He can hear you. He'll speak through me, usually I relate exactly what he says, unless he also has something to say to me.” At least, that was what Fred preferred, and Gideon wasn't raising any objection. “It's a little slower to speak this way, but if you have enough patience, you can have a conversation.”


	8. Chapter 8

 The nightmares came back that night. And the same red-haired man was there, watching me, telling me to use my wand to save myself. This time it was Bellatrix Lestrange that fell to the green light.

And when I woke, it was to a familiar voice. “Wake up, Luna.” Fred!

I opened my eyes and sat up to see him sitting on the edge of the bed. He was worried, but he was happy to see me. I wished I could throw my arms around him and hold him. “I missed you,” I said instead.

“I missed you too, love. There's been a lot happening here, though- I go away for a few days and there's a Longbottom in the spare room, my girl is having nightmares, and my uncle has taken my place in my bed?”

A look over showed that Gideon was sitting beside me, and he gave me a reassuring smile. “It was easier that time.” He was referring to my dream.

I thought about it. “It was.” It hadn't been such a struggle for me to take control of what was going on.

My voice must have roused Neville, because he came into the room, his wand held before him. “You all right?”

I nodded. “Fred's back!” I exclaimed happily. I was so excited that the feeling took over my body and I had to express it physically to let it all out. I pulled myself out of bed and went over to hug him in my excitement, just because I had to hug someone, and he was the only one with a solid enough body for me to do so.

“Luna.” Fred sounded amused. “Longbottom's not exactly used to the state of dress you use for sleeping.”

I became aware that while Neville's arms had closed around me in return, they were looped around my shoulders, and he was holding himself as much apart from me as he could. I pulled back and looked up at him. “Does it bother you?”

“What?” His eyes were trained over the top of my head, to the far wall. There was extra color in his face and his ears were almost glowing pink.

“My being naked.”

“I wouldn't say it bothers me...” He cleared his throat. “I'm just not used to, er...” he trailed off, and I felt his hands move off my back and gesture at me. “This.”

Fred was laughing. “Tell me he's still a virgin.” I didn't bother sharing that with him.

“It's a little unexpected,” Gideon said in defense of the living Auror. “I was a bit surprised- it's too bad no one had thought to warn me.” I could hear the pointedness of his tone.

I slipped away from Neville, far enough away that I didn't have to put a cramp in my neck to look up at him. He was much taller than Gideon and Fred. “Did you have a chance to talk to Gideon?”

“Yes.” His eyes drifted down to mine, and then snapped right back up again, much to Fred's amusement. “He wants me to stay here with you while he goes back.”

“I'll be returning to you,” Gideon cut in from behind me. “I just need to see if I can find out anything about the large collection of souls that were here before. Daphne's right, it could become a problem.”

Neville waited until my attention returned to him before continuing. “I can't believe that no one having these dreams would believe it's anything else. I've never... I've never had a dream like that before.”

I nodded. “There are complications to that, of course. One is that the soul has to know where to go, and they have to be able to see the person that they want to enter the dreams of. They can't just pop up here anywhere they like, they have to come through the soul window and that's in Hogwarts.” Things I'd learned from Fred and Gideon.

Comprehension lit his eyes. “Which is why you were there yesterday.”

I nodded. “And if you hadn't known that it was what it was, would you have considered that it was Gideon entering your dreams, or would you just have rejected it out of hand as a strange dream?”

He looked down at me for a time, meeting my eyes as he considered the question. “I'm not sure.”

“Smart man,” Fred said from behind me. He seemed to be in a better mood than he had been in some time. There wasn't as much guilt and frustration coming from him. I'd missed him, but maybe it was beneficial that he'd gone beyond the Veil. “Are you getting back to sleep tonight?”

It was my turn to take a moment and think. “I don't think so. I think I'm going to go and have some tea.”

I felt his hand brush over my hip. “You might want to put something on, Luna, or poor Longbottom is going to have a fit.”

I looked up at Neville, who had fixed his eyes on a spot on the wall again. “I'm going to go down and have some tea. Would you like some?”

The question seemed to shock him. “What time is it?”

“Close to three.” One of the things I'd picked up during my incarceration in the Malfoy basement was an impeccable sense of time. I lost track of the passage of time quite easily, but when I thought about it, I always knew when I was.

“You're not... Going back to sleep?” He was looking at me again, seeming quite surprised that I was giving up on rest at this hour.

“I find it very hard to sleep after I've had a nightmare. I keep seeing it, behind my eyes.” I picked up the orange dress from the floor where I'd left it when I went to bed, and slipped it back on.

“You'll get dressed for him, will you?” Gideon asked. His tone said he was half-teasing, he seemed to be in a better mood since Fred reappeared as well.

“Fred usually has good ideas.” I moved past Neville, headed out to my kitchen.

He followed along after me, as did the two souls. “Why don't you take dreamless sleep potions if you have this much trouble with nightmares?”

“Because then they come to me when I'm awake. At least this way, they don't really interrupt my work, or put me in compromising positions in awkward locations.” It had happened once in the middle of the Great Hall at Hogwarts. That had been rather unpleasant. “Tea?”

“He told me about his parents,” Gideon informed me, leaning against the wall. Neville had taken the only other seat that was pulled out.

I moved the other two chairs away from the table so they could be sat in as well and started making tea. “What did you say?”

“That he should let them go. That the Frank and Alice I knew- and I knew them rather well- wouldn't want to be trapped like that.”

I nodded. “I know.” I held the kettle under the faucet, watching it fill with cold water.

“He told me about your father too.”

“Uncle Gideon,” came Fred's warning.

A warning that was ignored. “How often does he come back, that you keep him tethered in a useless body?” His tone was gentle, even though his words weren't.

“Gideon!” “What's going on?” Both said at the same time, the first almost hostile and the second concerned.

I put the kettle on the range and sat down on the floor right where I was, covering my ears. “Too much,” I said. “Too much at once.”

Fred came and knelt in front of me and held his hands up between us. As I looked up at him, his hands and arms disappeared, and then I felt them close around my wrists. He gently pulled my hands away from the sides of my head.

At the same time, Neville came over to where I was. He went to touch my shoulder and encountered Fred's arm, and leaped back with a yell. “Fuck me!” he exclaimed, staring at me in astonishment. “Was that Fred?”

I didn't get a chance to answer. “Listen to me, Luna.” Gideon was in front of me, too, kneeling down. “You visit your father because you don't want to be alone, right? You want someone to touch you and tell you that they care about you.” He gestured around, including himself, Fred, and Neville who was now standing on the other side of the table and watching me warily. “Fred is touching you right now. Mr Longbottom was reaching for you, I've held you. You're not alone, Luna. You're not. Let him go. That's no way for anyone to live.”

I closed my eyes against the wash of wetness that spilled down from my eyes, but it came anyway.

“Can I come close now?” Neville asked. The hands holding my wrists released me, and in a moment, I felt an entirely separate pair of hands close around my waist and lift me gently to my feet. Strong hands, compassionate hands. Neville's hands.

I opened my eyes in time to see him pull me against him. “What is it?” he asked gently, his arms settling comfortably around my waist as through the dip in the small of my back was meant for them.

“I'm scared,” I told him, told all of them, my voice small and almost lost in the space of the room. “I'm scared that if I let Daddy go, none of you are going to stay. Everyone leaves.”

“Is that what they were talking about?” he asked. His voice rode on a hard edge, he wasn't exactly pleased.

“Not me, mate,” Fred muttered, even though Neville couldn't hear him.

“No one is leaving,” Neville said firmly, raising a hand to stroke over my long hair. “Fred came back, didn't he? And Gideon's coming back. Daphne would use an Unforgivable on me if I abandoned you.”

“Too right she would,” came from Fred. “You know he's right, love. I'm here now.”

Neville stiffened against me like he was working on something uncomfortable. After a time, he said, “Come and stay with me. I can't leave if you're living in my house, can I? Fred and Gideon too, of course. I've got loads of room at my house, and it's quiet out there.”

“It's very complicated for me to move.” The flat would have to be unenchanted, and then considerable time would have to be spent enchanting the new house. And it would be made more complicated if the new house wasn't mine, and I was actually just staying there.

“Then I'll come and live here with you. And Fred. And Gideon.” I heard the wry tone, the smile in his voice. “Bit cramped with four of us, but at least only two of us would share the loo.”

There were two very similar snickers from behind me. I felt a hand settle on my back, above where Neville's arms were wrapped again around my waist. “I think it's a good idea.” Gideon said.

“Do you?” Fred scoffed. “You just got here.”

“You think it's not?” Gideon shot back.

“I didn't say that.”

Listening to them bicker comforted me, somehow. Bickering meant family. Bickering in front of me meant they included me in their family. I smiled, reaching up to wipe the lingering trails of wetness from my face. “They think it's a good idea.”

Neville's chest moved up and down in a sigh. “What do you think, Luna? It's your flat. You're the one who's going to have to put the toilet seat down, because I'm rubbish at that. Gran raised me up proper, but seven years living in a dorm with all boys gave me bad habits.”

“I don't know that you're prepared to live with me, Neville. I sleep naked, and I walk around naked at night, and I have nightmares, and I tend not to clean until someone reminds me that my flat is very untidy. I eat stew for dinner most nights because it's hard to burn stew, and I'm selfish and needy.” I tilted my head back to look in his eyes, brown pools of kindness.

His jaw was set in a very determined way. I'd seen that look before, especially during his last year at Hogwarts. “I'll adjust. It may take some time to sell the house, but I can move in as soon as you'll let me. I'll pay rent.”

I shook my head. “You don't need to. I was given a lot of money for the things that happened to me.” And there was more waiting for me when Daddy died, for what had been done to him. “Think about it, Neville. Really think about it.”

“And when I do, and I reaffirm that this is something I need to do, what then?” There was a finality in his voice. He wasn't going to spend much more time thinking about it, no matter what I said, just like he hadn't taken any time to think about Spook Duty.

“How long?” I asked him, dropping my gaze to stare at the center of his chest. He didn't sleep with a shirt on either, although he did have pajama trousers. “How long would you stay?”

“Until you realize that you're not alone.”

I shook my head, my nose practically brushing against his bare skin. “That could be a very long time. What of your own family?”

“Gran? She'll keep.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “I don't imagine I'll see her any less than I do now.”

“Dating and girlfriends and things. I expect you'll want to have sex with someone at some point.” I shook my head again. “I don't imagine another witch would be terribly understanding about you seeing someone else naked. Or living with me at all, naked or not.” My reputation might make things difficult for him, and I wasn't sure he entirely understood that.

“Daphne doesn't care,” came from behind me, across the room. Fred sounded particularly amused. Daphne knew exactly how I lived, she'd been to visit me many times.

“Daphne wouldn't date Neville.” I turned my head so that it would be easier for him to hear me. “Hermione and Harry came to see me while you were gone; I don't suppose someone like Hermione would be very understanding. I believe there are a lot more witches like Hermione than there are like Daphne.”

“Why did they come here?” Fred sounded irritated. He didn't have a whole lot of fondness for them anymore, he'd been there that day at the hospital.

At the same time Neville said, “Let me worry about my own love life, all right?”

I clapped my hands over my ears again. I felt the hand leave my back, and then Gideon gripped my wrists and pulled them gently away from my head.

“Why do you do that?” the blond Auror in front of me asked, again concerned.

I shook my head, eyes tightly shut. “It's the echo. You have two voices, and then when someone else speaks, it's like three people are talking at the same time. It doesn't fit properly in my ears.”

“You don't have this problem with Daphne.” His concern was almost an embrace on its own, reaching out to fold me into its warmth.

“We did at first. She learned.” It hadn't taken very long, she was very observant.

“I'll learn too.” Neville's hands closed gently around my upper arms. “Are you going to let me stay here?”

I could stop him if I wanted to, make him leave my flat and never let him back in. But... I didn't really want to. I was worried, of course, worried about what would happen when he realized that I wasn't a very good flatmate.

“Say yes,” Gideon urged me quietly. “Give him a chance to prove himself, to make it up to you. He wants to be here for you.”

I nodded. “Yes,” I whispered. I hoped very much that I wouldn't regret it.


	9. Chapter 9

I went outside onto my balcony to send an owl to Daphne as soon as the sun came up, telling her that Fred was back. I knew that she would want to know right away. The sun wasn't really out, it was still gray, but it was lighter gray than it had been when I'd woken up.

Neville watched my owl fly away. “Why didn't you send a Patronus?” he asked, a strange look on his face.

It was chilly, and I wrapped my arms around my torso to try and keep them from getting too cold. “I can't cast a Patronus anymore. You need focus on intensely happy memories for those, and I find it's very hard for me to do so.” We could keep talking about this inside. I opened the sliding glass doors that separated my balcony- where my owl lived- from my flat.

“I saw you cast one at the last battle,” I heard from behind me as he came over to the open door.

“Three years ago,” Fred chastised him, which I didn't bother relating.

I turned back to look at him for a moment. “I was quite happy to have been rescued. It was harder to be happy after that.” I stepped inside, followed quickly by Neville and Fred. Gideon had waited for us inside, there really wasn't room for the four of us out on the small balcony.

When we came back in, he stood up from where he'd been seated on one of my soft lounge chairs, watching us through the transparent glass. His brown eyes, just like Fred's, moved over me for a long moment. He seemed to be hesitating about saying something. “I'm going to leave now.” My heart sank. I knew he was going to leave, and it still made me very sad. He caught the expression on my face, and he came over to me. He took my hands in his, lifting them between us, and his hands disappeared. “I'll be back as soon as I can.” He was frowning, his expression sincere. “I promise I'm coming back,” he told me fervently, his eyes on mine.

I nodded. When I saw the rest of his body begin to fade away, I knew what was going to happen. Still, he told me to close my eyes, and that he was going to put his arms around me. I clutched to the front of his overcoat. I'd become quite fond of him in the short time he'd been with me. I was going to miss him a lot.

I heard the glass door slide shut, and then, “That looks so strange,” from Neville.

“Too right,” Fred agreed, which I passed along.

“What, he- I mean, you- can't see Luna cuddling Gideon?” He was still getting used to talking to someone he couldn't see.

I felt something I hadn't felt in a very long time. I felt the unmistakable press of soft, smooth skin on my temple- a kiss. Tender, warm; no one had kissed me like that in longer than I could remember. There had been kisses, of course, the Muggles in their acts of passion had claimed my mouth, left their damp trails along my skin. Nothing like this.

And then he was gone, and all that was left was the single tear slipping silently down my face. I sat down on the end of my chaise longue, my eyes focused on the floor in front of me.

“What did he do?” Fred demanded. “So help me, uncle or not, if he hurt you-”

“He kissed me,” I whispered.

“You're breaking my heart,” Neville said, and I felt the furniture shift as he sat down beside me. “How did we let you...”

“Your guilt...” I sighed and looked up into his brown eyes. I could see the guilt there, threatening to overtake him. “It's like a monster, Neville. It wants to eat you. It wants to consume you. You can't let it. I can't live with you if you let the guilt eat you. Fred has guilt, too, but it's not going to eat him. It goes away sometimes, and that's how I can live with him.” I reached up and touched him, ran my finger down along his jaw. He hadn't shaved yet that morning, the bristles in his skin were rough under the pad of my finger. “Things happened, a lot of things happened. You've apologized, I've forgiven you. You've got to forgive yourself. The things that happened, the past... It's behind us, and we can only move ahead from here.”

“That's the second time you've voluntarily touched him,” Fred observed. Out of habit, I told Neville what he'd said.

Neville was wearing the frown again. “You don't touch people?”

“She doesn't even shake hands, mate.”

I relayed that, and added, “Daddy. I take his hand, because he can't move it on his own. But no one else that I can touch is safe.”

“I'm safe?”

I looked up into his eyes. Guilt had been replaced by hope, and I nodded. The smile that broke out on his face was warm enough that it lit up my entire flat. He watched me for a moment, and then he took my hand, pulling it down from his face. “Sometimes the past keeps coming back, though.” His smile dimmed a little. “I need to see them, Luna, to tell them what's happening before I can say goodbye.” He ducked his head. “I know they don't understand, but I need...”

Looking at him, I knew what he was talking about. I dropped my eyes down to where my hand was engulfed in his. “I do, too. I need to... I need to talk to him before I say goodbye. Monday, we can start the process on Monday.”

“Why don't you come with me to my flat to help me pack? Then this afternoon we can go to St. Mungo's, and then you'll have a day tomorrow before we have to go back to work.”

“I think that's a good idea, especially since we didn't go to the cinema yesterday,” Fred agreed, and I told Neville.

“Where is Fred?” Neville asked. I pointed to where my best friend was still standing over by the balcony doors, and Neville looked up to where I'd indicated him. “Why is that?”

“Luna doesn't get out much. It's hard, of course, there aren't a lot of places that don't give her a headache, but if she just goes between work and here for too long, it tends to make her withdraw into herself some more.”

“Headache?” Neville peered at me, concerned again. “From the noise of so many people talking at once?”

I nodded. “I was doing all right before...”

Fred shook his head impatiently. “I know. But it's been a while, and then a whole mess of things happened at once, and now we're here. Get out for a bit, Luna. No expectations, no work, no responsibilities.”

“When you're listening to Fred, your focus shifts, just a little.” The blond Auror in front of me was observing this out loud, not really talking to me.

I relayed what Fred said and then asked “Are you going to come with us?”

“Do you want me to come to St. Mungo's with you?” I could hear the reluctance in his voice. He would if I needed him to, but I knew he didn't want to. I couldn't blame him.

I told Neville what Fred had asked, and added, “It's very difficult for Fred to come with me and see the souls trapped like that.”

“Will I do?” Neville asked while I was thinking about the answer. “I'm not Fred, I know, but I'll be there for you if you let me.”

I looked between them, and nodded slowly. Neville was going to be there already, and it would save Fred from the pain that going to see the trapped souls meant for him. “Where will you go instead?”

“See George. I'll be back tonight.” He came over to me, and his hand brushed across my shoulders. “I've never held you, not where you could feel it. Can I?”

I slipped my hand from Neville's and stood up, closing my eyes without hesitation. In a moment, I felt my best friend pull me into his arms. He held me, and everything felt all right. He'd never held me while he was still alive, but this felt familiar, somehow. It felt like home. I slipped my arms around him, sliding them against the rich cotton that made up his shirt. “You're crying again, aren't you?” There was a wry twist in his voice, he already knew what the answer was.

I nodded, feeling the wetness slip down my face. “It's not pain.”

“Good.”

“You're... You're not going to be around as much, especially when Gideon gets back.” It wasn't a question, I was making an observation. I knew he wasn't. If he was able to touch me like this, he'd be able to touch George like this. And Daphne...

“I'm not leaving you.” His voice was a thick mutter, lost in my hair. “I love you, Luna.”

“I know. I love you too.” I did. He had a whole house full of siblings, but he was maybe the closest thing to a brother that I'd ever had.

And then he was gone, too, vanished the same way Gideon had. I opened my eyes. Neville had quietly left us, I could hear him moving about the spare room. I went to my own room, and got changed into some clean clothes. I met him in the kitchen; he was dressed and ready to go. “We'll get some breakfast on the way to my house, if that's all right.”

Breakfast. I hadn't eaten, yet. “That's fine.”

We stopped somewhere close to his house for tea and pastries- coffee for him- and then he was showing me where he lived. It was raining at his house in Yorkshire, and he quickly ushered me up the garden path and through his front door.

It was a nice house. It was the kind of house that was meant for a small family, and it had the air of being left alone for most of the time. “You're not here often,” I observed, walking through the living room, running my hand along the back of the brown sofa. “This isn't really home for you, is it?”

I could feel him watching me as I looked out the living room window. “It's not. I'm... not. Here often, I mean. Long hours. And it's a bit lonely here, you know? I get out with the lads a lot. Which reminds me...” I turned towards him to see him take out his wand and sent off a Patronus, a small, four-legged animal that looked a bit like an otter.

“What is it?” I asked, staring curiously as it ran once around the room and then disappeared through the wall.

“Mongoose.” He ducked his head as he said it, a flush of his humility coloring his skin.

“You've become quite a bit better at that since you left school.” I smiled at him.

He still wasn't very good at taking compliments, though. He gave me a shy smile and gestured towards the small table sitting between the living room and the kitchen. “Sit down so we can eat.”

I looked down at the take-away cup of tea that was still in my hand, I'd almost forgot it was there. I went to sit down at the table, pulling out a padded wooden chair and settling myself into it. “Am I ruining your plans for the day?”

He shrugged, not quite meeting my eyes as he brought the paper bag of pastries over and set it gently in front of me. “Not really. Some of the Aurors were going to go to watch Quidditch today.”

“I can't take over your life, Neville,” I told him in a sing-song voice.

“You're not. I'm perfectly happy to get out with my other friends if they want, after I finish moving.” He looked at me for a long moment from where he was sitting down on the other side of the table. He levitated a couple of plates over and divided up the food on them, sliding my Danish over in front of me. “You mentioned that Hermione and Harry came to see you- Hermione came to talk to me at work, too. It's...” He waved his hand in a frustrated fashion, shaking his head. “I'm sorry.”

I knew he wasn't apologizing for her. “It's all right.” I looked down at my tea for a moment before taking a drink. I had a pretty good idea what she'd said to him. Motivated by her care for him, she worried that I would hurt him. They underestimated him, much the same way they underestimated me. I could understand that, everything had ridden solely on their shoulders for so long.

“It's not.” He reached across the table and put his hand on my wrist. “It's not. I'm not the one who needs their concern right now. I'm all right. The first little while, it was hard. You were there at school that year, it wasn't easy. Things happened... But no one... No one...” He paled, he looked like he might vomit, he was thinking about what he'd seen happen to me again.

I met his eyes squarely. “Don't compare what we went through. No matter who you are, there's always someone you can perceive as having gone through worse.” I shrugged. “I wasn't made to torture my friends, children younger than myself. I don't imagine I would have dealt with that very well.”

“No.” He looked angry. I'd rarely seen Neville angry, but it was there now in the flash of his eyes and the sudden bloom of color in his cheeks. “No. No one else I know went through anything like what I saw. And we all had each other. Seamus was there with me. And Ginny. And Parvati. And when we came out of it, we all recovered together. But no one went through what you went through, and no one was there after.”

“Fred-”

He continued on, cutting me off. His dark eyes were hard on mine, trapping me in his fierce gaze. “When you were naked this morning in your flat, I couldn't look at you. Not just because you were naked; witches are all generally witch-shaped when you get their clothes off.” More bright color flooded his face, like he was going to start glowing. “I've seen things, I helped track down some of the last Death Eaters. You mentioned the hardness in my eyes, it's there for a reason. But I've never seen anyone alive with all of this.” Three blunt-tipped fingers, warm from his coffee cup, traced the parallel scars that ran from up my forearm, from my wrist nearly to my elbow, pushing the sleeve of my jumper up with them. “It's hard to look at, and I'm sorry. You survived. But you've been mostly alone, and you've never been able to get past just surviving, to living again. And that means that if they make me choose between being there for someone who is so desperate for human contact that she willingly touched the first person in who knows how long who showed her a little bit of decency and kindness, and people who've done most, if not all of their recovering, I'm going to choose the person who needs me.” His hand closed around my elbow. “You-”

He was cut off by a rather insistent knock at the door. He looked in the direction of the stairs down to the foyer. In just a moment, the noise was repeated, escalated to a pounding. “Fucking hell.”

My eyes widened a little as I stared at him. “I've never heard you swear before. I mean, you did earlier, but I never heard you swear when I used to know you.”

“Something I've picked up.” He got his feet just as the door opened.

“Neville?” Harry. Harry sounded worried. “Neville, are you home?”

“Upstairs.” He let go of my arm and turned to face the stairs.

I heard the muffled footfalls as Harry ran up the gray-carpeted stairs, and he paused when he got to the top, staring between Neville and I. I noticed that Neville shifted until he was mostly standing between us. “Why are you pounding on my door at this hour of the morning?” He was still angry, I could see the flush at the back of his neck, but he kept his voice calm.

“I got your message.” Harry didn't sound very happy, either. I couldn't see the green eyes, nor the glasses that covered them, but I could imagine the spark of anger burning behind them.

“And telling you that I had a change of plans and wasn't going to come watch Quidditch today warranted charging over here and banging at my door?” It was an accusation more than it was a question. “Bursting into my house like I'm some kind of criminal?”

“Something happened, Neville.” Worry, concern, and buried deep underneath was a little thread of guilt. “Robards told me last night that you've been moved to Spook Duty?” It came out as a question. “It's been... Thirty years since someone did Spook Duty, it's an empty position. Something is going on.”

“I've been reassigned.” The reply- clipped, terse. Neville was telling Harry with his tone that Harry's presence here was unwelcome. “That's what's going on.”

Which Harry promptly ignored. “Right,” came the incredulous reply. “You're a good Auror. I don't want your talents wasting away in an empty position where you won't actually _do_ anything.”

“I can't discuss it, Harry, but it's not an empty position.”

“No, Hermione looked into it. Apparently the 'Department of Mysteries Auror Support Team' was started to help protect the Unspeakables from Grindelwald. Then when he was gone, it was somewhere to shuffle off the pensioners until they actually wanted to retire.” Harry took a deep breath like he did when he was trying to calm himself down. “Grindelwald is long gone and you are nowhere close to being a pensioner. So what the fucking hell is a good Auror like you doing in a nothing position?”

Neville folded his arms. “I don't have to justify a promotion to you. Is that what this is, you're bogged down with Robard's paperwork because you're the future Head of the Aurors and I got a promotion?”

“It's not...” He was raising his voice. Harry shouted when he was angry. I appreciated that he was making the effort to stop, shouting with the echo was terribly unpleasant for me. “Luna just happens to be here, sitting at your table.” He shifted, and suddenly I could feel his hard stare around Neville's arm. I was watching Neville's body as he interacted with his friend.

Neville shook his head. I could see the set of tension in his shoulders, even under his jumper. “Luna's my friend. You used to be friends with her too, in case you forgot.”

Harry paused, and his attention turned back to Neville. “You know she killed someone, right? The killing curse.”

From what I could see, Neville didn't react to the news. “Luna's in the Department of Mysteries, Harry. I would assume that if she killed someone, it was necessary for her to do so.”

“In the lobby of St. Mungo's,” Harry pressed, as though where I'd done it had mattered.

“I destroyed some photographs too, are you forgetting that part?” I asked softly, my fingers curling around my wand. “Everyone seems to forget that part.” I was fairly certain I wasn't going to have to use it, Neville would keep me from needing to. It comforted me, though, the smooth solid pressure of it against my fingers.

“And then you sat near the body and smiled.” I could hear the tremor in Harry's voice as he addressed me, remembering that day.

I nodded. “And then you, Hermione, and Ron tried to have me admitted to the Janus Thickey Ward. I'm just lucky Fred was able to get Daphne to come to the hospital.”

“Fred is _dead_ , Luna. Dead.”

“Of course he is.” This always seemed to come up, as though I had insisted even once that Fred was anything other than what he was.

“What are you doing here, Harry?” Neville sounded tired now. He wanted the altercation to be over with. I did as well, but it was his house. He needed to make that decision. I couldn't make Harry leave.

“She does nothing but hurt people. I don't want her to hurt you.” Harry's voice softened quite a bit, laced heavily with concern.

“Luna hurt me?” He glanced back at me, face filled with incredulity. “Luna hurt  _me_ ? Are you completely mad?” He came to my side, turning his back on Harry. “Show him,” he urged me, just like Gideon had as he sank down into a crouch.

I shook my head, clutching my arms to me. My blue jumper was soft, still a little damp from the rain outside, and I slid the sleeve back down to cover my arm before Harry could see anything. “I don't want sympathy. I don't want him thinking that what I've been through is an excuse for my perceived madness.”

He smiled, but there was a pointed lack of humor present. “And, of course, Fred is an Unspeakable matter.” Frustration lurked in his warm brown eyes.

I nodded. “There's good reason for that. It wouldn't matter if he wasn't, Neville, we've had that conversation before.”

“Hello, still here.” Harry sounded somewhat put out at being ignored.

“About that...” Neville looked over his shoulder to the other wizard. “I think it's time for you to leave. We have a lot to do today.”

Harry looked like he was going to protest. “I'll be in touch.” It sounded a bit like a warning. “Be careful.” After another look at me, he went down the stairs and left, and I heard the door open and shut.

I took my wand from my dress pocket and cast _Homenum Revelio_. We were alone. “It's true,” I answered the unasked question on Neville's face. “I killed someone. Daveth Travers. The photographs he was carrying were photographs he took of... of me, and Anders Selwyn. He was going to show them to Daddy, he made mention of selling them to the Daily Prophet as well. He always did like to talk a lot.” I shook my head. “All he did was talk, though, so he wasn't so bad. But he took exception to me trying to take the photographs away, and I had to stop him from hurting anyone else.”

Neville looked up at me, eyes searching mine like he was looking for the truth. “So you killed a former Death Eater who was trying to torture an innocent man, and Harry thinks you're somehow dangerous to me?”

“I think Harry wanted me to let the Aurors deal with it. And of course, the method I used.” I thought for a moment. “And the smile. I don't think anyone is supposed to be happy to kill someone. Harry wasn't happy to kill Voldemort.” I traced my finger along the crease in the tablecloth. “I was. He hurt Daddy, and he was trying to hurt him again.” I drew my knees up to my chest, resting my heels on the edge of the chair seat, and wrapped my arms around them.

“I don't think life can be separated into black and white like that. I can't say I wouldn't have been happy if I was the one to kill Bellatrix Lestrange.” He straightened, drawing himself to his full height, and held out his hand. After a moment I took it, slipping my fingers across his palm. He pulled me gently upright, I slid my feet to the floor to let him. “Are you all right?”

“It keeps coming up, Neville. During the day. Normally no one reminds me I killed someone, or asks me about what happened, or talks about anything. But they have, lately, and I don't really like it.” My fingers dug into his warm hand. “I need to be able to get away from the memories to hide them again. I can't... I can't get away when it keeps coming up.”

He looked down at me for a long moment, and I could see the ideas moving through his mind. “I'm going to leave all of the furniture and things here, I don't think there's going to be any room for it in your flat. I'll need my clothes, of course. Some books. I've got a couple of plants I'd like to bring with me, they'll fit out on your balcony as long as no one else goes out there.” He smiled down at me.

I smiled gratefully in return. I knew what he was doing. Focus, he was giving me something concrete to focus on. “I think Nargle would appreciate it.”

His eyes widened. “Nargle?”

“My owl.”

His smile spread across his face until he was chuckling. “If I get you a trunk, do you think you can pack some clothes? I need to get my plants ready to move.”

“Of course.” He still had possession of my hand, and he led me down the hall to the last room on the left. It was his room, obviously, but he hadn't taken the time to make his room really reflect him, either. In just a short time he brought me a trunk, and I started levitating his clothes neatly into it from his wardrobe. It was nice to have something to do that wasn't work, or moving around my house. The steady motion didn't really occupy my mind, but it was strangely soothing.

After a while, Neville appeared in the doorway. “All right, Luna?”

I nodded. “Just about done, I expect.” I looked up and gave him a small smile. “I thought that I'd miss Fred more today; he went away right after he came back. But I like you, Neville, I think I've missed you more.” I looked up into his face, searching his eyes for the answer to my next question. “Does that make me a bad friend?”

“I don't think so. We were close before, at school and everything.” There was a shine of guilt in his kind eyes.

“No guilt,” I told him firmly. “The past is long behind us.”

“Right.” I saw his Adam's apple move when he swallowed. “And it's good to have more than one friend.” He smiled. “Thank you for helping out.”

I smiled too, and my face smiled with me. “I wanted to. I like being helpful, especially when you are so helpful to me.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

It was late afternoon when we went to St. Mungo's. It hadn't taken that long to get Neville all packed up, but he'd insisted on getting me out for a walk through the hills by his house. His house was situated a little ways out of town; a lot of wizarding houses were, so that they wouldn't draw attention from Muggle neighbours with spells and Apparation.

It was nice to get out and walk in the rain. I didn't do a whole lot of walking anymore. I had done when I'd been younger, of course, but I found it hard to get out for it, even with Fred. I just didn't feel safe outside like that. But Neville made me feel safe. He held my hand securely in his, and when we were both soaked through from the rain and I was starting to shiver, he pulled me close against his side and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. Neither one of us said anything, we just walked.

I think both of us were hesitating, putting off going to see our parents as long as we could. We were facing difficult discussions, such as they were. But at last, we arrived back at Neville's house. He took a shower, I used drying charms on my hair and clothes, and then I watched him move about the house in a state of anxiousness, checking to make sure he had everything he needed.

After he had everything, he led me back outside into the rainy afternoon. His arms came around me, and he held me to him for a few moments. I rested my cheek against the wool of his gray jumper, my eyes closed, my arms sliding around his own waist. I felt the gentle rise and fall of his chest under my ear as he breathed. I liked the breathing.

“Ready?” he asked after a while, his voice weaving through my hair.

I nodded, and I clutched at Neville as I felt myself spinning in the familiar sensation of side-along Apparation.

We landed in the alley beside the hospital, any noise from our arrival covered by the sounds of Muggle London just beyond. Neville held me against him for another couple of moments, silently offering me his strength and seeking the same from me. I breathed in his scent, felt his chest right and fall under my ear. I could have stayed just like that.

He gently pulled away, though, his hand coming up to catch one of mine. I gripped his hand tightly as we went out to the busy street. No one was paying us any attention as we leaned our way through the glass window into the lobby of the hospital.

We walked through the collection of people, both of us knew exactly where we were going without needing to stop at the reception area. I had to stop myself from wrapping my other arm around his, I didn't want to disturb him with my need for physical touch.

I paused just before the winding staircase, and Neville came to a halt beside me. I turned to him, looking up into this dark eyes. Warm eyes, usually, but clouded now with the apprehension of what was to come. The lobby was as loud as it usually was, but the noise fell away from my ears as I looked up at him. “I always see Mr Lockhart before I leave here, it helps cheer me up. He's always so happy to see visitors, and his happiness is very infectious.”

He swallowed and nodded. He didn't speak, he couldn't speak just then, but his eyes said enough.

“Would you like to see your parents first?” It was a selfish offer. I wanted to put off seeing Daddy as long as I could.

He nodded again, and it took him a moment before he found his voice. “That's fine.” His hand tightened on mine, and together we started up to the Janus Thickey Ward. “I'm nervous, Luna.” We paused in front of the door to the room his parents had shared for the last nineteen-and-a-half years. The door was closed, looming up in front of us in a forbidding fashion.

“It's rather difficult.” I knew exactly how he felt.

He pulled me around to face him and looked down at me, eyes dark with doubt. “What if I'm not making the right decision?”

I reached up and rested my hand gently against his cheek. “The right decision is often the hardest one.” My voice was quiet, but he heard me, I saw the acceptance of what I'd said in his dark eyes. Eyes that were already hurting. I wished I could take away his hurt.

He straightened his back and squared his shoulders, and then turned and pushed his way into the room. “Tell me what you see.” His voice was quiet, as though he was afraid he would give away his emotion if he was too loud.

I shook my head. They looked the same as they had the first time I'd seen them. Thin, lifeless, mere echoes of people. “Their bodies are there, but instead of the overlap of their souls like I see with you, it's just a...” I shook my head again. “Like the wizarding wireless, when you can't find the station and it makes that noise. Their souls look like that noise. It's hard to look at them, it looks like person-shaped prison.” I knew what prison looked like.

His mum came over to him, a tentative smile on her round face, her hand outstretched.

“Hello, Mum,” he greeted with a forced cheerfulness that wrapped me in sadness. With his free hand, he took a piece of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum from his pocket and handed it to her, and she was still smiling as she unwrapped the gum and put it in her mouth. Then she left us there, standing at the door, heading back through the room to the empty shell that was her husband.

He looked down at me again. “I can't,” he breathed. “I'm not strong enough.”

I told him the truth. “You're one of the strongest wizards I know, Neville Longbottom.” I let him see the honesty in my face, the sincerity in my eyes.

He took a deep breath, and then nodded. I saw the hardness in his eyes as we walked through the room to where his dad was sitting on his bed, and his mum was standing and looking out the window. He sat down in one of the chairs, his grip on my hand almost painfully tight. “Mum, Dad...”

They looked at him, drawn by the sound of his voice. There was no recognition. He wasn't their son, he was just the blond man that visited them. My heart broke for him, for his pain. At least Daddy knew who I was.

“I came to tell you both something.” His voice caught on the last word, and he cleared his throat and then swallowed. “Gideon Prewett, he was a friend of yours. He told me...” He cleared his throat again. “He told me that Alastor and Fabian are waiting for you beyond the Veil. And Grandad, and...” I put my free hand on his shoulder. “I think... I think it'll be better for you. I'll be there to watch you go. Luna says it's peaceful, it doesn't hurt.”

They watched him, their bodies did, but said nothing. Those empty eyes stared at him, the way people in Muggle photographs do. Soulless, completely devoid of that inner fire of life.

He stood up and turned to go. He was stopped by his mum's hand on his arm. She held out the wrapper with another innocent, childlike smile, and he took it and put it in his pocket. “Thanks, Mum.”

She smiled another bright, empty smile, and shuffled back into the depths of the room.

Neville's arm came around me, and he drew me outside the room into the hush of the hallway, letting the door swing shut behind us. His other arm came around me as well, and he held me to him, taking comfort more than offering it. I held him, I felt the hot splash of his tears against my scalp as he buried his face in the hair on top of my head.

I knew what comforted me, and I offered it to him, my arms wrapped around his solid body, holding him against me. “They'll see you,” I told him quietly, no longer bound to keep my secrets from him. “The soul takes a moment to separate from the body and pass through the Veil. They'll see you, and you'll see them- really them and not just the shell of their bodies.”

He was quiet for a time, and when he spoke his voice was muffled by my hair. The pain carried through. “What about Gran?”

“Do you want her there?” I asked. I felt him nod. He'd shaved before we'd come to St. Mungo's, and his cheek moved smoothly across my the top of my head. “Once it's been scheduled, Daphne will go to her house and tell her, and invite her to attend.”

“Can I go instead? Talk to her?” He paused for a moment. “It should be me.” That firmness was back in his voice, the solid determination.

“Dear Neville, you've always been so brave.” His arms tightened around my back, and I let him hold me against him. His jumper was scratchy under my cheek and smelled just of him, of earth and air and steel. “Maybe you can go with Daphne. Ask her on Monday.”

I felt him nod again. After another long moment, he released me. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes were rimmed with the redness of his pain. He looked at me without saying anything, and then took my hand again. Together we walked down the hall to Daddy's room.

He wasn't there. He was propped up on his pillows, but his soul was the same visual static that the Longbottoms were. “He's not there,” I told Neville. “I have to try and talk to him.” I stared at Daddy for just a moment, and then I slipped away from Neville and went to sit beside him on the bed. I took his hand between both of mine. “Daddy?” I asked softly. His eyes focused on me. “Daddy, can you come back to me?”

“Luna?” And there he was, a clear echo of himself. He looked tired, drained. His soul was so weary, so tired of being held prisoner. It didn't make it any easier.

I nodded. “Daddy, I need you to stay with me for just a short time. Can you please try?”

His soul nodded too, but his head didn't move. His eyes flicked around behind me, searching. “Fred?”

“Fred's not here today, Daddy. Neville is. Do you remember Neville?” They'd met a long time ago, when we were both happier. He shook his head. “That's all right. Would you... Would you like to be free?”

He looked at me, and his eyes widened and there was the start of one of his warm, comforting smiles, and then he was gone again. I squeezed his hand. “Daddy?” I lifted one of my hands from his, and rested it on his shoulder. “Daddy? Daddy, come back. Please come back.”

I heard the charge nurse behind me, I heard her call my name. I heard the low murmur of Neville's voice. I didn't care about any of it, I just let it slide through my ears and right out again.

“Daddy? I need you to come back, please. Just answer me. Please answer me. I'm not... I'm not alone anymore, Daddy, but I can't... I need you to tell me its all right.” I could feel my own tears leaving my eyes and falling down, down, getting lost on the sea of cloth that separated us. “It's nice there, Daddy. Fred says that it can be whatever you want it to be. Mum's there, she's been there a while now. I think she's waiting for you.” I looked at the shell of his empty body; the blond hair gone lank, the hands that used to wipe away my tears now thin and bony, the skin stretched across them as though too much pressure would simply make it break. My heart hurt so much. “I have to go now, Daddy. I'll see you again, I'll see you one more time. You'll get to see where I work. It's not what we talked about, but I hope you'll understand. I love you, Daddy.” I lifted my hand from his shoulder to his face, my fingers warm against the cool, paper-thin skin that covered the hollow of his cheek. “Goodbye, Daddy.” I moved away from him, to where Neville was standing in front of the door that was now closed.

He caught my arm as I went by, pulled me against him. I let him, I let him hold me. I rested my cheek against his chest, my fingers catching against his shoulders, clutching him to me. “I don't think he's coming back anymore,” I whispered against the wool of his jumper.

“I'm not going anywhere, Luna.” His voice was at once filled with sadness and strength. Dear Neville.

We stood, we shared our pain, clinging to each other in the ocean of sorrow. We were still in Daddy's room, but we were alone. He wasn't there. He would never be there again. After a while, I lifted my head and looked up at him. I had no more tears left. “What did the nurse say?”

“She thought that you might need to leave.” He smiled, but his eyes didn't. “It was the first time that I got to say we were here on matters related to the Department of Mysteries.”

“It is fun to say that.” My face didn't want to smile either, but I tried. “We should visit Mr Lockhart.”

We left the room, I refused to look back. I clutched Neville's hand like it was an anchor keeping me from drowning in my emotion. We continued down the hall to Mr Lockhart's room. The door was open to reveal him sitting at his table, writing, and the smile he wore when he saw me convinced my face to smile too. “Luna!”

I stopped in the doorway and looked in at him. “Hello, Mr Lockhart. How are you today?”

“Oh, very good, thank you. You came to visit not too long ago, but I'm glad you came to see me again.” He stood up and came over to us, turning his head this way and that like he was looking for something. At last his eyes swung back to me. “Where's Fred?”

“He's not here today.” I lifted my free hand and gestured to Neville. “This is my friend, Neville.”

“Hello, Neville.” He beamed at my friend, who offered a shaky smile back. It was hard not to smile when Mr Lockhart was so excited that we were there. “I remember you from the last time you were here. We counted. I like counting. And I remember now that I count myself.” He beamed proudly.

“That's... great.” Neville's tone was uncertain, but Mr Lockhart didn't seem to notice.

He turned his attention back to me. “I made something for you, would you like to see it?” He clapped his hands together as he spoke.

“I'd love to.” While simple, his gestures were always very heartfelt.

He took my free hand and pulled me over to the table, and I slipped away from Neville so that I could go along with him. I'd given him a Muggle notepad on one of my visits, and a large number of colorful Muggle pens. He flipped through the lined white pages until he came to something, and then carefully tore it out. He handed it to me, a smile on his face, his chest puffed up proudly.

I took the paper and looked down at it. It was my name, each letter in a different, bright color. Just beneath it was a crudely drawn rainbow, each line a different color. Not like a naturally occuring rainbow, but it seemed even cheerier. “It's very nice, thank you.”

“You always look very sad when you come to see me. Rainbows make me happy, I think you should be happy too.”

“This makes my heart smile,” I told him. “I'm going to put this up on my wall, and then I can have a rainbow to look at whenever I want.”

He looked so proud of himself. “You look like you could use a rainbow too. I don't know how to write your name, but I can draw you a rainbow!” Under Neville's bemused gaze, Mr Lockhart went back to his table and flipped to a fresh page of his notepad. With painstaking care, he picked up each pen one by one and drew the curved line of a rainbow.

While he was drawing, one of the nurses came in with a tray for him. “It's time for dinner now.” She had a smile for Neville and I as she moved through the table, standing there with his tray and waiting for him to move his things.

“Just a moment and let me finish this drawing.” We all waited patiently for him to finish, and then he carefully tore that piece of paper out and came over to hand it to Neville. “I like drawing rainbows.”

“It's a very nice one,” Neville said, still a little uncertain.

Mr Lockhart beamed, and then began clearing a space on the table for his tray. “I need to eat now. Will you come back and visit again? And Fred?”

“As soon as I can,” I promised. To my surprise, Neville was nodding as well. “Goodnight, Mr Lockhart.”

“Goodnight, Luna. Goodnight, Neville.” He turned his attention to his food as though we had already left the room.

We left him to eat. “I can see why you always visit him at the end of your time here,” Neville said as we went back down the hall.

I had to nod. “He is such a dear man. He's got no one else who comes to see him.” He got some letters sometimes, he liked getting letters.

“I'm not really surprised, he wasn't such a dear man before he lost his memory.”

“No, he wasn't at all. I wish more people would give him a chance now, it is hard to be alone.” It was a wish I shared for myself- but then we had both found Neville. I smiled a small smile. “I'm glad you're here with me.”

He stopped walking and rested his hand on my shoulder, looking down at me very seriously. “I am too.” His eyes left mine to check the heavy gold watch that rested around his wrist. “It's dinner time. Would you like to eat here, or did you want to go home and eat?”

I looked up at him, considering. “That all depends on if you feel like stew or not.” It didn't really matter to me what we ate, food was food.

Neville smiled at me, a ghost of his full smile. “Why don't we eat here? Tomorrow you can show me where the grocery is, and I'll get some things and cook you a proper dinner. That was one thing Gran made sure I knew how to do.”

I nodded again. “Tonight. I go at night, there are less people there.”

“That's fine, it'll give me a chance to unpack a little.” We still had to go back to his house in Yorkshire to gather his packed belongings and take them to my flat. And I had some spellwork to do, to ensure that he could enter and leave the flat without my specific permission, for when he wanted to go in and out when I wasn't there.

He took my hand again, headed downstairs to where we would be able to find something to eat. Our footsteps sounded loud as they fell on the polished floor of the corridors. I gripped his hand and came to a stop, and his caring brown eyes swung back to me for a moment. “What is it?”

“It's hard to live with me, Neville.” My voice came out small, lost, but he still heard me. “You haven't moved in yet, it's not too late to... not.”

He'd come to a stop beside me, and his hands lifted to rest heavily on my shoulders, turning me to face him. He searched my eyes for a handful of moments. “How would you know if it's hard to live with you?”

“The other girls in the Ravenclaw dorm told me. Quite a few times, in fact.” Fred didn't agree, but he didn't really take up corporeal space, or need to do things like eat or tidy.

“Listen to me,” he said in that steady Auror voice filled with authority. “We're going to get something to eat. We're going to Apparate back to my house and collect my belongings, and then you're going to help me get settled in your flat. All right?”

I nodded, clutching tightly to Mr Lockhart's rainbow. My heart was brewing a potion of hope and anxiety and sorrow. I clung to the hope as I reached out and clung to Neville.

He let me.

 


	11. Chapter 11

I had another nightmare that night. It was the one with Selwyn, except I wasn't blindfolded. I could see everything he was doing, like I'd seen in the pictures I'd destroyed. I was gagging, choking on the column of flesh until my eyes watered, my nose pressed against his stomach. His voice clogged like oil in my ears, I couldn't get away from it.

When he pulled back to let me gulp in a grateful breath, I could see there was a man there, watching, his face blank. A man with golden hair. He made no move to help me, but he made no move to hurt me. He just watched, his eyes calculating and shrewd as Selwyn used my body.

I was screaming by the time Selwyn pushed my face to the floor and moved around behind me, and still the other man stood there watching silently.

“Luna,” someone was speaking to me, sounding very far away. Not Selwyn, not the man with the golden hair. “Luna, wake up.”

The hand on my shoulder was Neville's, I realized as I was pulled out of sleep. He was crouched beside the bed, concern showing on his face in the dim light from the television, his dark eyes shadowed in the night.

I pulled away from him and sat up, drawing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I was shivering, but I wasn't exactly cold. “How did you know?”

“You talk... you scream.” My nightmare had bothered him, shaken him, and he seemed uncertain of what to do. Fred wasn't back yet, Gideon was gone. Neville had never pulled me out of a nightmare before, and he looked a little lost. “Can I sit with you?”

I nodded slowly. I watched him walk around the bed and climb into it, settling himself under my duvet against the chill in the room. He pointed to the television, glowing softly and barely audible in the still night. “You leave that on at night?”

“Fred watches it. He can use the remote control, slowly, and I've become used to it.” The remote control was a small black rectangle, covered in buttons. Normally it stayed on the bed beside me, so Fred could use it while I was sleeping. That night, though, it was on the table beside the bed. It looked so strange sitting all the way over there.

“I'm assuming he's not here.”

I shook my head. “No. Just us.” That worried me a little. Fred hadn't come back yet, and he said he would be back that night. It was still night, though, there was still time for him to arrive.

Neville was frowning, his expression etched in the soft glow of the television. “Can I touch you?”

I thought about it for a moment. My muscles were quieting slightly, and I wanted... I wanted reassurance. I wanted something real. “All right.”

His hands came out, and he took ahold of my arm and my hip, pulling me over until I was lying down next to him, my head pillowed on his shoulder. “Gideon told me that sometimes you find it scary to be touched.”

“Sometimes I do. When I can't see, or it it's from behind.” I buried my face into his shoulder. “I don't like to be held from behind.”

He turned towards me, holding me against him with one arm. My cheek was against the wall of his chest, my shoulder and my hip pressed against him. “Is this all right?”

I nodded. “You're very comfortable to lie with, Neville. Thank you.” Thinking about being held when I couldn't see made me think about what had just happened in my nightmare. “There... There was someone else there. Someone besides me and...” I shook my head, refusing to say his name. “This likely doesn't mean much to you, but I want to talk about it before it fades away. It helps me remember when I can't go into work right away to write out a report.”

“Whatever you need.” His words rumbled in his chest reassuringly under my ear. I could feel him speaking. I could feel him breathing.

“He was a soul, Neville. I saw him at Hogwarts. I'd never seen him before that, I don't think he was alive very recently.” I closed my eyes tightly, I could still see his face staring out at me, watching.

“Do you have any idea who he was?”

I thought for a long time, thinking of all of the people I'd seen in my life. “I don't. But him being in my dream means he's here, or he was.”

“You can't see them all the time?” There was barely any trace of tiredness in his voice anymore. His hand stroked over my hair, smoothing it against my shoulder.

“No. Gideon said that they only have a certain amount of presence, and they can either be a physical presence or a visual presence.” I remembered what he'd asked when he'd commented on how strange it looked when I'd hugged Gideon. “When Gideon held me before he left, he completely disappeared. I couldn't see him, and neither could Fred.”

“Doesn't that worry you? The idea that someone else is here?” It evidently worried him, I could feel his body shift as he looked around the room, as though he would be able to see the strange soul with the calculating eyes.

“A little. I worry that I'm going to be overwhelmed with people trying to get me to talk to their family members for them. Talking to family members usually doesn't go so well.” I thought for a moment. “And it means he followed Fred here, which is a little worrisome as well.” And if he had followed Fred here, there was a chance he could get other souls to follow him to my flat. “But there's not really anything that either one of us can do about it. It takes so much effort to worry about things you have no control over, I think it's a lot better not to.”

I could hear him breathing, feel the rise and fall of his chest against my upper arm. It was a little strange to feel him breathing. Gideon didn't breathe. Fred didn't breathe. It was very soothing, though, when I thought about it. It meant that he was alive. It meant that he wouldn't disappear to recharge, it meant that I would be able to see him when he touched me. I nestled against him, seeking solace against his skin.

And then... I could feel something else, a hardness against my hip. “Do you want to have sex with me?”

There was a long moment of silence, weighted down by discomfort. “No.”

“It feels like you do.”

“I...” I felt him sigh. “I've wanted you since fifth year, all right?” He sounded a little frustrated, both with me and himself. “You were never afraid to be who you really were. And now you're not wearing anything, and you're...” He exhaled loudly. “The answer's still no. I don't think you're ready for anything like that, and for all I know, you just had a horrible nightmare about being raped. I can't control it.” His hand moved through my hair, taking comfort as much as he was offering it. “But I need you to know you're safe with me.”

“Thank you,” I told him. “I do feel safe with you.” It was strange, with my cheek against the warm skin of his chest, his arm a heavy weight over me, holding me under the cover of my duvet, I felt the safest I had in a long time. “It's very flattering. Fred flirts with me sometimes, mostly from habit, I think.” I didn't want to talk to him about the nature of my nightmare, I had a feeling that he would start to feel very guilty about an autonomous bodily function. “I like this better than tea. You make me feel safe, and feeling you breathe is very soothing. I might even be able to go back to sleep. That would be good, my body is starting to get very tired after so many early mornings.”

“Do you usually have the nightmares so many nights in a row?”

I nodded. “When they come up, it's hard to hide them again. And I keep... They keep coming up when I'm awake now, too.” They seemed very far away just in that moment, though, lulled by the sound of Neville's quiet breathing, and the rise and fall of my hand where it rested on his bare side, just on his ribs.

I must have fallen asleep like that, because the next thing I knew, I was awakened by someone knocking at my door. It wasn't Harry's demanding pounding, or Hermione's angry insistence. And it was morning this time, later than I usually slept.

Neville gently extricated himself from me and sprang to his feet, his wand out in front of him. He glanced down at me, then went out to open the door as I found some clothing. His voice floated through my flat. “Can I help you?” I heard him ask. He sounded suspicious, not entirely welcoming.

I pulled on a soft yellow dress, and went out to join him, my bare feet moving quickly over the carpet. George was standing in the doorway, unable to come in. He was in the middle of saying something to Neville, but he cut himself off when he saw me around Neville's arm. “Right. So, I have an apology to make.”

I looked at him for a moment. The last time I'd seen him, he'd threatened me. His eyes were different this time, though. They looked warm, happy, sparkling, like they had looked before Fred had died. “Come in.”

Neville stepped aside, somewhat reluctantly it seemed, and let George come through the door. I noticed that he kept himself between us, and his wand was still held ready in his hand.

George was moving stiffly, like his muscles were hurting, but he seemed to be in a fairly good mood. His voice was very light when he spoke. “Last night I had a dream. And it wasn't just... I wasn't having a dream about him, I was having a dream about this blonde I met in...” He trailed off with a grin. “Right. Sorry. And then he was there, and he was trying to talk to me while I was-” He cut himself off abruptly. “I'm not sure I'm explaining this right.”

It seemed fairly straight-forward to me. “You were having a sexual dream and Fred entered your dream?”

Neville started coughing, and George laughed. “That's about the size of it. I forgot how forward you are. Right, so Fred was talking to me and telling me I was being a stupid git, and that you were right, and he kept on about it. And then I woke up. I figured I'd come and have a word with you- just a word, mind- and he started beating the hell out of me.” That probably explained the stiffness. “I told him that I'd wait until morning, and he stopped. And I tried to get back to sleep, but I couldn't, and then...” He trailed off again, meeting my eyes squarely. “I'm sorry, Luna, I'm so sorry.”

I had to smile, both at his words, and at his tone when he talked about Fred. He didn't sound lost anymore, he didn't sound angry. He sounded whole, at peace. “It's all right. I'm glad you were able to talk to him.”

“Is he... Is he here?” George started peering around like he'd be able to see Fred if he just looked hard enough.

“He is not. It's just us this morning.” I gestured between Neville and myself.

“And you have no idea where he is?” Disappointment settled around him like a shadow.

I shook my head. I moved over to where Neville was standing, and leaned my head against his chest. He stiffened, just for a moment, and then he put an arm around me. I was a little bit worried about Fred not having come back yet, and Neville being there helped me feel better.

There was a rather weighty moment of silence, and then George asked, “Did I wake you?” He sounded a little ashamed.

I nodded. “It's all right. It's probably time to get up for the day, so that we can get up at the proper time tomorrow for work.” I was still rather tired- more tired than I'd been the day before. Having even a little bit of a good night's sleep seems to do that sometimes. “Would you like to stay for breakfast?” From the way he stiffened against me, Neville didn't think too much of the idea, but he didn't say anything.

“As long as I'm not intruding...” George's eyes moved over us again, and he sounded a little uncertain about the prospect.

I lifted my face to look up at Neville. “Why don't you have a shower, and I'll get breakfast together?” That was the thing about sharing physical space with another person, things like showers needed to be taken in turns.

His brown eyes flicked back and forth between me and George, and he looked decidedly unhappy. “No one can make me leave unless I let them,” I reminded him, and at last he nodded. With one more wary look at George, he released me and went down the hall.

I walked through the kitchen and started getting breakfast for the three of us. Neville had started drinking coffee because that's what most of the Aurors drank, and our shopping trip the previous night had yielded not only food, but a coffee press as well. “Would you like coffee or tea?” I asked George. I hadn't had guests in quite some time, but I'd been raised properly and I still remembered my duties as a hostess.

“I'll have a cuppa, thanks.” He sat down in one of the chairs at the kitchen table, and I could feel the weight of his eyes on me as I moved about, making coffee and tea and porridge for us.

“What did it feel like when Fred was hitting you?” I was very curious, especially after what Gideon had said about a soul being able to hurt someone. This was information that the Department of Mysteries would likely want.

“I'm surprised my nose isn't broken, to tell you the truth.” I could hear the wryness in his voice.

“So it felt like it was actually happening? It wasn't dull or muffled? It felt like he was actually making contact with your skin?”

He paused for a moment, and I could feel him looking at me. “Strange questions.”

“Important ones,” I told him in a sing-song voice as I set the fragrant tea in the teapot to steep.

“It felt just like, well...” He broke off and chuckled. “We had a good few scraps we were boys, and us and Charlie and all. Felt just the same.” I nodded at his words. I would have to put that in a report.

I was just finishing cooking the eggs when Neville came back down the hall, freshly showered and shaved and dressed. His eyes lingered on George for a moment before he got himself a cup of coffee and settled down at the table. “Why are you here?” he asked without preamble. He was using his stern voice, too, one of his Auror voices.

George hesitated for a moment before answering. “Fred told me to come and see Luna this morning, to apologize, and he wanted to speak with me.” There was a question in his voice, as thought he was now questioning what he'd been told.

“I'm not sure I like that,” Neville replied. “Luna, did he ask you if he could have George come here for a conversation?”

I shook my head.

“I'm going to assume that he knew that you're worried about being overrun by people wanting to speak with deceased family members, because I know, and I've only really been a part of your life again for less than a week.”

“It's fine, Neville,” I said quietly. “Fred is my best friend.”

“Then he should have been a little more considerate about how you would feel about this. And at least had the courtesy to be here when he said he would, so that he could tell you about this himself.” Frustration wrapped his voice like a thick, dark cloak. Apparently, Neville had used his time in the shower to build up some anger.

I turned to him and rested my hand on his shoulder, the same way I'd been comforted for so long. The muscle along the top of his shoulder was tense, like he was ready for a fight. “It's all right.”

He didn't say anything else, but I could tell that he was refusing to be soothed. His jaw was set unhappily, and he was glaring rather openly at George. I served both of them breakfast and sat down beside Neville with my own plate and cup of tea.

George was looking back and forth between us, a strange look on his face. “I can go if I'm interrupting.”

“Ah, there's my favorite twin.” Fred's voice pulled my attention towards my sitting room, and my movement forestalled any reply Neville might have made.

“Is he here?” Neville asked, and I nodded. He turned to face the same way. “Where were you?”

“Visiting Daphne.” He had a broad grin on his face. “Why is everyone so serious?”

I was about to answer, but then Gideon was there, and then the room got lost in a sea of angry voices. Neville was speaking, and Gideon was yelling, and Fred was defending himself, and I got up and ran from the room, my head starting to split apart from the inside.

I closed the bedroom door and sat down on the floor to lean against it, using my wand to silence the noise coming from the other side. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, resting my cheek against the soft yellow fabric of my dress. Time passed, I didn't care to keep track of how long. I couldn't be out there.

Gideon appeared in front of me, looking the same as he always did in his open Auror's overcoat. “Are you all right?” There was a concerned expression on his face, touched just at the edges with guilt.

I lifted my head from my knee and nodded. “Too much noise.”

He frowned, settling himself down on the bed to face me, his coat spreading out around him. “Sorry for that. Longbottom's knocking on your door,” he informed me.

I pushed myself to my feet and slowly pulled the door open. Sure enough, Neville was on the other side, his arm raised as though he was ready to knock again. He looked a little rumpled, like his clothes had been violently disturbed since he'd put them on. “May I come in?” he asked politely.

I moved aside to let him in, and closed the door behind him before sinking back down to sit on the floor, my back firmly pressed against the door. He looked down at me for a moment, the expression on his face mirroring Gideon's. “Is anyone else in here?”

“Gideon,” I replied, pointing to where Gideon was sitting on the bed.

“Good. I'm sorry about all of that. We had a bit of a fight, I'm afraid. I think Fred punched me, and then Gideon pulled him away.”

“I did,” Gideon confirmed.

“He did.”

Neville sat down on the bed as well, to the side of where I'd indicated Gideon was. “I'm sorry, I'm just... I'm very angry.” His words were clipped, terse, his voice was certainly angry.

“I agree with you, for what it's worth,” Gideon said, which I relayed. “He should have been here last night to help you through your nightmares, Luna, and not off indulging himself with a witch.”

“Indulging himself?” Neville echoed. “You mean-” he cut himself off abruptly, and I could see his his cheeks going that embarrassed shade of pink. “What do you mean, helping Luna through the nightmares?”

Gideon looked over at him as he answered, shifting in his seat just slightly so he didn't have to turn his head so much. “I think it's more beneficial to help her in overcome what's happening in the dreams. And while you woke her up, you're not able to enter the dreams and offer encouragement.”

I told Neville that. “It does help,” I added quietly. “But it's not right to expect Fred to completely devote his life to me. He's been stuck with just me for almost three years now, only able to see and interact with others in a limited fashion. It's natural that he would want to go out and actually interact with others himself.”

“It's not very considerate of someone he considers his best friend,” Neville said firmly, folding his arms across his chest, to which Gideon nodded. “You said the nightmares often come back a few nights in a row, he would have known that. He could have ensured that wasn't going to happen before he went off to...” He glanced over in Gideon's general direction, incredulity momentarily taking over his face. “You can really do that?”

Gideon snickered. “You felt him hit you, didn't you?”

Neville nodded after I repeated the question, reaching up to rub a hand along his jaw as though it was sore. “Speaking of interacting with others, it's probably worth mentioning the soul that was in your nightmare.”

Gideon turned back to look at me sharply. “There was a soul in your nightmare?”

I told him about the golden-haired man, and he was frowning again. He rubbed a hand thoughtfully over his chin. “Best mention this to Daphne tomorrow.”

I nodded. That had been my intention. “Did you find your answers?”

“Yes. Is it all right if we talk about that tomorrow as well?”

I nodded again. It would save having to have the same conversation twice, I could understand that. “I am very relieved that you're back,” I told him quietly, trailing my fingers through the carpet. Even with his assurances, and Neville's, I'd been a little worried that Gideon wasn't going to come back.

He smiled gently and stood up, coming towards me. He offered me his hand and I took it, and then it vanished as he pulled me to my feet. “I made you a promise, and it was important to me that I kept that promise.” He continued to draw me towards him, and I closed my eyes to enter his embrace. “You mentioned that there were four... antagonists, do you usually dream about all four of them before the nightmares stop?”

I shook my head, closing my eyes and relishing the familiar feel of his shirt against my cheek. He didn't breathe, but he was still safe, familiar.

“Can you talk about it, Luna? I think it's important.” His voice was gentle, wrapping around me just as his arms were doing.

“What's going on?” Neville prompted. I hadn't been telling him what Gideon had been saying.

I took a deep breath. “Gideon wants me to talk about the nightmares.”

“I think that's a good idea,” he said slowly. “That's part of how Voldemort was able to get so much power, people didn't want to talk about him, and so the fear made him scarier to everyone.”

“My nightmares aren't like Voldemort.” I thought for a moment. “Maybe they are. Talking about them seems to make them come back.”

“Maybe they're not, but the principle is the same. I've had a lot of experience with overcoming fear, Luna.” I heard him sigh. “We're right here. Neither one of us is going to hurt you.”

I stepped away from Gideon and opened my eyes. Gideon was visible again, and I looked back and forth between the two of them. They had similar determined looks on their faces, both sets of brown eyes watching me with a blend of concern and expectation. “I'm... I don't want to talk about it. There are things that no one should hear. I don't want sympathy. I need to be able to look at you and see that you don't feel sorry for me.”

“So don't talk about what happened. Talk about the nightmares.” Gideon regained his seat on the bed next to Neville, and patted the space between them. It was a small space, just big enough for me to fit in.

I nodded, slowly. Maybe I could do that. My steps were small, hesitant, but in just a moment I was sitting on the duvet between them. I took a deep breath, my fingers twisting together in my lap as I stared at my fingernails. “The ones with Fenrir and Selwyn are the worst. They come back the most.” They were the only ones who had used my body like that.

“We killed him, you know. Greyback. Me and Ron did.” I looked over to see Neville watching me, his kind eyes at once worried and reassuring.

I laid my head against his shoulder. “Thank you, Neville. The ones with the Lestranges aren't so bad, they only...” I shook my head. They only wanted to cause pain to the surface of my body, but I couldn't tell him that. “They're not so bad. They don't come back so often. And most of the time, it's not so bad. I have the nightmares for a few nights in a row, Fred wakes me up, I have tea and go to work and hide them again. But lately they've been... They've been alluded to during the day. It's been so hard to hide them.”

“But you got back to sleep this morning,” Neville reminded me gently, and the movement of his shoulder under my head made me remember how I had been able to fall asleep again.

“You got back to sleep?” I could feel Gideon's eyes on me. “What happened?”

I couldn't help but smile a little at the remembered warmth, the remembered security. “Neville came and held me. He breathes.”

An incredulous chuckle came from my left. “Well, he would. It's a requirement of living.” Gideon rested his hand in the middle of my back.

“It's very soothing, the breathing,” I told him.

Fred appeared in front of me. He looked at the three of us seated together on the edge of the bed, and his eyebrows came up a little like they did when he was surprised. “Cozy. George is off. He fixed the table for you.”

“Fixed the table?” I straightened up, peering at my best friend for some hint as to what had happened. “What happened to the table?”

“I might have thrown him into it.” A look over at Neville showed him getting a bit pink around the ears again as he was studying his hand where it rested on his knee. He didn't look like he'd been in any kind of altercation, but then the two of them knew the simple healing spells that would ensure that. It would explain his clothes being quite disturbed.

“Oh. I'm glad it's fixed, then.” I stood up and went to Fred, stopping just in front of him and looking up into his eyes. “You should go to see him tonight, I know you have a lot to talk about.”

“I don't...” His brown eyes flicked behind me to where Neville and Gideon were sitting on my bed. “I don't know that it's such a good idea, love.” He reached out and brushed his hand over my shoulder. “I wasn't here last night, I'm sorry.”

“It's all right. I made it through.” I smiled a small smile. “I even went back to sleep. Neville breathes.”

“I...” His eyes flicked to the living Auror behind me again. “Yes. He does.”

“You should go and see George, Fred. He hasn't been whole without you in his life. It's very hard to miss someone so desperately. He's been so hurt and so angry, and I think he needs you right now, even more than I do.”

His hand settled on my shoulder, heavy and reassuring. I couldn't see it, but I could feel the warmth of his skin under my fingers. “You know I love you, right? And that if you really need me here, I'll stay?”

I reached up to cover his hand with mine. “I know. But you've been tethered to me for so long, I think... I think you need some time away.”

He leaned down towards me, and his lips brushed against my forehead, making me smile. My face smiled with me. “I'll come back to check on you. Or I'll come to work with Daphne tomorrow.” And then he was gone, leaving me alone in the room with the two Aurors.

I didn't hear him moving, but I could feel Gideon's hand as it brushed over my back. “You do need him,” he told me.

I turned towards where he was standing behind me, the smile on my face a slightly sad one. “He's been entirely devoted to me for so long now, I think he needs to be away from me more than I need him here.” The smile turned up, my face making the expression happy again. “And you're here now, and Neville is here.” I turned to Neville and held out my hand to him, and he stood and took it, my small hand almost disappearing in his larger one. “I need to help you finish unpacking, too.”

“You need to finish eating,” Neville told me gently, and drew me back out to the kitchen to finish my breakfast.

 


	12. Chapter 12

The nightmares didn't return that night. I was lulled to sleep by the rise and fall of Neville's shoulder under my head, his arm across my stomach as he held me close against him. Gideon had briefly protested that Neville was taking his side of the bed, but since he wasn't actually sleeping, he ceded the point fairly quickly. He sat up on my other side, the solid weight of his hand on my back a comforting presence until I was lost to pleasant dreams.

It was nice to wake up without the grip of terror and unpleasant memories, nestled firmly into Neville's chest. He had a scent, too, that was something soothing that Fred and Gideon were missing. Neville had always smelled faintly of soil, rich and earthy, and he did even now. My balcony was crowded with various plants, likely the source of the smell. Nargle seemed to like the company.

“Good morning,” Gideon greeted quietly from my other side. I wasn't entirely certain why he was taking so much care to be quiet, since Neville couldn't hear him anyway. “ You slept well.” He sounded rather pleased about it; indeed, when I looked over to see him, he was smiling.

“It was nice for a change,” I said quietly. “I hope you weren't too bored.”

“Trust me, I would rather be bored.” He slid off the bed and stood, leaving room for me to get up as well in a way that wouldn't disturb Neville.

As soon as I started to move, though, his arm tightened around me and his eyes flew open, already alert. He looked at me for a moment, a surprising lack of sleep remaining in his brown eyes. “You didn't have any nightmares last night.” It wasn't so much a question as it was a statement of fact.

I shook my head. “I didn't. I was just about to get up. How did you sleep?”

“Very well. I'd forgot how nice it can be to sleep beside someone.” There was a sound a lot like a chuckle from my other side, but Neville couldn't hear it. “What time is it?”

I thought for a moment. “Half-past six.” Plenty of time for the two of us to have a shower and eat before we had to go to work.

“Why don't you shower first, and I'll make breakfast?” He took his arm back and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

I got up as well, and left both of them in my room while I went down the hall to shower. Both Aurors were still in a reasonably pleasant mood when I went into the kitchen, freshly clean and dressed for work.

The kitchen was filled with the rich smell of Neville's coffee, and I took a deep breath in. I didn't care much for the taste of it, but there was something comforting about the smell. Neville set a full plate down in front of an empty chair, and we sat down to eat together.

Gideon looked faintly amused, one corner of his lips pulled up into a half-smile. “You look rather more relaxed than you have since I've known you,” he observed, leaning his forearms onto the table. He was wearing the Auror's overcoat as he always did, the shirt beneath a deep purple color.

I related the observation to Neville, who eyed me critically, then nodded in agreement. “You've more color in your cheeks,” he added.

“I feel like until last night, I hadn't had a good sleep in such a long time.”

“Even though my nephew isn't here?” Gideon queried.

“Yes. He's happier, and that makes me happy.” I smiled brightly. Fred had missed George the same way I'd missed my dad- he was there but not there. Now Fred had George back. The more I thought about it, the more the happiness bubbled up inside of me, seeking a way out. I got up and moved around to where Neville was, stooping down to wrap my arms around him and rest my head against his shoulder. He'd pulled on a white t-shirt when he'd got out of bed that morning, and the fabric was a little rough under my cheek.

He stilled for a moment, then he put his fork down and reached around me to pat my back. “Not that I'm complaining, but you never used to be this affectionate.” I made to pull away, but his hand on my back held me in place. “It's all right, Luna, just an observation.”

After another moment, he let me slip away from him, and I sat back down to finish my breakfast. A look over to the side of the table Gideon was seated at showed him looking even more amused than he was before.

“What is it?” I asked him.

“It's good to see you like this.”

While Neville was getting ready for work, I cleaned up after his breakfast-making efforts and tidied the kitchen. It didn't take him long before he was back in the kitchen wearing his overcoat, his wand holstered at his hip. We flooed to the Ministry, and Gideon came to work with us to work, of course.

I moved as quickly through the loud Atrium as I usually did, headed directly for the lifts before the ocean of noise grew too much for me. Thankfully, one of the lifts was waiting for us, and we were whisked quickly down to level nine.

I didn't even bother going into my own office, instead heading directly for Daphne's open door. She was already seated behind her desk, smiling to herself as she wrote something on a piece of paper. “There you are,” she greeted us in a jaunty tone. “Come in, have a seat.”

I walked in and settled myself in one of the chairs in front of her desk. Neville shut the door but remained standing, his hand loosely clasping he opposite wrist in front of him as he stood there easily, relaxed but wearing a mantle of readiness. “Your heart is very happy,” I observed, making her smile widen into a grin.

“I am. It was quite a good weekend, I think.” Her green eyes moved over me, taking in my expression, the lack of tired shadows under my own eyes. “You do as well, Luna. I'm glad to see you looking a little better, I was starting to get a little worried about you.”

Gideon settled himself in the other chair, glancing between the two of us. “I'm all right,” I told her quietly. “Gideon is here, he's sitting right beside me.”

“Excellent. I understand he was successful,” she said, looking over at the indicated chair.

I nodded. “That's what he said.”

“Fred told me.” She blushed, just a little. I'd never seen her blush before. Her cheekbones tinged with pink, and she looked down for a moment, shifting some of the paper around on her desk without doing anything with it. “He's with George today.”

“I'm glad he is.” I was smiling again, and Gideon reached out his hand towards me. I took it and squeezed it as it disappeared. It kept me from getting up to hug Neville again. “He missed George the most, and I know George wasn't really whole without him there. I'm glad they have each other again.” Thinking about Fred and George made me think of my dad again, and I could feel the expression flee from my face like water swirling down a drain. I took a deep breath, and now Gideon was squeezing my hand to reassure me. “I want to start the process to help Daddy move on.”

“I do too. For my parents, I mean,” Neville added from behind me. His voice was touched with the same knowing sorrow that I'd heard in my own words.

Daphne's green eyes flicked between us, and she was silent while she considered both of us. She knew this was something I'd been struggling with for a while, and I could see approval and compassion melting together in her face. “All right. I'll start the process, I'll have the paperwork in your office this afternoon.” She picked up her quill and made a quick note on a piece of paper. “And you, Longbottom, you're getting your own office. It should be ready by tomorrow morning. Until then, though, do the two of you mind sharing space?”

I shook my head. Behind me, I heard Neville shift. “No. I assume most of my duties here will be directly assisting Luna.”

“For the time being. I'll have your paperwork sent to Luna's office as well.” Despite the expression on her face, she didn't make any movement toward me. She expressed her concern differently; she would likely make sure she had something she knew I would appreciate waiting for me in my office later. “Is there anything else before we get started?” I shook my head, and she set up a Steno-Quill, made by George actually, and more reliable than a Quick-Quotes Quill, and looked again at the seat beside me. “Whenever you're ready, Mr Prewett.”

“Germany.” Daphne frowned when I related that, but she didn't say anything. “The influx of souls wasn't here, it was in Germany. It was the 1940s, that's all I could pin down for a date. The first half of the decade.”

She leaned forward, folding her hands on the desk in front of her, but remained silent. Her eyes urged him to go on.

He continued. “No one could tell me who it was, most of the souls that were involved went to sleep shortly after they were able to return to the other side.”

She did interrupt then. “To sleep?”

Gideon gave her a patient smile. “When a soul passes beyond the Veil, time ceases to pass, because there is no reason for it to do so. You can do anything you like, for as long as you like. No need to stop to eat or sleep. If you wish to paint, an easel will appear. If you wish to write, a quill and parchment will appear. The novelty wears off after a time, usually, and we just want to rest. And so we sleep. There is nothing beyond the final sleep. It's just... Nothing.”

She stared at me thoughtfully, tapping a fingernail against one of the files on her desk. “Is that the final death, then?”

He took his hand back from mine, folding his hands loosely across his stomach. “No. You can wake if you wish, some do.”

“So after they'd been forced onto this side, the souls just wanted to rest after they got back.” It wasn't a question. Beside her, the quill scratched away at the paper, writing down everything that was being said, almost without pause.

“Yes. The one I spoke to was told by the soul who found him when he passed beyond the Veil, who was told by someone who had actually been involved, so I'm not certain of the validity of this information, but it was suggested that whoever brought them over was using Dementors to torture them into doing what he wanted.”

“Well, that sounds... unpleasant.”

“And so were the things they were forced to do. Allegedly.” He shifted in his seat, settling his overcoat around him. “Most of it was manipulated nightmares, but there was some amount of physical torture as well.”

Daphne sat back in her chair and looked up at Neville, who had remained silent during the exchange of information. “Spook Duty was started in 1940.” He must have shown some surprise, because she smiled a very guarded smile at him. “Knowledge is power, Longbottom. That's sort of what we do here.”

“Harry came to see me on Saturday, he was quite put out that I'd been reassigned to an empty position.” I could hear the thread of anger at the memory.

“I imagine he was. Your file indicates that you're very competent. Whatever the position has become, though, it was started as a protective force.” She paused. Her eyes rested on me for a moment before directing themselves behind me again. “Are you up on your Muggle Studies? Know about the Muggle war that was going on at the time?” She paused, and he must have nodded. “Right. I haven't been able to look through it as much as I've wanted to, but it looks like Unspeakables in countries that had been conquered by the Muggle German forces started turning up missing. Spook Duty seems to have been in response to that.”

“And then the Muggle war ended, and then our war began, and the position was eradicated,” came the thoughtful observation from beside me.

Daphne looked startled that I spoke again to relate that, apparently she hadn't thought Gideon would have anything more to say.

“Which begs the question, why is this a concern? I know why I'm here, and I'm fairly certain that my position is going to be largely administrative. Which I'm all right with,” Neville rushed on to say as a warning look took over Daphne's face. “I knew what I was getting myself into. But you're worried about it? Why? I know what they can do, Fred gave me a few good whacks, and I can imagine the dream thing could get a bit unpleasant, but why would they come back here when they can do whatever they want beyond the Veil?”

She sat back, the expression on her face turning shrewd. “Forewarned is forearmed. I think it's a good idea to prepare ourselves for the inevitability of it happening again. It's only a matter of time before one of the more technologically-advanced Muggle nations gets involved in another war, and we would be foolish to assume that another of our kind wouldn't use that as a screen to further their own agenda.”

“We're very lucky Voldemort didn't care to delve into the Department of Mysteries,” I added softly. “I don't think any of us would be here right now if that had happened.”

Daphne looked startled again as her green eyes came back to me. It was easy to forget I was in a room, it happened a lot. “Right.”

“Tell her about the other soul,” Gideon urged me, and I nodded.

“When I went to Hogwarts on Friday, there was another soul there. He didn't say anything, he just looked at me. And then on Saturday night, he was in my nightmare. Just watching.” I shuddered, drawing up my feet to rest on the seat, holding my knees to my chest. “I didn't like the look in his eyes. He looked... He looked at me just the same way Selwyn did, as though he was wondering exactly what purpose he could use me for.”

Gideon and Neville reached for me at the same time, a large hand settling on one of my shoulders, Gideon's hand gripping mine again.

Daphne was frowning. “What did he look like? Did you know him?”

“Golden hair, blue eyes. His eyes were not very kind eyes.” A chill crawled along my spine at the memory of those eyes, the blank expression as he'd watched trauma being done to my body.

“He didn't try to talk to you at all? He didn't show up when you were awake?”

I shook my head. “He must have followed Fred to my flat.”

She pointed at me, but she was looking at Neville again. “That. That's why I'm worried. For the past two years and ten months, Fred has been the only soul Luna has seen on this side. And now, suddenly, there have been three more in less than a week.” She looked at me. “He didn't come back last night, did he?” When I shook my head, she sighed. “It's probably too much to hope that he's satisfied his curiosity and moved on. If you need to, you can sleep in the Death Chamber.”

“Dreamless Sleep, does it... Does it make it so that souls can't enter your dreams as well?” Neville asked.

I opened my mouth to speak, but Daphne held up her hand to stop me. “I know it makes the nightmares come back during the day, but you were starting to look a little ragged, Luna. I would rather you have some on hand if you needed it for a night.” She looked over to where Gideon was sitting. “But before we get ahead of ourselves, does it work like that?”

He focused on her for a moment, I could see the thoughts moving behind his brown eyes. “It might, in theory. I'm not entirely sure how it stops the dreams, but if it stops the dreams from being generated as opposed to simply blocking the imbiber from seeing the dreams, then it would work that way.”

“I'll test it tonight.” From the way her eyebrows drew together, she didn't look entirely happy about the decision. She started rifling through the files on her desk. “Wait just a moment, Luna. This is a bit of a long shot, but I want to see...” She frowned in concentration as she moved through the files. “There.” She pulled out a photograph and leaned forward to hand it to me. “That's not him, is it?”

I took the photograph and looked at it for a moment. “It is,” I told her softly and laid the photograph down on the desk. He had that same look in his eyes, even as he stared out at me from the glossy picture.

“Well. This is...” She sat back and looked at me for a long moment, and I could see the worry coming to the surface of her eyes. “You haven't seen him since he was in your nightmare?”

I shook my head.

“I'm going to hope like hell that he went back beyond the Veil instead of coming here, then.” Her lips set into a grim line, and she wore a sense of foreboding like a dark cloak. “That young man is Gellert Grindelwald. It's not a stretch to assume that he was the force behind the influx of souls in Germany.” Her words fell on the floor like knives. “If you see him again, I'm going to need you to stay home and have Longbottom send me a Patronus.”

I looked at her, considering. “The entire building will have to be quarantined. It's wizarding flats.” Which meant that he could simply attach himself to anyone and be free to move about our world.

She nodded. Her hand balled into a fist, the knuckles pressing up white against her skin. “This is... This, Longbottom. This is why I'm worried. We have to assume that he's been here. So...” She thought for a moment, shaking her head. “Today will be spent soul-proofing the archives.” A rather pained smile showed on her face. “How are you with charms?”

He shifted behind me. “Quite good, actually; my highest mark after Herbalism.”

“Good.” Her eyes came back to me. “I know you're quite proficient, Luna. I think your research may be very important in the near future, but for today, this must take precedent.” At my nod, she turned to Gideon's chair. “Mr Prewett, I'll need you on hand with Luna as well. I understand that you can't cast any spells, but as the rest of us are going to be quite occupied, I'm going to need you to watch for Grindelwald. If you see him, or anyone you think looks even remotely like him, I need you to tell me.” Her face was set, her determined making hard lines out of her muscles.

“That's fine,” he answered, which I relayed to her. His other hand lifted the photograph from the desk for a moment, and he studied it until he lost his grip and it fell through his hand to rest on the desk again.

Daphne stared at the paper for a moment, then shook her head as though bringing herself back into her body. “Do any of you have any questions at this time?”

None of us did.

 


	13. Chapter 13

It was a long day. We went home and heated up some stew, Neville wasn't up to cooking. Even Gideon was a little subdued, preferring to just sit in silence instead of engaging me in conversation or interacting with Neville. They'd worked out a basic system of communication that consisted of Gideon tapping Neville on the shoulder in sequences that meant yes and no and other common words. It was quite fascinating to watch, but neither one of them really seemed up to it.

Shortly after dinner, Neville gave me a hug and a tired smile, and told me he'd be just down the hall if I needed him before going to his own room to sleep.

After I tidied up the kitchen, Gideon followed me to my room, where I took off my clothes and got into bed and quickly fell asleep. He sat up on my right, his eyes on the flickering television, his hand smoothing my hair back from my forehead.

It wasn't a good sleep. Not one of my normal nightmares, but nothing at all pleasant. I was dreaming about climbing oak trees and looking for mistletoe, something I usually enjoyed, when I became aware of something I very much didn't want to see.

I tried not to see it, but it wasn't going away. It- him. The large man with the gray hair and jagged teeth. Fenrir Greyback. He was standing on the grass underneath the tree, his stance loose and ready at the same time, looking up at me with _that_ look in his eyes. I didn't like that look in his eyes, I'd seen it way too many times. I was his prey, there was no other word for it.

This wasn't my normal nightmare with him in it, he was out-of-place the same way Gideon and Grindelwald were out-of-place when they entered my dreams. _He was there._

I didn't remember climbing down the tree, but there I was on the ground, facing him, the grass soft under my bare feet. I kept the tree at my back so he couldn't sneak up behind me. “What do you want?”

“I heard you've been dreaming about me, little girl.” His eyes moved over me, and I couldn't suppress a shudder. There were a lot of things I would have given up to never see that look again. “Bit bigger now, though, aren't you?” He took a step towards me.

“What do you want?” That empty pleasantness, that neutral blankness. I pulled it around me like a blanket.

“I wish I could smell your fear, little girl.” He grinned an unpleasant grin, all of those teeth staring at me hungrily. “I remember it. Sweet, you were, like a mouthful of sunshine.”

My hands dug into the bark behind me. It felt real, rough, like I was in danger of giving myself splinters. “What do you want?” My voice came like it was very far away from me, from us. I wished I was far away with my voice.

“Just a little chat, that's all.” He stayed where he was, and spread his hands wide, a gesture of harmlessness. He was far from harmless, I knew.

“You never spoke a lot. Selwyn, he spoke often. You... You preferred to use your mouth for other things.” The mound of scar tissue on my elbow, the biggest he'd left in one place, seemed to twitch in the memory of what he'd done, like the scars were trying to crawl off my arm.

“Not my fault you tasted so good.” He snapped his teeth together at me, then resumed his feral grin. “I wonder if you still taste the same.”

I shuddered, I couldn't stop my body from shaking in revulsion. “I don't think you'll be able to find out, and I'm not sorry at all.”

“But this is a dream, little girl. You'll find anything can happen in a dream.” He took a step toward me, his muscles tensing like he was getting ready to strike. So familiar, so unwelcome.

I very much wanted my wand. And then my fingers were curling around it, the wood smooth and comforting. “Then I can kill you in my dream, like I did in my nightmare.”

He came towards me in a blur of motion, and I was screaming, and then a hand closed on my shoulder and I sat straight up in bed. “He's here,” I whispered desperately, clutching at the hand resting on my shoulder. I wanted it away from me, I wanted to cling to it.

“I know.” Gideon's tone was grim as he took both of my hands in his, holding them firmly. “You need to breathe.” His voice was his Auror's voice, steady and firm. I nodded, gripping his hands, my breath coming in short puffs through my nose. I needed to breathe.

Neville was in the door, wand in his hand, illuminated by the television. “What happened?” The light came on, and his expression was very worried.

“Greyback is... Here. In my flat. In the room, Neville, right here in the room.”

“Fucking hell.” Neville's hand balled into a fist and connected heavily with the door frame. “I'll send a Patronus to Daphne.”

I shook my head. “She took a Dreamless Sleep potion tonight.”

“Fuck!” He stared at me, unhappy, seeming uncertain of what to do.

When Gideon spoke again, his voice was patient. His words were not. “Tell Longbottom to get his arse over here, or I'll going to have something very physical to say to him.”

“Gideon thinks you should be over here.” It was easier to relate what Gideon said, easier to just let my mind go and let my ears tell my mouth what to say. My mind could hide that way, be away from the very unpleasant present.

“Right. Sorry.” He crossed to the bed and came around to sit on the other side of me from Gideon, pulling me against him. “You're shivering.” He picked up the duvet and wrapped it securely around me, holding me closely against his chest, tucking my head against his shoulder. “So what do we do?” He wasn't asking me.

I could feel myself shaking against him, the vibration of my body hardly muffled by the thick bedding he'd wrapped around me. My first instinct was to run as far and as fast as I could, to flee to the safety of the Death Chamber in the Ministry. It would be cold there. Cold and lonely. I desperately wished for lonely.

I buried my face in Neville's neck, breathing in his reassuring earthy smell. My hand slid up over his chest, coming to still right over his heart. I felt his life beating under my skin, I felt his chest move up and down as he breathed. I clung to the solid realness of him.

“Well, isn't that nice. You let him have a taste, little girl?” Greyback was standing by the door, too close, _too close_ ,looking down at me. He took in the Aurors and dismissed them as being unimportant, his hurtful eyes focused solely on me.

I closed my eyes so I couldn't see him, but then they flew open again. I had to see him. I had to see that he was across the room, looking at me. If he was in the doorway, he wasn't near me, behind me.

“Longbottom, you need to send Daphne and George a Patronus. Whoever he's with, Fred should see it; tell him to go and get help. And tell him he's going to need to come back here when he gets back.” Gideon's voice was careful and authoritative, but before I could relay what he said, Greyback spoke again.

“Don't think you can handle me on your own, Auror? I'm just one man.” Mocking, he was mocking Gideon.

My voice was shaking as I relayed what Gideon said, and muffled by Neville's warm skin. He was so warm. I moved as close to him as I could, concentrating on the sound of him breathing.

“Right.” I felt Neville move as he cast the spell, and then his arm came around me again, pressing me tightly against him. “So what do we do?”

“Nothing. We do... Nothing.” Gideon's voice had that determined calm that a lot of Aurors seemed to get in the face of chaos. Calm, soothing. Trying to keep order.

“I need to floo the Minister.” I didn't think they heard me, my words swallowed by Neville's warm skin, so I lifted my head and repeated myself.

“Right now?” Neville didn't seem too keen on the idea. “Can't you wait until someone else is here? Or I can send a Patronus?”

“Before someone leaves. It's...” I thought for a moment, my fingers digging into his skin in my effort to stay lucid. “It's just past two. It's unlikely someone would leave at this hour, but we can't take that chance. I need to talk to him, he's not likely to just quarantine the building on the word of your Patronus.”

Strong fingers gripped my chin and turned me to face Gideon. “I know it's difficult right now, but I need you to trust me. I'm going to... You'll put your head in the fire, and I'm going to be right up against you, just behind you. You won't be able to see me. We'll wait until the others get here, all right?”

I didn't want him behind me. I didn't want anyone behind me. But if he was there, Greyback wouldn't be, couldn't be. I nodded. I could manage this. I had to.

“Would you feel better with clothes on?” Neville suggested. Dear Neville.

“Yes.” He settled me back on the bed, and got up and went to my wardrobe. I directed him to get a pair of Muggle jeans Hermione had talked me into getting years ago. They still fit, of course. I hadn't worn them in a long time, but I wanted as much of myself covered as I could get. And I asked for a soft purple jumper. My favorite color.

When he handed me the clothing, I dressed as much as I could without leaving the safety of my duvet. I could feel Greyback watching me from the doorway. I'd felt the weight of that gaze too often, it made my skin feel like it was trying to crawl away. Being dressed helped. I never wanted to be naked in the same room as him again.

I slid off the bed to stand facing them, and my legs carried me back into the corner. I didn't want to leave the room, I couldn't. I had to. “Neville...”

“No, he can't,” Gideon told me firmly, while Neville's brown eyes looked a question at me. “Adrenaline may make his body do something you very much need to not feel right now.”

“Neville, Gideon is going to be behind me. Please follow me. Please.” I could hear the pained desperation in my tone, and I saw Neville nod. “I need you to talk to me, Gideon. I need to know it's you.”

He nodded. He stood, I watched him walk around to me. He settled himself between me and the doorway, but I could still see Greyback around him. I needed to see Greyback. “As soon as they arrive, all right?”

In just a moment, my bedroom seemed filled with bodies. Fred searched the room for me, the expression on his face a very unhappy expression. I could feel the hot tears filling my eyes at my relief in seeing him. “Well, this is no good,” he observed mildly, but I could see the anger flashing in his eyes.

“Move forward,” Gideon directed me, and I shuffled a couple of steps out of the corner, my feet unwilling to move. I felt him slip behind me, and my voice squeaked in protest, without my permission. I stayed where I was, though, even though I knew he was behind me. “I'm going to put my arm around you now.” I felt the warm weight of his arm settle around my waist. “It's just me, sweetheart.” My back came in contact with the solidness of his chest, and I fought the urge to panic. “It's just me, Greyback is over by the door. See him?”

Greyback was smiling in that unpleasant way he had, his teeth flashing out at me in an obscene way.

“Talk to me,” I whispered again, my eyes locked on the unpleasant man in the doorway. “Let me know it's you.”

I heard Gideon's steady tones in my ear, calm and soothing. “All right. We're going to go through into the sitting room. Just walk, I'm right behind you. If he doesn't move, you can just walk right through him. If he becomes solid, someone else can grab him.”

Someone whimpered- me. I was as far back in my mind as I could be, and still have control of my body.

“It's all right, sweetheart. Just walk.” I felt the gentle, yet insistent pressure behind me as he urged me forward. We walked together toward the door, him propelling my reluctant legs into motion.

“Oh, by all means,” Greyback said with a small bow, and moved to the side for us to get through.

I fought the urge to run. He wanted me to run. He liked it when I ran, it was something he'd made me do sometimes. Instead, we walked. Measured steps, comfortable for my legs instead of Gideon's longer ones. I kept my eyes locked on Greyback as we passed, and my knees didn't want to hold me up anymore, weakened by my relief. Gideon's arm around my waist supported me, kept me upright, kept me moving forward.

We went into the sitting room, Gideon keeping up a stream of soothing words in my ear. He got me situated in front of the fireplace, and I threw in a handful of floo powder and called for the Minister's private residence before sticking my head into the green flames.

I called for him rather insistently, my voice shrill, until he came into view, looking tired and not quite as polished as he looked during the day. “Yes, Miss Lovegood?” He knelt in front of me in a black dressing gown, his face very serious.

“Minister, I need you to quarantine my building.” My tone conveyed my urgent desperation. I needed him to do exactly as I said.

“I'm... Sorry?” Still muddled with sleep, he wasn't quite grasping what I was saying.

I shook my head desperately. We didn't have time for him to be sorry. “Full quarantine. Disconnect the floo network, and we'll need to have Aurors at the door to stop anyone who tries to leave.”

He looked at me evenly for a moment, and I could see his mind moving behind his dark eyes. “Miss Greengrass-”

“Took a Dreamless Sleep potion and is unavailable at this time.” My fingers dug in against the stone of the hearth, I used its solidness to try and steady myself.

“Can you tell me why?” We were permitted to share our secrets with the Minister as was needed.

“Not in a short enough length of time. Daphne will be able to tell you when she gets in to work. I'll have Neville send her a Patronus later this morning.”

He stared at me for another moment, then finally nodded. “How long?”

I let out a sigh I hadn't realized I'd been holding. _Relief_. He was going to do as I asked. “For the foreseeable future. Any Auror that comes here will need to stay here for the duration of the quarantine.”

“Longbottom-”

I shook my head again. “I need him in here with me.”

He frowned a great frown. “Are you all right?”

“I am very much not all right. I-” I felt a large hand close over my ankle, the sensation of sharp fingernails digging into the skin exposed under the hem of my jeans. I whimpered. “I can't stay,” I whispered, and pulled my head out of the fire before he could say anything else. “He's touching my ankle,” I said, my voice sounding very far away. He had disappeared, and they were searching for him. “I can't have him doing that.”

The pressure on my ankle eased. “Sorry, little girl.” Greyback wasn't sorry at all. He was speaking from somewhere across the room now. “You were presenting yourself, and I just remembered all of that time we spent together.”

The thinking part of my mind knew that it was still Gideon behind me, but the feeling part of my mind didn't particularly care. I needed to be away from him. I pulled away and stood, running until I reached the corner. I sank into it, knees against my chest, arms wrapped around my knees, making myself as small as I could. I could see Neville standing there, wand held uselessly in his hand and looking entirely frustrated. And then Gideon as well, an almost identical look on his face.

“Neville,” I managed from that far away place. “Aurors are going to come here. I need you to get them to set up at the front door to stop anyone who tries to leave.”

“Right.” He didn't move, though, just stayed there watching me like I was a teacup teetering on the edge of the table.

And then... And then I registered who was there with Fred. Someone who looked a lot like Gideon, and someone I'd seen before that I couldn't place. She had pink hair.

“Aurors.” Greyback sounded infinitely amused. “Figures.”

The witch turned to face him, and the wizard who looked like Gideon was looking at me. “Not the first time you've had that effect on a witch, little brother.” His face was filled with humor, but his brown eyes were hard.

Fred came over to me and knelt down in front of me. He was distinctly unhappy- frustrated, guilty, helpless. “What can I do, love?” he asked me gently, and I just shook my head.

I heard the knock at the door, and Neville walked through to answer it. I heard voices, heard him speaking, but the words wouldn't stay in my ears. He was frustrated too, and getting more and more agitated. At last, I heard the door close, and he came back into the room. “I am going to have a word with Robards,” he muttered. He walked over to where I was and sank down beside me, pulling me into his lap to cradle me against his chest. “Who else is here now?” he asked me gently.

“Fred is here.” I locked my eyes on Fred's, holding his gaze like Neville was holding me.

“Well, that's good.” His hand smoothed over my hair. “I know you like Fred.”

I smiled a small smile, but my cheeks didn't quite get there. “And Gideon's brother-”

“Fabian,” the wizard who looked like Gideon supplied helpfully. His back was to Greyback, but I knew he was alert. He was watching me, in case anything happened to me.

“Fabian. And that nice pink-haired witch...” I sifted through my memories for a moment, trying to gain control over my mind. “She helped us that night in the Ministry.”

“Tonks?” Neville suggested, and I nodded. “And Greyback's still here?” I nodded again. “Well, then, that's all right. You tell me when you can't see him anymore.”

I was nestled against him, my ear pressed against his chest, my arms locked around him. “I will,” I whispered.

Gideon came across the room to us and sat down behind me. After a moment, I felt his hand on the middle of my back. “Is this all right, sweetheart?”

I nodded. My arms were wrapped so tightly around Neville's torso that I was afraid I might hurt him, but he didn't complain, and I couldn't make myself let go.

Time crawled by. The hours between two and six hadn't gone so slowly in such a long time. Greyback stayed mostly silent. He tried to taunt Tonks about her husband, but she just looked at him evenly, and he quickly gave up. Every so often, he would make a comment to me, but the longer he stayed where he was, the better I felt. Tonks watched Greyback, Fabian watched me. Neville held me closely against him, and Fred and Gideon sat on either side of us.

Shortly after six, I had Neville send a Patronus to Daphne, letting her know who had come to my flat, who'd caused the building to be quarantined. He also sent one to Robards, and I didn't ask what he'd said. Technically, he outranked all of the other Aurors, from the sounds of things he was getting some reluctance from them accepting his new position.

Greyback noticed that I was no long quite so affected by his presence. He pushed away from the wall he was leaning again. “Thank you for your... hospitality, little girl. I've got to report in.” He vanished, causing me to tense.

“I can't see him,” I whispered. I felt Neville tense as well, his arms tightening around me. Fabian stilled like a cat ready to pounce, and Tonks was scanning the room. And then I felt something I hadn't felt in three years, and I screamed.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Strong jaws closed over my elbow through my jumper, gripping my arm and pulling me off of Neville's lap. Neville's arms tightened around me instinctively, making me feel like I was being pulled in two different directions. And despite Neville's best efforts, I was being relocated from my safe seat across his legs. Invisible hands were heavy on my thighs, pushing my legs apart, and then... Nothing. He was gone. My eyes' desperate search of the room showed Fabian had vanished as well.

Fabian reappeared in a moment, just in front of me, his mouth set into a grim line. “We'll be right here, but we need to have a look around, right?” He vanished again, and so did Tonks, and I scrambled back into Neville's lap and squeezed my eyes shut. I nestled as closely against him as I could, but I had to open my eyes. I had to look for the hulking form of my tormentor. I had to know where he was.

Neville held me tightly to him. Someone was stroking my hair, Gideon's voice murmured soothing things into my ear. Fred looked angry, angry and helpless. I wanted to reassure him, but I couldn't get past myself to do so. Instead I just huddled there, my hands gripping tightly at Neville's chest.

A knock at the door. Neville made no move to get up, he didn't even stir. He rested his cheek against the top of my head, silently communicating that he wasn't going anywhere. The knock repeated. “They'll just have to come back later.” There was a strain of frustration in his voice.

A handful of moments later, a silvery stag came into the room, moving right through the wall and looking around for a moment before swinging its head down to look right at Neville. It spoke, and Harry's voice filled my flat. “Neville, Peterson heard a scream from Luna's flat, and now no one is answering the door. Please report in.” Despite the word “please,” the tone indicated that it wasn't really a polite request. The stag disappeared, having delivered its message.

“He's worried about you,” I said from that far away place. My voice didn't sound like me, it was like my real voice had been scared away.

“I don't give a fuck what he's worried about. You were just...” he trailed off, and his arms tightened around me. “I'm sorry.”

“There was nothing you could have done,” Gideon reassured him, which I relayed automatically.

“Is that Alice's boy?” came from down the short hall. There was no body to accompany the voice, but it sounded like Fabian- a copy of Gideon's voice. Not quite exactly the same, Fabian's voice was a little thicker, a little sturdier.

“Looks just like her, doesn't he?” Gideon replied, his hand steadily in the center of my back.

“Built like Frank, though, isn't he? Longbottoms, so named because their legs are long like... what are those things? Yellow, spots...” Fabian reappeared, walking towards us, and then he resumed his earlier position watching me. His tone was relaxed, but he was still very alert, his posture ready like dark storm clouds just before they release their water. “Muggles keep 'em in zoos.” He paused a moment, looking back and forth between Fred and I. “No? No matter. Still, seems like a good sort.” He gestured to me. “Your girl seems quite taken with him.” He was talking to Gideon still, not Fred, which confused me a little.

“He breathes,” I said quietly, my voice barely carrying past Neville's skin. “I like the breathing.”

Neville started at my words, then relaxed again. “They're talking about me.”

I nodded. “Fabian was saying how much you look like your mum.”

Tonks reappeared, standing beside Fabian. There was an angry look flashing her eyes, and she looked ready too. “I'm pretty sure he's gone. I mean, he's fairly large; if he were still here, I think we would have found him.”

I nodded. “Thank you.” I closed my eyes and I could feel my own tension beginning to loosen, easing me against Neville's reassuring presence. “They think he's gone.”

“How did you know my mum and dad?” The words rumbled in his chest under my ear. It was a distraction for me. Dear Neville. I would be involved in the conversation without actually engaging in the conversation.

“We went to school with them. Frank was in our year. Alice was just a year behind. Gryffindors, of course, both of them.” Fabian sounded proud of his friends.

“You're just going to leave out the part where you and Alice were together in school?” Gideon was very amused.

“It wasn't like it was some big love story, was it?” Fabian retorted. “Not like Molly and Arthur. We just got on, wasted time together, is all.”

Neville had to wait for me to finish relaying all the information. “Gran told me that they fell in love in school.” His fingers were tracing relaxing patterns in the small of my back.

Fabian scoffed. “Augusta would say something like that. Keep you in line, discourage you from casual relationships. They didn't even start courting until they were both Aurors.”

“Got married as soon as Alice finished her training, though. Then Augusta was on them for a few years to give her a grandchild.” I heard the amusement in Gideon's voice. “That would be you, of course. Alice was a bit worried about keeping up after she took a year off to raise you up right, but she was just as sharp as she ever was.”

“Probably a good time to get breakfast, then, don't you think?” Fred prompted gently after I finished speaking.

“Breakfast.” I shook my head. I wasn't ready to get up and go into the kitchen yet. The corner was... as safe as I could get.

“That's a good point.” Neville stilled for a moment, thinking. “Can you sit here with Fred, and I'll get us some food?” It was phrased as a question, but there was a quiet authority in Neville's voice that made it clear that it wasn't really a suggestion.

I nodded. I let him gently shift me off of him and onto the floor, and I opened my eyes to see him stand up and stretch. He looked like his muscles weren't happy that he'd sat with them compressed under me for so long. “I'm sorry, Neville, I didn't mean to make you hurt.” A pang of guilt shot through me.

“I'm fine. A bit stiff- I'll make it.” He gave me a reassuring smile, and passed out of view as he went into the kitchen.

I shifted myself back into the corner until my shoulders were pressing against each wall. I felt a hand on my shoulder, my right shoulder, the side Gideon was sitting on. “Can I hold you, or would it not feel safe?” His voice was soothing, there was nothing indicating that my refusal would hurt him.

“I can try it.” Because then I wouldn't be able to see him. My voice still sounded far away, scared. I squeezed my eyes shut again. I felt his hand slide from my shoulder, down my arm, and then slowly across my abdomen to wrap around my waist. The other arm came between me and the wall, slowly, and then I was being pulled backwards into Gideon. I fought down the surge of panic when my side moved against the solid warmth of what could only be his chest. He wasn't behind me, though, he was beside me, just as Neville had been.

It was different, too, different from what I was afraid of. Different from what had been done to me. His hands had a gentle, comforting pressure, they weren't gripping me. His arms were reassuring instead of entrapping, and I felt like I could easily push away from him if I needed to. I calmed, relaxing slowly against him, my hand coming over to clutch the back of one of his.

I felt Fred take my free hand, his own closing around it reassuringly. I blew out a slow, shaky breath. This was all right. I was all right. He wasn't going to hurt me. Fred was there, and Gideon was safe.

I felt the slide of hot tears moving slowly down my face, I felt a gentle thumb brush them away. They kept falling, silent traces of misery and helplessness and memories that I wished I could forget. No one spoke, the only sound was Neville moving around in the kitchen, preparing food for those of us who needed to eat.

“He's rubbish with potions, isn't he?” Fred asked suddenly, and I opened my eyes to see him frowning at the memories I could see in his brown eyes.

“Are you any good at potions?” I called into the kitchen. My voice was filled with my anxiety, I didn't like my voice.

After a moment, he peered around at me. “Not one of my stronger skills, I'm afraid. What do you need?”

“Calming Draught would probably go a long way, mate.”

I relayed Fred's words, and Neville frowned. “Brown- the bloke at the door earlier- is handy with a cauldron; do you have the proper ingredients in your pantry?”

I shook my head in a distracted fashion, I couldn't think. My mind refused to sift through the memories of putting things into the pantry. “I don't know.”

Gideon made a soothing noise, and I felt his hand moving soothingly against my hair.

“Listen to me, Luna,” Neville said gently. “I'm going to go down to the front door and send Brown up to see if he can brew you a potion. Anthony Brown. He's a good sort, he shouldn't give you any trouble.”

I nodded, burrowing my face further into the front of Gideon's smooth shirt, my eyes closing tightly again.

“If you feel uncomfortable for any reason, you send someone down to get me, all right? I'm going to leave the door open so you can hear when he comes up to it, but you're going to have to let him in. Do you think you can do that?” His voice was measured, carefully patient and firm. Dear Neville, he was a good Auror.

“Yes.”

I heard him move around the kitchen for another moment more, and then my door opened and didn't close again. It was some time before someone else came up, and I heard a very tentative and subdued, “Miss Lovegood?”

“You can come in,” I called to him.

It turned out that I did have the right ingredients for a Calming Draught in my pantry. Auror Brown made one and brought it to me, and his eyes seemed about ready to jump out of his head when he came around to bring it to me. He handed me the small glass decanter, his hands trembling, and he almost ran from the room as soon as I'd taken it.

“Thank you,” I called softly after him.

Neville came back up shortly after that. He must have got himself dressed just before he went down to send Brown up to me, because now he was wearing his own jumper and Muggle jeans. The Calming Draught had already taken ahold of me, filling me with its warm, fuzzy emptiness.

Neville held out his hand for mine and I took it, letting him pull me to my feet. He pulled on my hand, intending on leading me to the kitchen I thought, but I wrapped my arms tightly around him. I wanted to feel him breathing.

He stopped moving and let me hold him, his own arms coming around me, pressing me into the solidness of body. I felt his body move as he breathed, listened to his heart beating in his chest. At last I pulled away, letting him lead me into the kitchen so I could eat.

After eating, I spent much of the day brewing potions. More Calming Draught for myself, and some Dreamless Sleep potions, after Fred told me that it had successfully kept him out of Daphne's dreams.

Daphne flooed me. She was worried about me, even more so after I told her what had happened. “I want to give you another Auror,” she suggested curtly. The green flames only revealed her head, but in my mind I could practically see her tapping her fingernail against the papers on her desk.

“Why?” It would just be another body in my flat, only this one would have judgmental eyes.

“Security.”

I shook my head. “There are other Aurors here who are more familiar with these particular circumstances. Neville's presence here is for me to hold on to. I don't imagine I would be nearly as comfortable cuddling with any of the other Aurors.”

She stared at me for a long moment. Her eyes were full of arguments, but her face was very carefully empty, as though she didn't want to upset me further. It was a nice effort, but the Calming Draught kept me beyond upset's clawing reach. “Very well. If that changes for any reason, you're authorized to add anyone you think you need to, to the Department of Mysteries Auror Support Team. Robards is having the ones there take shifts, I think, to keep up the quarantine.” She frowned for a moment, her eyes lost to thought. “You've got, let's see... Brown is there, Dale, Roberts... Weasley. I'd take Weasley if you had to get any of them, the rest of them are just trainees.”

“Thank you, Daphne.” Ron being in my building surprised me. He'd never been one to confront me like Hermione and Harry had, but he still hadn't spoken to me in... years.

The day passed gently, flattened by the lassitude of the Calming Draught. My room was quite crowded that night when I got into bed to sleep. Neville was on one side of me, Gideon sitting on the other, his legs stretched out in front of him. Fred, Fabian, and Tonks arranged themselves around the room. Fred had a funny expression on his face, but he didn't speak to it. He looked out of place standing over by the door, but for him to sit with me, he would have had to displace either Neville or Gideon. I needed Neville, I needed to feel his skin under my cheek. And it surprised me a little that I wanted Gideon behind me more than Fred. Fred was my best friend, but Gideon protected me.

The television was on, but the Aurors seemed more interested in speaking with each other than they did watching it. “Why wasn't Longbottom the one who was behind her when she flooed?” Fabian was asking, not bothering to keep his voice down. Neville had already fallen asleep, and was in no danger of being woken up by the souls. “No offense, little brother, but she seems to like cuddling with him a little more.”

“The breathing thing,” Gideon replied, not sounding at all bothered by his brother's teasing.

“And she doesn't like anyone pressed up behind her that she can't see,” Fred chimed in.

Fabian shrugged. “Again, then, why not him?”

“The physical response.” Gideon's voice was weighed down with subtle meaning.

“The physical...” Fabian trailed off, chuckling. “Oh. Right. Makes sense, I reckon. It can be hard to feel that if you've been raped.”

A heavy silence filled the room, pressing me into my sheet. “How did you know?” Gideon asked after a time. He'd seen it, seen my nightmare, but Fabian hadn't.

“Pretty obvious. Well, at least if you've seen a girl it happened to before. Still, though, there's something to be said for replacing those memories with positive ones.”

“She tried that,” Fred said, the warning in his voice trying to head off his uncle's train of thought.

“One-offs with drunk, clumsy Muggles?” Fabian gave an incredulous snort. “Doesn't count, nephew mine.”

“Why are you even suggesting that?” Gideon sounded affronted.

Fabian snorted. “Surely you don't think Alice and I happened because she was just so taken in by my good looks and charm.”

“Alice?” Silence. “I had no idea. Who... When?”

“During the summer after her fifth year. Selwyn, of course.” Fabian's voice turned bitter. “He always liked taking things that weren't his to take.”

“Anders Selwyn?” I whispered.

“Mm.”

I moved closer to Neville, burrowing my head into his shoulder. His arms tightened around me in his sleep, but he didn't wake.

“Crouch too, the night that they...” Fabian exhaled slowly. “Long after school, of course. I took a good chunk of out of Crouch when he turned up on the other side. Didn't stay that way, but it made me feel a little better. I'd like to do the same to Selwyn. Where's he at, anyway? He's not dead.”

“Azkaban,” I whispered. “He's one of the ones I have nightmares about.”

“Is he.” It wasn't a question. From those two words, I could hear that Fabian understood what I meant by that, that Alice and I had something very unpleasant unpleasant in common. “I think tomorrow might be a good time for Longbottom to take me on a little journey.”

“He can't do that.” I was keeping my voice down, Neville could hear me. His day had been nearly as long as mine was, and he needed his rest as well. “Our oath makes it so that we can't use our secrets as an advantage against others.”

Another incredulous snort. “Lots of people living in this building, they're all going to sleep at some point. I'm sure one of them could be convinced to go to Azkaban, just for a moment, as soon as the quarantine is up. I've heard they don't employ Dementors there anymore.”

“Are Dementors a danger to you?” I asked curiously.

“The one thing that can hurt us. Our souls are already out of our bodies, but they can still consume us.” Gideon's voice sounded chilled, as though even the thought of a Dementor had conjured its freezing effect. “That's one of the first things we learn on the other side, it's safer for us there because of the Dementors.” The last seemed to be addressed to Fred, who stayed silent. Then to me, “You should sleep now, sweetheart. Do you want to take any of the potions?”

“No.” I thought I might be able to sleep on my own. I didn't want the daytime hallucinations that a Dreamless Sleep Potion could leave me, I didn't want the too-relaxed, careless feeling of the Calming Draught.

The souls in the room fell silent, and I fell asleep, lulled by Neville's steady breathing and Gideon's hand on my back.

 


	15. Chapter 15

I slept soundly that night, curled up against Neville's side. I was awoken early in the morning, however, by a very large, steady noise.

I felt a hand close over my shoulder. “Someone wants your attention,” Gideon told me. I realized that the noise was the Minister's deep voice, repeatedly saying my name from the sitting room as though he were summoning me.

I got up and pulled on the previous day's jeans and a clean, soft jumper, and went out to the sitting room. My leaving the bed had roused Neville more than the Minister's insistent floocall, and he grabbed up his wand and followed me out, his bare feet moving almost silently across the floor behind me.

I took a quick glance around the Auror-filled room, then knelt down in front of the fire so that the Minister would be better able to see me. “Yes, Minister?” My skin felt unpleasantly like it was trying to crawl off of my body at being so out in the open, but not having to kneel into the fire helped, as did Neville's steady presence as he sank down beside me, just a little bit back from where I was.

The Minister's broad face was pinched and tired, and there was an unpleasantness lurking in his dark eyes. The unpleasantness wasn't his, it had been put there by something else. “I regret having to wake you, but there have been reports from Hogwarts about nightmares.”

My heart caught in my throat like a piece of dry toast. “What sorts of nightmares?”

“A lot of the students wouldn't talk about it, but the nightmares seem to have been very predatory in nature.” His eyes focused on mine, a heavy weight in them. “I trust you don't need me to elaborate.” I shook my head. I had quite a bit of personal experience with predatory nightmares. “Nightmares are not generally a Ministry matter, but with so many that are the same, the headmistress contacted me, concerned about some sort of curse. I know that your department studies dreams; I called a meeting this morning, and Miss Greengrass suggested that you might be the person to speak with on this matter.” That he'd called a meeting before the work day had started showed how serious he thought this was.

My heart felt like it fell from my throat to the bottom of my stomach. “How many students?”

“Twelve in all. I need you there; you and Mr Longbottom. Miss Greengrass has filled me in on a few things.” His eyes flicked behind me to where Neville was crouched beside me, his hand a comforting presence on my shoulder. “I trust I don't need to impart the importance of haste. Poppy isn't able to give out as much Calming Draught as she'd like to until you speak to the students in question.”

I nodded. “Can we floo there?”

“Yes. The headmistress has cleared the floo in the staffroom for your use. I will contact the school later to discuss your findings.” His head was gone, the green flames in the fireplace died down.

I stood up, and behind me I could hear Neville rising as well. I turned to look at him, taking in the grim set of his face. “Will you come with me?” I asked him. The Minister had essentially just ordered him to, but I needed to ask him if he was all right with it.

His lips moved into a strained smile. “Of course I will. I'm just going to get dressed, I can have a shower when we get home.” He turned and went down the hall towards his room, and I followed him, stepping into the bathroom to brush out my hair.

Gideon had followed me, and was standing in the doorway, his brown eyes watching me closely. “Who do you think it is?”

“Greyback. I hope not, I desperately hope not. They're children, they shouldn't see...” I shuddered and my arms came around myself as I stared at the girl in the mirror. She looked pale, tired, worried. “They can be Obliviated.” I knew how. I had the authority to do it. And I would, if any of those poor children had seen even a fraction of what that monster could do. No one would question me, no one would dare.

Angry. The girl in the mirror looked angry, her grey eyes were the grey of storm clouds, fillled with the rumble of thunder, the ominous flash of lightning. _I_ was angry.

Neville appeared in the doorway just behind Gideon, who quickly stepped out of the way. He looked at me, and he was about to say something when the words died in his throat. “I haven't seen you look like that in a long time,” he told me after another moment. He was relieved. My anger made him feel better. It made me feel better, too.

I put the brush down on the counter and held my hand out to him. His fingers closed over mine, engulfing my small hand in his own. “He can't do that to children,” I said softly, my voice carrying my ire. “Not again.”

There were Dementors left in Britain. They'd been removed from their position at Azkaban, but there wasn't really any way to capture them, just to chase them away. I could find one. I had the resources, I had access to the knowledge on everything I needed to know about them. I could use one to consume Fenrir Greyback's soul.

A soft touch on my cheek called me back to the present. Neville's kind eyes were looking down at me, a question mirrored there. “I'm considering how to kill him,” I informed him evenly, my voice pleasant, neutral. “The biggest obstacle is getting the two of them in the same place without endangering anyone else- Greyback and a Dementor. But that is a consideration for another time.”

The sad, knowing look in Gideon's eyes said that he knew that by 'anyone else,' I meant, anyone other than myself. I was quite willing to sacrifice my own soul if it meant the end of Greyback's. He didn't say anything, though, just watched as Neville drew me back out to the sitting room. Neville seemed not to have caught on. Dear Neville.

We walked together to my fireplace, Gideon close behind, where all of the other souls who had stayed the night were gathered. “I'm going to stay here,” Fabian told me from where he sat on the arm of my sofa. “Make sure no one else turns up while you're gone.” Everyone else was apparently going with me, though.

Hogwarts hadn't changed since the last time I'd seen it, the walls and floor still cold grey stone with the air of contained secrets. I stepped out of the fireplace, brushing the soot from my clothing. Neville was just behind me, and he took my hand again when we got out. Gideon was suddenly there, and he found my other hand and tucked it into the crook of his arm. I took comfort from touching both of them as they flanked me in their Auror overcoats.

Professor McGonagall was waiting there for us in the staffroom, looking pinched and tired and entirely unhappy. Professor Flitwick was there too, looking grim and worried.

“Miss Lovegood,” the headmistress greeted me, her eyes sweeping over me and getting stuck where I was clutching tightly to Gideon.

“Luna,” I told her quietly, which she accepted with a brisk nod.

“I understand that you may have some unique insight into what's been plaguing our students.” I could see the concern for her students in her eyes, in the angles of her face.

I nodded. “I believe I know what's going on. I'll need to talk to the students first- or maybe just one of them. Are they speaking about it to you?”

Professor McGonagall's face grew even unhappier. “Some of them refuse to speak of it. The ones that have, they all say the same thing. It's...” She clutched at the front of her robes, just over her chest, shaking her head. “It's not anything I care to repeat, Luna. No one should have to witness it, even through a secondhand account.”

“I have to,” I told her softly, my anger making my voice firm. “Have Madam Pomfrey give most of them Calming Draughts. The strongest student, do you know what I mean?” At her nod, I continued. “I need to speak with that student.” I sighed. “Keep the rest of them gathered together. I will Obliviate this from their memories. There will be the memory of a nightmare, but the details will be gone.” My voice was even, authoritative, like the way Neville and Gideon spoke to me sometimes. “Start brewing Dreamless Sleep Potion. A lot of it. All of the students will need to take some at night until further notice.” I was acting on my suspicions, but it would take a long time to brew that much potion. To wait until I had the truth would allow valuable time to just slip through the stone walls and away forever.

The two professors exchanged a look, and each of them sent a silvery Patronus out of the staffroom to do their bidding. They accepted what I told them without question. I was the witch with knowledge of the situation, and they wanted the answers that I had.

“I know you have questions, and I'll do my best to answer them just as soon as I can. I'll be telling you secrets today. My secrets.” I sat down in one of the dark wooden chairs, and Neville settled himself behind me, standing easily with his hands resting on my shoulders. Gideon crouched down beside the chair, resting his hand on my forearm.

In just a short time, Madam Pomfrey came in with a pale girl who looked to be in her sixth year, her brown eyes haunted. She looked just as old as I'd been... I knew. I knew what she'd seen, I could see it reflected in her eyes. I asked Neville and Professor Flitwick to leave the room. Neville looked a question at me and I just gave him a sad sort of smile, and he understood, pressing my hand before he left. “You too,” I told Fred.

“Luna...”

I shook my head. “The less people who have to witness her horror, the better for her.”

He left as well, Tonks did too, but I knew Fred wasn't happy about it. I couldn't let myself be alone. I didn't ask Gideon to leave, and he stayed beside me, silent and strong.

Madam Pomfrey got the girl settled down into a chair, and I conjured a blanket for her, offering it to her but letting her draw it around herself. She needed to feel in control. She needed to feel as though she had choices, options, as though I wasn't making her take the blanket or wrap it around herself.

I sank down in front of her, sitting on the floor with my legs crossed in front of me. I could feel Gideon's hand on the middle of my back, reassuring me with his presence. He was a man, but she wouldn't be able to see him. “What happened?” I asked her gently.

I heard the words pouring out of her mouth. Words of torture and rape, of claw-like-fingernails, of jagged teeth. Her terror made the words jumble together, made her voice shudder and crack, but I heard her tell me the things that had been done to me, and I nodded, my fingers digging into my denim-covered knee. “It felt so real,” she whimpered when she was done, her body shaking unconcontrollably.

I clung to my anger, anger drowned the misery from haunting memories. “I'm going to take this nightmare away from you,” I told her. “You'll remember a bad dream, but you won't remember what he did to you.”

She nodded, her eyes filled with fear. She didn't quite trust me, she couldn't trust anyone.

I took out my wand and waved it at her. “Obliviate.”

The change was instantaneous. Her face relaxed, her body stopped looking as though her muscles were trying to jump out of her skin.

“I'll take her back to the hospital ward to rest,” Madam Pomfrey told the headmistress, and led the poor girl away.

Professor Flitwick and Neville came back into the room. Neville crouched down beside me, and his finger on my cheek made me realize that I was crying. Tears were spilling unheeded out of my eyes. My anger, my pain, my memories from her lips, my feelings were spilling out the only way they could.

“What was that?” Professor McGonagall asked brusquely. What she'd heard had affected her, though she was trying not to let it.

“That was a memory,” I told her, my mouth smiling without the rest of my face. It was either smile or weep, and I didn't have the luxury of losing myself to the sobs that were lurking just behind my eyes. “My memory. And Fenrir Greyback's.”

I could see the realization behind her eyes, but she shook her head, her rational mind refusing to believe that one person could inflict that on another. “I'll tell you more when I've assisted the other students.”

They were waiting in the hospital wing for me. Even with the Calming Draughts, some of them were beyond reason. I took it away from them. I took the nightmare away, I eased their suffering. I was happy to do it. And then I was back in the staffroom, hardly recalling the journey either way.

I was pressed gently into my own chair, a blanket tucked firmly around me. Fred took one of my hands, Gideon the other. Neville was behind me, his hands gently rubbing my shoulders. The Minister joined us by floo, his head coming up in the green flames in the fire.

They were waiting for me, for my secrets.

I told them. I told them very generally about my stay at Malfoy Manor, who was involved in what had happened to me. I told them about being struck on the head, about Fred and Gideon and Fenrir Greyback, and the soul window. I told them about Gellert Grindelwald, about what had happened decades before and what Daphne and I suspected was happening again.

They reacted, they had to. I didn't tell them the details of what had been done to me, just that it had happened, and the reactions were still very visceral. Professor Flitwick looked like he was going to weep, like he was going to spill the tears that I couldn't lose control over. Tonks was pacing, every once in a while looking at me with helpless anger. The broad planes of the Minister's face were drawn, angry, and intensely regretful. He was sorry for what had happened, sorry that he hadn't found out the extent of it until now. He knew some of what had happened- I hadn't spoken of it, but Mr Ollivander had supplied what he knew.

Neville, dear Neville. I could tell he wanted to pull me against him, to take comfort in my presence and allow me to take comfort in his. He couldn't, though, not yet. And so his hands gripped my shoulders, tight enough that I would have finger-shaped marks.

“That Fenrir Greyback shared our memory with them makes me believe that this was a message for me,” I told them, my voice chillingly loud in the suddenly still room.

“Then why wouldn't Grindelwald just go to you and deliver the message in person?” the Minister asked his usually slow voice clipped and urgent. It was a reasonable question.

My mouth was smiling again, though the rest of my face still didn't really want to. “I think he wants me to go to him. Go beyond the Veil.”

The room filled with a silence so oppressive that I could almost feel it, wrapping around me like a chilled fog. I shifted under the blanket, disappearing under it as much as I could without my hands.

Neville's hands pulled painfully at my shoulders, as though he was fighting not to pull me to him. “Not death,” he breathed. Fear. There was a very real fear in his voice.

I shook my head. “I don't believe so. I would be no more use to him dead. There is a way to get my soul beyond the Veil without the death of my physical body. I would need to use the soul window, and a spell, of course. But it is very possible.” That was what I had been working on before Gideon had arrived, and my duties at the Ministry had shifted. I almost had it worked out.

“I will go with you,” Gideon murmured, and I nodded, my lips trying to form the grateful smile. They wouldn't, though, they were quite unwilling to move upwards.

“Hogwarts will have to be quarantined as well,” came the Minister's deep voice from the direction of the fire, and I nodded in agreement.

“It may already be too late,” Professor McGonagall said, her lips forming a thin line across her face when she was done speaking. “People come and go from the castle all the time.”

“Nonetheless, we must attempt it.” He was firm in his suggestion. “I'll have some Aurors sent up to Hogwarts.”

“Have St Mungo's start brewing Dreamless Sleep potions as well, release something to the papers for people to brew their own.” I could see the Minister working on another question, and I answered it before he could ask. “Say that it's a curse. It is a curse of sorts, just not the type that's cast. If it does get out and people start seeing...” I shook my head. “If people start seeing what the students saw, then they will need to be Obliviated.” Or my other memories, the ones with Selwyn. I was relieved that he was still locked up in Azkaban. He and I- and Travers- were the only ones who knew exactly what he had done to me. I didn't think Travers would be able to replicate what he'd seen in people's nightmares, if he hadn't been able to participate in the first place.

“Longbottom, can you Obliviate?” The minister's next question was directed over my shoulder.

Neville's hands jumped, as though he wasn't expecting to be addressed, and it had startled him. “Yes, Minister.” His fingers pressed against my shoulders again as though he was anchoring himself agaisnt my body.

“If this does get out, then we're going to need statements from those affected. And then they will need to be Obliviated.”

I felt Neville shift behind me. “Minister, if one soul can affect twelve people in one night... There's only one of me. And Luna needs me.” His hands squeezed on my shoulders again, and I had to smile.

“Recruit whoever you need to.” The Minister sounded so weary. I could see his hand rub over his forehead in the green flames. “If we need to field a full Department of Mysteries Auror Support Team... If we need to involve the majority of the damn Auror Department, we can.”

“The Oaths,” I reminded him softly.

“We'll do as we need to. Hopefully it won't come to that.” He gave me a grim look. “Will you be going beyond the Veil?”

“I don't see that I have much choice.” Neville's fingers dug into my shoulders again, but he didn't say anything.

“Thank you, Miss Lovegood. I'm afraid I have other matters that require my attention, but contact me when you've worked out a plan.” His head was gone, the flames vanished.

“I need to get Daphne to owl me my research.” I sighed. This promised to be a very long day, and it had hardly even started.

“Miss Lovegood.” Professor McGonagall peered at me over her spectacles. “Luna. Would you care to join us for breakfast?”

Breakfast. I shook my head slowly. “When such a large group of people are together, I get quite a headache. The voices, the echoes... My ears don't hold them very well.”

“Very well. You are welcome to the Hogwarts library if that will assist you in your endeavors. In addition, I would extend our hospitality to you, should you wish it.” She and Professor Flitwick stood, and Professor Flitwick came over and pressed my hand for a moment, his eyes filled with a comforting sort of look. Not sympathy, he didn't pity me. That was important. I gave him a sad smile in return, and he turned and left the room.

I pulled off the blanket and stood as well, and made to turn back to the fire, but the headmistress's voice pulled my attention back to her. “Luna, may I have a word with you?”

I nodded, turning back towards her. From the look in her eyes, this was the kind of word that I wanted to be sitting down for. I regained my seat, the wooden chair still warm from the heat of my body.

Her eyes moved to Neville, and I could see her unspoken question. “Neville knows,” I told her quietly. He knew some of it, he'd seen it.

“Have you spoken to anyone about what happened to you?”

I shook my head. “I try not to think of it at all. Talking about it...” I shook my head again. I still hadn't talked about it. It had been related to me, but that wasn't the same. Or was it? Did it matter?

“You need to,” she told me briskly, and I stared at her, my eyes widening as I shook my head desperately. “What I heard today was terrible, and I'm certain that wasn't the extent of it. However, when you keep these things inside, you give them power over you. You are afraid of them coming out, and your fear feeds the hold they have over you.”

“I don't want to.” I drew my feet up on the seat of the chair and wrapped my arms around my knees. “There's more, there was...” I met her eyes squarely. “I can't bear pity.”

“Do you see pity here, Miss Lovegood?” Her green eyes were firm and sad, and yet there wasn't a flicker of pity in them.

I shook my head, my eyes dropping to the scarred table in front of me. “No one else should have to hear those things.” My voice was a whisper, my voice hiding under the weight of my anxiety.

“And yet, if no one does, you will never emerge from under them.”

Neville's hand closed over my shoulder again. “If it's all right, Professor, I'll go down for some breakfast.”

She gave him a brisk nod. “There will be a place set at the staff table for you.”

He took my hand and gently brought it to his lips, a soft kiss, and then he moved out of the room. Tonks did as well, with a sympathetic smile.

“Fred...” I looked up at my best friend, trying to urge him with my eyes to leave.

He shook his head, I could see the stubborn set in his face. “No.”

I shook my head as well. “Fred, your life has moved beyond me. Do you want to take this anger to Daphne?”

“I've seen it all.” His gesture made it clear that he was talking about the scars, I knew our relationship would have been irrevocably changed if he'd seen the nightmares.

“Seeing the scars and hearing what happened are very different.” I knew I wouldn't be able to make him leave if he really didn't want to go. But I looked at him, expressing what I couldn't say with my eyes. Hearing this would take him away from Daphne and George. He would want vengeance. He would want retribution. He would leave them, after they'd just found him. I couldn't take him away from them. They needed him more than I did.

He left. He was very unhappy about it, but he left.

“If you'll forgive me, Professor, I need to...” I stood up and moved to the corner, sinking down into it, my back pressed against the two walls. “I need to know that no one can be behind me.”

Gideon sank down beside me and offered me his hand. I took it, gripping it tightly as it disappeared. “I wish I could hold you.”

“I know.” He knew why he couldn't. I wouldn't be able to see him. If I was going to face the memories, bring them back up from where I'd buried them at the very bottom of my being under everything else, I needed to be able to see him. I clutched his hand in both of mine, wishing desperately that I could be stronger.

I told her. I told her all of my secrets.

 


	16. Chapter 16

She turned her back, still listening, as I related everything that had happened. She couldn't look at me while I told her of the terrible things that had been done to me, she couldn't face me, knowing I'd gone through those things. I told her about Greyback making me run and forcing me onto all fours, about his claws and his teeth, about the scars that covered most of my body that were largely his. I told her about Anders Selwyn and his blindfolds, and his love of talking. I told her about Bellatrix Lestrange's knife, about Rodolphus Lestrange's creative spells. I told her about being helpless, being a prisoner in my own body. There were things I left out, details that stood out in my mind that didn't bear repeating. What I said was enough, though.

We both needed fortification. Hers came in the form of tea so heavily laced with Scotch that I doubted there was any tea in it at the end. I took a Calming Draught, and then another one, and then Gideon was able to pull me across his thighs and wrap his arms around me as I was lost to the careless relaxation of the potion.

And then there were no more words, just a silence weighting down the room filled with unpleasant memories. My unpleasant memories. She peered into her mug with a frown, then waved her wand, filling it up again. Another wave of her wand set a mug of tea hovering near my elbow. I took it and drank, and we sat together in silence. She still hadn't really looked at me, I was presented with her profile.

Gideon had left his head and his neck visible to me- he knew that I would need to see at least some part of him, even with the Calming Draught. His expression was determined instead of haunted, his eyes firm and dark, strong. He'd taken in the survival in my words instead of the torment. I laid my head against his shoulder, taking shelter in his understanding.

“I think you should speak with Bill Weasley,” she said at last. “He has some insight into what it's like to be bitten by a werewolf in human form. I believe that when you recover, you will be similarly affected. It seems a slim comfort that he wasn't lost to the moon during... those times.”

I'd thought about that from time to time over the years. “I would be dead.” My voice was empty, pleasant. It had been a yearning from time to time, but now the potion left me feeling nothing. I shook my head, the sorrow of the situation barely touching me. “I can't speak with Bill. George... George talks to me now.” I hadn't spoken to him since he and Neville had the fistfight in my kitchen, but I knew that it was a lack of opportunity rather than purposeful avoidance.

She didn't have an answer for that. She stared into the liquid in her teacup, then looked up at me for the first time since I'd told her my secrets. “The Muggles have a name for this. They call it Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. After the war, so many of the students who were involved were affected, that we had to turn to less traditional methods to help them.” She was watching me, her green eyes shining. “Nightmares, disassociation. It explains a lot of what happened through your final year here.” Her grip tightened around her mug, her knuckles standing out white against the thinness of her skin. Her eyes followed, her gaze floating again in the contents of her cup. “I wish you would have spoken of this while you were still attending here.”

“How does she recover?” Gideon asked, and I relayed his question without thinking.

She turned her frown towards me, her eyes searching as she took in where I was sitting raised from the floor, as though noticing it for the first time. She very quickly perceived what was going on, seeming to notice that the question did not originate with me. “Who is here with us?”

“Gideon Prewett.”

A fond smile touched her lips for just an instant, quickly vanishing again to the shadow of her frown. “Gideon, there is no correct answer for recovery. Some need to speak of it. Neville and Mr Finnigan spent two months at the bottom of a cup before Augusta took them both to task. I understand Mr Thomas spoke with a Muggle psychiatrist.”

“And you?” I repeated Gideon's question, and her smile grew slightly bitter.

She stared again into the depths of her mug. “I lock myself in my office and seek the counsel of those who came before me.” Her eyes came back to me. “Luna, I suspect that a great many people who refused to speak with you will very soon have a change of heart. And in your case, I believe that not being isolated will go a long way in your recovery. I knew that your friends had abandoned you, although I didn't understand why. I had heard that you had said something very grievous to Ronald and Ginny Weasley, the sort of thing that even friendship couldn't forgive.” Her lips turned up a bitter smile again. “One of the follies of my House is to run blindly forward based on our beliefs, without taking a moment to stop and consider that there may be another point of view.”

“There's always another point of view,” I whispered, and Gideon stroked the hair back from my forehead, pushing the teacup gently up to urge me to take another drink.

“Indeed. I believe I've seen it, and I think that may have been the cruelest thing that's been done to you, more than any of the atrocities you experienced while in the custody of Death Eaters. It is one thing to suffer with the support of those you love. It is quite another to suffer alone.” Her gaze moved over my shoulder, searching as though she would be able to find something. “I remember hearing when Gideon and his brother fell. I was surprised, they were some of Alastor's best.”

“We were desperately outnumbered,” he supplied quietly, which I relayed to her.

“Of course you were!” she snapped. “There wasn't a Death Eater alive who could take on the two of you. I often wonder how things would have differed if we'd had you, the Longbottoms...” She was frowning at her mug again.

“Thinking like that is a trap,” I told her, the same thing I'd told Gideon. “You can get lost in what could have been, and lose all of your time to regretting the past instead of living in the present.”

There was a gentle knock on the door, and her head snapped up, briskly bidding whoever it was to enter. The door opened and Neville came in, his eyes immediately coming to me. “All right, Luna?” he asked. He walked over to crouch down next to me, his dark boots falling quickly against the floor. I couldn't feel the impact through Gideon's legs, but the sight was almost entrancing.

I nodded. I was still filled with the warm lassitude of the Calming Draught.

“Neville.” Professor McGongall's voice was stern, pulling our attention back to her. “How could you see that and think she was not speaking the truth?” The reproof was clear in her voice, I remembered that tone from the years I'd spent in her Transfiguration classes.

I saw the flush spreading down from his ears, and I answered before he could. “Professor McGonagall, Fred couldn't do this until very recently. He could only touch the living in a passing fashion, he certainly couldn't hold anyone.”

“Minerva,” she told me, giving me a long look.

Neville had closed the door behind him, but Fred was there, then, and Tonks as well. Tonks was scanning the room attentively, but Fred looked immediately down to where I was. “Have you eaten?” he asked me, his voice still slightly sullen from being ejected from the room, and I shook my head. “You need breakfast, love.”

I was about to answer, but a flare of green flames pulled my attention to the fireplace. I could see the side of it from my spot in the corner, see the green glow that came from within. “Longbottom, are you still there?” It was the Minister of Magic again, sounding infinitely more weary than he had before.

Neville stood up and moved over to stand in front of the fireplace, where he could see the Minister. “I'm here.”

The Minister's deep, measured tones filled the room. “There's been an incident at Malfoy Manor, related to what happened there, I believe. The younger Mr Malfoy is here, making a nuisance of himself in my Auror Department. I need you to go to Wiltshire and persuade Lucius Malfoy to give you a statement.”

Neville smiled a very grim smile. “I'm sure I can do that.” He was angry with Lucius Malfoy, that much was clear. Mr Malfoy made a very convenient target for the anger about the things that had happened to me.

“Don't antagonize him, Longbottom,” came the caution, but there seemed to be an unspoken _more than you think you can get away with_. “Miss Lovegood?”

“Yes?” I shifted to get up, but Neville came back to me and offered me his hand, and I took it and let him draw me gently to my feet, and then I was walking closer to the fire. My limbs felt almost weightless, and I was leaning on Neville in an effort to keep my feet. He let me.

The Minister looked up at me for a moment, expression unreadable. “Miss Greengrass has your notes prepared and is going to owl them to you. Where should I have her send them?”

I glanced over at the headmistress. “May I stay in the Room of Requirement?” It would provide me with what I needed, I could get up and down to the library easily, and it would keep me away from the students. I had thought about going back to my flat, but having access to the Hogwarts library would make finishing my research considerably easier, and I would remain closer to the soul window.

“Yes, of course.” The speed of her answer indicated that she'd considered the possibility prior to my asking.

I turned back to the green flames and the head within. “Ask her to send them here, please.”

“Very well.” He was gone again, the flames dying down to nothing again, not even an ember dancing in the bottom of the fireplace.

Neville drew me against his chest, his arms closing securely around me. “When I'm done out there, I'll get some things from the flat, and I'll come back here for the night, all right?” The first night after he'd decided to move into my flat, I'd changed the charms protecting it so that he would be able to freely move in and out.

I nodded, sliding my hands around him under his overcoat, the same way I did with Gideon. It was different to be able to see him, to see my hands move over his blue shirt. “It's not his fault.”

By the significantly weighted silence, he knew precisely what I was talking about. “I'll send you a Patronus when I'm on my way back, that way you can come out and let me in. Is Gideon still where he was?”

A glance over to the corner showed that Gideon was still seated there, watching us closely. “He is.”

Neville addressed the corner. “Shall I ask Fabian to join me here when I get back to the flat, or do you think that his presence will no longer be required?”

Gideon thought for a moment, his hand rubbing across his chin. “What exactly is the Room of Requirement?”

I answered him. “It gives the seeker precisely what they need and what they specify. No one else can come in unless they specifically know what to look for. Things have been hidden there in the past- people, too.”

“I wonder if we can get in on our own.” He paused for a moment, thinking. “No thank you, Longbottom, Tonks can go out there and talk to him.”

I relayed the answer, and Neville nodded, satisfied. “I'll see you tonight, then.” He leaned over and kissed the top of my head, making me smile, before making his goodbyes and leaving the room.

After he left, I turned back to the headmistress. “If I go down to the library, it's going to be at night.” It would be easier at night. There would be no eyes, no voices, no one to ask questions.

She nodded briskly. “I shall inform the staff. I'll make an announcement to the students at breakfast tomorrow, that you're here on official Ministry business, and you're not to be disturbed if they do happen to see you.” Her voice was firm, her eyes determined. She had slid back into her role as headmistress, hiding everything behind the stern efficiency that she used as her shield.

“Thank you,” I said quietly.

“I'll walk you up there now, the students will leave you be if they see me with you.” She stood, leaving her empty mug on the table, and gestured towards the door. “You are welcome to use the staffroom any time you wish to use the floo network.”

“Thank you,” I repeated. Gideon had pulled himself to his feet and came over to offer me his hand. When I placed mine into it, he put my hand in the crook of his very invisible arm, keeping his other hand tucked firmly over mine.

“You need to eat,” Fred observed firmly, almost scolding me as he fell in step on my other side, between the headmistress and I.

I sighed. “I am reminded that I haven't eaten yet.” I didn't particularly want to eat. I didn't particularly want to do anything, the Calming Draught had seen to that.

Professor McGonagall nodded. “I'll have a house-elf bring meals up to you if you tell me how you have the Room arranged.”

I nodded. I could do that, it would certainly be easiest. “Thank you.”

She paused, and I could feel her strong green eyes taking me in. “And for Neville as well?”

“Yes. At least breakfast and dinner, he may not be able to stay here during the day. Although he may rather eat downstairs in the Great Hall.” It was odd to think that Neville wasn't with me. I'd quickly grown used to his constant companionship, and now... Now he wasn't here. I moved a little closer to Gideon, who looked down with an understanding in his brown eyes.

“Somehow I doubt that,” she answered, a finality in her words.

We hadn't gone very far when it became impossible to ignore the students swarming through the long stone corridors, filling my head with their echoing voices. I had to clap my hands over my ears to fight the noise. It was this bad in the Ministry, but it wasn't very far from the floos to the lifts, and down to the wonderful silence of level nine. Here, though, there was a long way to go. My final year of school had been like this. I'd been late to most of my classes to ensure that this very thing didn't happen. The Calming Draught did nothing against the pain.

I was pulled into an empty classroom, loosing my grip on Gideon's arm. The door quickly shut behind me, closing off the noise behind it. Fred stared at me, looking distinctly unhappy. “Sorry, love, I forgot about this.”

I had as well. I sank to the floor, resting my back against the wall, holding my knees against my chest. Gideon appeared in front of me, crouching down to look into my face. His eyes were concerned. “What can I do, sweetheart?”

The door opened. Professor McGonagall stepped inside, and when she saw me on the floor, the door was firmly shut again behind her. “The students in the halls,” she observed, and I nodded.

“I'm sorry, Professor, I have no wish to inconvenience you. Perhaps it's best if I just go back to my flat.” It would make things more complicated for me, but I'd already impinged on her so much, I didn't want to complicate things further for her. It was the least I could do after she'd heard my secrets.

“Nonsense.” Her swift negation came as she looked down at me, arms clutched in front of her in an expression of thought. “It should be easier after the first class starts, should it not?” I nodded. “Then we shall simply wait. You may move about the castle at night as you wish. I'd warn you to take caution, but I believe you shall find Hogwarts very sympathetic towards you.”

“It was when I was here to finish school,” I said quietly. There had always been quiet places to duck into when I needed to get away from the noise, little nooks to study in that were always comfortably warm, with just the right amount of light. Fred had commented on it. He'd prided himself on knowing all of Hogwarts' secrets, but there were places even he hadn't seen before.

“Filius will be speaking with the Aurors when they arrive; while I may still be able to intimidate some of them, I have no direct authority over them.” She was warning me that while she would keep the staff and students out of my way, she wouldn't be able to stop the Aurors should they try to intervene in my actions.

“I do. Neville does as well.” It was a safe assumption that Neville would accompany me on any nighttime journeys down to the library. While I wouldn't hesitate to keep myself safe again, Neville's presence would very likely make that unnecessary.

Her mouth set into a grim line. “I will try to keep Peeves away from you as well.”

I shook my head, settling my arms more tightly around my knees. “The ghosts don't come around me anymore. They don't like that I see them as mere shadows of souls, that I can see what lies beyond the Veil while they cannot.”

The headmistress took her silver pocket watch from the front of her robes and looked at it for a moment. “The day's first class has started, if you'd like to continue up to the Room of Requirement.”

Gideon straightened and extended his hand to me, and it disappeared as soon as I took it. He helped me to my feet, keeping possession of my hand.

There were few students left in the cold stone corridors as we continued on our way. The small number of those we did pass had eyes that looked curiously at me, but shied away when they realized who the imposing woman at my side was. She was a good shield against curiosity. While the students would likely speculate later, they wouldn't dare approach me directly.

At length I faced the smooth hallway before the Room of Requirement. Pacing along in front of it, I thought about what I needed. Somewhere quiet that the students couldn't find, but the house-elves and Patronuses could. A desk with plenty of room to work at, a bed, a bathroom. Anything else could be added as we went along.

The door opened to reveal a very plain room with exactly my specifications. I turned my face up to look at the headmistress. “I made it so that the house-elves could find it, but the students couldn't.”

She took a quick look inside, then nodded, satisfied. “I'll leave you. Someone will be up directly with your breakfast, and I'll have a house-elf bring up your research when it arrives.”

“Thank you, Minerva,” I told her quietly, and she gave me a small smile before turning and striding briskly away, back down to the floors below.

“This is right handy,” Gideon marveled as he stepped inside.

“I wish I'd known about this place when I was here,” Tonks stated as she looked around. “Then again, Sprout is probably pretty glad I didn't. Go on in and close the door so we can see if souls can use it, or just the living.”

Fred and I followed Gideon through the door, which closed firmly behind us. After a few moments, I opened the door and looked outside.

“Can't,” she announced. “I can't get directly inside, either. That's good, though. If one of us does manage to slip in at the same time as you, they'll be stuck there until they can be found and dealt with. Or they can just leave. Safer, without keeping us all out.” She looked between Gideon and me. “If you're going to stay mostly in here, I don't know that you'll need everyone.” She was speaking to me, but her subtle question was aimed at Gideon.

“Go back to Remus,” he said, smiling a little. “Fabian can come here or go if he'd like, too. From the sounds of it, we'll be joining you soon enough.”

She grinned and waved brightly, and then she was gone. I let the door close again.

Fred was looking around. “It is a bit bare in here. I don't suppose we'd get a television to work all the way out there.” He gave me a grin. “Can you call up a chessboard and a couple of chairs?”

I nodded and thought about it, and the Room obliged me, setting out a Wizard's Chess board, and two soft purple armchairs, one on either side.

“Anything you think of, and it appears?” Gideon marveled, looking at the new additions to the room.

“Just about,” Fred replied, walking over to settle into one of the chairs. “No food, of course, no books with actual words in them. Does a lot, though.”

“This is a lot like beyond the Veil,” Gideon mused. “Although I suppose it's not quite as limitless, being that we are in an actual room.”

“It expands fairly large,” Fred told him, settling down in one of the purple chairs. “Fancy a game of chess, Uncle?”

 


	17. Chapter 17

My research notes came later that day, brought up by a house-elf. Daphne included a note saying that she was going to try and get out to see me as soon as the quarantine was lifted, there were things she wanted to discuss with me and she didn't want to use the floo. I was grateful for that, I still didn't want to use the floo again, especially when I was so close to the soul window.

Neville arrived shortly after my papers did. His Patronus floated into the room, pulling my attention up from where I was organizing my work across the desk. The silvery mongoose opened its mouth, and Neville's voice, so weary, filled the room. “I'm here, Luna, please let me in.”

I stood up and went to open the door. I was going to tell him how to get himself into the room, but he didn't really give me a chance to. He stepped through the door and pulled me into his arms, making me lose my grip on the door. He lowered his head as the door swung shut, burying his nose in my hair. He was seeking comfort from me. I'd barely had a chance to look at him, but I'd seen that he looked tired, drawn.

I slid my hands around him, under his overcoat, and let him draw comfort from holding me. I didn't ask him any questions, it was obvious what he needed. He would get to what was bothering him when he was ready.

At length, he stepped back. His fingers were combing through my hair, and the look in his eyes was the same look I saw in the eyes of the girl in the mirror. “It was Bellatrix Lestrange,” he told me, his voice distant.

“Did she hurt you?” I was concerned for him, worried about the look in his eyes. He looked unhurt, but there were other types of pain than those that made you bleed.

He shook his head. “She was gone by the time I got there. She blames him for Narcissa Malfoy killing herself.” His eyes, his kind eyes, were sad. “He talked about what they made her do.” There was a hardness in his eyes now. “He was drinking. Apparently Malfoy likes to talk when he drinks.”

“She's at peace,” Gideon broke in unexpectedly from the depths of the room. “She sleeps beyond the Veil.”

I told Neville that. “I'm glad she's at peace,” I added softly. “I wouldn't be alive if she hadn't been there. She kept me, too, from conceiving a child.” I looked into his eyes, allowing him to see the truth. “I would not have survived having a child from that.”

“Malfoy said. Said too that it was his blood-replenishing potions that were poured down your throat.” His eyes searched mine. “He saw some of... What happened. He wants to see you again.”

I hadn't seen him since I'd been rescued from Malfoy Manor, and had no wish to. “I can't go there,” I whispered.

“I told him as much. He said he'd come here, or go wherever he had to. I think he wants to make sure you're all right. And,” his mouth twisted into an unpleasant smile. “I think he wants your forgiveness.”

“I'm not all right.”

“I told him. He didn't know what to say to that.” He exhaled heavily, rubbing his hand along his chin, his fingers rasping across the bristles that had grown through during the day. “And the Minister would like to hold trials for the others involved in what happened to you, which would mean a statement from you in full court; and Draco Malfoy went to the Ministry from the Manor, and Malfoy didn't hear anything from Bellatrix after that, so it's very likely that the quarantine will be lifted.” Tired, he sounded so very tired.

I rested my cheek against his chest again, holding him close to me. I didn't say anything, I just held him, giving him all of the comfort I could.

“I flooed the Minister from our flat to tell him about Malfoy, and he told me about his plans for the trial for Selwyn, and a post-humous hearing for Greyback, he mentioned something about a pensieve.” The hand still caught in my hair smoothed down over my shoulders and I saw a look of sheepish guilt move through his brown eyes. “I may have shouted at him a bit about your memories not being something to parade about the wizarding populace.”

I reached up and laid my hand against his cheek. “Dear Neville.”

I felt his skin grow a little warmer under the skin of my palm, and his mouth moved into a smile. “He won't force the issue; I reckon he just feels guilty, and he wants the Wizengamot to give you more gold so he can feel like he did something about it.”

“I don't need any more.” The sums I'd been given from the Malfoys and the Lestranges for what Rodolphus Lestrange had freely admitted he'd done were more than enough to keep me comfortable for the rest of my life, even without the addition of the contents of my father's vault, which contained money given to him from the Ministry. “I don't want to tell a courtroom full of people about the things that happened to me. All of those people, all of those eyes.” I shook my head and withdrew from him, no longer able to offer comfort. I wrapped my arms around myself and started to turn away.

His hand closed over my elbow, preventing me from moving completely away. “Luna, don't pull away from me.” I looked back up into his face, and his eyes more than his hand on my arm urged me to turn towards him again, settling myself against his body. I felt a kiss pressed against the top of my head.

“They're quite close,” Fred's voice came from around the other side of Neville's body, somewhere beyond him in the room. He sounded not entirely happy, he sounded... jealous.

“No closer, I reckon, than you and Miss Greenglass,” Gideon answered, sounding slightly amused. “Neville's heart beats, Fred. His lungs move air in and out of his body. She can touch him and still see him when she does. He's her anchor at night- he keeps the nightmares away. Were you able to do any of that?”

Gideon's words moved into my mind and stayed for a moment, and I slipped away from Neville again, moving past him towards my desk, where my papers were stacked and spread across it, waiting for my attention. “It's not fair to expect you to be so important to my life.” I looked at my desk for a moment, my eyes moving over my notes without seeing them. A moment's thought conjured a mirror just a short way from me, standing tall and heavy with a thick wooden frame. I moved to it, staring at the girl in the mirror. “You are your own person, Neville, you're not my person.”

I heard a sigh from that side of the room. “A little help, Gideon?”

“I think you're on your own with this one, mate.”

I watched the shape of my mouth as it formed Gideon's words, almost entranced. To my surprise, the brown eyes that appeared over the top of my head weren't Fred's, they were Neville's. Caring, with just the edge of hardness he'd picked up as an Auror.

“Luna.” His hands rose up behind me and fell to rest gently on my shoulders. I felt their warmth through my jumper. “What's not fair is abandoning a friend after she's been tortured and lost her father. That's what isn't fair. I understand that there are things you want control over, but you can't make that decision for me. It's my choice to be here.”

I watched the track of the the single tear sliding down the face of the girl in the mirror. I watched a hand lift off of my shoulder and touch my face, wiping it away. I saw Neville bend his head down and kiss her hair- my hair. “That's me,” I murmured, raising my own hand to rest on one of his. It wasn't just the girl in the mirror being touched, I was feeling it too.

I could see his gentle smile. “Do you want to go down to the library tonight?” he asked.

I scanned the deep purplish shadows under his eyes. “You don't need to come with me. I know you're very tired, and I'll be going there- and staying there- quite late tonight.”

“It's part of my job to protect you, isn't it? I can't exactly do that from up here if you're in the library, now can I?” The hand that had taken the tear from my cheek now lifted up a strand of my blond hair, holding it as though unaware he was doing so.

“Gideon will be with me.” The Auror in question had already assured me of such.

He nodded, his eyes bobbing up and down behind my head. “Some of those you may need to be kept from won't be able to see or hear Gideon.”

“I can defend myself.” A glimmer of that morning's anger sparked in my eyes, but was gone almost immediately as I noticed it there. I stared at my eyes, fascinated. When I was angry, I no longer looked haunted, lost. When I was angry, I looked like a different me.

Neville pressed another kiss to the top of my head. “I know you can, Luna. But wouldn't it be better to not need to?”

I stared at his reflection as I considered his question. That was what I had told Minerva. As I watched him, my hair slipped from his fingers and his hand came down to my shoulder again. It didn't stop there, however, it slid over my shoulder, down my arm, and onto my waist. I watched, fascinated, as his hand slipped slowly around my side and over the woolen purple jumper covering my stomach. It stopped, the tips of his long fingers just brushing against the front of my hipbone, and I stared at his hand. He was close enough to me that I could feel the warmth of his body behind me, but he wasn't against my back, not quite.

When my gaze lifted to meet that of his reflection again, his eyes were closed. “I'm... sorry,” he muttered, his hands falling away as he pulled away from me and turned his back.

“No, it's fine,” I assured him quickly. “That felt nice.” It had. I'd been able to see him, see that I wasn't trapped, and that took the terror away from his presence behind me. I watched his reflection walk away, his hand rasping again across his chin.

“Ask Longbottom if he fancies a game of chess,” Fred suggested, and the jealousy was completely gone from his voice, to be replaced by something that sounded a lot like sympathy.

“Fred wants to know if you'd like to have a game of chess with him.”

“I- yes. I would. Thank you.” He glanced up at me for just the briefest of moments before settling himself on one side of the chessboard, and Fred sat down opposite him. “I'm afraid I'm not much better at it than I used to be.”

I turned away from the mirror and the reflection of frustrated guilt on Neville's face, moving over to my desk to sit down to look at the papers thereon. It had been a bit since I'd looked at any of my research, and I wanted to get it fresh in my mind so that when I went down to the library, I would know exactly what I was looking for.

I became aware of Gideon standing behind me. “Want a hand, sweetheart? I'm more of a fighter than a scholar, but I've got more first-hand knowledge than you do, I think.”

I looked up at him, at the very knowing expression on his face. “Yes, thank you.”

We looked over my research together for the next few hours. Every so often, Gideon would have an observation about my notes that needed to be added, things I hadn't known or thought to consider before.

A light touch on my shoulder pulled my attention away, and I saw a house-elf standing beside me with a very determined look on her face. “Dinner is now,” she told me, her squeaky voice stern.

Gideon chuckled. “I'd get up and eat, she looks liable to sit on you and feed you herself if she has to.”

I followed the direction that her bony finger was pointing in, and saw that Neville had already called up a dining table, thoughtfully including four chairs. He was seated in front of a steaming plate of food and watching us, looking very amused.

Unfolding myself from my chair, I stretched my arms up over my head before walking over to sit down next to him. “This looks very nice, thank you.” The house-elf had followed quite closely behind me and was now standing beside my chair, those immense green eyes shifting pointedly between my mouth and my plate.

“I think McGonagall told her to ensure that you ate,” Fred observed, sounding very amused indeed.

After we ate, the house-elf and plates vanished. I went back to my research, Gideon leaning against the desk and looking over everything I went through. I got lost in time much the same way I usually did at work, and when I set my quill down and thought about the time I realized that several hours had passed.

It was past the Hogwarts curfew, so I stood up from my desk and looked around for Neville. He was fast asleep on one of the armchairs, his head back, his breathing deep and even. I watched him sleep for a moment, considering just letting him rest. He looked so content, so peaceful. It didn't seem right; he'd hardly had a decent sleep since he'd become my flatmate, and it just didn't seem nice to disturb his rest.

“How pleased do you think he would be to wake up and find you gone?” Gideon asked mildly from where he was leaning against my desk.

He certainly had a point. Neville wouldn't be at all happy if I wasn't there when he woke up, and I didn't want to worry him. I crossed the room to him and gently laid my palm across his cheek.

His eyes flew open at my light touch, red in his exhaustion but instantly alert. “Are we going down now?”

I thought about the question for a moment. It was tempting to tell him no, to tell him to go to bed instead. The library would still be there the following night. But he was already up, pulling his overcoat back on and securing his wand at his hip.

I held my own wand loosely in my hand and together we left the room, Gideon on my other side with my hand firmly tucked in his elbow. Fred stayed in the Room of Requirement to secure it in case any of the students wanted a late-night meeting inside. We'd tested it while I was waiting for my notes to arrive- I wasn't entirely sure how the Room saw him as enough of a person to keep its current form even when a seeker outside sought something different, but not enough of a person to open for him, but it worked in our favor.

We walked through the chilly castle corridors in silence, our passage lit by the light at the tip of my wand. No one was about to bother us, but the castle made its own sounds at night, accompanied by the quiet steps of Neville's and my feet. Neville kept himself slightly apart from me, so that he could take out his wand if he needed to, but Gideon stayed close. I couldn't see his arm, but the feel of it was reassuring in the dark.

“Say, that's my youngest nephew, is it not?” Gideon asked just before we reached the library. It was true, Ron was standing there in a pool of light from his own wand, looking like he was waiting for us. “He's even taller than Longbottom! Why did Molly have to go and marry a Weasley, anyway?”

A look of relief fell across Ron's face as he saw us. “There you are,” he said quietly, in deference to the pressing hush of the castle at night. “I was waiting for you.”

“What do you want?” Neville asked, just a touch impatiently. “Don't you have somewhere you should be patrolling?” When I stopped, he moved in front of me, blocking half of me from Ron's direct field of vision.

“I wanted to...” His eyes came around Neville to focus on the part of me that he could see. “Look, I'm sorry, all right? I know I didn't believe you before, but the Ministry wouldn't have us out here for no good reason, would they?”

“They very well might,” I answered. “But this time, I believe it's for a rather good reason.” I looked up into his face, eerily pale in the glow from his wand. He looked at once earnest and ashamed, I'd seen that same look on his face before. Usually it was a look he gave to Hermione. “It's all right, Ron.”

Some of the tension left Neville's shoulders, and he shifted to the side so that Ron and I could face each other a little more directly. He didn't back off completely, though, he was still ready.

I rested my hand on his upper arm, and he glanced back at me, his eyes studying mine. After a moment, he nodded to me, and slipped his arm around my waist to draw me up beside him. Gideon had dropped my hand when we'd stopped moving, and came to stand on my other side, his eyes moving over Ron in an appraising fashion.

“Definitely takes after Arthur,” he observed. I nodded. Ron did look rather a lot like Mr Weasley, only with more hair.

Ron followed Neville's movements, and I could see the spark of curiosity in his eyes even in the dim light from our wands, but he didn't ask the questions forming in his mind. “You can really see Fred?” he asked instead. At my nod, he started peering about. “Is he with you right now?”

“Not just at the moment,” I answered. “Your uncle is, though.”

Blue eyes came sharply back to mine, somewhat shocked. He was prepared to accept that Fred might be around, but this surprised him into suspicion. “My uncle?”

“Gideon, your mum's brother.” Ron didn't really seem to know how to respond to that, so I went on. “He said you're very tall, that you take after your dad.” I glanced up at Neville, my eyes tracing over the dark shadows under his eyes before turning my attention back to Ron. “I'm sorry, I don't mean to push off so quickly, but we haven't been sleeping at all well recently, and I want to get into the library and back upstairs as quickly as I can so that we can use the night for resting. You may want to speak with George, I understand he's been talking to Fred quite a lot recently.”

Ron's gaze slid between Neville and me. He nodded, stepping back out of our path. “Right, of course. Thank you.”

We resumed our journey, moving past him towards the library doors, but Ron's hesitant voice pulled us up short again. “Luna, are you really going to die?” I wasn't surprised at the question. Only the most closely guarded secrets didn't quickly become common knowledge, which was one of the reasons I refused to share my own secrets with anyone.

Neville's arm tightened around me at the question but he didn't say anything. I looked back at Ron and smiled a small smile. “Only for a little while. Then I should be back in my body again.”

The lights in the library came on as soon as we entered, and I was able to access the restricted section with no trouble. It took longer than I wanted to find the books I was looking for, I was more used to the Archives of the Ministry than the Hogwarts library, but Neville and Gideon helped, and eventually we were on our way back up to the Room of Requirement with an armful of volumes.

Ron was gone, and we stole our way back up to our temporary home as undisturbed as we had been on the way down. I was glad of my soft jumper, the stone corridors still got quite chilly at night even in late March.

Once in the Room, I set the books down on the table and made to sit down in my chair again, but Neville caught my hand and pulled me gently towards the bed. “You need sleep,” he told me, his voice that strange blend of firm and gentle. “The books will still be waiting for you in the morning.”

He made sure that I was tucked snugly under the duvet before disappearing into the bathroom and emerging in a few moments in his pajama trousers. He slid into bed next to me and wordlessly pulled me to him.

 


	18. Chapter 18

It was quite painfully clear that the souls had established a path to the Ministry, and therefore anywhere they wished, and so the quarantines were lifted. The following few days saw Neville rising early and leaving shortly after he ate. When he wasn't taking statements and Obliviating people, he was sitting in meetings at the Ministry and helping Daphne to speak on my behalf in the places I could not go. There were a lot of meetings. They were trying to decide what to do about the situation. I saw two options, and I didn't think that the Ministry would be very interested in one of them.

Neville told me that he was adding more Aurors to Spook Duty every day. So far, the souls seemed to be containing their activities to dreams, and every night Neville would come back to the Room with a grim look on his face and frustratingly high count of all the people he'd had to Obliviate. There were some who refused to take the Dreamless Sleep potions, and they were the ones who suffered.

I became wrapped up in my research. It was so easy to do, I didn't even have to leave at the end of the day to go home. The headmistress told the house-elves to ensure I ate when they brought me food, and Neville would make me go to bed when he did, but my work consumed me.

Fred went back to George and Daphne as soon as the quarantine on Hogwarts was lifted. It turned out that Daphne was staying with George; it was more convenient for Fred to be able to interact with both of them in their dreams.

Gideon helped me as much as he could, filling in lapses in my knowledge that weren't in any of the books I found. “I should write a book when I get back,” I observed one night after Neville had joined me in bed, pulling me against him. “I imagine this is the kind of thing that people will want to read about.” There was one other recorded occurrence of a living person venturing beyond the Veil. It had happened a long time ago, and when he'd come back, he hadn't been quite... whole. The records were incomplete at best, specious at worst, but they did raise possibilities and questions for me to explore.

“That's a good idea,” he replied, settling his arm across my waist. “Everyone will have questions for you, and it would save having to meet with a large group of people, or answering the same questions over and over again.” He didn't like to speak of me going beyond the Veil. Every time it came up, his eyes would fill with pain and he would turn away from the conversation.

I made my forays to the library at night, and Neville would send Daphne a Patronus at the end of each day to keep her apprised of how I was doing. She came out to visit me five nights after I'd arrived at the castle. Neville had told her how to gain entrance to the Room, and she gave a perfunctory knock on the door before moving into the room, Fred close behind her. “Hello,” she greeted, looking around the Room briefly before her green eyes settled on me. She took in where I was sitting at the desk with my research, and then her gaze moved back to Neville. “Longbottom, do you mind giving us a moment? You as well, Mr Prewett?”

Neville unfolded himself from his chair, where he was sitting and reading one of his books on magical plants. He seemed to do that when he was troubled, and he'd been doing it a lot recently. He set the book on the seat of the chair and looked at me when he answered her. “All right. I'll be just outside.” He headed toward the door, stopping to hold it open for Gideon.

Gideon was leaning against my desk as he tended to when I was working, and I saw his hand come toward me and vanish before I felt it rest against my arm. “Me as well, sweetheart.” And then he pushed away from the desk and headed towards the door, following Fred just outside. He dropped his hand on Neville's shoulder as he passed, and then the door blocked the three of them from sight.

“Did they all leave?” Daphne asked, peering about the room.

“Yes.” I stood up and went to sit in the chair I usually sat in at the dinner table. Daphne sat across from me, hands folded loosely on the glossy wooden surface in front of her. “How are you?” she asked me, her perceptive eyes moving critically over my face.

“Rather well, I think,” I replied honestly.

She nodded. “You look better than you have in some time.”

“It's the sleeping. Sleeping helps.” I looked at her. I could tell from the purplish shadows under her eyes that while I may have been sleeping, she wasn't. The crease between her eyebrows told me that she was troubled. And yet her shoulders were relaxed, not drawn up around her ears with tension. She was both worried and content, and I suspected very much that she was there to speak of what worried her. I didn't press, she would get to it when she was ready.

She sighed, her eyes moving down to stare at the table in front of her. She was silent for a moment, the weight of what she was about to say was keeping her from speaking. “A friend would say, 'You don't have to do this.'” She shook her head ruefully, and I could see the regret clear in her green eyes, even though she wasn't looking at me. “I can't. We've had meeting after meeting- Longbottom can tell you- and it's all come down to the same thing. There is no other way to get Grindelwald to stop sending souls out here, if that is what he's doing. And he's got the luxury of not needing to worry about the passage of time, he can just keep doing this in perpetuity.

That was the truth of it. Nightmares were reported every night- not just the things that had happened to me, but different nightmares, other people's memories. Most common, though, were the things that happened to me. Neville wouldn't talk about it too much, but it wasn't... pleasant. Every night he would come home and hold me, just hold me for a while until he felt more comfortable being himself again.

“Not being able to say that doesn't make you any less of a friend,” I told her, my face smiling a small, sad smile. I was mostly safe in the Room of Requirement, but others were suffering, and I was the only one who could stop it. “We could close the soul window.” This was the other choice.

A pained look shadowed her face. I understood that pain, I wasn't ready to lose Fred or Gideon either. If it was a viable option, however, it would certainly save a lot of people a lot of pain. “I know. I suggested it. It's not...” She looked straight at me, her eyes meeting mine without flinching. There was a hard look there, an unhappy look. “It's not an option at this time. The Ministry feels that there is certain knowledge to be gained from going beyond the Veil, and they're refusing to consider any other option.” She shook her head, her mouth settling into an unhappy curve. “Someone else could go, you know. We've had volunteers.” The way her eyes stayed on mine for just a moment before sliding away again, finding purchase instead on the wall behind my left shoulder told me that while she may have had volunteers, she knew as well as I that no one else could go.

“I am quite certain that Grindelwald wishes to speak with me specifically. I imagine it has something to do with my being able to see the souls on this side.” I gestured to the desk. “I rather imagined this was the way this was going to go, I've been working at finding a way of getting my soul over there, while still being able to come back.”

She sighed, her eyes coming back to mine as one fingernail tapped softly against the table. “I knew you would. This... This has taken on a life of its own, Luna. The rumors I've personally heard just within the Ministry about this entire situation are pure madness. It's even suggested that you're a vampire or Inferi, and that's how you're able to speak with the dead. And then there are those who say that you're going to lead an army of souls against us and take over the world.” She shook her head, a bit exasperated. “We've been receiving owl after owl from people who want you to connect with their loved ones for them. The press...” She shook her head again, and I could see the distaste moving over her face. “We need to make a press statement.”

“I can't.” All those people, the shouting, the flashing lights from the camera... I couldn't, I really just couldn't. I wrapped my arms around myself, settling back in my seat, drawing inward.

“I know. I told them as much. The Minister has decided that I get that particular task.” Her lips curved up into a smile devoid of any humor.

“I'm sorry, Daphne.” I knew how she felt about dealing with the press. “I trust you to speak for me. Whatever you think is appropriate.”

The smile turned a bit warmer, showing her appreciation of my trust, before sliding off of her face completely. “And to continue piling on the unpleasant news, it's been decided that final approval for your dad going through the Death Portal will have to wait until you return.”

I nodded. It didn't really surprise me. “I understand.” The Ministry wanted to ensure that I would do this, they were using any and all leverage they had available to them. It was unfortunate that they were doing this to Dad, that they were interfering in things they didn't really understand.

She let out a long sigh. “While you're away, we're going to set up a private floo connection directly to and from your office. Longbottom has said he'll let us into the flat. I'm afraid you're going to become something of a celebrity when you return, and...” She grimaced. “You saw what happened to Mr Potter.”

Right after the war, Harry'd had a difficult time going anywhere without being mobbed. People wanted to shake his hand, to hug him, to congratulate and thank him. I think that a large part of the reason he'd decided to help track down Death Eaters on the run instead of returning to school was because of the privacy and secrecy surrounding the work. “You think it will be quite like that?”

Daphne gave me a level look. “Everyone wants to know what happens after you die, and everyone wants to talk to their deceased relatives. I think you'll get more attention than you'll be able to handle.”

I drew my feet up on the edge of the seat and wrapped my arms around my legs. I didn't want that much attention. I needed to not have that much attention. “What's going to happen to my body while I'm gone?”

Her frown deepened. “Some of us wanted to keep you here. The Room of Requirement is safe, all we'd have to do was post Aurors in the corridor, and then you would be right on hand for when you get back. However the Ministry, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that because this is a Ministry operation you'll be going back to the Ministry.”

I shook my head. “There's all sorts of opportunity for things to happen to my body between here and there.”

She sighed, her fingers spreading out in a gesture of helpless frustration. “I know, Luna. I'm not any happier about it than you are. The headmistress is going to lift the Anti-Apparation Jinx on Hogwarts, the Minister will do the same in his office. You will be Apparated from here to there, and then taken down to the Archives, where you will be locked in and guarded every hour of the day.” Her unhappiness with the plan was very self-evident, and I gave her a sympathetic smile. “When you're ready to come back, you'll need to send someone to notify the headmistress when she sleeps, and then we'll reverse the process. She's to have a soul with her to keep watch over her dreams.”

That pulled at my curiosity. “Who?”

She shook her head. “Fred didn't say. I would imagine it would be one of the Aurors who came was here to help you, or someone else she trusts, but I suppose we'll have to wait to find out.” She sighed again, her green eyes moving over me critically. “Are you going to see your mother?”

It was something I'd thought about almost as soon as I'd resigned myself to going beyond the Veil. She'd died when I was young, before I started school even, and I still missed her every day. While I knew she wouldn't approve of me working for the Ministry, she would have believed without question that I could see the souls of the dead. She wouldn't have turned her back on me. “I'm not certain. I want to, but I know I need to speak to Grindelwald as quickly as I can.” As much as I did want to see her, my dad was trapped, and that was more important. Mum, at least, was at peace.

I saw a flash of understanding in her green eyes. “How far do you think you are from finishing your research?”

I took in a deep breath, resting my chin on my knee. “I think I'm close. I'm fairly certain I've worked out how to get there, it's just the coming back that's proving to be an issue.”

She visibly flinched. Almost everyone was concentrating on my getting there, like coming back again was an afterthought. “What if you can't come back?”

“Then I'll be dead,” I answered quietly, and the calmness of my words seemed to unnerve her. “I'll come back and see you in your dreams, we'll work out something else to do. It may well be that with no one with a mostly-whole mind able to see the souls on this side anymore, Grindelwald may simply stop and wait until someone else can.” That would more-than-likely be the easiest solution.

“We'd probably have to try and close the soul window.” Her tone was warning, regretful.

It was something I'd already considered. “I know.”

An eyebrow arched up her forehead. “That doesn't... Bother you? The idea that you would be dead, unable to rejoin your body?”

“It's not the end, Daphne, it's just a shift in state of being. And I wouldn't be a ghost.” I paused. “I don't want to be a ghost. To be a shadow of a soul, not really living and not really dead? I don't think that would be very pleasant at all.”

She didn't seem to know what to say to that. Her lips twisted into a rueful smile again. “Everyone wants to say something to you before you go, but is there anyone you wish to speak to? Now would probably be the best time, I think that whenever you've figured it out, we should move as quickly as possible.”

I shook my head. “You're here now, and I'll speak with Fred before you leave. That's it. I don't want to see anyone else, I just want to work through this.” I shifted, sliding my feet back down to the floor and leaning forward onto the table on my forearms. “You're going to have to do it. You're going to have to be the one to put me back in my body. I won't be able to use my wand.”

She froze, staring at me. “That's quite a responsibility.”

I smiled a small smile. “I am confident in your abilities.”

Her hand lifted from the table and slowly, hesitantly, came down to rest on my arm. She let it stay there for a moment before moving it away. I was touched. From Daphne, that was the equivalent of a hug. “I won't let you down. And, speaking of spells I'm going to have to do, I will be suspending your body in time. Your body won't... decay without you in it to animate it. No muscle atrophy, no starvation or dehydration. While your body will technically be dead, as it will have no life in it, when you come back it'll be just like you were unconscious for a while.”

“Thank you,” I told her softly.

She gave me a brief smile, the sort of smile that said that she wished she felt more like smiling. “When Longbottom sends his Patronus to tell me that you're ready, we'll do it the very next morning. Fred will go beyond the Veil and bring back whoever he's bringing back, Professor McGonagall will make sure the Great Hall is cleared out, and that'll be...” Her eyes searched my face for a moment- sad, regretful. “... it.”

I nodded. That suited me, I didn't want to waste time any more than she did.

“Do you have any questions you want to ask me, or anything you want me to relate to the Ministry?”

I shook my head sadly. “Nothing I say will make them understand what they're doing to my dad.”

Frustration lit up her eyes. “I tried...”

“I know you did. You're a good friend.” I gave her a little smile, and she sighed and pushed her chair away from the table to stand up.

“I should leave you so you can get back to it. I know you want to see Fred for a bit, just let him know that I'm headed home, if you would.”

“All right.” I smiled at her, standing as well.

“Please take care, Luna.”

“I will.”

She looked at me for a long moment before turning away and walking to the door. When she opened it, Fred was the first one inside, followed closely by Neville and Gideon. She slipped out after everyone came in, and the door closed quietly behind her.

Fred came right over to where I was. He looked down at me, he looked weary and concerned. “I want a hug.”

I smiled a small smile, closing my eyes to feel him pull me gently against him. It was good to hug Fred. It was something I had wished for, for the longest time.

“A large part of me wishes I could go with you, love.” His voice floated down quietly into my ear. “But I need to stay here in case Daphne has a message she needs to get to you. I'm sorry I haven't been here for you lately.”

“It's all right,” I told him. “You were exactly where you needed to be, I expect.”

He pulled back and I opened my eyes just as his body filled in for me to see again. “George talked Ginny into coming over and staying at his flat, so I was able to talk to her. That was nice.”

I smiled again, my face smiling with me. “That's wonderful, Fred. I'm so happy you were able to do that.”

“She wants to see you.” His brown eyes bored into mine, silently urging me to capitulate.

The smile fell off of my face, and I shook my head. “I can't do that. If I see her, then I have to see Harry, and Hermione, and everyone... I can't take the time away from this, Fred, I can't listen to apologies and offer reassurances to people who have hurt me. People are suffering. Dad is imprisoned, trapped. I've been imprisoned, I didn't care for it very much at all.”

I saw his sudden change in mood in the frustration behind his brown eyes. “I know,” he told me, perhaps a little more sharply than necessary.

Gideon moved over to where we were, coming to a stop beside me. His hand settled comfortingly on my back. “All right?” he asked me pleasantly. There was that firmness in his voice that Neville sometimes had too, almost a tone of warning. He hadn't addressed Fred, but there was no mistaking this for not being for his nephew's benefit.

“I'm just...” Fred sighed explosively, his hands balling into tight fists at his sides. “This whole situation is just so frustrating!”

“Hopefully it will be considerably less so, soon,” I said quietly.

“It just doesn't seem right. This dead guy is harming us, so we'll give him what we want in the hopes that he'll stop?” Fred shook his head. “If there's one thing I've learned from the Muggles, it's that you don't negotiate with people like that.”

“The only other option is to close the soul window, and the Ministry...” I sighed, shaking my head.

“The exact words were, 'This is too valuable of a resource to simply walk away from.'” Fred's mouth had dropped into a deep frown, and his eyes sparked with his frustration. “I went to as many meetings as I could until they started having them in... places I couldn't go.” He pushed his hands through his short hair, pushing it up until it stood on end. “I don't want to go, love, leave you and my family forever... Daphne.” He sighed, shaking his head. “But to go night after night on Dreamless Sleep Potion? That's not a solution. I would rather leave than subject my family to that.” His hands reached out and disappeared before taking mine into them. “Or make you go there and face him. There is nothing about this that seems like a good idea.”

“I'll be with her.” I felt Gideon's hand as a steady presence on my back.

“I know.” Fred squeezed my hands. “I should go. Did Daphne leave?” At my nod, he released me. “I'll see you soon, love.” He simply vanished, gone from the room.

Neville appeared to have been waiting for something, and when I returned my hands to my sides, he came over to where I was standing by the table, looking down at me with a frown on his face. “She told me about your dad. I'm sorry, Luna.”

I offered him a small, sad smile. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“They're making me wait too, on account of how close we are.” His hands curled into tight balls at his sides, but he mostly kept his temper from his face. His eyes, though, his eyes showed how angry this made him. They sparked and swirled, dark anger making his brown eyes darker.

“I'm sorry, Neville. That's not right. I just wish they understood what they were doing.” I sighed, sitting down in my seat again. “Although I'm not certain that would really stop them.” I looked over at the papers spread across my desk, the pile of books on the floor beside it. “I should go back to work.” The sooner I finished working this out, the sooner Dad- and Mr and Mrs Longbottom- would be free.

I could feel his eyes on me, expectant and heavy like he wanted to say something. “All right. But we should sleep soon.”

I nodded and stood again, moving away from the two Aurors to where my desk was.

 


	19. Chapter 19

 Seven days after coming into the castle, I had it figured out. I sat back in my chair, staring hard at the spells written out on the paper in front of me. I laid the quill down on the desk beside me and took a deep breath in, my eyes locked on my small, neat letters.

Gideon was leaning against the desk beside me, peering at the parchment. “Is that it?” he asked. There was a barely-repressed thread of excitement in his voice. I looked up from the paper to look into his face, and he was wearing a broad grin, his brown eyes dancing.

“I believe so.” I couldn't stop the smile that my mouth formed at his excitement.

“That's great, sweetheart!” He came around to stand behind me, and I felt his hands settle on my shoulders and squeeze. “I can't wait to show you... everything.”

I'd been focused on the process of getting to the other side for so long that I hadn't really thought about what it would actually be like. “Is it very different beyond the Veil?”

“Yes. It's a bit like here- the Room of Requirement, I mean- but not quite so limited. I think you'll like it, especially the first bit.” He paused, and seeming to think, and then he spoke again. “The first bit... We'll have some time to fill, it wouldn't be a good idea to go and see Grindelwald right away. I'll show you what I can. You'll get to see Fabian again, and Tonks, of course.” He paused again, his hands heavy on my shoulders. “Your mum died, didn't she? You can see her if you want. I'm not familiar with her if she shares your surname, but I'm certain that someone I know will be.”

I thought about it for a moment. “I would like to see her again. Getting to see Grindelwald, though, I need to do that as soon as I can.”

“I know. But I quite suspect that he will stop sending other souls into people's dreams as soon as he learns that you've gone beyond the Veil.”

I nodded. That would make sense. If he wanted something from me, I would be more amenable to him if I knew that he wasn't going to torment Britain's wizarding population even if I gave him what he wanted. “That's not my only concern,” I said quietly.

“Yes. I know, sweetheart.” He squeezed my shoulders again. “We'll get you to him as soon as we can, I promise. It just can't be right away.”

“Why not?” I asked, curious.

He sighed, pausing as though he was thinking about it. “I could try to explain it, but I think it's something you'll have to experience to fully understand, sweetheart. Just trust me, all right?”

“All right.” It was surprisingly easy to trust him. I'd trusted him almost as soon as he'd first appeared beside me on my bed in my flat. I wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because he bore such a strong resemblance to Fred, or maybe it was that he was the second person to really touch me, to comfort me, in such a long time.

Neville came back to the castle that night as he usually did, weary and in need of comfort. He was the one with the most experience with what was going on, which the Ministry had decided made him the most qualified to be head of his rapidly growing department. He wasn't taking any days away from work, and it was starting to wear on him, especially when he had to make nighttime journeys down to the library with me. At least there would be no more of those now. We were sleeping better, too, I hadn't had a nightmare since arriving at Hogwarts, and that helped.

As soon as he saw me, he knew something was different. I had moved over to meet him by the door as I usually did. A house-elf typically brought dinner up shortly after Neville arrived, and it had become habit to greet each other and then walk over to the table to sit down and eat.“You've sorted it out, then,” he observed. Instead of pulling me closely against him as was his custom, his hands closed over my upper arms and held me away from him so that he could look down at me, study my face. His brown eyes were unhappy, worried, with none of the usual relief that came when he arrived at the Room after a day of work.

“I did. I believe your days will start being easier,” I told him. “I don't think Grindelwald will have anyone invading dreams when I'm there.” No more listening to the same dreams over and over again, no more needing to Obliviate the memories that he wasn't able to get away from himself. Maybe the lines that formed on his forehead while he was at work would stay away.

I heard his frustrated sigh, saw the rapid rise and fall of his chest. “Given the trade-off, I don't think I'd call that easier.”

I looked up at him, looking into his tired eyes. “What do you mean?”

He remained silent for a moment, and then shook his head, moving away from me, his hands falling to his sides. “I'll let Daphne know.”

I watched him walk away, waving his wand and sending his silvery Patronus through the thick stone walls of the Room. He came to a stop near the dining table, then gave me a quick look before sitting down in his customary seat.

I went over and sat down across from him, as I usually did. He was strangely quiet as we ate, and as soon as the house-elf vanished with our plates, he stood up and moved away. There was a tautness in his shoulders, a hesitance in his stride.

Gideon was at my side, sitting in the chair next to me. He'd watched our rather strained meal in complete silence. “I reckon Longbottom wants a word, sweetheart. I'll just step out for a moment, all right? I'll be just outside.” He vanished, and I stared down at the table in front of me.

“Gideon left. He believes you want to speak with me.” I looked up to see Neville turn back towards me, and I could see the tinge of pink on the tops of his ears.

He walked over to me and took my hand, pulling me up from my chair. His eyes studied mine. There was so much swirling together in the brown depths of his eyes that it was hard to pick out any one thing. After a time, he said, “All of the things I want to say, all of the things I want to do... You're not ready for any of it. I can't...” His free hand formed a tight ball at his side before he relaxed it again. “So instead I'd just like to hold you for a bit.”

I smiled a small smile. “That would be nice.”

He took off the overcoat he still hadn't managed to shed from his day at work, and unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt, and then he drew me over to the bed. He sat down at the head of it, propped up by just the right amount of pillows, and motioned for me to join him. I went around to sit on the other side, and when he pulled me close to him, I rested my head against his chest. I felt the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, heard the steady beat of his heart deep in his chest. I was comfortable there, cuddled up against him. I felt enough at peace to close my eyes and listen to his quiet breathing above my head.

“I'm scared, Luna,” he admitted after a while, and there was just the hint of a trembling in his voice. “I haven't been this scared in a long time.”

“Why are you scared?”

“I'm scared you won't come back.” I felt the sudden rise and slower fall of his chest under my cheek as he let out a long sigh. “I have to tell you something. If... If it makes you too uncomfortable, I'll go, but I have to tell you.” He took a deep breath. “I think I'm falling in love with you, Luna. I regret every second that I abandoned you. I won't apologize because I know you'll just tell me that I already did, and that the past is in the past, but it's not. The past never goes away, no matter how much you might want it to. And whatever happens, even if you're not ever able to feel the same way for me that I do for you, or to... act as a witch and a wizard in love do, that's all right.” His lips brushed against the top of my head. “I'm scared, too, that this right now is going to be too much for you and I'll have to go, when what I really want to do is just to hold you all night long. But I had to tell you before you leave. You're going to die tomorrow, Luna, your soul is going to leave your body. I know what the risks are. If you can never come back, I just... I had to tell you.”

I'd been resting my hand on my knee, but now my arm went across his stomach, holding him tightly, and I nestled my head more firmly into his chest. I didn't say anything, I didn't have any words that were sufficient to answer him with. My mind was working, but my vocal cords refused to process speech. A hot tear slid down my cheek, dripping off my chin to land on his shirt. My other eye had already made a patch of wetness just beneath it. He didn't comment on it, but I felt his lips move against the top of my head again before he rested his face gently against my hair.

We stayed like that, time slipping away on the beat of his heart under my ear. “Is there anything you want to do tonight?” he asked after some time.

“No,” I whispered. “This is nice. But we should let Gideon back in soon. You've both done so much for me over the past little while, and I just want to have a quiet night with the two of you.”

His arms stiffened around me somewhat, and then I heard, “All right.”

I slipped away from him, off the bed, and moved over to where the door was. I opened it and peered outside. Gideon was there leaning back against the wall, and the distant look in his eyes said that he was deep in thought.

“Would you come back in?” I asked quietly.

“Right. You're...” He pushed himself away from the wall and moved around to peer through the door over my shoulder. “Yes. Of course. Tell Longbottom I'm sorry.”

“What for?”

“Just tell him, sweetheart. He'll understand.” He moved past me into the Room, and I let the door close behind him.

We passed the remainder of the evening quietly. I didn't get much sleep that night, and neither did Neville. We didn't speak much, just lay there in silence, nestled against each other. I had so many thoughts flying through my mind, it was hard to focus on any one of them for any significant amount of time- my parents, Neville's parents, what it would be like beyond the Veil, the thought of actually leaving my body, wondering if Daphne would be able to bring me back again, speculating about Grindelwald and what he wanted from me...

Morning came both too soon and not soon enough. Gideon rubbed his hand across my shoulders. “It's time to get up now, sweetheart.” He knew I'd been awake for a little while. He moved away from me, standing up to give me room to rise as well.

Neville was soundly sleeping. Dear Neville. I slipped from his arms and moved to stand as gently as I could, but as always, my movements woke him. He gave me a long look, then silently pulled himself out of bed as well. The purple smudges under his eyes spoke of how little sleep he'd had during the night.

I took the time to shower and dress myself carefully. I wanted to be comfortable when I got back, I believed it would help ease the transition back into my body.

Neville emerged after his time in the shower and stopped short when he saw me sitting at the table in one of his soft blue jumpers. It was quite large on me, almost long enough to be a dress, but it was achieving the desired effect.

I looked down at it, then back up at him. “I'm sorry, I know I should have asked first. But it smells like you, and it's a very comforting smell. I understand that it can be quite traumatic, especially the coming back into my body. It's only supposed to go the one way, you see, and-”

“It's fine,” he said softly, giving me a smile that didn't quite move his eyes. He came across the room and took my hand, drawing me with him to the table.

We sat down together to eat. Even with the house-elf there to ensure I ate, I found it difficult to have very much food. None of us really had anything to say, and when Neville set his fork down on the table, I almost jumped to my feet. I hadn't finished my meal, but for once the house-elf didn't say anything.

The journey down to the Great Hall was silent. Minerva had assured me that the corridors would be cleared of students, and she had kept her word. Every step felt just a little like walking through sticky taffy. On one side of me, Gideon looked almost excited. On the other, Neville was staring straight ahead, his grip on my fingers just a bit tighter than it needed to be.

There were Aurors positioned at the doors to the Great Hall, and they admitted us with a curious stare. Neither said anything, and the door was shut solidly behind us.

It was strange to see the Great Hall so empty. We weren't the only ones there, however, Fred was sitting in a chair at the side of the room and he smiled at me. Standing stiffly apart from him was a familiar man in severe black robes. My eyes alighted on him curiously, and I dropped Neville's hand and slipped my grip from Gideon's elbow, headed over to see him.

“Do not speak my name, I beg of you,” he said as he saw me moving quickly towards him. “Many of those who will be here today would wish a rather lengthy conversation with me.” His black eyes flicked behind me to where I had left Neville. “I do have to say, Miss Lovegood, I am not terribly surprised that it's you who's gained this particular ability.”

I nodded. “I never had a chance to thank you for what you tried to do for me,” I told him quietly, looking up at him.

A shadow crossed his eyes. “It was not enough. I am... Sorry.”

“It was as much as you could manage in the situation, I'm afraid.” I thought a moment and offered him a small smile. “Shy of kidnapping me yourself, and I suspect that would have ended rather poorly for you, and for everyone who remained here.” It was one of the things I'd thought about. He'd told me that my marks were slipping, and suggested very sternly that I might want to remain at the castle over Christmas Holidays. I still remembered his eyes, full of darkness and warning, and I hadn't heeded him. If he'd warned anyone about what was to happen to me, it would be a sure sign that he was in collusion with the Order. I was but one young witch, with the entire population of the students remaining at Hogwarts on the other side of the scale. There'd been no choice to be made. “You did the right thing.”

He inclined his head once, but I could still see the pained look in his eyes.

I moved my eyes over his face, taking in the rather less stern countenance. “You look happier than you did when you were alive.”

“Death brought me peace,” he answered, and I saw something I'd never seen on his face before. A smile, an expression that spoke of deep contentment. “I am no longer used by two masters. Lily and I have...” he trailed off. “She met me when I died.”

I became aware of Gideon at my elbow. “Now, Snape,” he said by way of greeting, his voice thick with warning. “Let's not fill Luna's head with how wonderful death is. She's still got quite a bit of living left to do yet.”

The dour man's face shifted in a much more familiar sneer, but he didn't say anything further.

After just another moment, the wide doors opened to admit a spill of people. The influx of newcomers brought Neville to my side, his hand seeking mine.

I looked over the group, they were quieter than a small group of people entering a room usually was. There was Daphne, looking pale but keeping her emotions from her face. Minerva, Ron, the Minister. I was surprised that Harry wasn't there as well.

As if sensing my feelings, Neville ducked his head down towards mine. “Harry said he's seen too much death to watch you die,” he murmured to me. “And he's worried that you won't forgive him.”

I turned my face up to look at him. “Why wouldn't I forgive him?” I asked, genuinely surprised.

“He said something about the Janus Thickey Ward.” The sheepish look that flitted over his face made me believe that he may have had something very loud to say to Harry about that, but he didn't elaborate.

That reminded me, though... “Daphne.” My voice pulled her attention from where she'd been staring hard at a spot on the floor, lost in thought, and she gave a little start.

“Yes?”

“If I'm not able to come back, I need you to ensure that my dad will find peace.” My fingers were compressed more tightly in Neville's grip, but he didn't say anything.

She took a hard look at the Minister. “I will.” Her eyes came back to me, moving over me critically. “Are you ready?” Her mouth settled into an unhappy frown, her fingers tapping silently against her robe-covered leg.

Before I could answer, Neville squeezed my hand. “Just come back,” he told me quietly, then released me and stepped away, turning his back to me so I wouldn't be able to see the emotions in his eyes. Dear Neville.

I watched him for a moment, then looked back to Daphne, nodding. I was as prepared as I was going to get, but I imagined that I could wait years and years and I still wouldn't be ready.

Gideon offered me his hand, and the moment after I placed mine into it, it vanished. He walked with me over to where the pallet was waiting for me on the floor. “It'll be fine.” He was excited, so excited that his emotion spilled over to me, and I had to smile.

“I trust you,” I whispered. When he released me, I laid down as comfortably as I could, pulling out my wand and gripping it in my hand. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to slow the way my heart was racing in my chest. I could hear them as they gathered around me, shifting anxiously, unable to keep still.

“Relax, sweetheart,” Gideon murmured to me, his voice very close to my ear. “What comes first?”

I began moving through the spell, murmuring the memorized words as I followed the intricate wand motions I'd studied. The trick was to move my soul out of my body before my body noticed and started a seizure in an effort to keep me inside of it.

It felt like it was working. My body felt like it was detaching from itself, like the way paper feels when it tears. It didn't hurt, not exactly, but it felt very strange. I felt very heavy, then I felt very light, and then I noticed that I wasn't breathing anymore.

I pushed myself to my feet and opened my eyes to take a look back at my body. I was lying there peacefully, my face less troubled than I'd seen it in quite some time. I felt... I felt fine. Everything- my thoughts, my emotions, seemed somewhat muted, like they were underwater.

A slow smile spread across my face. It had worked! Gideon and Fred were watching me, and they were smiling too. Everyone else was still staring at my body. “Give Daphne the signal.” My words were quiet, my voice was more my own than I'd heard it in years. “This feels... nice.”

I watched Fred walk over and tap Daphne twice on the shoulder. She started the spell to suspend my body in time.

Professor Snape turned his eyes to me, and there was a gleam of something I couldn't place. “It will feel better. It will make everything... seem almost worth it.”

Gideon pulled my attention away. “This way,” he said, pointing to a enormous arched window of light. It stood just before the empty staff table at the head of the room, glowing and almost seeming to pulse. It was so bright, so unmistakably present, I had to wonder why I hadn't been able to see it from my body. I followed him to it and stepped through.


	20. Chapter 20

 It felt like I was stepping through a bubble of chewing gum, shimmery and glowing around me. White instead of pink, a white that encompassed the brilliance of every color I'd ever seen. It was warm, pleasantly so, a comforting warmth that spoke of joy and laughter. I had to push through it like a curtain, and I stumbled a little when I emerged.

I felt a hand catch my arm, holding me upright. Another arm came around my waist, fingers pressing into my hip as he steadied me. I looked down to see Gideon's freckled hand tightly clasped around me, and I stared in wonder for a moment. I could see each of his fingers where they left an impression in Neville's soft blue jumper. The sleeve of his shirt peeped out from under his overcoat, a rich, dark green, and it seemed I could see each one of the threads that wove together to form the fabric. I'd never seen him while he was touching me before, and I stared, enraptured.

“Luna,” he said quietly, pulling my attention away from his hand. I looked up to see him smiling down at me, his happiness making his brown eyes sparkle. The color of his eyes was so rich, like freshly turned soil in the morning dew. His closely-cropped red hair just above looked so shiny and soft, I couldn't stop myself from reaching up to touch it. I didn't remember ever touching his hair before, and I didn't remember feeling anything so smooth, so wonderfully silky.

“I was wondering if you would be affected, I thought you might.” His words pulled my gaze down to his mouth, my fingers still journeying through his hair. I watched the muscles in his cheeks form the words on lips so full. His voice was clear, strong, he sounded just faintly amused. “The euphoria you feel, it's a part of the process. It will fade as you become acquainted with being here. Enjoy it, sweetheart, I think you deserve it more than most.”

I felt so light, I felt ecstatic. The memories I'd been hiding from for the past few years were far behind me, like I'd left them with my body in Hogwarts, leaving nothing behind but pure joy and wonder. “This is why we can't see Grindelwald right away.”

“Yes. Feeling this way, he might draw you into doing something that you would regret when the euphoria fades.” He lifted his eyes from mine, glancing around behind me. “Take a look, sweetheart, this is my home.

It was hard to move my hand away from his gleaming hair, to turn away from the rich depths of his eyes, but I did. I turned away, and I clapped my hands over my mouth as I looked around the room. “It's beautiful,” I marveled.

It was a room, the wood of the walls rich and dark, the loveliest shade of brown I'd seen, second only to Gideon's eyes. I could almost smell the comforting pine scent, a scent so familiar from my time in the Forbidden Forest. I'd spent a lot of time there, particularly in my final year at Hogwarts.

I stepped forward to run my fingers over the grain of the wood, but just before me was a green-striped armchair, and I stopped in front of it, running my hand along the top. It was satiny, smooth, the fine texture of the stripes sliding easily under my fingers. It looked silkier than Gideon's dark shirt, and I turned back towards him, intent on comparing the different textures.

As I turned, I noticed a large piano sitting in the corner, glossy and black, so shiny I was sure I would be able to see my reflection in it. I walked over to it, my eyes tracing the abyss of the ebony curves. “Do you play?” I asked, running my finger over the cool surface.

“A skill acquired after I died. I'd always wanted to learn to play, and I had nothing but time.”

“Would you?” I'd always loved music, and I suspected that here, it would sound like nothing I'd ever heard.

“Certainly.” I heard the rustle of his clothing as he moved past me, settling himself down on the black bench. His overcoat was gone, leaving him in just the green shirt and a pair of black trousers, though the black wasn't quite as encompassing as the piano.

His fingers moved over the glossy black and white keys, caressing them, drawing the notes from them with a sureness that was hypnotizing. The music was gentle, stroking the insides of my ears with its calming melody. I could feel the tears slipping silently from my eyes as he played, and I felt myself almost pulled to him.

I was standing beside the bench, I realized, and I lowered myself to sit beside him. I could feel his eyes on me for just a moment before he turned his attention back to the music he was making. “Is this what happens when you die?” I asked him softly, watching the deft movements of his fingers, fascinated. “Someone brings you through the soul window?”

“No.” Speaking didn't even interrupt his playing, he was so adept that he could do both at once. “Typically what happens is that you fall asleep and wake up at a transition point. For me it was the Atrium at the Ministry. Some people see King's Cross, some people see the path to Hogsmeade Village, or the carriages to the castle. Someone you know, someone you were close to, meets you there.”

Professor Snape had said something about that, how Lily had met him. “What happened with Fred?” The thoughts floating through my mind seemed... greater, somehow, than any thoughts I'd ever had before. Like I was using more of my brain, or thinking more deeply.

He sighed. “Fred willed so hard to be back specifically at the Great Hall in Hogwarts that he went through the soul window. He missed this bit, poor sod, left before he got a chance to really feel it.”

“He wasn't the only one,” I murmured, remembering all of the souls I'd seen. My eyes remained locked on his fingers, and he kept playing, as though there wasn't anything in the world that he'd rather be doing.

“He wasn't. Most made their way back, but he attached himself to you.”

I reached my hand out, slid a finger lightly over one of the white keys in front of me, not pressing it down so I wouldn't interrupt the music. “You made this? You can make anything?”

“Anything. You can even make yourself as you want to be, just think on it like you did in the Room of Requirement.”

His words swam through my mind, circling around and around as I digested what that meant. I stood, quickly shedding my clothes, and watched, enraptured, as the scars marking my body vanished as though they'd never been there. I felt... whole. I felt complete. I was ecstatic, I could feel my smile stretching across my cheeks almost painfully.

I turned back to Gideon and wrapped my arms around him, resting my head on his shoulder. He was real and solid, and he didn't vanish. He stopped playing, his fingers stilling on the keys, I was hampering his movements. When I pulled back just enough to look into his face, he was smiling as well, his face complete with contentment. “They didn't make you any less lovely.”

I saw an unmistakable look on his face that hadn't failed to cause great discomfort for the last several years, only now... Nothing. No, not exactly nothing, it intrigued me. It pulled at me, beckoned me with curiosity. I leaned closer and closer, slowly lowering my face to his, until our lips brushed together. Nothing prepared me for how wonderful it felt, or how soft his lips were, or how much I found myself enjoying even that brief touch.

He looked up at me, his eyes moving over my face, and I could see the spark of his moment of realization. “That's the first time you've kissed a man.”

“The first time I've enjoyed it.” I traced my finger along the smoothness of his clean-shaven jaw. “It felt like sunshine and lavender.” It felt like that and more, sensations so intense, so pleasureable that there weren't words for them.

“Luna...” He gently took my wrists in his hands and pressed my arms against my sides. He stood, releasing me and moving a few steps away to look down at me. In his eyes, I could see his hesitation fighting with what he wanted. “That's not the best idea. How you're feeling, that's going to fade, I don't want you to regret...” He spread his hands wide as though he was searching for the right word. “Me.”

“I want to feel, Gideon. I want to feel as I'm meant to feel, I want to feel how it's supposed to feel.” I moved to him, sliding my hands up over the green shirt covering his chest. I watched the redness of his tongue come out to lick his lips, leaving a glistening trail of moisture. “Please just kiss me again,” I whispered. “Please.”

Indecision battled in his eyes, and then he muttered something that sounded a lot like Neville's recent habit of swearing, and his face lowered until his lips touched mine. It was more than a brush this time, it was full contact, and then more. His tongue felt like velvet when it slid against mine, jolts of heat shooting through me.

My body had been untouched when I'd been taken prisoner in Malfoy Manor. My experiences afterward were still not pleasant, but this... This was like a spark catching fire deep inside me. I wanted to feel more, I wanted the beautiful sensations to never stop.

When his hands slid over my skin, it was like I could feel every ridge at the tips of his fingers. It felt like magic moving from his touch into the very center of my being. And still I wanted more.

His clothes were gone, I was exploring his body with my fingers. His skin was so smooth, in contrast to the wiry ginger hairs scattered across his chest, leading down over his torso. Everything was new, everything was different. My own skin was so much softer than his, I discovered.

The thick rug before the flickering fire was warm and comfortable against my back. Gideon's touch was firm, knowing, and he showed me the secrets of my body. He showed me the places that made my body sing and my eyes weep, and everything began to swirl together in a wash of colors and sensations, until I felt like I couldn't be contained in my skin anymore. Reason was gone, thought was gone, there was nothing but pure feeling.

After an eternity, we were lying together on the rug, Gideon on his back and me propped up beside him, tracing the lines of the muscles and tendons under his skin, slowly coming back into my body. My skin felt like it was glowing. I could hear each snap of the wood in the fireplace, each flicker as air sent the flames dancing in their square stone cave.

He was watching me, a cautious look floating to the surface of his eyes. “Are you... All right?”

“I am. That was quite nice,” I said with a smile, watching the path my finger made as it traced over his collarbone. “I think I can see what all the fuss is about now.”

His torso shook as he chuckled. His hand lifted up and tucked a lock of my long hair behind my ear, lingering to trace the outer curve of my ear. “Considering who's saying that, I'd say that's a very high compliment indeed. Worth having to listen to Fabian be smug about how he was right.”

“Right about what?”

“That I was going to take you to bed.”

I looked up from his chest to meet his eyes again, and there was rather a cheeky look there, the same look I saw on Fred's face whenever he teased me. “This isn't exactly a bed, though.”

“It's close enough.” His thumb, still lingering by my ear, brushed down the side of my face, along my cheekbone, and his gentle touch thrilled my skin. “Speaking of my dear brother, though, we should likely find some clothing. I suspect he'll be here soon.”

I leaned forward until my forehead was resting against his chest. I didn't want to put on clothing, I didn't want him to, either. The feel of his skin against mine was so pleasant, so wonderful, I didn't want to stop. “Not yet.”

He chuckled again, shifting my face gently along his shoulder. “I suppose it wouldn't be the first time he'd seen either one of us in a state of undress. He will be here, though, he quite likes you. You remind him a lot of Alice, I reckon.”

“What was she like?” When I'd first thought of coming over here, I'd thought about meeting her, getting to know her, so that I could tell Neville. That wasn't an option, though, the Ministry had taken that away. That thought wouldn't stay with me, though, only the curiosity about Alice.

“She was very strong. She was good, and kind; she was generous with her friends and right dangerous to anyone who crossed her.” I could hear the smile in his voice as his hand stroked idly over my back. “We all fancied her at one point. Frank was... Frank was a lot like how Neville said he was when he was in school. He grew up, though, war changes us all.”

The bitterness in his tone made me raise my head and move my lips gently across his. He was smiling again when I asked him, “You spoke with Neville often?”

“Almost every night when he was sleeping. He's a good bloke. Augusta's a bit bloody-minded, but I'm glad he had her if he couldn't have Frank and Alice. She'll straighten a wizard out, raise him proper.” He was watching my eyes, his hand coming to move through my hair as it draped across my shoulders. “Have you met her?”

I shook my head. “Not really.” We'd met in passing at the last battle, but I'd been taken to St. Mungo's before I really had a chance to talk to anyone other than just a few words with Fred.

“I reckon you will. Sooner rather than later, if I know Augusta. She'll like you. Maybe not at first, mind, she didn't like that Alice was taking away her only son. But then she saw the kind of witch Alice was, and she really loved her, I think.” He pulled on my shoulder until I was resting on him, my breasts pressed against the side of his chest. “She won't bother you with questions, and she'll make sure no one else does either.”

I listened to the way he was speaking her, the affection that was clear in his voice. “You speak of her quite fondly.”

“She was like another mum for Fabian and me. We were there a lot when we were lads, she always used to say that she wished she had a daughter to marry one of us off to. Molly was a bit wild when we were young, our poor Mum was a bit overwhelmed with us, and we got away with murder. Augusta never let us get away with anything.” He chuckled again. “She is going to raise hell when she realizes that the Ministry purposely delayed having Frank and Alice sent through the portal. I don't envy anyone who had anything to do with that decision.”

The mention of that brought up thoughts of my father, but they were brief, fleeting, quickly drowned in the joy I was feeling, as though I simply wasn't permitted to have any negative feelings. Gideon watched my eyes and the emotions that must have chased through them, and leaned up to kiss the tip of my nose. “No more talk about that, I know it's not really something you can take in right now.”

I wanted to ask why, but somehow the technicalities of how it worked seemed less important than the sensation of Gideon's fingers combing through my hair, the gentle pull of the hair along my scalp.

“Perhaps I'll ask Longbottom to take me to see her when we get back. Tell her not to be such a harpy to you.”

I thought for a moment. “What if she's still taking the Dreamless Sleep Potion?”

He gave me a broad grin, his hand still moving through my hair. “If I know Augusta, she's not. And she's not being bothered by any nightmares either, I reckon. A soul would enter her dreams, and she would give them such a dressing down that they'd apologize and no one else would dare bother her again.” He paused, his eyes moving over my face. “The important thing, sweetheart, is just not to let her intimidate you.”

“I typically don't have any problem with that.”

He was chuckling again, his laughter shaking me along with him. “I don't suppose you do. Longbottom had a lot to say about you.”

My thoughts moved to Neville, to how much of his time he'd spent with me over the past little while. “Dear Neville. I thought I'd miss him.” It seemed strange that I did not, that there was no pang of sorrow when I thought about him not being here with me.

Hr nodded, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. “That's a part of you being here, not a reflection of any lack of affection for him. You'll miss him, I reckon, as the euphoria fades.”

Again I wanted to ask about it, but the questions all faded away as I traced my finger down the smooth skin at the side of Gideon's neck.

Again, he must have noticed, because he moved his head up to give me a gentle kiss. “I know, sweetheart. Just enjoy it, there will be chance enough for questions and curiosity later.”

“Post-beyond the Veil shag, was it?” came Fabian's voice from somewhere behind me, sounding very distinctly amused. Smug, too, like Gideon had said, as though he'd predicted this very thing.

At the sound of his brother's voice, Gideon was very suddenly wearing trousers. “Something like that,” he said.

“You'll never feel anything like that again, Luna,” Fabian told me, and I could hear the grin in his voice. “You may want to put on some clothes, though, you're about to have some guests.”

“Guests?” I thought for a moment. “I should go and see Grindelwald.”

Gideon gently tweaked my chin. “Not yet, sweetheart, the euphoria fades slowly. Remember, feeling like this, he may... coerce you into doing something that you will regret when you stop enjoying everything so much.” His reminder was gentle, but there was a firmness along the bottom of his words.

I rested my palm against Gideon's cheek, completely smooth without the need to shave. “You're still worried I'll regret what happened between us.” I read the answer in his brown eyes, and I leaned forward and kissed him. “I won't. I can't. You... You showed me what it could be instead of what it has been.” I looked down at him for a moment. “Does it ever feel like this when you don't feel this... much?”

“It can come close with a skilled lover.” A knowing sympathy filled his eyes. “But as far as I can recall, it's never quite like that.”

“It's more fulfilling with someone you're in love with, though,” came Fabian's voice again. “The euphoria makes you feel like you love everything and everyone right now, but it's not the same as being in love.”

I hardly had any time to ruminate on his words when the room was suddenly filled with voices, and then a heavy silence broken only by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Gideon shifted, his fingers resting over the back of my neck, pulling my head down to rest my forehead against his. “Clothes?” he prompted me gently.


	21. Chapter 21

I pulled away from Gideon enough to sit on the fluffy rug on my bum. I thought for a moment and then I was dressed, a simple purple dress that slipped pleasantly across my skin. I let Gideon help me up, and when I turned around, I found a crowd of people all tucked into the room that was somehow not too small. Sirius Black was there, and Professor Lupin, and Tonks, and a man who looked a lot like Harry with a woman who had Harry's clear green eyes. Professor Lupin looked to have been the one who had cleared his throat, he was very pointedly facing away from me, his eyes fixed on his rather amused-looking wife.

“Oh, come off it, Moony,” Sirius Black chided him. “She's got nothing you haven't seen before, and most of the rest of us have already seen all there is to see.”

Fabian was standing by the piano, his arms folded across his chest, his face a blend of amused smugness. I went to him first, he unfolded his arms so I could slide my arms around him, under his overcoat, the same way I typically did with Gideon. His shirt was a deep purple, and not quite as silky under my fingertips as the green fabric upholstering the wing chair I'd stopped at.

His arms closed around me, so much like his brother, and yet so different. “It's good to see you here. It's good to see your shoulders a little lighter.” He gently set me away from him, looking down into my face. “Even if it is only for a while.”

Sirius Black spoke again, pulling my attention to him. “Come here, love, give us a cuddle.” His familiarity didn't bother me at all, and his broad wink made me giggle. I went to him, pressing myself against the front of his black shirt that was open to reveal a section of his chest. “Don't feel the need to be dressed on our account,” he told me, the note of mischief in his voice indicating he was teasing- though I didn't think he was teasing me. “Moony can just walk around with his eyes closed.”

“Sirius...” Gideon's tone was full of warning.

The man in front of me didn't particularly seem to care. “You wouldn't stop having a go at me when I was adjusting, it's the very least I can do.”

“Luna has a very sensitive past.” Now Gideon sounded defensive, as though he meant his words to come between Sirius Black and I, to protect me like a shield.

“I am the epitome of sensitive, mate. However, I don't imagine there's much I could say right now that would bother our dear Luna.” When Sirius Black pulled away, I could see the twist of a scar crossing the front of his chest, disappearing under the edge of the shirt on either side. I followed it with my eyes, curious, my hand coming up between us. He captured my fingers in his own. “Later, love. We'll talk later, all right?” He knew. His voice told me he knew at least part of what I'd been through, and that he'd shared that fate.

I nodded, slipping from him and turning away from the pull of curiosity. Tonks seemed a little taken aback to be the next recipient of my embrace, but she recovered quickly enough, hugging me back as though it was something she'd done before.

“She's rather affectionate, isn't she?” Professor Lupin mused. “I don't remember you being nearly this affectionate, even with friends.”

“This from the wizard who, on learning I could still turn into Padfoot, asked me to change, and then sat there stroking my ears because they were 'the softest thing I've ever felt,' until his wife pulled him away again.” Sirius Black's voice was full of laughter.

When I moved away from Tonks, Professor Lupin still looked a little discomfited by my former lack of clothes, so I turned to face the other two people I'd never met before. Gideon was suddenly beside me, his hand sliding easily across my back to rest on my hip, pulling me into his side. I rested my head against his shoulder. “James and Lily Potter,” he introduced. James Potter and Professor Lupin were the only ones wearing proper wizard robes, I noticed.

It was easy to see the family resemblance. Harry looked a lot like his father- they were around the same height, they had the same unruly black hair... I raised my hand and would have stepped forward to touch it if Gideon hadn't been there, holding me against his side.

“Come and sit with me, sweetheart.” Gideon drew me away, over to the green-striped wing chair that I'd admired. He settled down into it, pulling me gently until I was sitting across his thighs, my head resting on the back of the chair beside his.

The others arranged themselves around the room with us, there was more furniture available than I'd noticed before.

Lily Potter looked at me from her seat on a green-striped sofa that was very similar to the chair on which I now sat, hopefulness shining in her clear green eyes. I'd seen those eyes countless times before, usually behind a pair of thick glasses. “I understand you know... Our son.”

It was one of the things I had been worried about, but I found I didn't mind the question so much. “I do. Not as well as I used to, I'm afraid.” I tried to think about it, but the deterioration of our relationship kept slipping out of my mind, falling away from the wonderful way I was feeling. “He is well. I understand he's quite successful as an Auror.”

Lily didn't look entirely happy to hear my answer, her mouth settling into an grim line.

“Most people had a hard time believing that Luna could see us on the other side,” Gideon explained. I rested my hand on his chest, feeling the rumble of his words as they came up through his throat and out of his mouth. “Evidently at some point, Harry and two of his friends tried to have Luna admitted to the Janus Thickey Ward.”

I lifted my head, looking into his grinning face, wondering where he'd come across that knowledge. “I told you, Longbottom and I speak almost every night. I've heard a lot about you.”

Lily's eyes flashed with temper, her shoulders setting unhappily. “I find that a little hard to believe, considering that he brought us to him, he was able to see us for a short time.” Beside her, James looked similarly upset, his face drawn down into a scowl.

He shifted under me as he shrugged. “My niece was especially hurt by what she believed were the lies Luna told her about being able to see Fred. Harry is in love with her, and apparently they... had a bit of a falling out, and he was eager to prove to her how much she meant to him.”

“And the nargles,” I reminded him quietly.

“And the nargles.” I felt Gideon shift as he shrugged again. “He was young, Lily, eighteen.” He paused for a moment, thinking, and then turned his attention to James Potter. “I'm sure you're well aware of the foolish things young wizards do for love at eighteen.”

I didn't miss the pointed look Lily gave her husband, nor the bark of laughter from where Sirius sat on her other side. James merely smiled at her, unabashed.

“He wants to apologize now, given half a chance. Longbottom said Harry feels pretty rotten about it. It's just a matter of opportunity.”

“He hasn't had that opportunity at all?” James asked, looking a little incredulous. “I thought you worked for the Ministry.”

“We've been hiding out in Hogwarts for the past little while. Luna was rather absorbed in her work.”

I was content to let him answer for me. I was enjoying just sitting quietly in my place on Gideon's knee, delighting in the feel of his hand as he gently ran it up and down along my bare arm. It was nice to be part of a conversation that I didn't have to relay any part of, or be worried that I was going to be overwhelmed; I felt relaxed.

“You're feeling pretty intensely,” Tonks observed. She was sitting to our right on a loveseat with Professor Lupin. “The ecstasy you feel, it's to convince us that we don't want to go back to the other side. By the time it fades, we're usually too settled in here to want to go back.”

“How long does it last?” I was very curious.

“Time doesn't pass here, sweetheart,” Gideon reminded me.

I thought for a moment, trying to place the time. I couldn't. That was a little disconcerting, but Gideon chose that moment to press his mouth to the spot where my jaw met my ear, and my unease just slipped away as I closed my eyes to savor the feel of his lips.

“How do you learn when you feel like this?” I asked after a moment, opening my eyes to look down into his face. I remembered what Gideon had told me about the lessons that Fred had neglected to learn right after he'd died.

“With great difficulty,” Fabian answered drily. He'd settled himself on the arm of the loveseat that Professor Lupin and Tonks were on. His voice was a lot like Gideon's, just a bit raspier underneath.

“Some find pleasure in learning,” James said. “What was it you told me, Pads, that it was like you could feel the knowledge stretching your mind?” He and Sirius Black shared a knowing look over the top of Lily's red hair, so shiny and much darker than Gideon's.

“Something like that.” Sirius Black turned to face the sofa Professor Lupin and Tonks were on, a broad grin covering his face. “I have to say, Moony, I was a bit surprised that you weren't more into expanding your knowledge during your euphoria- all you wanted to do was stroke Padfoot's ears and shag your wife.”

“In my defense, your ears are very soft.” Professor Lupin's easy tone indicated that he was used to this sort of teasing. He was still refusing to look at me.

I couldn't help but giggle at their good-natured banter, burying my face in Gideon's neck. He'd got his shirt back on around the same time I'd made myself a dress, and the feel of the smooth fabric was very pleasant under my cheek. He had a scent here, I realized. It was faint but present, vaguely reminiscent of cloves and cinnamon. I inhaled deeply, pulling his scent around me like a warm blanket. “Are you going to teach me?” I murmured against his skin.

“No, sweetheart, you're not staying. You'll be alive again as soon as this is all over.” I couldn't miss the thread of pain in his voice.

His pain, and the thought of leaving Gideon's cozy room were as hard to focus on as my dad's situation was, as though someone had poured something oily into my ear and made my mind slippery.

“Luna.” Everyone had fallen silent when Gideon had spoken, and Sirius Black's voice interrupting the stillness pulled my attention. I lifted my head to look across the room at him. He was on his feet, a strange expression on his face. “If you could do any one thing right now, excluding spending more intimate time with a certain redhead of our mutual acquaintance, what would it be?”

I thought for a moment, sifting through my mind for an answer. It had been a long time since anyone had asked me anything like that, and I didn't know quite how to answer. I looked back at Gideon, and he smiled up at me encouragingly. “Anything. You deserve this.”

I could feel the smile pulling at my cheeks, I could feel the warm wetness sliding down from my eyes. To think that they cared enough for me to be concerned about what I truly wanted... It was almost overwhelming.

James looked alarmed, but Gideon rushed to reassure him. “It's fine. You should have seen the first time I kissed her forehead. Luna's had a tough go, this is...”

“Nice,” I whispered.

Sirius Black was moving towards me, taking both of my hands in his and gently pulling me off of my comfortable perch. “What do you say, love?”

I stared up at him for a moment, my eyes on the grey rings of his eyes. Suddenly I knew. “Standing in a rainstorm.” I didn't get outside much anymore, before Neville had insisted on getting me outside for a walk, it had been countless months. It was one of the things I'd missed the most.

“Right, then. Ladies, gentlemen.” He looked around, and loosing one of my hands, offered a grand, sweeping bow to everyone. “We shall return.”

It was a bit like Apparation, only without the feeling of being pushed relentlessly through a tube. We were quite suddenly somewhere else- the middle of a vast field of lush green grass, bordered on one side by thick trees. The trees looked familiar, though, like-

“The Forbidden Forest,” I breathed. I'd spent enough time escaping there to have memorized the treeline, the specific foliage that always welcomed me inside.

“That's right.” He didn't sound surprised at all. “One moment, love.” I followed the direction of his finger as he pointed above us.

I watched, fascinated, as the blue sky above filled with dark gray clouds. They hung low in the sky, heavy and ominous with the promise of rain. I saw a streak of lightning moving between the clouds, branching and forking along its way, and almost immediately heard the boom of thunder as the clouds opened up, releasing their torrents of rain on us.

I slipped away from Sirius Black, smiling as I felt the thick drops fall on my face. Holding my arms out to my sides, I spun in circles, staring up into the weather as I did when I was a child, innocent and carefree.

After a moment, I fell to the ground, thoroughly dizzy, and I laughed and laughed, the hot tears from my eyes mingling with the cool drops of rain. It was perfect. I could hear the rain on the grass, hear it pushing its way through the trees that surrounded us. I could smell the rich scent of the damp earth, feel the wetness as it seeped through my purple dress. It wasn't uncomfortably cold like it had been when I was young, it was... Simply perfect. I laid back until I was on my back on the grass, my eyes closed, feeling each droplet of rain as it fell against my face. “This is so beautiful,” I murmured. “Thank you.”

“This is my home. I spent so long imprisoned that the open space is what feels most comfortable.” He was silent for a moment. “We'll come back to that, I know it's hard to talk about anything unpleasant from life right now.”

I was content to lay there and feel the clouds empty themselves into my skin. Sirius Black let me be, staying silent, though I could still feel him watching me.

After a time, curiosity pushed my mind into motion. “Why are we here?” I had to raise my voice a little to be heard over the weather, but I wasn't shouting at him.

“I suspected Gid wanted a word with his brother.”

I could understand that. Gideon was probably used to seeing Fabian as a constant presence in his life, and he'd been with me for some time. My mind moved from what Gideon called his home to where I was, trying to trace the path we'd taken. “Where is here, in relation to where we were?”

There was a long pause, and I opened my eyes and looked over to see that he'd settled himself on the ground next to me, and was staring thoughtfully at his hands where he was picking at bits of grass. His wavy black hair dripped with water, his face covered in the same sheen of rain that mine was. He seemed no more bothered by it than I was. “We're not on the same plane here, like it is on the other side. Do you know what I mean?”

I thought about it for a moment. “When you look at a map, you can draw a line from place to place with your finger.”

He looked up at me, his grin a mixture of relief and appreciation. “Moony mentioned you were a Ravenclaw. We're in an entirely different space- I don't have neighbours, there's no one else on the other side of the trees. Each one of us creates our own space here, limited only by what we want- and don't want.”

I turned my gaze back up to the sky, squinting so I wouldn't get water droplets falling directly into my eyes. “Your world is your own creation.”

“Essentially, yes.”

“How beautiful that must be.” To be able to shape the world as you saw fit, to surround yourself with only the things you wanted, and none of the things you didn't... A sudden thought occurred to me, something that might detract from that beauty. “Can anyone alter your home?”

“To a lesser degree. You can alter it, but I can erase whatever you do, if I choose. I can't...” He trailed off, he appeared to be thinking again. “I can't affect you directly, make you leave or turn your hair purple. I can contain you, though, and cause things to happen around you that would affect you. I could position a paintbrush with purple paint over your head, and it would fall and at least some of your hair would match your dress.”

I smiled at the thought, my eyes closing again against the weather. “I don't imagine I'd want purple hair. It would be quite a change to get used to.”

“I'll keep that in mind.” I could hear the amused smile in his words.

I thought for another moment, my curiosity pulling my attention back to what we'd started talking about. It was like James had said, it was like I could feel each new piece of knowledge pulling at my mind, gently stretching it larger. “How are you all connected, then?” Even if Gideon wasn't beside Sirius Black, there had to be a connection somewhere, a way to bridge the two places, otherwise we wouldn't be able to get from one to the other.

“Through the crossroads, where we all come when we die. Most of us, at any rate.” I could hear the smile in his voice again, and then it faded with his next words. “I saw Piccadilly Square, in London. Have you been to London much, love? Aside from the Ministry of Magic, I mean.”

I shook my head. “I did fly over it once. It's quite large, there are a lot of lights that shine into the night.”

“Quite large is bit of an understatement.”

I opened my eyes as I sat up to face him, the sodden fabric of my dress sliding thickly over my skin as I moved. I crossed my legs in front of me, my feet bare and my ankles pillowed by the damp grass. “Gideon mentioned he saw the Atrium at the Ministry. From the Atrium, I can get to my office, or I can go upstairs to where the Aurors work, or I can get anywhere. However, at the Ministry, my office is right beside Daphne's, and I simply need to open the door, walk down the hall, and walk into her office. How do you get from place to place?”

“When you Apparate on the other side, you need to know where you're going. It's the same here; when I want to visit with Gideon, for example, I have a connection to him, and so I can.”

I thought about what he was saying for a moment. “If you can only see those you've formed a connection with, do you not meet anyone new?”

I could see his approval in his eyes at the question. “Some of us are...” He regarded me for a moment. “A mate of mine, Benjy, his home is like a pub.”

My curiosity shifted to the man sitting near me in the rain. “And what do you do?”

“Do?” he echoed, his eyes turning questioning.

“Gideon plays the piano, Benjy runs a pub.” I watched him plucking bits of grass from the field. “What do you do, Sirius Black?”

“Just Sirius is fine. I study...” He gestured with his hand at the open world behind me. “All of this. Same thing as you, or so I've heard, just from this side.”

I looked at him for a long moment. “At your memorial service, Mrs Weasley couldn't stop mentioning that you would be missed by some sort of ladies from London. I don't imagine she thought anyone could hear her. I believe she was making some sort of reference to you enjoying sex."

His grey eyes, the exact same shade as the clouds above us, turned incredulous for a long moment, then he threw back his head and laughed and laughed, the sound escaping his mouth and fighting through the falling rain to get swallowed by the clouds. The sound, the pure joy of it, made me smile. “I don't need sleep, love, there's certainly enough time for both.”

I nodded thoughtfully. “I imagine it's much easier to study death when you've already been through it.”

He sobered somewhat, but his eyes still held the traces of a smile. “I don't know about that. It has its advantages, admittedly, or I'm sure the Ministry wouldn't have made you come here. But you have a wealth of information sitting out, just waiting for you to access. I have access to everything that everyone who's died has written, the trick is knowing exactly what to ask for.”

I thought for a moment, and the book by the who'd recorded his journey beyond the Veil and then back to the other side appeared on the crux of my crossed legs. I looked at it for a moment, then thumbed through it.

I caught him take in the cover of the book. “A lot of that is fallacious.”

“I know. But it was the first book I thought of, and I wanted to see how this worked.” I looked through the book, it was just the same as the copy I'd found in the Hogwarts library. “I imagine Hermione will have a grand time here when she comes to this side.” With another thought, the book was gone. Gideon had been right. It was a lot like the Room of the Requirement, only not quite so limited. I couldn't make books appear with their proper content in the Room.

“I expect you're right.” He looked at me for a long moment. “Your inability to dwell on anything unpleasant right now keeps you from wanting to go back and make things better. And yet, here you are, speaking of the eventual death of a friend. Does death not strike you as unpleasant?”

“Why would it? I'm not... Finished. I haven't ceased to be. It's quite nice here, actually.” I gestured around me. “I get to be outside in the rain without worrying that someone will come upon me. I get to love and be loved without fear and pain. I'm not trapped by my past.”

He was silent for a long moment, and I could see his eyes moving along the damp skin where my legs and arms were exposed by my dress. “When you're able to talk without...”

“Things sliding off of the euphoria, out of my head?”

“Right. When that happens, come back here. I reckon we'll have a lot to say to each other.” His lips moved up into a cheeky smile. “You're welcome any time. I won't even insist on clothes.”

I nodded slowly, taking what he'd said at face value even though I was sure he'd been at least partially teasing me. “No clothes, Gideon was saying that wasn't unusual.”

“You get used to it.” The smile shifted into a smirk. “Well, for the most part. Moony was your professor when you were just... First year?”

“Second year.”

“Still just a little thing, then. It can be hard to shed the images of those we knew when we were alive. How old are you, anyway? Of age, obviously, but Moony will have a bit of a sulk if he feels like an old pervert.”

“It was the day before my 20th birthday,” I realized suddenly. Fred had a hard time keeping track of my birthday and I never reminded him, so it usually passed unremarked. If I worked, or the next day that I did work, there would be a small gift from Daphne on my desk, but that was it. The birthday that I was dead was the best birthday that I'd had in quite some time, and the thought made me giggle.

My laughter made him smile, though he didn't question the source. “Close enough, then. I'll tell him before he can drive poor Tonks 'round the twist.”

I was staring at the silvery scar tissue on his chest. It was a lot closer than it had been, and I realized I'd moved closer until I looked down to see I was kneeling between his outstretched legs, my nose almost touching his chest. I traced the scar where it disappeared into his shirt. It felt like my scars did, smoother and shinier than the rest of his skin.

When I ran my tongue along it, it felt like an indentation, a slight hollow. I felt him still, felt the muscles of his chest turn rigid with tension. “Luna... Are you sure you want to do this?” His hands were loose on the side of my head, his fingers stirring the hair along my scalp.

I looked up at him, settling back on my heels. “Do you want me to stop?”

He shook his head, the trail of his fingertips along my jaw making me shiver. “No, love. But you've had a hard go, I just want to make sure this is what you want.”

I leaned forward on my knees again. The fabric of his shirt was wet, sticking to my fingers a little as I rested them against his shoulders. Smooth, it was smooth, but not as pleasant as touching warm skin. “Very much.”

There was no more hesitation. His arms were hard around me, easing me back onto the soft, wet grass. It tickled cool against my body. His mouth was heat, wet like the rain that dotted my skin. His tongue was ecstasy, making my skin sing. He tasted like rain and salt, warm under my mouth, my hands.

Gideon was there, his red hair brilliant against the grey and green. When his eyes alighted on me, his face pulled up into a smile. His gaze trained on where Sirius' silky black hair was a dark spill over my thighs. He came to us and knelt down beside me.

Pure feeling, bright and hazy. I couldn't keep still, sensation too intense to be contained in my body. Between them was so overwhelming the world would surely end, yet it just went on and on in a neverending spiral of starshine and velvet.

At last it ended, and they held me, soothing words wrapped around me like a blanket. “I'd to be dry,” I said at one point, and Gideon took me back to stretch out in front off his fire, the glowing heat licking the moisture from my skin.

 


	22. Chapter 22

Moments passed by unheeded. I smiled more than I'd smiled over the past three years, my whole face smiling with me. Even Gideon seemed more at ease, his brown eyes sparkling with good humor, his chuckle readier, his grin wider. I came to know people who'd only been names and faces before. I remembered what it was like to have friends, friends who were equals, friends who were whole. I spent a lot of time in Gideon's arms just feeling, learning how witches and wizards relate to each other intimately.

Fred came once, and the smile on his face was a swirl of happiness and concern. He'd never seen me looking so content, so happy in my heart. He didn't really say much to me, and after a while Fabian took him aside and said something to him, and I didn't see him again while I was there.

The euphoria was starting to fade- I still found a certain amount of pleasure in everything I did, but I could think about my father, about the things that had happened to me. And I missed Neville dearly. I missed sleeping with him the most- falling asleep with my head on his chest, his arms snugly around me. I missed waking up and being unable to slip out of bed without his eyes flying open to watch me. I hoped that his days were easier, or that he had found another source of comfort.

Gideon still didn't want me going anywhere near Grindelwald, yet. I deferred to his opinion- he certainly had more experience here than I had. I remembered what Sirius had said to me, and the curiosity about the scar on his chest tugged at my mind. “I want to go and talk to Sirius,” I told Gideon. We were seated at his piano. He'd been teaching me a little about playing, and we'd stopped for a brief respite.

“That's fine, sweetheart. If I'm not here when you come back, I'll more than likely be with Fabian.” He lowered his mouth to mine for a gentle kiss.

I returned his affection, and then stood, moving apart from him. I checked to make sure that I was dressed- my dress was sunshine yellow then- and concentrated on the wide open space that Sirius called home.

I was there just as suddenly as I had been before, and the feel of the soft grass under my bare feet made me smile. It was easy to find Sirius, a dark shape among the bright green of early summer. I walked over to where he was, settling myself on the ground close by.

He looked up from where he was lounged on his back on the ground, head pillowed on one arm, book held open for his perusal with the other hand. “There you are, love, I was beginning to think Gid was never going to let you put on clothes again. Obviously feel free not to.”

I smiled at his teasing. “What are you reading?”

He sat up, holding up the book to me so that I could see the brown leather binding. “Something written by Muggle monks centuries ago on the existence of the soul. Once you get past all of the lists of 'thou shalt not,' it's actually quite interesting.”

There wasn't anything like that in the Ministry Archives. “I imagine that Muggles have a rather different approach than we do.”

He lowered the book again. “They do. Different Muggles have differing opinions, and most of them could be right. An argument could be made that what we see here is a lot like a fairly modern interpretation of what Heaven is. One could even call up a bunch of clouds and a pair of pearly gates if that's what they wished.” I didn't understand the reference, but it seemed to quite amuse him.

“I do wish the Ministry wasn't quite so circumspect about the knowledge that Muggles have.” I shook my head. “They've been successful as a species for thousands of years now, and it seems like, in some respects, we're rather behind.”

“It's true, love.” He regarded me for a moment. “Might as well wish for fish to fly.”

“Oh, but some do!” I thought for a moment of what I'd learned about them. “Well, they glide, mostly, but they are called 'flying fish.' They live where it's warmer. I'd quite like to see one some day.”

He was wearing a broad grin. The book was gone, I noticed, and he was resting his elbows easily on his knees. “This is you, isn't it? The real you, when you're not influenced by the euphoria or corrupted by the things that make it so you hardly recognize yourself in the mirror.”

I tried to remember what I'd been like before I'd spent my time in the Malfoy's basement. It was hard to see back that far, and it had nothing to do with the lingering remains of the euphoria I still felt. “I believe so.”

He nodded, his happy expression gone. “I don't know what happened to you, love. I know that the first time I saw you in your flat, I knew that you'd been imprisoned. You had that look in your eyes.” He reached out towards me, his thumb brushing along my cheek. “I suspect it's going to be back when you've finished adjusting to being here.”

“I expect you're right,” I replied quietly.

He pushed himself to his feet and extended a hand down to me. When I took it, he pulled me gently up before releasing me. He was quite suddenly without his black shirt, wearing only the dark Muggle jeans that had accompanied them. “I've seen your scars, it's only fair that you see mine.”

I found myself moving towards him, drawn again by the scar that twisted its way across his chest, right over where his heart was. It wasn't alone, there were numerous shiny patches of scarring decorating his torso and his right arm. I reached out, tracing my finger along one that ran along the top of his forearm, almost from wrist to elbow.

“I did most of this,” he told me quietly. “I was desperate to feel.”

I nodded. I could understand that. I'd never felt the urge to maim myself thus, I had enough scars for anyone. But I understood what had driven him to do so. “Control.”

“Yes.” His eyes moved over the marks. “Endorphins, too, the brains releases them when the body is hurt.”

I let my finger trace along a thin line just over his ribs. “You don't hide your scars.”

He offered me a bitter smile. “I did for a time. Then I realized that it doesn't matter, I know they're there whether or not I can see them. At least this way, when someone comments on how damaged I am, I can point to the scars and say, 'Of course I'm damaged.'”

I leaned forward until my forehead was resting against his chest, over the twist of scar over his heart. I offered him what comfort I could, my hands creeping around him to rest against his back. He was my friend, and there was still some pain lingering, the same pain that had caused him to do that to himself.

I knew some of what he'd been through. Harry had spoken of him quite a bit during the summer after Sirius had died. He'd talked to me because I was familiar with death, I'd seen its face and had come to terms with it. I'd been able to see the thestrals before he had.

“Getting out of Azkaban didn't really free me. There were no more Dementors and that was wonderful, and I was free for a time, but then it was really just trading one prison for another.” His hand brushed over my shoulder. “I suspect you are in a similar place.”

“My memories keep me trapped.” I closed my eyes, my cheek against the warm skin of his chest.

“The prison in your mind is the hardest to get away from.”

“It quite seems that way.” I stepped away from him, looking up into his face. I took in the lines that he was too young to wear, the lingering flicker of pain in his eyes like the last embers in a dying fire. “How did you recover?”

A smile that managed to be both bitter and heartfelt pulled up the corners of his mouth. “I died, love. I'm free here. I don't need sleep, so I don't need to worry about the nightmares. I don't need to run or hide. If someone comes here that I do not wish to see, I can shut them away from me. I am in control. My best mates are here, James and Lily reminded me a lot of what family is. Harry will end up here eventually, and I'll see him again.”

“I told him that. When you first went through the portal, I told him that he would see you again, that death isn't the final part of the journey.” I remembered that moment we'd shared in the corridor at Hogwarts when he'd come upon me looking for my missing things.

“You're a bright girl.” His hand came to rest on my shoulder. “I spent my adjustment time much the same way you have. I felt a numbing loss when it stopped, it was hard to go back to how I'd felt before that. You may feel the same.” He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It hits suddenly. One moment you feel _good_ , and then the next you wonder how you were ever that happy.”

I thought about the memories and feelings I'd left behind. It was like they were just out of reach, like they were there, just in front of me, waiting for me to come back to them. “I can almost see them.”

He nodded. “It's hard to be free when you've been trapped for so long, but love helps. James, Lily... They showed me what it was like to be whole again.”

I looked up into his clear grey eyes. “I've had very little love until just recently.” The thought didn't make me sad, didn't make me regret, it simply was.

His thumb traced down the line of my jaw. “You need to let yourself be loved. It's hard.” He smiled. His shirt was back on, and he turned towards the treeline, gesturing to it while the other hand moved to hover over my back. I started to walk, and he fell in step beside me. “It's easy right now, you feel like you can love everyone, and it's easy to receive love from others. I think that's the hardest part, really, accepting love.”

I nodded. It was. I _knew_ I was loved. Gideon loved me. Fabian loved me. James and Lily, Sirius, Tonks, even Remus loved me when I had my clothes on. I smiled a little at the thought. I knew that I was worth loving, because I was loved. And I knew just as well that I hadn't felt that way in some time. Fred and I had needed each other, actually needed each other, and it wasn't the same. It wasn't a whole love, a healthy love. It was why he'd needed to be apart from me when he could be, and I had to admit to myself now, I'd needed to be apart from him. And Neville... “How much of this will remain when the euphoria fades completely? The memories of feeling this way?”

“That's the good news. It doesn't. It'll still be there. You may have to fight to get to it, but it'll be there.”

We entered the Forbidden Forest. It was familiar, my mind recognizing it as I'd seen it last. It felt like home, it even smelled like home. “I spent a lot of time here. It always felt safe to me. Especially in my final year, there was no one here to hide from.”

“To me it always meant freedom. I don't know how much you've heard about what we got up to when we were in school, but we would come here when Moony changed, run all night among the trees. When I escaped from Azkaban, this was where I came. I was free, for the first time in entirely too long. I got to see Harry, I got to feel the sun and the rain, I got to be a man instead of a shriveled husk wasting away, forgotten.” He gestured back to the field of grass behind us. “That's why this is my home. I'm entirely free here, there's nothing between me and the fresh air and the sky.”

I came to a stop, turning to rest my back against the rough bark of a nearby tree, and sliding down until my bum touched the leaf-strewn ground beneath me. Sirius stopped as well, easily lowering himself to recline on his elbow just beside me. “I am a bit scared,” I told him conversationally.

“About what?” His free hand slid along my thigh, a comforting, familiar warmth.

I picked up a fallen leaf, twirling it by the stem between my finger and thumb. “About what will happen when this feeling fades and I'm left feeling like I have for the past few years.”

“That's why you're here, talking to me. They don't really know... Moony didn't have an easy life, obviously, and the others had life ripped away from them when they were far too young. But they don't know about this.” He watched me for a moment. “And I reckon you've had experiences that I can't even imagine.”

I felt cushioned from them, like there was a mound of fluffy feathers between me and my memories. It made them easier to think on. “I imagine I have.”

“It might not be easy, but it is easier to face a potentially unpleasant situation when you have some understanding of how it might go. Just let yourself be loved. We'll get you through, all right?” His fingers squeezed just above my knee for just the barest of seconds.

I nodded. We sat there for a while, not saying anything. I felt reassured by the familiar feeling of the rough bark through my dress, the rich smell stirred up when I trailed my fingers through the leaves covering the ground. After a time, I asked, “Do you know my mum? Pandora Lovegood?”

He thought for a moment, I could see him sifting through his memories. “Can't say that I do.” His expression softened just a bit. “But you do. You seem to be able to navigate your way around here, and since she's your mum you'd have a connection to her. You should be able to get yourself there if you want to see her.”

I did want to see my mum. I rose to my feet, which brought Sirius up to stand as well. “Thank you,” I told him.

He pulled me into a warm embrace. “You're welcome. You'll see me again soon enough. I'm the one who's getting you where you need to go.”

I pulled away and stood apart from him. I offered one last farewell smile, and then turned all of my concentration to my mum. In just a blink of my eyes, I was standing in a beautiful garden filled with sunflowers that were taller than I was. My mouth moved into a wide smile, I'd always loved sunflowers. Dad hadn't wanted to grow any more after Mum died, but right now they were the only thing I could see.

There was a path of dark grass carved through them, delightfully soft against the soles of my feet. Mum had always liked walking barefoot. I followed the path around the flowers, letting my heart guide me towards her.

She may have heard me, she turned to see me as I followed the gentle curve around to where she was standing in a lovely pink dress, watering can held lightly in her hand. She stared for a moment, and then a hesitant smile pulled at her mouth. “Luna? My little Luna?”

I walked to where she was, and she put down her metal watering can as I drew close to her. “Hello, Mum,” I greeted softly, my vision blurred with my tears.

“Luna! How did you...” She pulled me into a warm hug, a hug I'd missed dearly for the past ten years. “You got so big!”

I clung to her tightly, tears slipping from my eyes to wet the shoulder of her soft dress. “I've missed you, Mum.”

She held me for a long time, and then set me gently from her at arm's length, peering curiously into my face. She looked just the same as she had the last time I'd seen her. She looked like me. “What happened, Luna? You're so young. Are you still young? Where's Dad?”

I lifted the tear from my right cheek with the tip of one finger, wiping it into the skirt of my dress. “I'm not really dead. I'll be going back to my body just as soon as I'm finished here.”

“What do you mean?” Her grey eyes moved over my face, and then the excited light shone in them. That was the last thing I'd seen before she'd died, that excited light that meant discovery. “Did you discover how to circumvent death?”

I thought for a moment. “Somewhat, I suppose. I left my body behind; it's currently resting, suspended in time in the Ministry of Magic.”

“The Ministry?” She frowned, I remembered that frown. She hadn't worn it often, but always when she was talking about the Ministry of Magic. She'd never liked the Ministry, she thought it tried to curb curiosity and discovery too much. “I don't think I like that, Luna. I don't think I like that at all.” She dropped her hands from my arms and moved away from me, sitting down on a stone bench. She looked at me for a long moment, her eyes searching my face as though she would find her answers there. “Where's your dad?”

“Dad is...” I shook my head. The feelings that were tied to my dad being trapped were so close I could almost touch them. “Dad will be here very soon, shortly after I go back to my body.”

“What's happened to your daddy?” She was getting upset; I remembered the way she twisted her wedding band around her finger when she was troubled, she was doing it now. “Why are you here before him?”

I searched my mind for the right words, moving to sit beside her on the bench. She turned to me, eyes on my face, waiting for me to say the things I didn't want to talk about. “There was a war. A lot of things happened, very bad things. Daddy was hurt. He'll be here soon. They're just waiting for me to return, and then he'll... He'll come to this side.”

She rested her hand against my arm again, and while the frown was still pulling her face down in its unhappiness, her words for me were gentle. “Who's waiting for you to return?”

“The Ministry of Magic.” Close, so close, the sorrow and guilt were just on the other side of a thin veil.

She looked over at her watering can, her frown concentrating on it as though it was what was frustrating her. “What aren't you telling me, Luna? Are they keeping him from me?” She didn't wait for my answer, just pressed on with her words, each sound etched with so much pain. “I warned you, Luna, I warned you to stay away from them.” Sorrow. Sorrow at what I'd trapped myself into.

“I know.” There was nothing else to say. She'd told me to be a Healer, to be an explorer, to be a Quidditch player, or a Curse-Breaker, or a professor. Anything. Anything but working for the Ministry of Magic. They would steal everything that was curious, everything that was creative, and just leave one of their uninteresting witches who was fit for nothing more than measuring the lengths of brooms. That's what she'd told me over and over again as a child. “I'm learning, Mum. I'm learning about death. I was hurt, very badly, and I was alone, and the Ministry was the only place I could go.”

“You were hurt?” She turned back towards me, and I could see an echo of the pain from my memories in her eyes. “What happened to you?”

I couldn't tell her. I couldn't face her eyes, just like mine, and tell her the terrible things that had happened to me. I couldn't make her listen to her daughter's torture, to hear a pain that she couldn't do anything about. I had to protect her, just as I'd protected my dad. I couldn't lie to her, but I couldn't tell her the truth.

“I can't speak of it,” I said quietly. “It's too much. Too much pain, too much sadness.”

“Does your dad know?”

I looked down at where I was twisting my fingers together in the fabric of my dress. Yellow, Daddy liked yellow. “Not most of it.” I couldn't bring myself to be glad that he'd been spared the rest of it. What he'd seen had broken him, and now he was a prisoner in his own body just as I was a prisoner of my mind.

She brushed my hair back from my cheek, the gesture familiar and tender. Her other hand took mine, her fingers warm and smooth in their comfort. “I've been waiting for him. It feels like forever since I've seen him. How... How long has it been, Luna?”

“Eleven years.”

“Eleven years.” She shook her head. “So long. Has he moved on?” She sounded sad, somewhat lost at the idea that he would have found someone else.

“No.” Even before the war, he'd been stuck in the world he'd created for himself, to lessen the pain of her death. He'd been waiting, I think, to be able to join her. And now... Now he couldn't. Now he was being kept from her by people who didn't understand what they were doing to him.

That was it. That's when it broke. The euphoria was gone, and in its place was a haunted loneliness, more acute than I'd felt in a long time. I found myself wondering how I could have felt so happy, so wonderful, when my dad was...

I looked up at my Mum, saw the pain and tenderness in her eyes. I couldn't bring this to her, couldn't turn our first meeting again after all these years into this. “Daddy will be soon,” I told her, and I left.

I found myself on the furry rug in front of Gideon's fireplace, kneeling with my head bent over my knees and my arms wrapped around myself, and I wept. After some time, I felt hands closing around my arms. I felt myself pulled up and turned, pressed against a warm body that smelled of cloves and cinnamon. I don't know how long I cried, and he held me. He didn't pull away, he didn't try to stop me, he just held me until I was done.

At last, I pulled back and looked up into his face. He was concerned, his brown eyes patient and worried for me. I was struck by the tenderness I saw, the caring. “I'm ready.”

 


	23. Chapter 23

We went back to see Sirius. He was ranging around his large field restlessly, and as soon as he saw us, he bounded over like he'd been waiting for us. His grey eyes moved over my face, searching, and nodded almost to himself. “Sorry, love.”

I offered him a small smile, more to reassure him that I was all right than because I really felt like smiling. I felt numb now, mostly, the cold, full numbness when you hide your emotions. “It had to end some time. Now I just need to get this done.”

Gideon's hand was resting in the center of my back. “If Greyback is conducting Grindelwald's business, then there's a chance he will be there. If it gets to be too much, we can just leave. We'll go back home, you can go back into your body and tell the Ministry to get stuffed.” He paused until I looked up at him. I could see that he was worried. “All right?”

I nodded. “And he has no power over me here.” I didn't sound as certain as I wanted to feel. I'd been told the same thing by different people, and I clung to it. No one had control over me. I would be able to see him, and I could leave at any time.

“Right.” Gideon's fingers dug into my back a little, seeking to reassure me.

“Only as much as you give him,” Sirius added, and I could see a mirror of Gideon's concern in his eyes. Someone had told him some of what Greyback had done to me since the last time I'd seen him. It was likely for the best, if Greyback was going to be there he might seek to do similar things. A warning could only help.

“It should be easy to get to Grindelwald, though, since he wants to talk to me.” All I had to do was get there, and Sirius was going to take care of that.

“Not from what I've heard.” The expression on Sirius' face was grim, his eyes pulled down among unhappy lines. “He's apparently got some sort of defenses set up- he's a bit touched in the head. From what I've heard, he thinks someone is coming for him.”

“You haven't been there?” That concerned me, just a little. If Sirius didn't have the connection to him, how were we going to get there?

“No.” A mischievous grin crossed his face, he clearly wasn't concerned.

“Sirius has a knack of finding his way into things.” Gideon turned an amused look over to his friend. “Even when perhaps he shouldn't.”

Sirius winked at me. “I'll get you there.”

“All right.” I trusted him. I thought for another moment. “Is someone coming for him?” It seemed unlikely. No one would really be able to do anything to him, why would anyone want to bother?

“No. The later years of his life were spent imprisoned, and he hasn't been here for very long, just a bit longer than Remus, I think.” He shook his head, a bit of a bitter smile pulling at his lips. “His mind is...”

I nodded. I felt for him, at least a little. I knew what it was like to be imprisoned. So did Sirius. It was the reason I couldn't be outside for long stretches of time when I was in my own body. I missed feeling safe. I stepped into Gideon, seeking that safety now as I let myself lean against him.

“We should get there,” Gideon said, I could hear the weight heavy in his voice. “The sooner we get there, the sooner we can be done.”

“And the sooner Daddy can be free,” I whispered, my mum's face moving through my mind.

I felt Sirius' hand on me, coming to rest gently on my shoulder. He was preparing to leave. “You coming, Gid?”

“I reckon that's the best choice.” There was just the barest hint of challenge in his voice, like he was defying Sirius to deny him.

I lifted my head from its place against Gideon's shoulder just in time to see Sirius drop a hand on his arm, and then we were quite suddenly somewhere else. I stepped away from both of them, trying to get a sense of where we'd arrived.

We'd come to just outside a wide structure with dark stone walls that loomed high above us. Broken cobblestones, just about the same color, were at our feet. Gideon was frowning at the wall. “You weren't joking,” he muttered, taking in the impressive structure.

It seemed excessive in a place where you could shut those you didn't want near away from you. I stared up at the wall, studying it. It didn't seem to have a roof that I could see, not a typical building. Was it, then, just a wall?

There was no door visible to me either, just an unbroken line of dark stone as far as I could see in either direction. There was a feeling of imposing depth to it, as though it was something more than just a wall to keep intruders out. It wasn't a friendly wall. The scarred and broken stones on the floor were jagged, as though they'd been separately from the wall with some violence. The wall was unmarred, though, completely whole.

Sirius stepped a little further away from us, and he was, quite suddenly, a large black dog. There wasn't any shift, any transition from one to the other. One moment he'd been standing before us in his dark shirt and Muggle jeans, and the next he was an immense furry creature on all fours. Remembering what Remus had said about his ears, I had to reach out and touch one. “Your ears are very soft,” I told him, trailing my finger over the dark, velvety fur. Just as soft as his hair, although it was no longer such a marvel.

He looked up at me for a moment, wagging his tail, and then bounded off in one direction, easily loping faster than I could have walked or even run.

“How did he do that?” I wondered aloud, watching the dark form move away.

“He was an animagus in life- this is a part of who he is. He moves faster that way. James can do it, too, he just usually doesn't. Says there isn't much place for a stag over here.” Gideon gestured in the opposite direction from where Sirius had gone. “We should see if we can find a way in.”

I turned my, my body facing the other direction, my head pointing at the wall, walking along with my gaze fixed securely on the dark stone. I searched it for a crack, a line, anything that would indicate some kind of door. There didn't have to be a way in. Gideon's home didn't have a front door, going to it simply took you right inside the sitting room. It stood to reason, then, that we could appear on the outside and there just wouldn't be a way in. If Grindelwald wanted to speak to me, there would have to be a way for me to get to him.

But what if there wasn't?

Gideon walked along beside me, his eyes fixed on the wall as well. Every so often he would stop and rap the wall firmly with his knuckles, but it sounded the same every time he did it. Thinking of forming a portal in the wall was no use, Grindelwald had obviously made it so that we couldn't.

After a time, there came a ringing bark from behind us, and then another one. I turned back to see Sirius running back towards us, tail wagging. “I reckon he's found something,” Gideon observed, and we started walking towards him.

As soon as he saw we were headed in his direction, he turned back and ran, stopping at a certain point in the wall. I saw him lower his head and sniff, then look back at us, his tail never stopping its enthusiastic fan back and forth.

The wall was unchanging, rough dark stone that seemed somehow sinister, like it was watching me, waiting for me to show some weakness. After walking some distance, my pace as fast as it would get without running, I could see that the point that Sirius had stopped at was a slight recess in the wall. He became a man again, unfolding himself to his full height. He gestured to the wall. “The air smells different on the other side here, like there actually is another side.”

That only left actually getting to the other side. I watched Gideon place his hands on it and lean forward, pressing his weight into it, but it remained unmoving. “It won't let me make a door here, either.” He looked down at me, frustration hardening behind his eyes. “I thought he wanted to talk to you.”

I stepped forward and pressed my hand against the wall, peering up toward the top of it. Somewhat to my surprise, there was a loud crack as the recess formed a great, dark crack down the middle from the top to the bottom. I jumped back from it watched, fascinated, as it opened up into a small gap just wide enough for one of us to pass through at a time.

Sirius was frowning, looking deeply troubled. “I suppose if he was waiting for you, it would make sense that only you could open it. I don't like this, Luna, this is far more... control than I've seen.”

Gideon looked at Sirius, nodding, then stepped in front of me to push himself through the gap in the dark wall first. I looked up at Sirius for a moment, who gestured to where Gideon's overcoat had disappeared. I moved to the gap and stepped through, wishing just for a moment that my wand would give me any benefit here. Holding it would reassure me, at least a little. But an empty reassurance was almost the same as no reassurance at all.

It was dim, hard to see. The floor under my bare feet was the same smooth, dark stone as the wall, almost uncomfortably cold like the floor in the Death Chamber at the Ministry. There was no ceiling, no roof above us, instead the stone seemed to loom inward to choke off the stark white nothingness beyond.

Gideon had only moved a few steps into the short corridor that seemed to turn a corner just up ahead. He glanced back at me and silently offered his hand. I took it gratefully, clinging to the reassuring solidness of him. The entire passage was damp and narrow, chilled. It had been done on purpose, as though Grindelwald had tried to make it as unwelcoming as he could. It seemed strange for someone who had indicated that he wished to speak with me.

We walked through slowly, Gideon's head turning this way and that as he kept a ready watch around us. The corner turned, and then there was another short corridor.

“This is a maze,” I observed. I'd always liked mazes, found them fascinating. This maze, however, was not warm and inviting. This maze seemed foreboding, almost cruel somehow.

We turned another corner and were quite suddenly face-to-face with the one man I'd hoped to never see again. I let out a squeak and moved myself behind Gideon, peering out from behind his shoulder. I felt my hands and feet get cold, the pale ice of fear.

Fenrir Greyback stood there, a hungry look on his face. He looked just the same here as he had before, the grey of his long hair fading into the dark stones behind him. He disregarded the wizards I was with, his eyes fastening instead on me. “He wants to see you, little girl.” After a long moment shadowed, cruel eyes flicked over my companions, taking them in before dismissing them again as though they weren't there. “Just you.”

Gideon drew himself up to his full height, squaring his shoulders, settling himself in front of me like a wall. “What do you want?” he demanded.

“Not you, Auror. Nor you, mutt.” Those cold, dangerous eyes didn't move from mine. “I'll take you to him, little girl. Just you.”

“I don't think so.” Gideon's voice was firm, almost as solid a barrier between us as his body.

“Wasn't talking to you.” He snapped his teeth at me. “Think of all those delicious girls, just waiting inside that castle. They won't see what I can do to them, but they'll feel it. Just like you. Pity I wouldn't be able to taste...” He took a step towards me, eyes locked on mine, and it was like Gideon's presence between us faded, so intent was I on his large form. “They'd run for me. Just like you did.” His eyes moved over me, the unpleasant glint visible even in the dimness of the high stone walls. “You gonna run? You gonna leave them for me?”

I stared at him, and I could feel myself grow even colder at his words, a complete absence of warmth that froze my limbs. He was talking about not containing himself to dreams anymore. He was talking about actually... “I'm here now.” My voice slipped out, stronger than I felt.

“Not alone you, are you?” He gestured at my companions, but he didn't take his gaze off of me, his eyes boring into mine. “He says he needs to see you alone.”

I willed myself to move, resting my hand on Gideon's shoulder and stepping around him, putting myself in the path of the predator in front of me. Gideon's hands gripped at my arms, but I shook him off, slipping away from his comforting protection. I'd seen everything Greyback could do. I'd lived through it. I'd come out the other side, battered, but I was there. I could do it again. If my being alone was what it took... I would do whatever I needed to, to keep him from the students at Hogwarts. All of those children...

Anger flooded my body with heat, lending me its strength. “I will come with you.” My quiet words seemed to echo through the dark maze.

He held out his hand to me, presenting me with a bow- a mockery of a gentleman. I stared at it, large enough to cover my entire face, and then I slipped my hand into his. I could hear the voices behind me, desperate, angry, but I let them slide unheeded out of my ears. I couldn't turn around. I couldn't look at Gideon while I gave myself over to this creature.

Slowly, ever-so-slowly, he drew me to him. He pulled me against his body, a body that I still remembered the distinctive smell of- blood and meat and earth- even though he had no scent here. A small mercy, but one I clung to. His other hand slipped over my hip, the sharp points of his fingernails digging into my backside, a triumphant sneer overtaking his face. I would heal. Anything he did to me, I would heal. I grasped at that thought like a light in the darkness, and made no move away from him.

His eyes lifted away from mine, and I knew he was staring at Gideon now, gloating at the prize he'd taken. “Tell them to leave,” he instructed me before his head came down, down, and I bit my lip to keep my whimper from escaping. I stared hard at his long grey hair as I felt his teeth close over the muscle in my shoulder. Hard, then harder, enough to draw blood. I could feel it spilling hot and wet down my body, crimson trails dripping between my skin and my dress. The pain was a familiar one, sharp and invasive, impossible to ignore.

They were shouting behind me now- pain and rage- and I stood there and bled for him, my whisper asking them to leave lost in the noise. Souls didn't bleed on the other side, and this was what he wanted. I would give him what he wanted, if it meant he wouldn't touch those innocent children.

He lifted his head, leaving an angry throb in my shoulder. He pulled away so that I could see the red lines of life from my body spilling down his chin and onto the white shirt straining over his chest, gleaming somehow in the dim passage. “Louder,” he hissed as he dropped my hand, his fingers instead biting into my breast. His claw-like nails caught on the fabric of my dress, shredding it, scratching the sensitive skin underneath. I could see the fresh lines there, angry and red, blood welling just to the surface. They stung more than hurt, a fresh reminder of what he was capable of. “Why didn't you come earlier? You've been here a while. I've been waiting.” He must have looked down at me then, because the next words he spoke carried a wave of disapproval that washed over me. “What happened to all of those pretty marks I gave you?”

I kept my eyes locked on that strand of hair hanging just in my face, my friends behind me reduced to a white noise of nothingness that slid easily from my ears. The stain of crimson around his mouth was a bright glare that kept wanting to pull my eyes towards it. I thought about it and let all of my scars come back. He wanted to see what he'd done to me, and I would oblige him.

“Ahhh...” The rumble of pride moved up from the depths of his chest, his grim satisfaction pushing in on me like the walls above. “The longer you stay, the more you will see.” Now his words were directed over my shoulder, and suddenly he was grasping both of my hips, turning me away from him. I felt his solid body pressed against my back and I caught a glimpse of my reflection as though there was glass between Gideon and I. Pale, my skin was so pale, my eyes wide and terrified. I closed my eyes before I could see beyond the girl in the glass, unwilling to see Gideon's pain. I couldn't make him see what I was feeling, I couldn't subject him to that.

The wet sound of cloth tearing, the feeling of his rough hands sliding over my skin. His nails caught, slicing easily through flesh. I felt the fabric of my dress flutter unheeded to pool at my ankles. “Tell them to leave,” he hissed again, his mouth brushing against my ear with every word. I felt his jagged teeth slide over my ear and down the side of my neck, the wet sting telling me that he'd drawn thin lines of fresh blood.

“I will endure what I need to, to make sure no one else has to.” My voice came from somewhere very far away. I was somewhere very far away. “Don't watch this.” Hands roved down my body, settling themselves on my thighs. He was so large, I felt him have to stoop to reach. He was draping himself over me like he was going to consume me with the presence of his body alone. “Don't watch this,” I whispered again, “please.” I was choosing this, I told myself as he pushed my legs apart. I could leave at any moment if I wanted, he was only doing this because I let him. That thought gave me strength. I wasn't helpless, I wasn't trapped with no way out. And so I stayed, because I could leave. I stayed because I chose to.

“Did he have  a taste, little girl?” came the demand from behind me as his hands moved , fingers biting cruelly into tender skin, but it no longer sent me far away from myself. I had power over myself, and I refused to give it to him.

Suddenly, the hands were gone, and there was no one pressed against my back. I opened my eyes to see I was alone with Greyback, and there was something very like regret in his eyes.

I stepped away from him, coming to rest against the wall. I looked up at him, looking right into his face. “He showed me what you couldn't,” I told him quietly. “He showed me pleasure.”

His mouth twisted into a sneer. “I was only supposed to make them leave. Later, perhaps...” His finger trailed down my cheek until he captured my jaw in his hand, gripping it tightly enough that it hurt. “Later I'll take your challenge.” In just a moment, we weren't there anymore.

 


	24. Chapter 24

 The new room was as different from the stark, foreboding maze as it could be. The floor was covered with a thick green carpet, soft beneath my feet. The walls were hung with artwork, scenes of war and hunting and death, beautiful but haunting. It was well lit, furnished, and there was a man with golden hair sitting on a wing chair, his eyes heavy on me, calculating.

And Fenrir Greyback was gone.

“I regret that that was necessary, Luna. May I call you Luna?” His voice was measured, polite, but there was a slickness along the bottom like the grease after cooking a pan of bacon.

“It wasn't, though.” My wounds had already closed over, my body stopped spilling blood. There wouldn't be any new scars from him- at least none on my skin. A thought, and I was wearing Muggle jeans and Neville's blue jumper. I could almost smell Neville's comforting scent, and I wrapped that thought around myself as I stood and looked at this man. Grindelwald. I'd seen those shrewd eyes before, evaluating me coldly as he was now. “He could have brought me here at any time, completely alone.”

His lips curved up into an unpleasant smile. “Perhaps. But then, a wise leader rewards those who have been... useful.” His eyes studied my face. “Though your assistance could well render him unnecessary, before I am no longer able to restrict his activities to the dreams of his...” He looked at me for a long moment, his expression unchanged. “Prey.” The threat was unmistakable. The souls on the other side had kept themselves confined to the dreams of their victims because they'd been instructed to. If I didn't do as Grindelwald wished, they would stop.

“Why am I here?” I asked quietly, hugging my arms about myself. I wanted to leave. I wanted to go back and let Gideon hold me, and then get back into my body as soon as I could to make the castle safe. But I couldn't, I needed to listen to him first, or the Ministry might send me back.

He ignored the question, instead rising from his chair. His features were mostly symmetrical, aesthetically pleasing, but there was something very nasty about him that kept any sort of attractiveness from his face. “Come, walk with me. I know that must have been harrowing for you, though you have considerable mental fortitude. I could give him to you as a reward, if you are useful to me.” He didn't come near me, but his elbow was held out in an unmistakable invitation. I didn't want to touch him, I didn't want to take his arm as though we were friendly with one another. And so I didn't.

I sank to the floor where I was, drawing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms tightly around them. “Why am I here?” I repeated.

He gave me a cold, cold smile. “Your cur discovered the way through my labyrinth. Is there something I can summon for you to aid in your recovery?”

I thought about the question. Of all the things that would provide me comfort, none were available, or had already been taken from me. “Nothing that you will provide me at this time.”

“When you have sufficiently recovered yourself to walk with me, you simply need speak my name, and I shall attend you.” His eyes moved over me in a scathing fashion, the derision behind them making it clear that he was regretting that he'd requested my presence. “Take care that you do not tarry too long, Luna, or I shall summon someone to aid in your...” his eyes locked with mine again, cool, threatening. “Recovery.” And then he was gone as though he'd never been there, and I was completely alone.

I pushed myself to my feet and moved about the room. There were no windows or doors here, and now that Grindelwald was gone, the unbroken stone walls seemed somehow more intimidating, though nowhere near the level of the dark stone of the maze. The room was lit, which helped a great deal, as did the art that covered them, and the solid wood pillars braced at intervals around the room.

He couldn't be far off, if he expected to hear me if I spoke his name. But I lacked any sort of meaningful connection to him, and I doubted that I could take myself to where he was. I understood his desire for control but I didn't appreciate it very much. I was there on his sufferance, and while there was no measurable passage of time, after a while he would grow tired of waiting for me, and I had no doubt that he would summon Greyback when that happened.

The temptation to just leave pressed on me, but my leaving would no doubt mean Greyback's immediate return to Hogwarts, where there was a good chance they wouldn't be ready for him. And my dad...

After a time, I walked back to where I'd first arrived. I took one last look around the quiet room. “Mr Grindelwald,” I called softly.

He was perched on his chair again, sitting quite properly. After a moment of watching me, he stood and offered me his arm again, just a hint of challenge swimming behind his blue eyes. I still didn't want to touch him, but he'd made it clear that if I was going to speak to him I would have to play the game with his rules. I crossed to him and slipped my hand around his elbow. It was the same way I often walked with Gideon, and yet it wasn't the same at all.

He didn't speak, and in a moment we were outside in the snow. Behind us, I could see the solid stone wall- the lighter stone of the room we'd just been in, rather than the dark stone of the maze. It was a lightly wooded area, undefinable trees bowed down to brush at the ground by their blankets of white. I hadn't been wearing shoes before, I certainly was now. Our feet crunched over the pristine snow as he drew me along.

“I require your assistance,” he said at last.

I'd gathered as much. “In what capacity?”

He was quite a tall man, nearly as tall as Ron and Sirius. I had to look up at him to take in his expression- a smile crossed his lips, somehow just a touch sinister, although that may have been a lingering feeling from what I'd so recently experienced. “We shall get to that. I do so enjoy the snow, it makes everything so still.”

“I used to,” I told him quietly. Just as I used to enjoy being outside in the rain. The world was a different place when it was shrouded in snow.

He laughed then, a great, unpleasant laugh. “Yes, I understand that you were... tortured, not to mince words.”

“Yes.” Lingering images of my blood staining Greyback's mouth made a shiver run crawl up along my spine.

“It must have been a great comfort to you that your chief tormentor had died. Not so much when he found you again.” His tone had turned mocking.

There was no real answer to that. “Mr Grindelwald, why did you want me here? And why did you go through so much trouble when you could have simply come to me? You were in my dream once.”

“That was a grave risk I took to gather information- about you. It was very nearly safe to walk among the living when the only ones who could see me were mad or otherwise incapacitated. Then...” He fell silent for a moment, the only sound the our muffled steps through the snow. “You. I had heard rumors that there was a perfectly sane witch who could see the souls of the deceased, but I did not give it much credit. You came across me one day, however, and now everything is in jeopardy. No doubt your Ministry of Magic is currently devising the way to come through here and put an end to my machinations. I must admit to a certain relief that Albus Dumbledore is currently unavailable.”

His word choice, and his tone, said a lot. He knew how the living could come beyond the Veil to stop him, which meant that he wasn't simply paranoid. Which meant I could devise a way of doing so. It was certainly something to look into when I got back to my body.

“What are your machinations?” I asked. He'd been evasive thus far, but the direct question was worth a try, on the chance that he would stop his verbal maze.

“You, Luna, you are a seeker of knowledge, are you not?” He glanced down at me, his blond golden hair decorated with the gently falling flakes of snow. The effect was pretty, but any beauty was spoiled by what was inside, what showed in the depths of his eyes.

I nodded. That was an apt description for not only the girl I used to be, but the person I was now.

“How fortuitous, then, that you have come here. You see, I have collected a great deal of knowledge about something that I believe you are very interested in.” He lifted his hand and brushed aside a branch that would have grazed the top of his head. “Do you know how soul windows come into existence, for example?”

“No.” That hadn't turned up in any of the books I'd studied.

“They appear in places of death- so much death that it simply cannot all be reconciled at once. Your school was one such place. There are many all across Europe, but this is the only one here that is still accessible... Close to you. We have great difficulty traveling across water, the surface is not a fixed point.” He smiled another unpleasant smile, I could feel it even though I wasn't looking directly at his face. “Tom Riddle was severely limited by his short-sightedness, but he did serve a purpose. He brought me close to,” he stopped walking and turned towards me, gesturing to me with his hand. “You.”

I digested his words in silence. I hadn't known any of that, and I wasn't sure Sirius had either.

“As for the what, I simply wish to continue the work I started- work that was quite rudely interrupted.”

“What is that?” I suspected I knew. I'd paid attention in History of Magic, there had been a section on what Gellert Grindelwald had done.

“Purity for our kind.”

I shook my head slowly. “What does that matter? You're here now, beyond the touch of those you consider unworthy.” With my free hand I gestured around us. The snowy wood was seemingly endless, we were leaving the building far behind. And yet, I knew that with a thought, he could take us back within those stone walls. “You have your own domain, you are the master here.”

“Indeed. And I have more control than most.” Just as Sirius had said. He glanced up at the sky above us, then back down to me. “And yet here, I only control myself, my own domain. The things I do, do not have any power over anyone else.”

“So why... Why do you care?”

He waved his hand again. “Life in its entirety is connected. What you do while you are living will have an effect that will ripple out over the world for years to come. And yet no one, it seems, cares for the continuation and preservation of our species any longer. I see what is becoming of our kind, Luna. Abominations like that creature I used to bring you here. That is unacceptable. Our people deserve to survive, to thrive.”

“Through terror and subjugation?”

“With your pretty words on my side, I doubt we would need to resort to such tactics any longer. You can pass to and from this side of the Veil, and I would ensure that you would be able to do so safely.” He smiled somewhat grimly this time. “There are those who need to be returned to their proper place, and they may not willingly wish to do so.”

He watched me for a moment. “Surely, you must see the sense in this. Your Auror, your cur... Even the Longbottom boy, he is one of us.”

“That's a coincidence.”

“Is it?” His hands steepled in front of him. “I see no coincidence that those who are inferior would push you away when you've been proven to have this great gift. They fear this, and rightly so. You have a power they could not hope to comprehend.”

“No.” I stared at him for a moment, shaking my head. “No. You're wrong, Mr Grindelwald. The lines only remain pure when they are bred within themselves. Have you seen the latest generation of purebloods? The Crabbe and Goyle boys? They're not...” I struggled for a tactful way to put it. “They haven't any wit, and they lack common intelligence.” Tact failed me. “I'm not a pureblood either. My Nan, she was a half-blood.” I'd never met her, but that was what Mum had told me.

“The Malfoy line, the heir, he is quite strong, I understand. His father's family came from France.” He made a very dissatisfied sound. “The problem with Britain is that it keeps far too much to itself. Your wizards would not be so afflicted if you would be more welcoming of outsiders.”

“And what are Muggle-borns if not outsiders?”

He was silent for a time. I didn't fool myself into thinking he was considering my words, but the silence was a welcome respite from what he'd been saying.

I shook my head. I needed to be finished with this. “Why did you wait? Why do you need me? Why didn't you start before now?”

“There is only one of me. I cannot enter more than one dream at a time- how tedious, then, to speak to the masses, especially when the living spend most of their days awake.” A rueful smile touched his lips before falling away. “The best-laid plans unfold at leisure. Undirected efforts change nothing.”

“You have others who do your bidding, surely they could also be relied on to spread a message.”

“Ah, but you have seen the efficacy of that. That creature was supposed to give you a direct message, and instead became distracted by you. How lucky we are that you are at least somewhat intelligent to make up for his shortcomings.” He took my hand off of his arm, pulling me around to look at him. I had to bend my neck back to look into his face, he was uncomfortably close, and his possession of my hand meant that I couldn't step away. The look in his eyes matched the unpleasant smile on his face. “I saw what you were willing to subject yourself to. Can you return to the other side, knowing the fate that you are condemning countless young witches to? Think on it. A vast amount of knowledge and the end of that repulsive creature, or...” His eyes moved over my face, a rather unpleasant smile pulling at his mouth. “Not.”

There was no decision to be made. I twisted my hand, pulling it away from him, and concentrated as hard as I could on Gideon.

He was sitting at his piano without playing it. He wasn't alone, the room was full of worried expressions. When I reappeared, he came to me and pulled me into his arms. “I'm so sorry, sweetheart.” His guilt rolled off of him and flooded the room around him. Sirius didn't look at all happy, either.

I let him embrace me, I slipped my arms around him and clung tightly to him, closing my eyes as I rested against his shoulder. “I need to get back,” I told him, muffled by his chest. After a moment, I lifted my head and looked up into his worried brown eyes. “I need to get back. As soon as I can.”

“Remus will go. Are you all right?” He was searching my eyes with his, I could barely face the guilt he wore so heavily around him.

I nodded, burying my face in his chest again. “I just want you to hold me right now,” I told him, though I wasn't sure he heard me.

“Of course.” He sank down into a chair, holding me against him, stroking my hair. “What is it? What happened?”

“Greyback stopped as soon as you left.” I felt the shudder moving up and down my spine again. “We have to close the soul window. Grindelwald's as good as told me that the souls he sends to the other side are going to attack more directly. There is no other option.”

“What did he want from you?” Lily asked, concerned.

“Blood purity. He wants me to be his voice. I imagine I would be his general, the voice he would speak with on this side.” I shook my head, my hair falling unheeded across my face. “I thought this silly nonsense was finished when Harry killed Voldemort.”

“What if you said you would, went along with it long enough to figure out something to do?” Sirius asked the question.

“I imagine he'd expect me to start right away. The Minister wouldn't have it, I'd be locked away somewhere, and it would take them longer to do what it is I need to do.” I twisted my head around to look at Sirius. “Will you come with us? I imagine you have knowledge that I don't.”

“Of course, love.”

“We're all going,” Fabian informed me. “Grindelwald may try and interfere with you getting back into your body.”

It comforted me that my friends would be there for me. I turned my head back into Gideon's shoulder. “And I want to come back here when we're through.” There as an absolute stillness behind me when I said that. I lifted my head and looked up at him. “I'll step through the portal, and I'll... Be here.”

His face filled with sadness. “Don't do that, Luna. You've never really had a chance to live. Don't end your life before you get a chance to live it.”

“Besides which,” Fabian added from somewhere I wasn't focusing on, “Greyback knows you quite well. He'll be able to come to you here.”

“Fabian,” came Gideon's warning. He sounded rather angry.

“I thought we were trying to convince Luna to go back and have a life,” Fabian snapped in return.

I spoke before Gideon could again. “He could only do that here because I let him. I could have stopped it. I can shut him away from me so that he can't touch me. I can't on the other side. I don't want...” I shook my head. “I don't want that to happen again.”

“You can protect yourself on the other side as well. You'll close the soul window and Greyback won't be able to get to you again.” One hand came up and his finger traced gently along my cheekbone. “You know Longbottom's in love with you, don't you?”

“He told me.” The change in the conversation to something rather more personal didn't surprise me. I'd been witness to such conversations between James and Lily, and Tonks and Remus. When I'd suggested that they may wish some privacy, I was asked why. When anyone can come in at any time, privacy comes to mean something very different.

“Did he? Good for him.” Gideon smiled, somewhat fondly, though still touched with sadness. “I know you love him.”

I found myself nodding. “I do. But he's only one person. I love you, and Fabian, Sirius, James, Lily, Tonks...” Remus was gone, or I would have included him as well.

“That's different, sweetheart.” Gideon's hand moved across my back.

“Of course it is. You're different people. I couldn't possible love Tonks the same way I love James.”

“There's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone,” Fabian remarked, his words twisting out with a touch of fierce wistfulness.

I looked at him for a moment before turning towards Gideon, burying my face in his neck. I wasn't entirely certain what he meant. “I do love you,” I murmured against his skin.

“I know you do.” I felt his jaw move as he smiled, and when he spoke again I could hear the sadness touching his voice. “Still, I think you'd quite like life if you gave it a chance. Choose life, sweetheart. Try it for a while. Death will always be here, waiting for you. I will always be here, we all will. It'll be the blink of an eye for me.” He quieted for a moment, his arms holding me closer. “I don't want you associate being here with regret. It's endless here, an endless wait of regret and longing.”

“Even if you go back and try and realize that it's not quite working out for you, a long time from now you'll be able to look back and have no regrets, because you truly tried,” came Sirius' gentle voice from behind me, it sounded as though they'd discussed this. “Aren't you the least bit curious about how life works? Your flying fish?”

I had to nod at that. I had a well of curiosity that had been somewhat buried, but my euphoria had reminded me how wonderful it was both to be curious and answer curiosity. “How do I move forward when what's behind has been so horrible?”

His eyes flickered with understanding. “One day at a time, love.”

I swallowed against the thick feeling in my throat. I was going to miss this. I felt like an eternity since I'd been among friends like this. It took a couple of tries before I was able to ask Gideon, “Can you hold me? Hold me until Remus comes back?”

He held me silently, his cheek rested against my forehead. Everyone else was silent, too.


	25. Chapter 25

Some long moments later, Fred appeared. He looked around to locate me, and then rushed over to me. Taking my hands in his he drew me to my feet, pulling me off of Gideon's knee. He threw his arms around me as though it had been a very long time since he'd seen me. I relaxed against him, settling my head against his shoulder. I'd missed him. “No one will tell me how long it's been, but they've been quite worried about you.” He pulled away from me and peered down into my face, his own a picture of concern and impatience. He rested his hands on my shoulders; I smiled a little that I could both see and feel him at the same time. “Are you ready to go back?”

“No,” I replied honestly. “But I have to.”

The answer didn't make him very happy, but he didn't comment on it. “Just concentrate on the Great Hall in Hogwarts, yeah?”

I nodded. I glanced back at Gideon, what I saw in his face reassured me, and I let myself concentrate on my former school. In an instant, I was there. It was empty of furniture, and Harry was there, and so was Ron. I was half-expecting to see Hermione there just as she always had been in school, but she was nowhere to be seen. Harry and Ron were Aurors, but Hermione was far removed from the situation in her department at the Ministry.

It was nighttime, a look to the enchanted ceiling showed a dark morass of clouds moving slowly across the sky, lit by the hovering candles. I still couldn't place the time, but it made sense that it would be early in the dark hours, if Remus had to wait for Minerva to go to sleep to let her know that I was ready to come back. Even with Professor Snape there to watch over her, any other sort of signal could be falsified.

“Now we wait,” Fred informed me, with an air of barely-repressed excitement. He was looking forward to my return to my body more than I was, that was certain.

Gideon was behind me, and I turned to him. I wished I could go to him, to rest my head against his shoulder. But I didn't know how to touch as a soul on this side. “I don't like waiting,” I told him quietly, and he nodded. I could see the answering helpless frustration bobbing through his eyes.

“It won't be very long.” His voice was gentle, soothing.

Sirius was staring at Harry. “He is just the spitting image of James, isn't he?” he marveled aloud. It was true. I'd spent enough time around both of them to notice the slight differences. James carried himself differently- more confident and self-assured. Harry's face was a little kinder, a little more open.

Lily and James had walked over to their son and were looking at him in a sort of fascinated tenderness. “There won't be time,” I told them quietly, forestalling the inevitable question. “The students are already in danger. Tomorrow night, though, he'll sleep again. You can go to him and have your own conversation, without needing me to relay your side of it.”

There wasn't long to wait before the room started filling with people. Minerva was there in her plaid dressing gown, along with Professor Flitwick and Professor Snape. Remus was there too, he came over to stand beside Tonks and Sirius.

“Are you staying?” I asked him.

“Just for a time,” he answered. “We need to ensure that you're safe.”

I looked around at all of the souls I'd come to know. I wished I could hug them, say a proper goodbye, but I couldn't. I wrapped my arms around myself, I was just corporeal enough to be able to do so. There would be enough time for goodbyes later, I hoped.

And then, finally, there were Daphne, the Minister, and Neville, accompanying my body. I looked just the same as I had the last time I'd seen me- peaceful, sleeping- and I felt a pang of sorrow. I didn't want to be imprisoned in my body again. My body wouldn't look nearly so peaceful with me in it.

“Listen to me, sweetheart,” Gideon said from just behind me. “You are as much in control here as you were beyond the Veil. It's not a prison if you don't let it be. Choose life.”

Professor Snape overheard his words, and there was a very knowing expression on his face as he looked at me. He didn't say anything, he didn't have to, but I knew he understood. He'd never taken part in the things that had happened to me, but he knew, just as much as Lucius Malfoy knew.

I walked over to where they gently set my body on the floor and laid down on top of myself, in the confines of my body. As I settled down, the souls arranged themselves around me, protecting me. I had to close my eyes, I couldn't see my body from the inside, it was too much.

There were a lot of hushed voices, people talking as though they were worried about waking someone. I discarded their words without taking them in, easily letting them slide unheeded from my ears. The living only spoke with one voice when I had no body- or maybe it was that I was only listening with one pair of ears. There was no echo, though, no painful dissonance trying to break my head apart from the inside.

Silence, then, heavy and expectant, and then I heard Daphne speaking, I heard the words of the spell. I felt my body reattaching itself to my soul, pieces locking together all at once like a shattered plate. It didn't hurt, not exactly, it felt like my body was being suctioned into itself, like the way the giant squid's tentacles sounded against the rocks. I gasped in air- I was breathing again. My heart was beating, I could feel the blood pulsing through my veins, a throb that didn't exactly hurt. I felt chilled, and I reached up my hands to rub at my arms.

When I opened my eyes, it was to see that a Healer had come in while I'd had my eyes closed. She was over me, inspecting me, wand pointed towards me with a disapproving frown on her face. I ignored her, instead sitting up. I had little time- it was probably already too late.

Gideon reached out a hand to help me, but I was able to do it on my own. It was important to do it on my own. Slowly, I had to move slowly against the dizziness. Too many pairs of eyes focused on me. Mouths opened for questions, but I spoke before anyone else could. “Make the dorms so that souls can't enter them, and keep the students there until further notice. Greyback is coming back- he may already be here- and he intends to do to them as he did to me.” My eyes met Minerva's, and something in my gaze made her flinch. She nodded, already turning away.

No one else made any move, and I swung my legs over the side of pallet and stood up. “Now. Everyone.” My voice was loud, shrill, my worry making it fill the large room without any magical help.

Once on my feet, my vision narrowed down to almost nothing. I stumbled for a moment, too unsteady to keep my feet, and someone caught my elbow but there was no time for that. I pushed away and began moving. My first few steps were shaky, my head feeling like it was swimming somewhere far above me. Clarity returned as I moved, bringing with it a swift, sharp headache that pulsed in my temples.

Not bothering to stop and check if anyone was following me, I ran the familiar path from the Great Hall to the Ravenclaw tower. Every step pounded in my head, but my pain was secondary to what was going to happen. It was dark in the castle, the dark of the dead of night. I was running as quickly as I could, leaving behind the shouts behind me, concern, consternation. I was certain that someone was behind me, but I didn't take the time to turn back and look, moving quickly away from all of them, intent on my destination. “It may already be too late,” I murmured. My hand slipped down to my pocket- thankfully my wand had been tucked inside, and I took it out and gripped it tightly.

I didn't light the tip of my wand with the spell, instead relying on my memory to carry me through the darkened corridors, the memory borne of having walked this path so very many times.

I stopped just outside the door to the familiar tower I had once considered home, holding the image of the Ravenclaw dorm in my mind. All of it- the common room, the separate stairs for boys and girls, the bedrooms above. I began casting the charms, protecting everyone who was inside.

Soon enough, another voice joined me. I didn't look to see who it was, I needed to keep my concentration. Together we surrounded the Ravenclaw dorm with the charms to keep it safe. When we were finished, I spared a quick glance over, it didn't surprise me that Professor Flitwick would know the charms to protect his students. Gideon was silent behind me, his eyes moving around, alert.

“Send a Patronus to Neville, please,” I bade Professor Flitwick. “We'll need Aurors at the doors to ensure the students stay inside. Have them posted inside, so that they're safe as well.”

“You can't, Miss Lovegood?” The regret in his voice told me that he already knew the answer.

“I haven't been able to for a long time.” I gave him a sad smile, and then I was running again, moving towards the Hufflepuff rooms at the bottom of the castle. My heart was a thick lump in my throat, I was hoping beyond anything that we hadn't been too late. We could have done this before- we _should_ have done this before.

Daphne reached the large fruit painting that guarded the Hufflepuff Common Room just as I did, and together we cast the spell, protecting those within as I had the Ravenclaws, and I assumed she had the Slytherins.

After, she turned to me and said, “Neville went up to get the Gryffindor dorms. We said we'd meet back in the Room of Requirement when we were finished.”

Dear Neville. We were finished, the staff would be able to mind themselves. “We need all of the students accounted for. He said...” I shook my head. I didn't want to speak of it more than once.

She looked at me, concern filling her green eyes. “What happened, Luna?” She knew something was wrong, that something had happened.

I shook my head again, moving away from her. “Soon, Daphne. This is more important.”

When we met in the Room of Requirement, I was sat in a chair and told to wait while others went and cast the spells to quickly see how many students were where they were supposed to be.

It was revealed that there was a student missing. A girl, a blond girl in her sixth year was missing from her Slytherin dorm. I had been a blond girl in my sixth year when I'd been tucked away in the basement of Malfoy Manor, I doubted it was a coincidence. None of the rest of the girl's House had seen her since lunch. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like there just wasn't enough air where I was, like something was wrapped tightly over my lungs. I knew what had happened to her. Grindelwald was sending me a very unmistakable message.

Harry found her. The silvery stag floated into the corridor in front of me and when it opened its mouth, his anxious voice came out. “She's here. She won't let me get near her.” The stag turned away and started galloping noiselessly along the stone floor, and I followed as quickly as I could. I could hear her before I could see her, an endless scream of torment. Her eyes, haunted brown orbs of terror- I knew those eyes. The girl in the mirror had those eyes. She wouldn't stop screaming until I knelt down in front of her shrinking form and took her memories away. I did, just as quickly as I could, and I conjured a blanket to shroud her with. Even without the memories, her body knew it had been traumatized, and wouldn't stop shaking.

The sound of her torment had drawn others. I heard the Healer say she would take the poor girl back to St Mungo's, and then my ears filled with the noise and echoes of many people speaking all at once.

I fled. I slipped away when everyone else was wondering what had happened, wondering what to do now- expressions of guilt and remorse and vehemence. They would look to me in a moment, but for now they looked to each other, and I had to take the opportunity presented to me.

I was surprised that none of the souls had noticed my departure- or at least hadn't followed after me if they did. I sneaked away from the pool of light collected by the multitude of drawn wands. Hogwarts had always been kind to me, and this was no exception. I found a quiet nook, away from the noise and the bodies, and I huddled on the floor and wept. I hadn't come back fast enough. I hadn't been able to stop Greyback from hurting another girl. Everything that I'd done, everything that had happened to me, had been for nothing. My shoulder tingled, a hollow echo of the sharp pain I'd felt, pain that was only a gentle sting next to what that poor student had endured.

I didn't know how long I stayed there. Long enough that my head started to throb with each beat of my heart, the pain increasing until it took over. Long enough for the tears to stop. I'd dallied long enough- too long already. I needed to concentrate on getting the soul window closed so that this wouldn't happen again.

I stood, brushing down my dress, and emerged from my solitude. It was still dark, still night. It was past three now, I was only slightly reassured that I was able to tell what time it was. I started back up to the Room of Requirement. It didn't take long for someone to find me- an Auror I wasn't familiar with- and I was led to the Room of Requirement and pressed into a chair.

Bodies filed in while I sat there, I paid them no attention. Fred was angry, his temper evident in the looks he kept giving me from across the room. Gideon and Fabian were speaking to him, quiet words that I couldn't hear. His expression changed as I watched, going from anger to sheepish resignation. I had no doubt that Gideon had shared what had taken place in Grindelwald's maze of misery. The thought of that event made my shoulder ache, I could almost feel the graceful slide of my blood spilling down over my skin.

“I'm sorry,” I said to no one and everyone, wrapping my arms around myself. “I wasn't fast enough to stop him. I should have said something before I left, what happened to that poor girl was entirely preventable.”

“Don't blame yourself,” Daphne told me, settling into a chair on my immediate right, her hand on the table in front of me. “We knew what to do, we could have done it while you were gone.” Her gestured included both herself and Neville, who was hovering behind us. “We just didn't think of it.”

“There have been no attacks since you left,” the Minister informed me, his voice slow and kind, as though that somehow made up for it.

“They'll start again.” They already had.

“Are you telling me that it's not just our dreams that can be...” Ron trailed off, seeming unsure as to what to say from there.

“Weasley, I've been shagging your brother for weeks. Fred, I mean.” Daphne's voice seemed to resonate through the room, leaving everyone without words as they realized just exactly what had likely happened to the poor student I hadn't been able to save.

“Weeks?” I asked quietly. “How long was I gone?”

“Three weeks,” Neville answered from behind me. There was pain in his voice, fresh pain. I'd hurt him with my absence, and now again with my disappearance.

“What can we do?” Minerva asked briskly, the picture of her normal efficiency, though her face considerably paler than normal. She was still wearing her dressing gown, drawn tightly around her like one of the suits of armor that guarded the halls.

I thought about what Grindelwald had said. There was a way to go beyond the Veil to stop him, but I didn't even know where to begin with that. There was no choice. “We have to close the soul window.”

The room was filled with noise, and I slid from the chair, huddling on the floor and clapping my hands desperately over my ears and closing my eyes. There were too many bodies between me and the door, bodies with their voices and their echoes just off enough that they didn't sit right in my head; there was no way out, no escape for me this time.

Someone was behind me, I felt the solid weight of someone pressing against my back with arms moving around me, and I screamed until my breath ran out, the sharp sound filling my head, echoing between my hands. They fell away, I couldn't hear anything beyond the noise I was making.

I stopped screaming, my breath still coming in panicked gasps. A large hand closed firmly about each of my wrists, pulling my hands gently away from my head. I opened my eyes to see Neville's grim face staring down at me, his looming brown eyes concerned. “It's just us, Luna. Everyone else is gone.”

“I'm here too, sweetheart.” Gideon's reassuring voice was somewhere by the door.

“It was too much,” I whispered, “too much.”

“I know. It was just Harry. He was trying to comfort you.” Neville's voice was that firm soothingness I'd heard before, the Auror's voice telling me everything would be all right. “He... He knows he can't be behind you now.”

“I'm sorry.” I looked up into Neville's eyes, kind and filled with pain. “I'm sorry that I hurt you.”

“Luna...” His hands slipped from my wrists, one finger coming out to brush the fresh tear from my face. His arms closed around me, drawing me up to my feet and against his chest. “I'm all right. I'm worried about you. It was... It was a long time.”

“I'm not all right,” I whispered, my fingers clutching his overcoat so tightly that it was painful.

“I know.”

I felt the hand on the middle of my back that meant Gideon was there with me as well, beside me now, and I took solace between the two of them as they offered what comfort I could accept.

There was a quiet knock on the door, and then Madam Pomfrey pushed her way in, closing the door firmly behind her. “Take this,” she instructed me briskly, handing me something that looked suspiciously like a Calming Draught. The expression on her face indicated that she would pour it down my throat if she had to, and so I took it and drank it. When I was finished, she took the glass back and set it on the table, standing to one side to observe me.

I could feel my limbs loosening, the fingers of my free hand releasing their grip on Neville's overcoat. Blood rushed back into them, filling them with color. “He's not going to want me to,” I said quietly. “He's going to try and stop me.”

“I know. Is Gideon still here?” At my nod, he nodded as well. “Let Gideon hold you for a moment, I'm going to go out and have a word with everyone so we can have this meeting, all right?”

I felt Gideon's hand slide across my back to my shoulder, gently closing around my arm and turning me towards him. I closed my eyes again and let him pull me against him, my arms going about his waist, under his overcoat. “Come here, sweetheart.”

The careless warmth of the potion filled me, making it so that I only smiled a small smile when I felt one finger under my chin tipping up my face, and then Gideon's lips brushing gently over mine.

“Be patient with them,” he told me quietly. “They don't understand.”

“It's been that way for quite some time now.” I rested my head against his shoulder again. “He said he would give Greyback to me, if I did what he wanted, so that I could end his existence. His existence needs to be ended.” Thanks to the Calming Draught, I wasn't even angry about it. Just tired, very tired.

“Perhaps.” His hand soothed over my back. “But when you close the soul window, it won't matter anymore.”

“But then I won't be able to see you again.” My arms tightened around him. I wasn't ready to let him go. Even through my haze of unfeelingness, I didn't want to let him go.

“You'll see me again, sweetheart. Eventually, you'll see me again. I'll be waiting for you.” I registered the sorrow in his voice when he said that, but I couldn't feel it with him. “It'll be the blink of an eye for me, a few pieces played on the piano, a few talks with Fabian. Alice should be there soon, and Frank, and we'll help them get adjusted just like we did with you.”

“And my dad.” I'd done what the Ministry had asked of me, now all that remained was for them to agree to let my dad go through the portal.

“And your dad. I reckon Sirius will be able to find a way through to him. I'll visit with him too, if you'd like.”

“Fred. Fred will know how to get to him. Thank you,” I whispered. I felt his finger under my chin again, and his lips pressed gently against mine. “I wish I could feel something from that.”

He chuckled, and I felt his forehead pressed against mine. “I know I should stop, but it's a bit hard to think that you won't be able to be in my arms the way you were, not for a while at least.”

“I'm sorry.” I wasn't, I couldn't be, but it was something I knew I would be sorry about when I was capable of it again.

“You've nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart. I'd say I could enter your dreams, but I don't think that would be exactly fair to Longbottom.” He paused for a moment, and I felt him tuck a bit of hair behind my ear. “No, I can wait.”

 


	26. Chapter 26

The door opened again, and I opened my eyes, pulling away from Gideon to watch everyone file silently back inside. There were an awful lot of people. Noticeably missing were Fabian, Tonks, and Remus, but it was a safe assumption that they would situate themselves outside the Room to stand guard. I hoped they hadn't left before I had a chance to say goodbye.

The table we'd used to eat at was longer now, there were more chairs, and everyone sat down. I let Gideon tuck my hand into his elbow and escort me over to have my own seat at the new, longer table. I didn't sit down, though. “I want you,” I said directly to Neville, drawing some curious looks from around the table, but no comments. Gideon chuckled.

The tips of his ears went a little pink, but Neville ignored everyone else, unfolding himself from his chair, and came around to where I was to sit. He seemed to know what I wanted, sitting down and shifting the chair slightly to the side, holding out his arms for me. I sat down across his thighs, my ear against his shoulder, my fingers gripping the lapel of his overcoat. I breathed in his smell, the comforting scent of earth and the clean air of spring. His arms came around me, and Gideon stood behind me, his hand a comfortable presence on my shoulder. I wanted the closeness, and I wanted to sit with someone I could see.

“I missed you when I could feel things again,” I told him, closing my eyes and feeling the gentle rise and fall of his shoulder under my ear as he breathed, simply being where he was.

“Focus, love,” Sirius' voice chided me gently, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

I opened my eyes and lifted my head to look around the table, fighting against the lassitude of the potion. It was too much, it left me with nothing. I didn't like taking it. I had to take it. “The Aurors here, are they all on Spook Duty?” I sounded so tired, even from within my own head. I didn't care who was listening to this discussion, but someone else would care, and I didn't want to cause trouble for anyone.

“Yes,” came Neville's steady voice rumbling up beneath me from his chest.

I looked down along the table. Everyone was waiting for me to speak, silent, eyes watching me- so many eyes. Harry, Ron, the young witch in an Auror's overcoat who I was unfamiliar with who had escorted me to the Room, the Minister, Daphne, Minerva, Professor Flitwick, Madam Pomfrey... And two other Unspeakables, Audrey Clements and Jeffrey Galliard. I didn't like so many eyes on me, watching me. Pity, I could see pity. I turned my face into Neville so I wouldn't have to see the pity. “Grindelwald desires the same thing he did when he was alive,” I told them, pushing my voice to make sure it carried beyond Neville's overcoat. “He wanted me to be his voice on this side. I refused. The recent war provided him with the souls of enough Death-Eaters to make things very unpleasant for us until I agree to do as he wishes, or until he gets his way anyway.”

“I'm sorry, Luna, but it is awfully difficult to take you seriously when you're using Longbottom as... a seatcushion.” That was from Jeffrey Galliard. I looked up to see that his eyes had moved from pity into something he was trying to keep as amusement.

My eyes closed and I willed myself away from there. I thought of Sirius' wide open field, of Gideon's warm sitting room with the snapping fire and the shiny piano... I was on this side of the Veil, however, and nothing happened.

There was a sharp intake of breath like someone wanted to say something, but no words came out. Neville must have warned everyone about speaking all at once, and everyone was hesitant to talk. He had probably done so quite loudly.

“Did you know that you'll bleed beyond the Veil?” Though quiet, my words carried around the room. “Not for very long, of course, because your heart doesn't beat and your skin heals quickly, but you bleed. Greyback bit my shoulder, until I bled. Right here.” I lifted my hand and pointed. Thinking about it almost made me feel the trickle of hot liquid down sliding down my skin again. My voice was mostly pleasantly blank, aided by the potion I'd imbibed, but there was a shaking at the bottom, the way my voice felt when I remembered. I was going to need another one. “He touched me in ways I still haven't forgot, despite three years having passed.” My fingernails dug into my palms, I ignored the sharp sting of pain. “He did something to a girl that I could have prevented, something that I would never wish on anyone. He told me he would make her run, make her scream. I heard her scream, I can still hear her screaming, it's stuck in my ears.”

I opened my eyes and looked directly at Jeffrey Galliard. He didn't look anything close to amused anymore. “I spent the greater portion of the past three years without any physical contact to comfort me. You might understand, I imagine, if I seek that now.” My voice wasn't my own anymore, again. It was far away, it was the voice of the girl in the mirror. It was hard to fight for the control Gideon had assured me that I had with the Calming Draught.

In the ensuing silence, Madam Pomfrey slid her chair back against the stone floor and got up and left the room. She came back a moment later with another glass for me to drink, and I drank it even though I didn't want to.

I slumped against Neville's chest again, my head finding his shoulder. Gideon's hand was moving over my back, a stream of comforting words flowing from his mouth, slipping pleasantly through my ears. “He'll do it again, and again, and again, unless we close the soul window. We've protected the students here, but we can't possibly protect every witch across Britain. He'll give us time, I expect, time for me to reconsider. Not long enough.” It could never be long enough.

“Why are you focused on stopping Greyback? I understand that he's done some terrible things to you, but isn't Grindelwald our focus?” That was Audrey Clements. “It's his orders, isn't it?”

“Closing the soul window would have the benefit of stopping both. However, Greyback is the more immediate threat. Grindelwald has cloistered himself beyond the Veil with no intention of coming over here again- he's quite paranoid. He sees me as a threat because I can see him. He'll stay behind the stone walls of his maze and send others- Greyback- to do his bidding until he gets what he wants, until he's sure it's safe for him to get over here.” I took in a long breath. “An invisible man who torments and rapes young girls, that's an immediate threat.” I thought for a moment, then looked over my shoulder at Gideon. “Please help me stand.”

He saw the determination in my eyes, seeming to immediately sense my purpose the way he often did. “You'll regret this, sweetheart.” But he was already reaching out towards me, his limbs as yet still visible.

“I'm tired, Gideon.” I caught the motions out of the corner of my eye as the other occupants of the room looked at each other as I spoke to a man they couldn't see, but they didn't say anything. “So very weary.”

I extended my hands towards him, feeling the gentle pressure as his hands closed over mine, drawing me gently to my feet, supporting me from the effects of the Calming Draughts. My hands fumbled, my fingers felt thick and unresponsive. I would more-than-likely regret this later, but just in that moment, I simply did not care. I needed to impress the importance of what I was saying, I needed there to be no mistaking it.

“Luna,” Neville started, when he realized what I was doing. “Luna, stop.” I could see the indecision like a mask on his face, hands braced on the arms of his chair. Would he get up to stop me?

“I can't.” Supported by Gideon, I pulled at my clothes until I wasn't wearing them anymore. I stood there, in the Room of Requirement, and waited for them to see.

“She won't have any marks on her skin like I do,” I told them. “But what he did that left these, he will do again. Not all of the scars are where the sun can see. My mind was- is- hurt worse than my body.”

Professor Flitwick turned away from the table and was sick, I could hear him retching as though from a great distance away.

Neville conjured a blanket and stood, wrapping it firmly around me, knocking Gideon's hands away. He sat again, drawing me down with him, and I let him pull me against him. I felt his lips moving against my temple, I felt the fast, steady thud of his heart as it raced in his chest. Gideon sank into a crouch beside us, his hand resting on my blanketed arm.

“Why haven't you been Obliviated?” someone asked. It didn't matter who.

It was something I'd considered once. “I imagine having to see these in the mirror every day and not know where they came from would be worse than knowing exactly what happened to me.”

Daphne spoke for the first time. “How do we close the soul window?” Her voice came out like it was being pushed through a tube, I knew it was a difficult question for her to ask. Closing the soul window would mean losing Fred.

“I don't know yet, I'll have to find out. I do know it's opened by a great many deaths in one place, that may be a key to how to close it.” I looked at her, I could feel the unhappy resignation that was only glimpsed in her eyes. “I'm sorry.” My eyes moved up to where Sirius was watching me, a mask of sorrow on his face. “I'll have help, I hope it won't take too long.” I didn't want to say his name and be drawn into conversations that simply had no desire to be a part of at that moment. I wanted... I wanted sleep. I wanted all of the eyes gone, and I wanted to sleep.

Daphne compressed her lips between her teeth in an attempt at a smile that didn't get much past the attempt. “It's necessary.”

“He'll try to stop me. From what he said, this is the only soul window in Britain, and he's not able to get here from any of the other ones. He won't want to let go.” I met her eyes, trying to convey how very sorry I was. “You may have to do it.”

“I'll do as needs doing.” I knew she wasn't just talking about closing the soul window. Fred's hands rested on her shoulders, and I saw her reach up and squeeze his hand, clinging to him.

“Will you remain here?” Minerva was still in her dressing gown, looking considerably more tired than she had when I'd first come back.

I nodded. “If I may. The library is here, and it's... Safer.” As safe as I could get without cutting myself off from the bodiless souls. I wasn't ready to part from Gideon, and Sirius was going to help me.

“What was it like?” Harry asked. “Beyond the Veil.”

James and Lily were looking at me beseechingly. I couldn't. I couldn't take the time to have their conversation for them. I looked at him for a long moment, considering what to say. “I can't tell you,” I said at last. “I'll compose my thoughts and tell everyone all at once.” I looked at him in silence again. “Your parents are very kind. Sirius is recovering. You may wish to forgo the Dreamless Sleep potion the next time you sleep, I imagine you'll have a lot more of your questions answered.” I wanted to recover, too. I wanted to feel better without feeling the emptiness of the Calming Draught. I looked over at Gideon. He was still crouched on the floor beside us. “I can't do this,” I whispered.

I felt him smooth his hand over my hair. “Tell Longbottom to ask everyone to leave.”

“Gideon wants you to ask everyone to leave.” After I said it, I realized that everyone would be able to hear my words, not just Neville. He didn't speak, he just sent a pointed look around the table, and quite quickly after that, it was just the three of us left. Sirius, James and Lily had gone with Harry, I suspected I would see Sirius again later. Just now, though, he had somewhere more important to be.

“What is it?” Neville asked me, his kind eyes looking down at me. I let my head rest against his shoulder to look up at him, supported by his arm behind my back. “What can't you do?”

“Tell him, sweetheart.” Gideon prompted when I didn't answer.

“Which part?” I asked.

“All of it. Start with what happened, and end somewhere around you wanting him to help you stay here.” Gideon's movement caught my eye, and I watched him stand up. “I'm just going to have a word with Fabian.”

“Will you come back?” The question was a bit irrational, but I'd been by his side almost steadily for the past three weeks, without even any breaks for sleep.

He smiled. “Of course I will, sweetheart.” He straightened and walked by me, pressing a kiss to my forehead before vanishing completely.

I nestled against Neville's shoulder. “Gideon went to out to see Fabian. It's just us now.”

His fingers pushed through my hair, coming to rest on my shoulder. “What can't you do?” he asked gently.

I took in a deep breath, feeling the air fill my lungs. Even now it was still just a bit novel. “Be here. I want to go back when this is over.”

He was silent for a long moment. “Why's that?” I could hear the fresh pain in his voice.

“Because I'm not trapped there. I'm not lost to fear. The only reason Greyback was able to bite me was because I permitted it. I could have stopped it from happening.” I still sounded just tired, but I remembered the feeling I'd had at that realization.

“Why didn't you?” He sounded puzzled.

“It seemed necessary at the time. He said he was trying to get Sirius and Gideon to leave, but Grindelwald was giving me to him as a reward.” It was easy to put it that way with the effects of the Calming Draughts. Words were easy, blank, empty words.

“Why didn't they stop him?”

“They couldn't. He put up a glass barrier between us, they could see and not cross it.” I remembered the glimpse of my reflection, eyes wide, skin pale. “I told them to leave. I couldn't let them watch...”

He was silent for a long time as though he wasn't sure what to say. “After you close the soul window, you'll no longer need to fear the things you can't see. You once killed a man, Luna, because you had to. I don't think you'll have any trouble protecting yourself.”

“That's what Gideon said. He wants me to try living.” I felt about Gideon like I had about Neville- nothing, though I'd expected I would miss him. Just careless nothingness.

“Quite honestly, so do I.” He made the effort to make his voice light, but there was still some weight clinging to the bottom.

I lifted one hand to rest against his dark blue shirt. “Sirius said that the love of my friends would help me heal. I can't put all of that on you, Neville, that's too much for one person to bear.”

I felt the sharp inhalation, but he stifled the exhaled sigh. “And who would take that responsibility beyond the Veil?”

I smiled softly. “I have friends there.”

“You have friends here, not just me. As misguided as he was in his attempt, Harry was trying to help you. There's practically a queue of people waiting to apologize to you.”

I shook my head. “I don't want to talk about it, over and over again.”

He shrugged. “So write a book. Share everything you want to share, and then you don't have to talk about it.”

I nodded, my eyes closing. Despite all the time my body had just spent resting, I was so very tired. I wanted to get started on my new research, but I knew that nothing I took in would stay in my head until I slept. And Sirius, Sirius wasn't there to help me. “I should sleep, Neville.”

I could feel him looking down at me for a moment, felt the weight of a decision moving through the silence between us. “Can I pick you up?”

I considered the question for a moment. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been lifted into someone's arms. It seemed like a lot of contact without an option to get away, but... “I've taken two Calming Draughts, there's not much you could do that would bother me.”

His arms shifted until they were under me, and then he stood, lifting me neatly up with him. He held me securely against his chest, I didn't even have to reach up to hold onto him. “You hardly weigh a thing,” he observed, bearing me over to the bed. “You should eat something before you sleep.”

“Later,” I murmured as he settled me onto the soft bed, simultaneously recognizing and ignoring the ache of hunger in my stomach with practiced ease. “I want to sleep first.” My eyes stayed closed when he pulled away, too heavy to open. “Stay with me?” My words were quiet, hardly coherent. “I missed sleeping with you the most.”

“Of course.” He moved away, and then just a moment later, I felt the bed dip under his weight. He pulled me close against him. He'd taken off his overcoat and his shirt, and I nestled my head into his chest, pulling his scent around me like a second blanket.

 


	27. Chapter 27

It was just past eight when I awoke, and the bed beside me was empty. Sitting up, I looked around desperately for Neville and found him seated at the table, speaking quietly with Daphne. Fred was there, of course, and Gideon as well, playing chess at the table and listening intently to the conversation that was going on. Sirius was seated at my desk, shuffling through the stack of papers that Neville evidently hadn't moved in my absence. Had he stayed in the room while I'd been gone?

Drawn by my movements, everyone turned to look at me. I was just as undressed as I'd been the previous night, and Daphne quickly dropped her eyes when she realized that I intended to get out of bed and find clothes in such a state. “Part of being Luna's friend is seeing her naked,” she quipped awkwardly, and I could see the tips of Neville's ears grow pink.

“Good morning,” I greeted everyone. It wasn't as hard as it had been to be in my body the previous night. I remembered telling Neville that entering my body again would be difficult, and it had been. It still wasn't easy. But there were things that needed doing, things that only I would be able to do.

After I dressed, I went over to the table where a plate of food was waiting for me. As I drew nearer, I could also see that a house-elf was waiting for me, apparently still there with the intent to ensure that I ate. My stomach was reacting to the smell of the food as though I hadn't eaten in quite some time, making noises to coerce me to eat.

“Did you stay here while I was gone?” I asked Neville, settling myself into my seat.

“I did.” His ears stayed that shade of pink. “I didn't want to move all of your things and get everything all jumbled up.”

“Thank you.” I smiled at him for a moment, before the house-elf's eyes edged closed to my elbow, telling me that if I didn't start eating soon, I would have help.

On seeing me up and moving around, Daphne and Neville had stopped their conversation. They remained quiet until I was finished eating, their attention instead on their own steaming mugs- Neville's would have coffee in it, Daphne's would have tea. The morning smells were comforting. That was one thing that had been lacking beyond the Veil- a lot of scents. So many thoughts, so many memories and experiences and feelings are tied to scents.

I enjoyed eating, for the first time in what seemed like a very long time. I wasn't just moving food into my mouth to nourish my body, I was actually savoring the taste of the food. It was particularly tasty, the house-elves were quite good at what they did.

“How are you?” Daphne asked with a frown as soon as both the house-elf and the plate had vanished.

Looking through the expression on her face, I was fairly certain that her purpose for being there wasn't entirely social. But her question was sincere, and I wanted to give her a sincere answer. I took stock of how I was. The Calming Draughts had worn off while I was sleeping, and I was feeling again. Still tired, with the tight pinch of stress at the back of my neck. But I felt stronger, more sure of myself than I had before I left. Not whole, not yet, but slightly improved. I had a purpose, I had a concrete way to help both myself and the entirety of wizarding Britain. My dad would very soon be freed. What would come after, I still didn't know, but I remembered Sirius' words. “Better than I was, I think. I'm sorry to have worried you.”

She waved away my apology with a careless gesture of her hand. “Fred said you looked very happy on the other side.”

“I'm jealous, you know,” Fred chimed in from the chess table, and I smiled a small smile. “I missed all of that. I tried to explain it a bit to her, but she'll see.” His unmistakable teasing tone was weighted down by a strain hanging off of the bottom. I understood that strain, that's how I felt when I thought about Gideon leaving. I was trying not to think about it.

“I was happy.” I still hadn't entirely reconciled that I'd been so happy while everyone on this side had been worried about me, while my father had been trapped in his useless body. “For the first time in what felt like forever I was happy. When can Dad go through the Portal?”

She sighed and sat back in her chair, one fingernail tapping an irritated rhythm out on the hard surface of the table. “The Ministry is trying to decide if there's another solution that would still allow someone,” her lips settled unhappily for a moment and there was a significant weight behind her eyes, telling me that _someone_ was supposed to be me, “to travel back and forth. They're not even going to consider it until the matter is settled.”

My mum's words moved ominously through my mind, her dire warnings about the Ministry. She was right, I knew. She'd always been right. I shook my head, lifting up my feet to rest them on the edge of the chair and wrapping my arms around my legs. I rested my cheek against my knee. Thinking about it wearied me. “If I have to pass beyond the Veil again, I'm staying there. I'll go through the Portal myself.”

“They'd stop you.” It wasn't a threat, just a warning that I would have to be careful.

“They could try.” The desperate unwillingness to hurt people I'd been close to had been the only reason I'd needed Daphne to keep me out of the Janus Thickey Ward instead of taking care of it myself.

Neville cleared his throat, pulling my attention to him. He'd shaved already that morning, and his fingers moved smoothly over his chin, unimpeded by the raspy bristles that covered his jaw by evening. The look in his eye... He didn't want to talk about it. I knew he didn't want me to go back, the idea of it was hurting him.

I got to my feet and went to him, leaning down to rest my head on his shoulder, wrap my arms around him. I couldn't apologize for the truth, even if it was painful for him to hear, but I could offer him comfort.

He stiffened for a moment as though he hadn't been expecting that, and then his hands came up to clutch my arm awkwardly against his chest. He had very kind hands, capable hands. I could feel how he felt.

“You know I'm not solely here for a social visit.” Daphne's words made me straighten up so I could look at her, leaving one hand on Neville's shoulder. He wasn't wearing his overcoat, just a smooth purple shirt. Purple was my favorite color, I didn't recall ever seeing him wear purple before. Dear Neville.

I nodded. “I know.” I felt frustration with her having to do this, with her having to do the bidding of an entity that gave no care for fairness or the suffering it was inflicting on others.

She gave me an even look, her mouth compressing into a thin line of distaste. “They want you to return to work in your office at the Ministry.” Which was exactly what I had thought it would be.

“No.” The answer was out before I really had a chance to consider her words.

She nodded. “Officially, I need to ask you why not, and try and persuade you to reconsider.”

I shook my head. “I need to be able to lose myself in my work, without the fear that Greyback will intrude in my personal space. And I need to be able to speak with someone who is more familiar with the secrets of the Veil than I am.” I looked over to Sirius, who was openly watching the conversation. He gave me a reassuring smile. He was going to help me.

My answer didn't surprise her any more than her question had surprised me. “Good enough. Consider yourself having been attempted to be persuaded.”

“Thank you.” I sat down, aiming my bum for Neville's knee, and he quickly shifted his chair back so that I would have an easier time of it. I settled against him, my side relaxing into his chest. “There is another way. Grindelwald seemed very certain that there was a way to stop someone from doing something even beyond the Veil. He's quite knowledgeable about such things, I'm inclined to believe him.”

She watched me, eyes narrowing in thought. “But...” She prompted after a moment.

“We don't have the luxury of time to discover it right now. I believe that he's giving me a reprieve to reconsider, which is why no one tried to stop any of us from protecting the students last night, or even me from coming back into my body. But that will only last for so long. At some point, Greyback- and the other souls- will be free to do as they wish. Even if we did manage to contain all of Britain's wizarding population to places where bodiless souls couldn't go, the country is simply filled with Muggles. I understand Muggles dream just the same as we do.”

There was a muffled snort from the direction of the chessboard. My words had amused Fred.

The fingernail stopped its tapping motion, Daphne's eyes evenly on me. “I wanted to tell you-” She cut herself off, and her face moved into more serious lines. There was something important that she needed to say to me. “I don't think it will surprise you if I tell you that they want you on hand to answer questions from those they consider important. The Minister...” She sighed, folding her hands in front of her. “He is very firmly of the opinion that you should be left to deal with this as you see fit, seeing that you know more about the situation than anyone else could ever hope to. But he is only one man, and he has to watch how often he wields his executive authority over the rest of the administration.”

I nodded as well. That wasn't a surprise, either. If I went back to the Ministry, not only would I be vulnerable to Greyback, but I would more-than-likely have too many interruptions to be able to concentrate on my work. Questions, requests to reach out to loved ones. It would all be entirely too much.

“They may try to make this a condition of your employment.” Technically, the administration of the Ministry of Magic couldn't place restrictions on how Unspeakables did our jobs. I had to answer to Daphne, and only on paper. However, in times of crisis we could be asked to remain at the Ministry at all times- for our added protection- and failure to comply would mean immediate loss of employment and status as an Unspeakable. While Voldemort had been unbelievably short-sighted about the contents of the Archives, he had used having Unspeakables remain at the Minsitry to great advantage.

“Then I'll stop being employed there.” They couldn't force me out of where I was, even if they stripped me of my position- they would have to gain entry first. And I was quite certain that Hogwarts would provide me with an alternate means of exit, if it needed to. “I will, more than likely, stop working for the Ministry when this is all over.” It was a hasty decision, the words tumbling off of my tongue before I'd really fully formed the thought. Even if I did stay on this side, I couldn't continue to work for an organization that would prolong my father's imprisonment to manipulate me into doing something I'd already intended on doing. My mother's sorrow haunted my eyes.

My pleasant words brought Neville's attention sharply to me; I felt him shift, I could almost feel the weight of his eyes as he looked at me. He didn't say anything, though.

“I'm going to pretend that I didn't just hear that,” Daphne said, and I knew she understood. I could see the thoughts swimming behind her green eyes, and I very seriously doubted she would continue her employment with the Ministry at the conclusion of this particular business. “I'll leave you, then, I know you're eager to get started.” She gave me a small smile. “I am glad you're back, Luna. I'm... relieved that you're a little better.”

“It was very pleasant there,” I told her quietly. Until it wasn't. But I didn't want to trouble her with the numbing reality of what had happened when the euphoria had faded. She wouldn't understand, most didn't- even those who understood the euphoria. She would never feel that crushing loss, I hoped that quite sincerely.

I looked over to where Sirius was lounged against my desk, and I knew he knew. We shared a look, a silent communication of commiseration. I would miss him, too. He was the only one who really understood what it was like.

Daphne got to her feet and went to the door. Fred rose from his chess game as well, coming over to where I perched on Neville. He offered me his hand and I took it, and his arm disappeared. From the direction he was drawing me, I knew what was coming. I closed my eyes and let myself relax into his embrace.

“I'm glad we don't need each other anymore,” I whispered to him, and I felt his arms tighten around me.

“I am too. I don't think it was very good for either of us, to be entirely honest.” He was silent for a moment. “I'm glad you got a chance to be feel like that, even if it was only for a short time.”

I nodded, the corners of my mouth pushing my cheeks up into a wide smile. “I am too. I'm only sorry you missed it.”

He paused for a time. “I think I'm more content with what I've been able to have here. Neither George nor Daphne would have been there with me.” I nodded again. “I'm sure I'll see you before too much longer, love.” He released my hands and went across the room to Daphne, and the two of them left together.

“He stays with her to keep her safe, that's the official story,” Gideon's voice sounded from across the room. “I know you're eager to start, but I reckon Longbottom will need a word or two now that you're actually feeling things. At any rate, Sirius wants to have a look at what's in the library, we'll be back in short order.”

He was up and moving across the room to where Fred had left me standing beside the table. He held his hand out for mine and I took it, closing my eyes and letting me pull him against his chest.

“I miss being able to see you,” I whispered.

“I know, sweetheart.” I felt a gentle finger moving my chin up, and then the brush of his lips against mine, and then he was gone. A look over at my desk showed that Sirius was gone as well, and I was alone with Neville.

Neville, whose kind eyes were full of questions. He was still sitting at the table with his cup of steaming coffee. “Everyone else is gone, it's just us right now.”

He watched me for a moment, and I could see the questions swimming around behind his eyes. “I promised myself I wouldn't ask what happened because everyone else is going to, but something... happened.” His hand rubbed across his chin again. “You're better, but you're not... You're very different than you were.”

I tilted my head slightly to the side as I looked down at him. “I imagine I shall become different yet again, should I choose to stay. I got to remember who I was, at least for a short time. I miss me.”

He nodded, and I could see the look of regret that moved across his face. “I do too.”

“I'll never be that me again.” I moved to sit on the end of the table, swinging my legs slightly as I looked down at him. “There is no going back, only going forward. I must admit, I am curious to see who I could be if I wasn't so trapped in my own mind again.” I watched him for a moment, took in the lines across his forehead, the hard tension in his shoulders. “You are troubled.”

He let out a sigh, staring down into his coffee cup. “Yesterday, you were dead. Last night, you were screaming like...” He trailed off, shaking his head, his eyes moving away from me to look through his memories. “I never want to hear anyone scream like that again, especially not you. That poor girl... We could have saved her. We could have prevented that.” He set his coffee down on the table, folding his arms tightly across his chest as he looked back up at me. “I've heard it. I wish I never had, but I heard it, heard what she went through. It's awful as a dream, I can't imagine...”

I reach for him, resting my hand against his arm. The muscle tightened for a moment before relaxing. That stiffness, I knew that stiffness. That was what happened when you weren't sure you deserved comfort. “You had no way of knowing that would happen.”

He let out a long sigh. “You're a lot more accepting about it today.”

I wasn't, not really. It still made me sick down in the depths of my stomach, the kind of sick that rose as a sharp pain into my head. I could still hear her scream ringing in my ears. But it wasn't Neville's fault, and it wasn't Daphne's fault. It was a direct consequence of what I'd done, or rather the decision I'd made. The fact that I didn't have a choice about that decision didn't make it any better. It would be too easy to get caught in the web of what if. “Coming back into my body was pretty traumatic, I think. I don't ever want to do it again, I don't think.”

I could see the pain swirling around in his dark eyes. “You say you're sorry that you hurt me, but you leaving agaain would hurt me more than anything.”

I slipped down from the table to sit across his thighs again, looking into his questioning brown eyes. “Dear Neville.” I laid my hand along his cheek. “It's not anything to do with you. Parts of me are better, a little, and parts of me are not. I feel like a prisoner in my own body. If I do stay here, it would only be because I could see myself becoming more-or-less whole here. I don't think I can do that on my own, not like I have been. Fred will be gone.”

“You have other friends here.” It was the same thing he'd told me last night.

“Do they have guilt? Will it get in the way?” I settled against him, my cheek against his shoulder. He didn't have an answer for me, and silence fell around us like a heavy cloak.

“Hermione offered to help,” he said after a while. “She told Daphne that if there was anything she could do, to just let her know.”

I nodded, my cheek shifting against his jumper. I had definitely missed this, the gentle rise and fall of his chest under my cheek, the beat of his heart steady and soothing.

But Hermione would be able to help a lot. She was good with research, with knowing where to look for things and remembering obscure bits of knowledge that were tucked away from most people. “I'll see about getting word to her.”

We stayed like that until a knock at the door signaled Gideon's return. I needed to get to work, but I needed to talk to Sirius before I was really able to get started. Neville seemed to be soothed by my presence. For all he'd done for me, I could be a comforting presence for him for a change. But the rap at the door made me slide to the floor and go over to let them back in. 

 


	28. Chapter 28

Remus left shortly after that. He hugged me and told me he'd see me again, and then Harry apparently took him to see his son, and then he was gone. Everyone else stayed, mostly to help me either with research or as protection. James stayed solely to get to know his son, a wizard who was now as old as James had been when he'd died. I was glad that they were able to connect, and equally so that they weren't relying on me to do so. I wasn't sure how he occupied his days, but his nights were spent with Lily in Harry's dreams.

It proved to be impossible to simply make the Great Hall so that bodiless souls couldn't enter it, that was the first thing we tested. Neville tried, but the magic of the soul window was stronger. So whatever I did, it would likely have to be done under duress.

Having Sirius there to help me work out what I was going to do was invaluable. It was he who told me that completely removing the soul window might be impossible, or next to, and that a better option would be to turn it into a portal like the one he'd passed through, where it only went the one direction and properly ended the life of whoever went through it. Apparently the Ministry of Magic had been shelled during a Muggle war in the late spring of 1915, and the large amount of deaths had opened a soul window there. Professor Dumbledore had dealt with that one, turning it into the portal now hidden away at the bottom of the Ministry. But he was currently sleeping beyond the Veil, and was unable to be reached to ask how he'd managed it.

Minerva gave me some of the former headmaster's old journals from the time that had been stored away somewhere in Hogwarts, on the chance that they would help us. They didn't, not too much, but Daphne was able to find a book he'd written tucked away in the Ministry Archives that proved very useful indeed.

Sirius and Lily- she had stayed along with James to help protect Harry until the soul window was dealt with- and Hermione as well, helped me work out exactly what needed to be done. The Ministry wasn't going to allow Hermione to help me because she wasn't an Unspeakable, so she'd told them that she was going to take a holiday and was now staying in the Room of Requirement with Neville and I. Even after the initial string of awkwardness and apologies, she was still a little uneasy with the idea that while Sirius and Lily could see her and hear her- even touch her- I was the only one who was able to fully interact with them. And she didn't seem to know how to react to my needing to sleep with Neville. Officially, she wasn't there, at least that's what Neville and Daphne told me. I let them worry about where she was and wasn't, I had larger things to deal with.

Between the four of us, with Sirius dedicating himself nonstop to the effort when Hermione and I needed sleep and Lily went back to see Harry and James, it didn't take long to divine what we needed to do to. Time slipped away almost as easily as it had beyond the Veil, but it was only another week and a half or so. And then, of course, there needed to be planning done. Planning done secretly so that no one who wasn't supposed to could see or hear, that took some time as well.

That led to another meeting in the Room of Requirement. Daphne was there, of course. She'd told us that the Ministry was still discussing what options they had and they wanted me to wait- but because I was doing this as an Unspeakable, if anyone wanted to challenge it, they would have to prove that it wasn't necessary. I had a stack of unopened correspondence from the Ministry, sent by owl and brought to me by house-elf. It had started arriving more regularly as time went on, at least there were more letters brought in when dinner was brought up to us. I planned on burning them when I resigned from my position, let the unwanted words float away on the smoke from the paper that held them.

I was going to do it as an Unspeakable- rather, Daphne was going to do it as an Unspeakable. My entire purpose for being there would be to start the process, and then draw the attention of whoever was going to stop me. There was, of course, a chance that I would be able to get it done from start to finish, but I rather doubted it would happen like that. So did Sirius.

“Why specifically two?” Ron was asking, which prompted Hermione to glare at him in a very pointed manner. It was a bit reassuring to see that some things didn't change. “Why not half-past or one or three?”

“I like two,” I said quietly. “Two's a nice number.”

Harry gave me a quick glance down the length of the table before speaking, as if to see if I was done speaking. There was a slight hesitation before he started talking. “Practically speaking, it means there will be less souls handy beyond the Veil to bring over quickly in case we do run into anyone who wants to stop Luna.” They had started coming to this side again, doing horrible things that left no physical scars. They preferred to do it mostly at night, being pulled from sleep into physical torment was often more jarring. Dreamless Sleep potions would prevent being awoken at all, but as before there were those who refused to take them. Fabian had sat watching the soul window for several nights in a row, to find out when it was the least used.

Neville was seated to my immediate left, his arms folded tightly in front of him, his shoulders set high around his ears. He was staring hard at the table and refusing to look at anyone, or to even speak. He was in charge of the Auror Support Team, but as Harry had more experience with, as he called it, tactical coordination, he'd taken charge of this particular operation. To say that the task Harry had assigned to Neville made him unhappy was a bit of an understatement, especially since he knew what was really going to happen. That Gideon had been assigned the same task didn't make him feel any better about it.

I let one fingertip trail over the stoppered glass vial settled on the table in front of me, brought up by Madam Pomfrey when she'd come into the room. She was there, sitting beside Minerva, sitting with a very unhappy expression on her face. She'd told Harry that any plan that required me to take a Calming Draught beforehand wasn't a plan she approved of, and he'd told her that he appreciated what she had to say, but he felt it was necessary.

I felt it was necessary. With how much I hated taking it, I felt it was something I had to do. Hermione had said she hoped I wouldn't need it. I knew better. I was waiting, so that the effects wouldn't wear off before I was finished needing them.

I stood and moved away from the table. I knew what the plan was, I didn't need to hear it again. I didn't want to be there, feeling all of their eyes on me, listening to Harry talk. Feeling the chill of Neville's desperate unhappiness as he closed himself away from me.

I walked away and kept walking. The magic of the Room allowed me to keep going, but I knew there would be a limit at some point. I wanted to see the night sky, I wanted to feel the wind on my face.

The room grew dark. A look up showed a clear, starry sky, a sky I hadn't been able to walk under for years. I looked at the stars, my eyes picking out the familiar patterns of the constellations. I felt the gentle breeze stirring the hair that hung free down my back. “It's not the same,” I whispered, seeing a flash of black above me to my right, just in the very edge of my vision. It wasn't the same. I knew I wasn't outside. I still felt constricted, trapped by the stone walls that I couldn't see, but were still very much there.

“It's not,” Sirius agreed. A look up showed that his face was pointed upwards. “And yet, we make do with what we have.” I felt his hand on my shoulder, and I reached up and rested my own on top of it. “I'll be right there with you, love. And Fabian, and Tonks.”

“And Harry,” I whispered, and he nodded. “I don't want to do this.”

“I know. I don't want you to, either. No one does. But when you do, you'll never have to worry about those you can't see again.” I felt his other hand on my other shoulder, and he turned me gently towards him. “It's almost over.” His head and body were still there, just his arms were invisible. “You'll be able to do this for real.” His grey eyes moved up to the glittering blackness above us. “Feel the rain, the wind...” His gaze returned to my face, looking at me as if he could see through me into my thoughts. “Have you made your decision?”

I smiled a small smile, unable to keep myself from glancing back at the table. “I have. It's been very nice having Hermione here.” She had shared a portion of what I'd been through. Bellatrix Lestrange had left her mark on Hermione. She'd told me that she still had nightmares. It helped, knowing that there were others who had gone through the same thing I had. I'd had a letter from Dean, too, news of my temporary death had reached him. He was doing well, which gave me hope for myself.

“It has,” Sirius said with a rather cheeky look on his face.

I'd suspected that Sirius was the reason Hermione woke up in the mornings with an angry flush heating up her cheeks, her eyes flashing with her temper. Sirius liked flirting just as much as Fred did, and I suspected he was winding her up on purpose. I looked up at him.

His sudden bark of laughter drew the attention of the other souls in the room, I could see them from the corner of my vision. “Don't look at me like that, love, she gives as good as she gets.”

The sound of my name pulled my attention back to the table. I looked over to see they were all quiet now, and staring at me with varying degrees of expectation. “What is it?”

“The headmistress just agreed that after we're done here, tomorrow we can arrange to have your dad sent through this portal.” Daphne was smiling, her expression unreservedly happy.

It was a good idea. It was an Unspeakable matter, and the Ministry wouldn't have control over this particular portal. I'd been wondering what they would do with the Great Hall if there was a portal in it, but that concern slipped right out of my head. My mouth was moving up into a smile, and I rushed over to where Neville was still sitting at the table, burying my face in his neck and throwing my arms around his shoulders. The Ministry would, no doubt, keep coming up with new tasks they wanted me to complete before they would allow my dad into the Death Chamber, forever dangling his freedom in front of me, just out of reach. Now, though...

My sudden embrace pulled Neville out of his great sulk, and he patted clumsily at my shoulder. He'd been so busy Obliviating people and I'd been so consumed by my work that other than the moments at night when we'd clung to each other before falling into the abyss of sleep, we hadn't had much time together recently.

“You never flew at me like that when we were living together,” Fred teased me.

“She would have done if she could have touched you,” Fabian told him, his voice cased lightly with rebuke. “She's... very affectionate.”

“And naked,” Tonks murmured. “Poor Remus.” She thought his reaction to my determinedly uncaring attitude about being undressed was endlessly amusing.

I lifted my head from Neville's shoulder, straightening up. Everyone had heeded his caution that I couldn't have too many people speaking at one time, as a result, conversation tended to be a little more halted and hesitant. That was better than my head trying to break itself apart, though. They were silent, now, as though waiting for someone to speak. “I'm wearing clothes right now.”

There was a muffled snort from somewhere down the table, but still no one spoke.

“Luna,” Harry said slowly after another moment. “I know I can't touch you from behind-”

“You can.” I nodded, settling myself down in my chair again. “I sleep with Gideon's hand on my back all night long.”

Hermione's head came up suddenly and her mouth opened with a sharp intake of air, but she didn't manage to actually say anything. Her eyes twitched between Neville and me, and then her mouth closed again.

“Then maybe you'd better explain that bit.” I could hear the confusion falling from his voice, after all it had been he who'd made me scream the night I came back into my body.

I looked at him for a long moment before my eyes turned down to the smooth wooden tabletop in front of me. I needed to tell him, and I didn't want to look at him- or anyone- to see their reaction. He needed to know. Fabian, Tonks, they needed to know too. “When Greyback puts his hands on me,” present tense, it had happened again not that long ago, “he likes to be just behind me so I'm pressed back against his body. He's considerably larger than me, you see, and he can look down to see exactly what he's doing to me as he does it.” That pleasant blankness, as though I might have been describing how a potion worked. “He gets to see my face too, he enjoys seeing my fear.”

I heard a noise of rage, the closest I could come to naming it was to call it a growl. I looked to it- Sirius was there not too far away, he'd come back to the table with me and I could see the anger contorting his face. He had fresh memories of it too.

“I'm fine,” I whispered to him, knowing he would hear me. “I chose that.”

The silence was suddenly full and heavy, the weight of the realization that Greyback may have done more than just bit me.

“Chose what, love?” Fred's voice was careful, gentle, as though he was afraid of scaring me away. I'd thought Gideon had explained what he'd seen, but he'd obviously left some parts out. I appreciated that, that he hadn't shared my pain.

Neville stood, knocking his chair heedlessly to the floor. The movement of his overcoat pulled my eyes to him, and I watched him turn and stride to the door, admitting himself out into the corridor before anyone could really say anything. After a moment Hermione stood as well, though with more care for the furniture, and followed after him, vanishing as the door closed behind her.

I watched the door for a moment, my heart twisted by Neville's pain. I wanted to draw myself into a little ball, hide myself away.

Gideon was on his feet, coming to me and resting his hands on my shoulders. “It's difficult, sweetheart. It's hard to be helpless, especially when it comes to those you love.”

And we couldn't talk about it. Neville desperately wanted to talk about it, I could see his half of the conversation moving behind his eyes every time I looked at him. But we couldn't, we simply couldn't.

My attention went back to Harry, looking at him until his green eyes came back towards me. “He's going to try it. He knows how it makes me feel. You may need to be there.” I hoped my eyes were telling him what my words couldn't.

I could see Harry swallow, and he took another glance at the door before looking back at me. Slowly, he nodded. He knew what I was telling him. “Is there anything else I need to know?”

“Talk to me.” My voice was a whisper again, though it easily floated across the tense thickness of the air in the room. “So I know it's you.” I reached up and gripped at Gideon's hand, a hand I couldn't see.

He was the one who looked away that time, he could no longer bear to look into my eyes. “This is making me sick.” Most of us knew what he was speaking of. “When I signed up, I never thought I would have to...”

I slipped away from Gideon and went to where Harry was sitting, laying my hand on his shoulder, offering him comfort. My touch made him jump, I could see the guilt as he looked up at me. It had been my plan, but he had said it was necessary. It was very necessary. There was nothing good about it.

My plan was not for me to deal with the soul window. Daphne would do that, hidden under Harry's old cloak, the one from the Hallows, with Fred near to her just in case. I would start, and then I would draw whoever would try to stop me- Greyback and anyone else- away. Harry, Sirius, and Fabian would be there like they were going to protect me, but they would fail. They planned to fail. Neville and Gideon would be near the soul window to slow anyone who came through. They would fail, too.

With how many bodies were coming in and out of the Room of Requirement lately, it was unlikely that Grindelwald didn't have someone in here with us, waiting silently in some disused corner, watching, listening. I'd asked Sirius to come into my dreams to speak about it, and he'd agreed with me. We'd discussed it, worked it out. He and Gideon and Fabian had gone between me, Harry, Neville, Daphne, sorting it out and telling us what we needed to do.

“I'll be all right,” I told him. “No more scars.” There would be no new marks on my body that I'd need an explanation for, so Daphne was going to take it all away. That was the only thing that had made Harry agree to it, but I knew he still didn't like it. No one did.

Neville came back some time later, frustration and anxiety clinging to him like a cloak, Hermione close behind. She looked worried. She hadn't known what we were going to be doing, not really, but there was something in her eyes when she looked at me that looked as though she'd been apprised of the situation. It would have been easy for them to move into one of the rooms that was protected from souls, that's what Neville and Harry had done to finalize their part of the plan. She looked like she was going to say something to me, but then closed her mouth and shook her head.

The headmistress had left with Madam Pomfrey and Professor Flitwick. Everyone was trying to occupy themselves, to fill the hours between then and two, trying to beat back the nerves. I was painting, something I hadn't done in quite some time. The souls that had come over from beyond the Veil weren't going to be staying for too much longer after we dealt with the soul window, and I wanted something to keep them close to my mind. Daphne wasn't going to take any of my other memories away, just what happened that night, but I was going to miss my friends.

Gideon was just beside me, watching me give Sirius his cheeky wink. “You never told me you painted.”

“Creative work is an expression of the soul.” It was something Dad had always said to me. I looked over at Gideon, then back at my painting. “I suppose it is, you have unending time to be creative.”

He chuckled. He watched as Neville walked through the room, settling himself down where Fred and Ron were playing chess. Neville spared me the barest glance, but his attention was carefully away from me.

“He's just worried, sweetheart,” Gideon told me. “And he doesn't want you to do this.”

“I know. I don't think anyone wants me to do this.” I paused, hand aloft and frowning at my painting. “I certainly don't.” I colored in James' hair, the same black as Sirius'. “But I have to.” My sing-song voice was quiet, barely carrying to where Gideon was standing. I couldn't get out of the room to speak privately to Neville. Someone would be waiting for me. There would be time enough for our discussion after, if he still wanted to have it.

 


	29. Chapter 29

I woke up in a strange bed, the sheets around me crisp and scratchy. A curtain there and there, keeping me from the rest of the room- the hospital wing at Hogwarts. Neville was in a chair beside my bed, his elbows resting beside me on the mattress, his face buried in his hands. He was shaking, silently shaking.

One of my hands was trapped- held. Gideon's face and most of his body was visible on my other side. “Let him know you're here,” he told me. There was an unmistakable look of relief in his face, concern still filling his brown eyes.

I had to fight against my body's unwillingness to move, stretching out my fingers to brush against Neville's arm. His head flew up, eyes red and wet. “You're awake,” he breathed.

I tried to smile, but my muscles weren't exactly doing what I wanted them to. Instead I just blinked up at him.

Madam Pomfrey was there, then. She looked down at me for a moment as though evaluating me. “Lift her up for me,” she instructed Neville, and his hand slipped behind me, his arm supporting me as he shifted me into a sitting position. She poured something down my throat, and stood there expectantly, waiting.

I felt the potion spreading down through my stomach, and then my body felt like it would listen to me again. It was still shaky, still hesitant, as though it had been subjected to a considerable amount of trauma. I was no stranger to trauma.

I lifted the hand that Gideon didn't have, my thumb shakily brushing the tear from Neville's face. ''I'm fine,” I whispered to him, my cheeks letting me smile now, though still a bit stiff. “I'm fine.”

Madam Pomfrey discretely retreated, closing the white curtain behind her. Neville was beyond speech with his arm around me, his head moving to rest gently against my shoulder, and so I directed my question to Gideon. “Did it work?” My throat was sore, my voice hoarse, like I'd been using it too much. Screaming. Screaming made my throat do that. I didn't remember anything past when I'd taken the glass of Calming Draught from the table and drank it all down. Daphne had done what she was supposed to do.

“Daphne did it. It's done.” His voice was unsteady, as though if he had any tears to shed on this side of the Veil, he'd be crying too.

“Did anyone see?” I wasn't talking about Daphne anymore, but Gideon effortlessly followed the winding path of my conversation.

“No, sweetheart. You led them away.”

“Good. That's good.” No one would know what had happened to me, not even me. It couldn't come back to haunt me at night while I slept, it wouldn't keep shadowing me when I was awake. I moved my head around to kiss the top of Neville's short blond hair, my lips stuttering against his head. Dear Neville.

He lifted his head to look at me, eyes still swimming in sorrow and relief. “I told Ron I'd tell him as soon as you woke up. He... He found you.” I could see the question lurking in his watery eyes.

“That's all right,” I said. “I'll see Ron.”

Neville gently disengaged himself from me, though hesitantly like he didn't want to go, easing me back against the pillows. He stood, though, and swept back the white curtain. It wasn't just Ron waiting for me by the far doors of the hospital ward when the curtain opened. He was the first one to move over to us, though, his long legs propelling him quickly across the floor. He looked down at me, his eyes examining me, and then he was holding me against him, pressing me gratefully into his chest. “I'm sorry, Luna, just- you asked me to- your face...”

“He _Stupefied_ you,” Gideon supplied. “You asked him to.”

“It's all right. Thank you.” With my free hand, I smoothed the overcoat stretched over his shoulders. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't have good reason, and I was grateful he'd done it.

He pulled away enough to look down into my face, his eyes searching as though he was trying to determine if I was really there. “You were in the Astronomy Tower,” he told me. “You were shaking and crying and staring at the ceiling. I wasn't sure if you really knew I was there, and then your voice...” His voice broke, emotion roughly taking over his larynx. He held me against him again, his face buried in my hair. “I didn't think you were coming back.”

“It's all right,” I told him. “I'm here.” It was eight. I'd lost over six hours. I looked up at Gideon from where I was still held against Ron, my head turned to the side. “Are they gone?”

“We couldn't find them. If they're not gone now, they will be soon. They used some of their presence...” He trailed off, his eyes moving over my face. “You were naked when Ron found you.” It would have taken a lot of effort for a bodiless soul to remove all of my clothes. I'd been wearing Muggle jeans and a shirt under one of my softest jumpers. “And your thigh was bleeding.” I moved to pull away from Ron, intent on lifting the blanket back and having a look, but Gideon shook his head. A strained smile moved over his lips. “You may want to wait to look.”

Finally Ron let me go, lowering me to the mound of pillows someone- probably Neville- had made behind me. I took in the rest of the people gathered around, concerned. “Where's Daphne?” She was the only one who wasn't there. I wasn't surprised that she wasn't there, when she was distressed or anxious, she preferred to bury herself in her work.

“St. Mungo's. As soon as you feel up to it, we're going to say goodbye.” Neville was smiling, his face a confused whirl of anxiety and happiness.

My mouth stretched my face into a wide smile, and I could feel the wetness as my happiness spilled from my eyes, down my cheeks. My excitement was too much to be contained. I slipped my hand from Gideon's and reached for Neville, my arms still wavering as I held them up. “You've got to help me up, and then send Daphne a Patronus.” My voice was still hoarse, still weak, but my words were firm. I needed Neville to do this.

“Luna.” It was Fabian. “If you're doing this now, I need to get back. I need to be there.” His voice was strained, excitement and nerves clinging to it. I looked at him, watched the expression on his face. This was what he'd been talking about. While I loved Neville, he was in love with Alice.

I nodded. Neville had wrapped his arms about my waist and was gently lifting me out of bed. Someone had found a spare school robe and had dressed me in it. There was a pile of what looked like my own clothing sitting on the table beside the bed. “I understand. Thank you, Fabian. Thank you for everything.”

“I'll see you again.” He waited until I was fully upright, leaning heavily on Neville, and then he was beside me, his hand brushing over my back. I felt a pair of lips gently touch the back of my head, and then he was gone. It was a hasty goodbye but it didn't surprise me. He was going to see Alice again.

Neville was looking down at me, concern floating at the top of his brown eyes. “I can't get to my wand. Ron, would you mind...”

“I've got you, sweetheart.” I felt Gideon's arm slip across my back, his other hand gently holding my upper arm, even as Ron moved towards me.

“Gideon's here.” Even as sore and used up as it was, my voice sounded more like mine while it was contained in my body than it had for some time

“Fine.” Neville pulled away from me and I turned towards Gideon, letting him hold me, my side against his chest. I leaned my head against his shoulder. I wished I could smell him, the cloves and cinnamon that smelled like sunshine, but I didn't feel the loss as keenly as I had.

“What is going on?” Madam Pomfrey's question was an accusation, she clearly did not approve of what was happening just now. “Miss Lovegood, you need to be in bed.”

I shook my head. I couldn't stop the smile that was splitting my face. “I have Unspeakable business I need to attend to.” I watched Neville's silvery mongoose scamper around us one time before disappearing through the thick stone wall.

Her mouth set into an unhappy line, and she turned without another word, stalking towards the the door that hid her office away. There was nothing she could say to that. Not even the Minister of Magic could stop me once I'd declared that.

“Clothes.” I looked at the pile of familiar fabric on the table. “I want to be dressed.” I moved my eyes to Neville, he'd turned back around and was looking down at me. “Can you help me?”

The tips of his ears tinged with pink. “Of course.”

Everything hurt. My legs shook as I took a step towards him, clearly telling me they didn't want to bear my weight. Gideon's hand on my arm was still helping to hold me up, I rather doubted I would have been able to keep my feet without him standing there.

Neville reached for me, his hands closing over my shoulders. “Steady there.” He looked at the group of people still hovering, watching, hesitant to speak. “Can we have a minute?” His tone was very displeased.

In short order, the curtain was drawn closed, and between Gideon and Neville, with Gideon holding me up and Neville mostly working my clothes, they managed to get me out of the robe and into my own clothes. “It's easier getting you undressed,” Neville muttered, drawing a sharp back of laughter from Sirius from the other side of the curtain. “There!” he announced in triumph as he buttoned up the last button on my dress that my fingers refused to grasp. “All right, Luna?”

I nodded. The curtain was opened again. I wrapped my hands firmly around Neville's upper arm. “Fred, will you come with us?” He was there, standing as a part of the group. No one else was going to come back down to the Great Hall with us. No one else was welcome.

“Of course, love.”

Madam Pomfrey had reemerged from her office, watching us silently with a moue of displeasure on her face. Her arms were tightly folded in front of her, but she didn't say anything.

Gideon was on my other side, his hand steadily under my elbow, helping steady my shaking steps. We weren't moving quickly, but we were moving, constantly going forward. I very likely shouldn't have been out of bed, but this was much, much more important. There would be enough time to recover later.

It took some time to get from the hospital wing to the Great Hall. When we walked through the large, Auror-guarded doors Daphne was there with three medi-witches from St. Mungo's. Neville's Gran was present too, looking quite displeased, though it seemed that a large portion of her displeasure was because she didn't know what was going on and what to expect. She was standing by herself, handbag clutched tightly to her chest as she peered around the room. Her frown grew when she saw that I was leaning so heavily on Neville.

Minerva and Professor Flitwick were there. I was very curious to find out what they were going to do with the Great Hall once we were finished with it. It certainly couldn't be used for the students to eat meals in anymore, or for the Sorting Ceremony, or any of the annual and daily traditions it had played home to for so long.

Daphne crossed over to me, her green eyes taking in how un-recovered my body still was. “I know we didn't really discuss when beforehand, but I assumed that you would want to get this done as quickly as possible.”

“Thank you.” The smile I gave her was so wide that it took over my entire face, spilling over to turn up her cheeks as well.

“Are you ready?” Her eyes moved between Neville and me. His parents were levitating over by the medi-witches along with my dad.

I looked at up Neville. There was a look of nervousness coated with indecision on his face. “I don't...”

“Look at me, Neville.” He distractedly glanced in my direction, but his eyes were fixed on the still forms of his parents. I tightened the grip of my hands and tugged at his arm. “Look at me.”

He looked down at me, and I could see the impatience in his eyes. “What?” The question was a little more terse than I thought the situation warranted, but I knew it was his worry taking over his tone.

“How do I look? Ignoring the after-effects of trauma to my body, how do I look? Do I look worried or upset?” His eyes moved over my face, but he didn't answer me. “I'll have Daddy go through the portal first, and you'll see.” My attention went back to Daphne. “I'm ready.”

She lifted her wand and swished it, sending my dad's still, levitating body through the stone arch that had formed where I'd seen the giant window of light. It was the same, only now there was an outer border of stone, a curtain half-covering it.

I watched. His form hung in the archway, his soul filling out his body again. And then his body vanished, bit by bit, his soul peeling away like the skin of a banana. I dropped Neville's arm, reaching instead for Fred. Fred was there, taking my hand in his, his arm going around my back. He helped me move towards where my dad was upright now, watching me with kind grey eyes, so like my own.

They were speaking behind me, inconsequential words, and I didn't care. I stepped closer and closer. That was my dad as I remembered him, tall, the gentle smile on his face. “Luna.”

“Daddy.” Salty water was falling from my eyes, my mouth was having a hard time keeping still enough to form words. “You're free now, Daddy. Mum's waiting for you, she's missed you.”

“You saw your mum?” His mouth moved up into a wide smile, I could see a reflection of what I'd felt when Gideon had led me through the Veil. I couldn't keep him from that, I couldn't keep him from my mum.

“We'll talk again, Dad. Go and see Mum, she's waiting.” Cold, the floor was so cold under my bare feet, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

“Fred.” Dad's gaze took in the man at my side. “Will you take care of my Luna?”

“No,” Fred answered honestly. “She'll take care of herself. I'll see you soon, sooner than she will.”

Understanding filled his eyes and my dad nodded. His hand reached towards me, stopping just a finger-width away from my cheek. And then he was gone, drifting away as though he was floating up, through a heavy mist.

Gideon was beside me, I'd almost forgotten him. “I'll speak to him,” he murmured, the hand that wasn't holding my arm once again on my back. “I'll tell him what you did, what you sacrificed.”

“He's free,” I breathed. “The euphoria... Did I truly look that whole?”

He didn't answer me, he didn't need to. I knew. “Let yourself heal,” he told me. “Love, and be loved. You'll look that way again.”

As I turned to look at him, I caught sight of Mr and Mrs Longbottom, their empty shells floating by where my dad had been, and I stepped back, out of the way. I couldn't keep them from it, couldn't keep them from their freedom.

I turned back to Neville, Fred helped me walk until we were again at his side. “Did you see him? Did you see how peaceful he looked?” I asked him quietly, and he nodded. “You'll see your parents, too.”

He groped for me and I slipped away from Fred and Gideon, moving into him, lending him all of the strength I could. I rested my forehead against his chest, my arms going around him. I needed his physical strength, but he needed my nonphysical strength just as much, and just then I had a wealth to give. He wasn't as sure as I had been- how could he be? He hadn't seen what I'd seen, hadn't seen the visual static that filled the bodies of his parents even now, hadn't seen what waited for them.

“You can do this,” I told him. “You can free them. You'll see them, speak to them, and then you'll see them again later.”

“Are you ready?” I heard Daphne ask Neville.

I felt him draw in a breath to speak, but it took a moment before words moved up and out of his mouth. “Yes.”

It took a bit, and then I heard a voice, so like Neville's. “Neville? Is that you, son?” My eyes squeezed shut, fresh tears wetting the front of his shirt. “You're grown now.” By the last syllable, his confusion had been replaced by the warmth of the overwhelming happiness. “You look good. Where I am? What's happening, son?”

Neville's hands pressed hard into my back. “You're... You're dying.” The last syllable choked off.

“Is that right?” Frank Longbottom didn't sound too surprised by that. “Mum? Gideon? It's like the whole family is here then, isn't it?” There was a short pause. “Alice? Neville, what's wrong with your mother?”

I felt him swallow past the thick lump of emotions in his throat. “She'll be right behind you.”

“That's all right, then. You look worried. Don't be sad, I feel better than I've felt in ages.” I could hear the euphoria in his voice.

Silence. Neville's head bent down until his cheek was resting against the top of my head. “Tell me it doesn't hurt,” he pleaded.

“It feels wonderful,” I said, my voice clear and honest. “They'll be feeling again after trapped for twenty years, and it feels simply wonderful.”

He gently pulled away from me then, supporting me until I nodded to tell him that Gideon had caught my arms, keeping me steady on my feet. Neville moved over to his Gran, who was staring at her son, face white and her eyes hard with unshed tears.

“Let's get you sitting down,” Fred murmured to me. There was no furniture in the room, so I sat on the floor, sinking down right where I was. Gideon was beside me, only his head visible, and I leaned over until I was resting on his shoulder. There were words, murmurs, they seemed very far away. I let them slip unheeded out of my ears.

“I'm going too,” Fred told me from my other side. “I said goodbye to Daphne this morning.” I could hear the wistful pain in his voice. “Lockhart, too. He asked about you.”

“I'll have to see him again soon.” I turned my head so that I could see Fred. “I'll miss you.” My face made a sad smile. “Thank you.” Two words weren't enough, but there simply weren't enough words to express everything I wanted to.

His eyes were sad, but he was smiling too. His hand came out and brushed over my shoulder, still visible, a reminder of the fleeting touches I'd had to make do with for so long. “You remember to eat, or I'll come back and stand over you.”

“Nevvy? Merlin, you got big.” A woman's voice, new, warm and husky, pulled my attention away from Fred. Gideon shifted under me, that was Alice Longbottom speaking.

I felt Fred's lips brush over my cheeks. “I'll see you again,” he said, and then he was gone.

“Mum.” Neville was walking towards her, just like I had with my dad. He looked so much like her, it was easier to see now that her face was alive.

“Are you all right?” She was fighting it, her concern for her son pushing against the enveloping warmth of the euphoria. She was a strong woman to be able to do that.

“Worried about you.”

“Worried... About me?” I watched her shake her head, her eyes kind and tender. “Don't worry about me. I was somewhere very cold and very alone for a very long time. This is...” She smiled at him. “My brave boy. You've gone and grown up. I'm sorry I missed it.”

He was standing very tall, very straight, and he had no words for her.

“I love you, Nevvy. You too, Augusta.” Her attention turned to the older woman who still hadn't moved. “Be as kind to those he loves as you were to me in the end.” It sounded like reproof, and Gideon's shoulder shook with his quiet chuckle. And then Alice Longbottom was gone too, floating away into nothing.

Neville's hands balled into fists at his sides. He turned, again seeking his grandmother.

Gideon shifted again, and I knew what he was about to say. “It's time for me to leave now too, sweetheart.”

I'd suspected as much. “I know. Fabian will need you.” Despite anything he said to the contrary, Fabian was still in love with Alice Longbottom.

“I'll meet you, when you come to the other side. I'll be there, waiting.”

I lifted my head and smiled up at him, his face blurred by my tears. “I know. Did you get to see Mrs Weasley?”

“I did one night while you were sleeping. I think she's happy, really happy.” His thumb came up and brushed the tears away from my cheeks. “I want to kiss you.” The corners of his mouth turned up, and there was a familiar look in his eyes. “Really kiss you, just one last time.”

I thought about it as I looked into his face, his expression blurred. “That would be nice.” I looked around the room, shaking my head. “Not here, though. That might become rather awkward.”

He chuckled. “I'm getting up, sweetheart.” I braced my hands against the floor behind me, and he moved away from me, becoming completely visible again. When he stood, he extended his hands down to me, and I took them, letting him draw me to my feet. One arm went around my waist, the other kept a tight grip on my hand, and we moved, me leading him slowly from the room. Only Daphne noticed our departure, and her expression, touched with sorrow, showed her understanding. We walked until we were tucked away somewhere, closed in with each other, away from the outside world.

He looked down at me, his fingers combing through my hair. “Close your eyes, sweetheart.”

I closed my eyes. My hand dropped his, my fingers instead sliding up the smooth front of his shirt. One hand rested on his shoulder, the other pushed upwards, my fingers sliding through his hair. “Kiss me,” I whispered.

His arms came around me, holding me close, and his lips came down on mine. There were memories in his kiss, flashes of moments of skin against skin, of ecstasy, of the pleasure of curious exploration.

It was an eternity.

It was far too brief.

I felt the press of his forehead against mine, and again I missed the smell that was uniquely his, the warmth of cinnamon and cloves. He had no scent here. “Thank you, so very much.” I was crying again, I seemed to be a bottomless well of tears that day. “I'll see you again.”

“Take care of yourself. Live. Love life.” His instructions were almost fierce in their intensity.

“I will.”

“Do you need me to get you back?”

I shook my head. I wanted some time to myself. He lowered me gently to the floor, my back against the solid stone wall, and then he was gone. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Daddy was free. Gideon was gone. There were still goodbyes to be made- Sirius, Lily, James, and Tonks. And there was one more thing I had to take care of before I would be able to rest, and I certainly wouldn't be able to do it at the Ministry of Magic. I would face nothing but interruptions all day long.

I leaned my head back against the cool stone. There would be enough time to floo the Minister later. There would be enough time for goodbyes, for thinking on what was to come. For now, for the first time in what felt like a very long time, I was content to simply be by myself.

After a while, I saw a silvery mongoose scamper through the wall and look at me for a moment before disappearing again. After a short time, I heard Neville's voice, softly calling for me. “Luna?”

“I'm in here.” My voice sounded more like my own, less worn and tortured. Still rough, like it had been through quite a lot.

He came into my little nook. He stood more easily now, like there was less weight on his shoulders pushing him down. His eyes were red, he still looked so tired. He looked down at me for a moment, then came out and slid down the wall to sit beside me, long legs extended in front of him and crossed at the ankles. “Gran wants you to come for dinner,” he said after a while.

“That would be nice.” I recalled what Gideon had said about her. “Gideon and Fred are gone now.”

He nodded. “Mum and Dad are gone now.”

I leaned my head against his shoulder. He stiffened, just for a moment, but soon relaxed, letting me relax against him.“Where they are now is endlessly better than where they were. You'll see them again.”

“I've never been able to talk to them before.” The words carried a cloak of awe, of wonder, like it wasn't something he'd ever expected to do. “Not an actual conversation, I mean.”

“You don't sleep beyond the Veil. There's endless time for conversation and learning.” I smiled to think of it. “I'm going to go somewhere quiet and write about it, I think.” I sighed. “And more research. There's something else I need to do.”

He hesitated, then he shifted me forward just for a moment as his arm came up to rest around me. “Are you going away?” I could hear the hesitation in his voice, but I heard understanding there as well.

I nodded. “I love you, but I'm afraid it's not the same way you love me.” I wouldn't apologize for it, I had nothing to apologize for. Still I felt regret, regret that I couldn't be what he wanted me to be.

He stiffened under me for a moment, then I felt his lips moving against the top of my head.

 


	30. Chapter 30

Goodbyes are always difficult, even if they're only temporary. Sirius held me against him, and I traced the scar that ran across his chest, the scar he'd put there when his mind drove him to it. I seemed to have an endless supply of tears. He told me that he looked forward to spending time under the rain with me again, and then kissed me almost like Gideon had, and then he was gone. James, Lily, and Tonks left as well, with more hugs and tears.

Later that afternoon, I flooed the Minister to resign from my position. Neville, too, said that he would no longer work for the Ministry of Magic. The Minister seemed disappointed to hear that, although not entirely surprised. He offered Neville a promotion of some sort to stay, but Neville swiftly declined. Professor Sprout was looking to retire, he told me, and Minerva had asked him if he'd consider filling her place.

Daphne left the Ministry as well, and started working with George at the shop. She did product research and handled all of his paperwork for him, leaving him to do exactly what he wanted to do- coming up with new products. Fred had left him with a lot of ideas. I wasn't at all surprised when she and George announced that they were having a child together. George promised that he would help work out some kind of earplugs that would block the second voice I heard when everyone spoke, giving me a rather cheeky look when he suggested that then I could work on having children of my own.

I saw them quite often, and Hermione, Harry, Ron, and Ginny. Bill, too. Feeling more like myself brought on the latent werewolf traits, just as Minerva had suggested it might, and Bill helped me adjust to that.

Minerva arranged for me to see a wizarding-friendly psychiatrist. It was difficult at first, it was hard to face the things I'd hidden from for so long. I cried a lot of tears. But it helped me feel less trapped by myself.

Neville and I helped Minerva rebuild and rearrange the school. The Great Hall was dismantled, turned into a small chamber with a secure locked and guarded door, becoming another one of the school's many secrets.

Neville moved back into his house in Yorkshire when we'd finished working at Hogwarts, leaving me at my flat with Nargle. He took me for dinner with his Gran once a week. I refused to let her intimidate me, and that seemed to impress her and she appeared to quite like me. She fussed over me because I didn't have any family of my own left. She didn't quite understand why Neville and I weren't together, and she wasn't exactly subtle about it. That was all right, though, uncomfortable matchmaking meant family, and Augusta Longbottom seemed determined that I consider myself part of the family.

Shortly after we dealt with the soul window, the Minister had released a statement saying that all of the souls had gone back home. I still got quite a few owls from people asking me to speak to their dead relatives for them. I made the decision to travel. In addition to seeing flying fish, I wrote my book and tried to work out how I would be able to pass beyond the Veil again to stop Grindelwald completely, to end Greyback's existence. I did a lot of research. There were whispers about me everywhere, that I'd passed beyond the Veil and returned, and I found myself with access to libraries and archives that I may otherwise not have had because of it. I didn't restrict myself to the knowledge of the wizarding world, either, Muggles of different cultures had very interesting beliefs and theories about death and the existence of the soul.

I was in Canada when I received a rather urgent owl. The German Ministry of Magic had received some very disturbing, and familiar, reports, and had been referred to me by Daphne. I left just as soon as could be arranged, stopping only briefly in London to get the things I would need.

Hermione came with me to explain to the German Ministry that I was unable to have so many people speaking at the same time, and that I wasn't going to answer any questions about what happened after death. After she spoke with them, I let them know that without knowing the location of the soul window, there was nothing I could do directly to it. But there was another option, an option that I preferred, an option that they were very open to.

A wintery December night found me sitting on a wooden chair in the middle of a small room. It was someone's dining room, the owner of the house was currently in the local hospital- apparently she hadn't taken well to having some of her memories removed. She was a Ministry employee. They were all Ministry employees.

There was a smooth wooden table in front of me, chairs, a cheery pink and brown rug on the floor. It would have been quite a pleasant room if it hadn't been coated with the memories of something very unpleasant. It made my skin want to crawl off of my body just thinking about it.

I rubbed my hands over my shoulders, chilled just a little. I settled my cloak a little more firmly around myself. It was winter in Germany, the dusting of snow outside on the ground covered over by a layer of ice. That wasn't why I was cold, though. The source of my shivers came from inside the house rather than outside, and the thought of what was to come.

There was no guarantee that he would be back. But they'd been speaking about me at the Ministry, making sure to mention that I would be here to take a look at things. And if he didn't turn up tonight, I would be back the next night, and the next, until he found me. I was sure that he would find me, given enough time. I only hoped it didn't take too long, I was already ready to leave, to feel warm and safe again.

I quite suddenly wasn't alone. _Him_. He was unmistakable. It had been about eight months since the last time I'd seen him, and he looked exactly the same- a large mass of sinister grey, sharpened into points meant solely to bring pain. “Took you long enough to turn up,” he sneered, but I refused to let him bother me. He was standing before the door to the frozen world outside, blocking the way out. That was all right. I didn't want to go out, not just yet.

I looked up at him, at the smile that bared his sharp teeth to me. I still remembered the feel of those teeth cutting through my skin, into my flesh. My shoulder ached just slightly at the memory, the muscle jumping underneath my skin. “Was this all for my benefit?”

“No.” His eyes moved over me, glittering in that unpleasant way. “You're just an expected bonus.” His mouth was smirking. “You miss me, little girl?”

“I don't know that I would call it missing you, quite.” I watched him for a moment, took in his balanced stance. I'd watched him surge into motion from stillness enough to know that he was getting ready to move. “I would have been perfectly happy never to see you again, in fact.”

I watched him prowl through the room with the fluidity of a predator in motion, coming to a stop across the table from me. I had to put my head back to look up into his face, but I stayed seated, quelling the unwanted wave of fear that rose in response to his proximity. I'd come to terms with the memories of him, but being confronted by his large form was different. “And yet, here you are.”

“We have unfinished business.” My voice was quiet but firm. I watched him for a few moments more before pushing back the chair and standing, moving backwards until I had the wall at my back. It reassured me, feeling the solidness of the wood under my fingertips as I pressed my hands against the wall. I'd come a long way, but there was no way I could have him pressed up behind me. I needed to be in control of my thoughts, my actions.

He moved to me like he was drawn to me, his dark eyes gleaming unpleasantly in the low light. He stood in front of me, over me, close enough that my cloak would have brushed against him had he been corporeal enough for it to do so. “Business?” he mocked. His hand raised from his side, disappearing, and slid over my hip, his nails digging into my skin as though my dress and the cloak weren't even there. He wouldn't waste the effort to make himself corporeal enough to actually do any damage to me, it would mean that he would have to leave. “What business?” Not too much, anyway.

“There are things that are unfinished between us.” My voice wavered a little, shaking from the memories of what his proximity brought about.

“Unfinished?” A low noise that sounded a lot like a growl rumbled up from the depths of his chest. “Ah, I do remember your challenge.” His fingers tightened their grip on my hip, hard enough to bruise if he'd been corporeal.

“I would rather you not touch me, but I expect it won't matter soon enough.”

“That's not what you said the last time I had you.” He snapped his teeth at me, eyes boring into mine.

I smiled a small smile. “I had those memories taken away. I have a scar on the inside of my leg, no knowledge of how it got there. I assume you did it, but my mind has no answer for it. I'm content with that, I served my purpose.”

A dark look covered his face, his displeasure filling the room in waves. “That was a nasty trick, little girl.”

“Grindelwald didn't trust you, not really, because you're so easily distracted.” The pain was a steady one, but it would leave as soon as he released me. “He said that you were an abomination. He was going to help me kill you if I did what he wanted.” My voice was calm, steady, pleasant even. But it wasn't the blank pleasantness of hiding, it was the matter-of-fact pleasantness of shared knowledge. “I imagine he would still do so if I only changed my mind about helping him. You are not the kind of soul worth preserving.”

I felt his hand shift, and then his claw-like fingernails pierced through my clothes. It was just for a moment, but I smelled my blood easily in the cold, cold room. I could feel it seeping into the denim, a wet patch that quickly grew frigid against my skin. “You're here now. There's no one to help you.” There was a menace, a promise in his voice.

“I suppose that's true. That's by design, really. Just in case things go poorly, there's no one else around to get hurt.” I let my head rest back against the wall behind me. If I was going to have my neck tilted back like this for a while, I wanted to be as comfortable as I could. “The witch who lived here, she's in the hospital now. Her memories of you were taken away, too, and she has no scars. No one remembers you.”

My words didn't sit well with him. I felt him pierce the skin of my hip again, just for a moment. Not too long, or he would have to leave. “Careful, little girl.”

I needed to stop baiting him. I didn't want him to try to leave- I needed him right where he was. “I was on holiday far away, and I heard that people were having these strange nightmares again, young witches were disappearing and turning up later with horrible stories of terror and pain.” My eyes flicked between his. There was no remorse in his grey eyes, there never had been. “I knew our time had come.”

“I had to come back. I can't take what I want over there.” He sounded frustrated, and he snapped his teeth together.

“It's hard to draw fear when your prey can shut you out.” I slid my hand over from the wall behind me to the jeans I was wearing under my cloak. My fingers closed over the wand tucked into my pocket, drawing reassurance from the smooth wood. Soon. It would all be over soon. “Were I to die, you wouldn't be able to move freely about my home.”

“Best settle our 'business' now, then.” Very suddenly, his free hand gripped my other hip, turning me into the wall. My cheek was pushed against the painted wood by the proximity of his chest. I felt him behind me, my back pressed against the length of his body. I was trapped there between him and the wall. “Your Auror's not anywhere near here, is he?”

Even now I had to fight down the rising panic. Even now that I knew nothing was going to happen, that I knew I had the upper hand. Memories threatened to overwhelm me, memories of skin and claws and teeth...

I closed my eyes, purposely slowing breath that had started to come in erratic puffs of terror. I grasped at happy memories, holding them tightly to the surface f my mind. I would need them in a moment anyway. “No. It's just us here, so that no one else will get in the way of what I need to do.” Hermione was waiting for me a little way out of town.

I felt him shift against me, felt his head bend down and his mouth close over my shoulder. I could feel his hair against the side of my face, though I knew that if I opened my eyes there would be nothing to see but my shadow on the wall. It was unspeakably painful, but he wasn't breaking the skin and drawing blood.

My hand came out of my pocket, drawing my wand with it. I held it out beside me, and focused on the happiest memory I had. I had a wealth of happy memories now, but my happiest memory... That was very soon going to repllaced. I concentrated, forming the spell silently in my mind, letting my memory carry it out from my body, out through my wand.

I opened my eyes to see the silvery badger emerge from the end of my wand. When I'd first learned the spell, it had been a hare, full of life and energy and curiosity. That seemed like a very long time ago. The badger prowled around my head, disappeared through the wall, and then came back into where we were.

The movement drew his attention and he lifted his head away, my shoulder freed from the painful prison of his jaws. “What's that supposed to do?” I could hear the derision in his voice, but there was an uncertainty that clung to the bottom. He knew what a Patronus was for.

“Protect me.” The badger was still prowling around us. I watched it, the sight of it never failed to make me smile.

I heard the click as his teeth snapped shut again, grazing over the upper curve of my ear. “Won't do anything against me, little girl.”

“That's certainly true.” I flicked my wand again, and the door behind us opened. Not the door outside, a door that led further into the house. It grew a lot colder in the room, my breath coming out in puffs of vapor, the wall under my cheek so cold that it felt wet. “I don't need it to.”

“What in-” He was gone from me, visible again- I turned to watch him look wildly around the room. “No. No!” Now he sounded afraid. My smile widened at the sound of the fear in his voice, drew it around me like a second cloak. There was no way out. The entire kitchen had been enchanted to keep him inside- a result of my research.

We were no longer alone in the room. The dark creature was taller than he was, grey skin shrouded in black cloth, its rattling wheeze seeming to echo in the sudden silence. My badger paced between us, but it didn't even glance at me, intent instead on the former predator who was now finding himself being hunted.

He vanished, but the tall, silent spectre seemed to know exactly where he was, gliding forward unerringly in the still night.

My badger remained vigilant, prowling between us, and I clutched the cloak close about me, settling back against the wall to watch. I wanted to see every moment. I might not be able to end Greyback's existence myself, but I still wanted to see it happen. I needed to see it happen.

“You can't do this!” He was shouting frantically at me, his voice thick with desperation, but his words fell around me, unheeded. “Stop it! Drive it away!”

It devoured him, pulling the essence of what was him into its mouth until there was nothing left. He screamed until he was gone. I was glad he screamed. I'd given him enough of my screams that it was good to take some back.

It finished, and finally looked toward me. My badger stayed between us, a silently glowing protector. The Dementor shifted back and forth, eyeless face towards me, waiting for me to move. I lifted my wand again and opened the door to the outside. I would drive it away if I had to, use my Patronus to make it leave.

It seemed to be watching me, shifting from side to side as it hovered on the other side of the room. The German Ministry had told me that after we were finished they would come back and ensure that the Dementor was moved away from the town we were near. As was the case with many wizarding families, as had been the case with my parents' house, the witch who lived here was close enough to be near the town, but far enough away that daily wizarding life wouldn't draw any unwanted attention. I had about ten minutes until they came. That was how much time I'd told them to give me.

I needed to leave. The German Minister wanted to speak to me again, but I just wanted to get away.

With one last look to where Greyback had been, I left the room, closing the door behind me, a grim smile on my face. The Dementor stayed where it was, kept from me by my silvery protector.

I Disillusioned myself and slipped through the icy night. Questions, thanks, pictures, too many people talking at the same time. I didn't want any part of it. Hermione knew I was going to be leaving straight away, she'd told me that she would stay to apologize for my absence, and had given me Portkey that was set to leave in about half an hour.

I spent the time walking around unnoticed, enjoying the quiet night sky. That was it. There was nothing for me to fear anymore. Anders Selwyn was still in Azkaban, and from the sounds of it, Fabian had talked someone into going out there while we were looking into how to deal with the soul window, and had gone with them. Fabian had entered Selwyn's dreams. That was as much as I cared to know about what he had done. Harry had mentioned that with Neville's departure from his position as the head of the Auror Support Team, it was difficult to determine who was in charge, and by extension to send someone to Azkaban to remove his memories. I hope he kept them as long as I kept mine.

There was still work to be done, of course. Grindelwald was still there, biding his time, waiting until there was another way to connect with someone in the living world. And while my personal monster was gone, there were countless others waiting beyond the Veil, ready to carry out their own unique monstrosities on the living. I had a feeling that Grindelwald had pointed Greyback in the direction of the soul window here in Germany. Greyback simply wasn't intelligent or patient enough to work it out on his own. Why, I was unsure, and I certainly didn't intend to stay around long enough to find out.

The air tasted sweet and clear, the sky above dark and filled with stars. It was a good night to be outside. I let my feet carry me where they wanted to, content to be outside in the open. I kept my wand held tightly in one hand, it helped me feel more secure. Finally it was time to grasp the Portkey firmly and let it carry me away.

 


	31. Epilogue

 I made sure my earplugs were securely in my ears. I'd charmed them to flash red and green and Stephanie, Daphne and George's baby girl, really seemed to appreciate them. I appreciated them too, there were few things that made my heart happier than a baby's laughter.

I was a little nervous to go downstairs and join them. It was Christmas Eve, and they were having a bit of a do downstairs in the shop. There wouldn't be anyone there I hadn't met before, but groups of people still made me a little uncomfortable and I was hesitating.

A knock sounded at the bedroom door, and I looked to it. “Come in,” I bade softly. I had my own room here in their house, much the same way I had my own room in Neville's house, and in Harry's house that he'd inherited from Sirius. I really didn't have a place of my own anymore, but I was all right with that. Home was wherever I wanted to make it.

Daphne pushed the door open and came in to see me. She looked tired; between Stephanie and the shop she was often tired, but her face was relaxed and she looked deeply content. “You don't have to come down, you know.”

“I know.” I smiled, my face curving up with happiness. “I would like to see everyone again, though.”

She nodded, resting her hands on her hips as she looked across at me. “You can Apparate out of here if it gets to be too much. Your room only, and please leave a note to tell us where you went.”

“I'll be fine,” I told her softly, stepping away from the mirror and turning to look at her. “Ginny promised me a bottle of Firewhisky.” Courage, it would give me courage, and would warm my body from the inside like a cuddle.

“Your book came with the post.” She gestured with her head out of the room. “It's in the kitchen, I was reading it a little bit.”

I wanted to see it. I'd told Daphne that she could have my copy when it came. I'd lived through it, I had no need to carry an external record of what had happened with me, but I did want to see it. I moved towards the door, and she stepped aside to let me pass out into the kitchen.

It was there on the counter, out in the open like it was waiting for me. The cover was what I wanted to see, and the sight of it made me smile. I'd designed it myself, a copy of the soul window that I'd seen in what had been the Great Hall at Hogwarts. A pang of sorrow jolted through me as my fingers traced over the softly glowing cover, and I could feel my lips turn down just a little bit.

Daphne was there behind me, her hand came to rest against my shoulder. “It's a bit bittersweet reading that.”

“Seeing it too,” I whispered. I looked back at her, and I could see her smile doing the same thing mine was. Our shared nostalgia linked us in that moment, a tarnished chain of wistfulness.

George came through just then, Stephanie held aloft in his arms. He pressed her at me, and I took her without question, settling her against my hip. She patted my face, her eyes trained up at where my earplug was flashing muted colors at her. I didn't mind holding her, it gave me an excuse to be at the edge of the room when we went downstairs. “You going to join us?” he asked both of us, though his eyes made it clear that the question was more for me.

I nodded. I let them precede me downstairs into the shop, content to walk slowly with the baby on my hip. Her tiny fingers tangled in my hair, her sweet voice a melody in my ears.

I'd helped decorate the shop. It was a bright tangle of red and green, of sparkles and garlands, of enchanted snowflakes that never hit the floor. I'd actually created them, a way to have snow without having to step outside into the unknown.

The crowd of people made me hesitate at the bottom of the stairs. I knew them all, picking out the faces of my friends was easy, but the looming press of bodies, of voices, made me hesitate a little.

Ginny made her way over to me, a clear glass bottle containing a warm amber liquid in her hand. “I'll trade you,” she offered, already reaching for the little girl on my hip. I surrendered my goddaughter to her, taking the bottle in turn. “Have some of that, and we'll be down here when you're ready.”

I opened the bottle and tipped my head back, spilling some into my mouth. It did taste of fire and courage, burning their way through me to my stomach. I sank down where I was, sitting on the edge of the stairs and looking out through the room. They knew I was there, they were respecting my need for space. The thought made me smile, and I tilted my head back for another drink before closing the bottle again.

I stood up and moved over to where Neville was standing with Hermione, listening to Bill talk about one of his latest tomb expeditions. I leaned my head against Neville's shoulder, and Hermione slipped her hand free from his to reach over and rub her hand over my shoulder.

It was nice. It was nice to be surrounded by the friends and family that I'd chosen for myself. There were no expectations on me, there were no uncomfortable questions or sympathetic looks. I couldn't help but smile until my cheeks ached.

The next time Ginny approached me she didn't have Stephanie, but a very familiar-looking wizard was behind her. For a second, for the briefest of moments I could almost believe it was Gideon at her elbow with a good-natured expression on his face. It wasn't, though, of course it wasn't.

“Luna, you remember Charlie, right?” Ginny asked, her eyes dancing with mischief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. So this is it. I'm MUCH happier with the ending now. If you made it this far- thank you for reading!


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